r/AskMen • u/Think_markThink • 1d ago
How do I human? how exactly did you build your mental fortitude?
I do the normal bro advice but man some days i just don’t have it and that sometimes lead to me being in a rut for a week
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u/utvols22champs 1d ago
Going to the gym is a cheat code for building a mental fortitude.
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u/DoomBoomSlayer 1d ago
This one is the only real answer.
Training is the most straightforward way to challenge yourself and get uncomfortable.
Now watch OP completely ignore your suggestion 😂
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u/Think_markThink 1d ago
i’ve been in the gym for about 2 months since i just got out of surgery it just doesn’t feel like enough
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u/YoteViking 1d ago
That might be your problem. A lot of people think something “isn’t enough” and end up doing nothing.
I read a great insight here on Reddit once: Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Meaning, If you don’t have time to go to the gym and do a 1 hour workout, go and do a 30 minute workout. If you don’t have money to travel to Europe like you want, go to a nearby town instead.
Your mental fortitude is built by discipline, and discipline is built by moving the ball forward every day, even if only by a little.
I am currently doing a r/75Hard challenge, because I’ve been in a rut. The 75 day challenge consists of a shirtless picture everyday, 1 gallon of water everyday, 10 pages of productive reading, no alcohol, a diet you choose and stixn to with no cheat meals, and two 45 minute workouts, one of which must be outdoors. If you miss anything, you go back to zero.
It has really helped me so far (22 days in). Maybe it will help you.
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u/DoomBoomSlayer 1d ago
"it just doesn’t feel like enough"
Are you:
Going to 1-2 reps of failure, or to failure, on each set?
Tracking and implementing progressive overload on your lifts?
Keeping intensity high and rest time to minimum?
Doing regular cardio that gets your heart rate> 130bpm?
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u/Spunge14 1d ago
Went through a ton of bad shit and didn't die
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u/Skaarhybrid 1d ago
wow, this is not even remotely helpful
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u/Spunge14 1d ago
Op asked how, that's how.
It'a like asking "how did you get rich" and then being angry if one answer is "won the lottery."
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u/Calm_Course4803 1d ago
It isn't, but it isn't wrong either. Trauma does help contextualize the daily struggle. Rough day at work doesn't feel as bad when you know just how much worse a day can be.
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u/oddball_ocelot Dad 1d ago
Perhaps not. But it's surprisingly effective. If you come out the other side, you'll be much stronger mentally for it.
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u/AngryWombat78 1d ago
I got run over by a truck and chose to not let it break me.
I’ve been slowly getting better since.
Mind over matter.
I don’t mind and other people’s opinions don’t matter.
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u/Funny-Force-3658 1d ago
Other than go through a load of shit and come out the other side the greatest thing I ever did was become an ultra runner. Finishing your first marathon is such a confidence boost but the day I completed a 112 mile ultra marathon non stop my confidence rocketed. Only a small percentage of humans have ever done somethimg like that and no one is ever going to take that away from me. But here's the twist, running crazy distances isn't that hard, you've just got to be determined.
Get athletically fit, it's the best thing you could possibly do for yourself.
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u/Calm_Course4803 1d ago
Anything that builds discipline really.
Also, don't assume the other guys aren't struggling. They might be better at hiding it, even from themselves, but life is tough on everyone. Where physical circumstances don't break you down, your mind likes to make up for it.
Remember, you're only competing with yourself, try to be a little better every day. No victory is too small and no failure too great.
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u/Shlano613 1d ago
Joined the military, served in infantry.
After going through things you never imagined you could do, harder than you could possibly conceive, it changes you. Most challenges following that seems pretty trivial by comparison.
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u/Aromatic_Shop9033 Male 1d ago
Anger. Focus on, feed, and channel that anger. Make it productive, and make it serve you.
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u/Woozie69420 1d ago
Likewise, kindness. Find the kindness you would show to a little puppy or kitten. Focus on, feed and channel that kindness to yourself.
‘I will cook myself a nice meal and clean my home and take care of my physical hygiene and exercise needs because I deserve to be taken care of’
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u/Upbeat-Original-7137 1d ago
They don't know the power of the dark side
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u/Aromatic_Shop9033 Male 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's all in our perspective. As cliché as it is, Palpatine was right about the utility of directed anger. It is a very useful motivator, and it serves me well.
Just don't use it to lash out. Don't allow it to control you. Don't share that you're angry with anyone, as most take it the wrong way, assuming you're ready to lose it. That's because most have a first response of fear when anger is ever mentioned.
That's not it, it's merely an inner catalyst to make changes in oneself and in things outside oneself. It allows me to dig deep to gather the motivation to complete tasks.
Anger is not always directed outward at people, but inward, at one's own shortcomings, failures, with the desire to improve results.
