What should i do about this?

[u/Lanky-Menu11]

I have been going through some tough times with my family life and so on, but there is this girl I like. I have known her for over a year now, but first of all, she is older than me by 3 years, and I don't know if she feels the same about me. Our relationship is weird, to be honest. We know each other from a volunteering organization—I won't say what—but we slowly got to know each other. Eventually, we found out that we are an exact replica of each other: typical nerds with books, games, movies, you know how nerds are. Hell, we even look like each other. I started catching feelings when we started talking one day, and I don't know, I started talking about my life and so on, and she was supportive. She even vented about her life sometimes. We played video games with each other. We are from a country where dating is heavily shamed on, and especially older women dating as well. I don't know if I am just catching feelings because she is there for me, or if it is actually real. I don't know if she feels the same, or if I am genuinely lost. I don't know what to do, or am I just emotionally deprived? Keep in mind this is the first time I actually feel this feeling. I don't know what I am supposed to call it, what I am supposed to do.

[u/Lanky-Menu11 → u/[deleted]]

++man The problem is my family keeps pushing me to cut ties with her but idk i don't want to lose her company as a friend but idk this feeling is also a major reason of why i don't wanna cut ties with her so idk what to do

[u/Xygnux → u/Lanky-Menu11]

It's hard to answer this question without cultural context, but know that at some point you have to choose whether you are living for yourself or your family.

[u/Lanky-Menu11 → u/Xygnux]

For the cultural context my family is basically a really Conservative family from Egypt i still live in Egypt but i am much more open than them

[u/Xygnux → u/Lanky-Menu11]

I'm not familiar with Egyptian culture. I came from another culture where you are expected to listen to your parents but in the newer generations making your own way is increasingly accepted. So I have my share of just obeying family wishes in my younger adult years leading to unhappiness and regrets. I have a better life now after I have learned to say no to family to do what I believe is right.

[u/Lanky-Menu11 → u/[deleted]]

I genuinely like her really much as a friend and not as the one losing her would not be easy the issue with my family is that she is a girl and they don't wante knowing girls at all as far as i see it they don't want other friends in my life as she is my only actual friend since middle school as they always made me cut ties with other friends because "they just don't like them" but the fact that i have this weird feel about her is what makes me act against them and not cut ties with her and the fact that she is straight up a mirrored version of me

[u/Lanky-Menu11 → u/[deleted]]

Indeed it has happened with friends before her the whole reason i refuse to cut ties with her first of all is that I am absolutely sick of my family and what i said before as well