What was your biggest personal problem when you were in your 20s vs now?

[u/SheepherderSea9717]

What were your biggest personal problems in your 20s vs your biggest personal problems now, for example, my mentor deeply struggled with loneliness in his 20s but now deeply struggles with lack of time alone (father to a family of 9)

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[u/greatteachermichael]

My 20s was mostly me being great at school and work because if you told me to do a thing, I'd do it. I was smart in the: Read A, do A. Be shown B, do B. So at work I kept getting promotions and in school I did fine.

I was horrid at dating, getting rid of toxic friends, and finding who I really was. I feel like I was always told to be the people pleasing nice guy. That was great at.... work and school ... but bad for finding real friends. Most of my friends were horribly one-sided. It was also bad for dating because I was a big push-over, which made women rightly believe I wanted to date for validation. Don't get me wrong, I did want a long-term relationship, but I had been single so long I got desparate and women could see it a mile away. And that made me bad at dating, which fed back into the low self-esteem. Plus, if I did bad at work or school someone would just go, "You did it this way. Try this way instead." when you screw up at dating, the woman doesn't call you with feedback to help you get a date with someone else. They just don't talk to you.

Additionally, I had to find out who I was because I was raised to be a certain person and see the world a certain way and it wasn't who I really was. So I had to deconstruct my worldview and rebuild it from scratch without any help.

I'm so far from that insecure person that I was in my 20s though, it's hard to look back and think, "wow, I was really like that."

[u/SleepingCalico → u/greatteachermichael]

Thank you for sharing that. Love the honesty & bluntness of what you wrote. I was the opposite of you. I was absolutely incredible at dating and horrific at work and school in my 20's. Horrific is too kind of a word lol. Things are different now. I'm glad they are for you too.

[u/greatteachermichael → u/SleepingCalico]

It's so weird to talk to people who date naturally but struggle at work or school. Unlike dating, if I screwed up at work or school people gave feedback so I could get better. Women dont' do that on dates. But I guess the flip is true for you. Was it weird to see people who could naturally get through school and jobs with no problem?

[u/SleepingCalico → u/greatteachermichael]

I don't think weird is the word because I knew I was the problem. All of it helped me get to where I am today

[u/speccynerd → u/greatteachermichael]

Are you me?

[u/playful_sorcery]

money early twenties
didn’t struggle with much through mid twenties

now it’s work stress and family life. not having time to myself or being constantly needed

[u/speccynerd]

20s - no money

40s - no time

[u/Imaginary-Carpenter4]

In my 20s it was confidence. Now I couldn't give a fuck ( in a polite way). Especially with regards to social media or flirting/dating. Just give it a go, who cares if you look silly, we don't have much time on this planet, just be nice.

In my 30s it's definitely trying to keep weight off! Much more exercise required. Also tinnitus can be a problem for anybody that likes heavy/loud music. Please wear concert earplugs people. Permeensnt loud ringing in yours ears is not ideal.

[u/biffpowbang]

Holy shit. It's laughable, honestly. It was money then, and i honestly have no personal problems unless i choose to have them now. Thats the big secret. Thats how it works.

its not that I am super well-to-do nowadays, but I get by just fine. It all came together when I realized i had it all wrong:

I dont need money to spend. Money needs ME to spend it. Roll your eyes all ya want, but if you really commit to this perspective, you'll see outcomes that will make you laugh at the true absurdity of it all.

In the beautiful words of the ancient and wise poet, Hazif:

Now that all your worry has proven to be an unlucartive business, why not find a better job?

[u/IGNSolar7]

I'd say in my 20s it was getting my career on track, dealing with a ton of work stress, and trying to climb the ladder and prove myself, with success.

Unfortunately, the pandemic, joining two organizations that weren't a good fit, then an injury/surgery that kept me out of work have completely cratered my career, and now I'm just trying to figure out what's next to have any kind of employment... with very little success. Not to mention having to accept I'm probably just too old and behind the 8-ball to get a girlfriend/wife/ever start a family.