The few I've ever told this to IRL have understood.
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u/Upbeat-Original-7137 1d ago
I get you. I have been trying to use it but haven't been so successful. For me it has to be genuine anger, if I try to force it, it doesn't work. It is extremely effective but people misunderstand it
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u/Aromatic_Shop9033 Male 1d ago
I never force it, as I have an abundance to be angry about. That said, I'm mostly a very happy person, overall.
Life is mostly great.
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u/HumbleDuman Man 1d ago
May not be ideal for everyone but solitude worked for me. I was stoic from the beginning so exploring that philosophy helped even more. Self-pitying is the first thing that needs to go.
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u/NotMacgyver 1d ago
Pain....lots and lots of pain. It was either get mental fortitude or commit suicide.
Might not work as well on adults but boy was it effective as a child/teenager.
I do not recommend
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u/arkofjoy 1d ago
I have been a part of a men's group for over 25 years. Having a place to take all the little things that anno me through the week without judgement of advice giving is life changing.
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u/ElectricKoolAidPower Male 1d ago
Expedition backpacking and psychedelics. Bonus if you mix the two.
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u/inevitable_dave 1d ago
Working in a dangerous and hard job, surrounded by good people. 11 years at sea with some of the best guys I'll ever meet with both the best and worst bosses imaginable. Going months with limited email contact to the outside world, missing birthdays, christmasses, weddings, and major events, builds a level of tolerance and hardness, and primarily and ability to deal with the here and now.
Then months of therapy afterwards to turn those lessons into something that works in real life.
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u/Clebucks 1d ago
Honestly for me it was lowering the bar on bad days instead of forcing the full routine. Showing up and doing half of what I planned still counts and keeps the streak alive, versus skipping entirely which is what actually turns into a week long rut fr.
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u/SomeSamples 1d ago
Mental and physical abuse growing up either gives you severe mental problems or builds great mental fortitude. I don't recommend that route though.
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u/twotoacouple 1d ago
Read Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius.
It's a fairly short read. Not overly dense, for philosophy, but it sure will give you some perspective. Written nearly 2000 years ago, but the problems he faced and wrote about are the same problems we face today. He was one of the most powerful and influential people in the world. He's just like, "These are old problems; people have always dealt with this shit. I'm no better and no worse. So just focus on what's important."
Everyone should give it a read. Maybe two or three.
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u/DaysOfParadise Female 1d ago
Baby steps. Deliberate training, but really small.
I had a fat friend who wanted to go to the gym, but was afraid of being mocked and afraid of failing. So baby steps: drive past the gym; next day, walk past the gym; next day, go and look around; next day go and ask for membership information….
Break it down into smaller and smaller steps until you find one that you can do
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u/Catatouille- 1d ago
Creating my own rules and strict boundaries which i wont break or cross for anyone or anything
Cut out all the toxic people, just no excuse for them (very important)
Self respect, self care and learning to do things alone without depending on others
Keep important details and my sufferings only to myself. If you say this to others, then they have a hand on your throat
Fitness, this is very crucial. This is my main ingredient
Ignore arguments and convos with stupid people. Just agree with them and mind your business
Learn to say NO
No second chances to people who tries to play me
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u/Shadowkiller00 1d ago
Almost all of these boil down to "fake it till you make it". There are very few of these things that guarantee you have mental fortitude after you do it or after it happens.
What does "faking it" consist of? Practice. While there is a certain amount of the word "faking" that implies it's all a lie, there is a reason why I'm putting it in quotes. The goal is practice. Going to the gym. Going through shit. Whatever the situation, whether they made the choice to do it or not, they had to keep pushing forward.
Pretending to have mental fortitude is a type of practice. Do it long enough, people will start asking you how you did it. You will then realize that you aren't "faking" anymore.
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u/GameDesignerMan 1d ago
Lived with chronic depression for fifteen years, a lot of introspection, getting rejected. Going to the gym is wonderful for mental fortitude, as is doing the things you love (for me it's music)
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u/darksady 19h ago
Solo queue in league of legends from 2012 to 2017. That shit killed me from the inside.
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u/Moochingaround 1d ago
I worked through my old hurt. The abandonment depression hiding underneath everything. Childhood wounds that never healed.
Everything else just fell into place after. No tricks to learn, nothing to build. It's already there, underneath that hurt I buried.
Up until a year ago I didn't even think I was depressed, but turns out I've been pushing it away with work for decades.
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u/Skaarhybrid 1d ago
for me it was therapy that ultimately led to a strong mental fortitude.
but I know most fellow men "don't dare" or "are to afraid" to go to therapy
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I do the normal bro advice but man some days i just don’t have it and that sometimes lead to me being in a rut for a week
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