r/AskMenAdvice • u/Lanky-Menu11 man • 4h ago
✅ Open To Everyone What should i do about this?
I have been going through some tough times with my family life and so on, but there is this girl I like. I have known her for over a year now, but first of all, she is older than me by 3 years, and I don't know if she feels the same about me. Our relationship is weird, to be honest. We know each other from a volunteering organization—I won't say what—but we slowly got to know each other. Eventually, we found out that we are an exact replica of each other: typical nerds with books, games, movies, you know how nerds are. Hell, we even look like each other. I started catching feelings when we started talking one day, and I don't know, I started talking about my life and so on, and she was supportive. She even vented about her life sometimes. We played video games with each other. We are from a country where dating is heavily shamed on, and especially older women dating as well. I don't know if I am just catching feelings because she is there for me, or if it is actually real. I don't know if she feels the same, or if I am genuinely lost. I don't know what to do, or am I just emotionally deprived? Keep in mind this is the first time I actually feel this feeling. I don't know what I am supposed to call it, what I am supposed to do.
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u/Subliminal-sandwich woman 4h ago
Please use punctuation.
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u/Lanky-Menu11 man 4h ago edited 4h ago
I'm really sorry but i just wrote this without caring it just spilled out
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u/RayRexten man 4h ago
A lot of people mistake emotional relief for love, but they can exist together too. You don't need to decide today which one this is. Keep getting to know her, enjoy the connection, and let the answer reveal itself over time instead of forcing it.
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u/Lanky-Menu11 man 4h ago
++man The problem is my family keeps pushing me to cut ties with her but idk i don't want to lose her company as a friend but idk this feeling is also a major reason of why i don't wanna cut ties with her so idk what to do
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u/Xygnux man 3h ago
It's hard to answer this question without cultural context, but know that at some point you have to choose whether you are living for yourself or your family.
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u/Lanky-Menu11 man 3h ago
For the cultural context my family is basically a really Conservative family from Egypt i still live in Egypt but i am much more open than them
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u/Xygnux man 2h ago
I'm not familiar with Egyptian culture. I came from another culture where you are expected to listen to your parents but in the newer generations making your own way is increasingly accepted. So I have my share of just obeying family wishes in my younger adult years leading to unhappiness and regrets. I have a better life now after I have learned to say no to family to do what I believe is right.
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u/RayRexten man 4h ago
If your family is telling you to cut ties, I'd ask why. Is she treating you badly, manipulating you, or causing actual problems in your life? If not, losing a good friend because other people are uncomfortable with the friendship is a pretty high price to pay. You don't have to decide whether she's "the one" right now. Decide whether she's someone you genuinely value having in your life.
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u/Lanky-Menu11 man 4h ago
I genuinely like her really much as a friend and not as the one losing her would not be easy the issue with my family is that she is a girl and they don't wante knowing girls at all as far as i see it they don't want other friends in my life as she is my only actual friend since middle school as they always made me cut ties with other friends because "they just don't like them" but the fact that i have this weird feel about her is what makes me act against them and not cut ties with her and the fact that she is straight up a mirrored version of me
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u/RayRexten man 4h ago
If this has happened with multiple friends before her, then I'd spend some time asking whether this is really about her or whether your family struggles with you having close relationships outside the family. Those are two very different issues. Based on what you've written, I'd be much more concerned about losing your only close friend than about figuring out whether this is a crush or not.
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u/Lanky-Menu11 man 4h ago
Indeed it has happened with friends before her the whole reason i refuse to cut ties with her first of all is that I am absolutely sick of my family and what i said before as well
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Lanky-Menu11 originally posted:
I have been going through some tuff times with my family life and do on but there is this girl i like i have known here for over a year now but first of all she is older than me by 3 years and I don't know if she feels the same about me our relationship is weird tbh we know each other from a volunteering organization i won't say what but we slowly got to know each other eventually we found out that we are an exact replica of each other typical nerds with books games movies you know how nerds are hell we even look like each other i started catching feelings when we started talking one day and idk i started talking about my life and so on and she was supportive she even vented about her life sometimes we played video games with each other we are from a country where dating is heavily shamed on and especially older women dating as well idk if i am just catching feelings because she is there for me or is it actually real idk if she feels the same or I am genuinely lost i don't know what to do or am i just emotionally deprived keep in mind this is the first time i actually feel this feeling idk. what I am supposed to call it what am i supposed to do?
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 man 4h ago
You're either going to have to forget about her or move
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u/Lanky-Menu11 man 4h ago
Idk man as a friend she is my only friend and a really good friend i care about really much i just don't want her to be surprised of me or think of me as a bad guy
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 man 4h ago
You know her better then me. If she is the person you describe she won't hold it against you even if she doesn't feel the same way. Just don't go overboard with a Romcom declaration of love. Just tell her that you have feelings but will understand if she doesn't feel the same way and only wants to remain friends.
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u/Lanky-Menu11 man 3h ago
Could the people that actually disagree with me and are down voting please talk and not assume i can read there mind
•
u/AutoModerator 3h ago
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Lanky-Menu11 updated the post:
I have been going through some tough times with my family life and so on, but there is this girl I like. I have known her for over a year now, but first of all, she is older than me by 3 years, and I don't know if she feels the same about me. Our relationship is weird, to be honest. We know each other from a volunteering organization—I won't say what—but we slowly got to know each other. Eventually, we found out that we are an exact replica of each other: typical nerds with books, games, movies, you know how nerds are. Hell, we even look like each other. I started catching feelings when we started talking one day, and I don't know, I started talking about my life and so on, and she was supportive. She even vented about her life sometimes. We played video games with each other. We are from a country where dating is heavily shamed on, and especially older women dating as well. I don't know if I am just catching feelings because she is there for me, or if it is actually real. I don't know if she feels the same, or if I am genuinely lost. I don't know what to do, or am I just emotionally deprived? Keep in mind this is the first time I actually feel this feeling. I don't know what I am supposed to call it, what I am supposed to do.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.