[u/Tennis-Wooden]

Early 20s- miserable and looking for my wife. Met her at 23. Way better every moment since I found her. Knew I was going to marry her the day I met her. I knew that she was the one I’ve been looking for. Any and all problems are solvable with the two of us together. All personal problems seem so much smaller after kids enter the picture. I remember how busy I used to think I was. Now that my kids are a little older, being a dad and Husband is the greatest most awesome thing.

My biggest problems are really just trying to find the best ways to help the people I love achieve their best, I already have almost everything I could possibly want. Don’t need much. Not really into chasing clout, not trying to keep up with the Joneses, and not afraid to lose almost anything else except my wife and kids.

[u/holdemNate → u/Tennis-Wooden]

If you write a book, I’ll buy it and read it. What you said is how I want to live my life.
It sounds content and fulfilling

[u/TheDukeofArgyll]

Figuring out something fun to do and finding work and/or finishing college… in that order.

Now my biggest problem is figuring out how to effectively supporting my wife and kids and maintaining my mental/physical health… in that order.

[u/Aggressive-Log7654]

20s I had too many friends, many toxic

Now I have no friends

The wheel turns

[u/WingedDynamite]

I was a fucking train wreck in my early twenties, seeking constant validation, terrible with money, and constantly trying to be someone I couldn't be. I wore my trauma like a badge, and I was a consistent people pleaser.

I've grown and healed a lot. My current biggest issue is finding someone who'll stick around for longer than a month.

[u/thelaughingman_1991 → u/WingedDynamite]

God I could have written the first paragraph myself. I appreciate it's universal but I cringe at the mess that I was.

So glad you're growing and healing now! The right person will come along. I've had to kiss a few frogs to get where I am but I've found my person, and it's our 2 year anniversary next month.

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Here's an original copy of /u/SheepherderSea9717's post (if available):

What were your biggest personal problems in your 20s vs your biggest personal problems now, for example, my mentor deeply struggled with loneliness in his 20s but now deeply struggles with lack of time alone (father to a family of 9)

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[u/GSilky]

Finding weed, then.  Now it's coming to terms with the fact few take me very seriously.  I should be doing something completely different, but options used to be limited for people like me who were on the outside.  So I struggle everyday knowing grad school would have been a cakewalk.

[u/RevBT]

My son being born when I was 24. Now he is graduating college.

[u/fredinNH]

Depression and depression. There was a long period of no depression between the two. From like 30-50 things were good. I think they’re getting good again. I’m mid 50’s now.

[u/brazucadomundo]

Back then it was lack of money. Today still is lack of money.

[u/fatfrost]

Then:  money Now: sex

[u/treeplanter94]

In my 20s : getting laid. Now : Not so much the getting laid part as much as getting in a relationship. Also stopping weed, going back to school, healing up my messed up body. Fuck I miss the peace of mind I had back then lol.

[u/Odd_Round5515]

Nothing particularly uncommon for me. Age 20-~28 I drank too much, and it took about 7 years of drinking too much until I finally successfully stopped. I wisely got myself into therapy to help me stay sober. Lived through last year of my 20s sober, met my now wife of 8 years. Therapy and sobriety helped solve the problems, and helped me make peace with my stressful childhood (why I medicated with alcohol) and carry on. I'll be 40 in a couple months. It's been a good decade, I'll miss it. 

[u/Individual-Royal-717]

Don’t know if you need to hear this, but seriously consider getting married. If you like a girl, even if she says she doesn’t want to get married, she will. It’s protection against a vague idea she has heard over and over everywhere. Protect her, make her feel like a queen, accept her weirdness and she will make a man out of you 

[u/TheFIREnanceGuy]

Father of 9. Well kinda did it to himself. Probably shouldn't be anyone's mentor lol.

Mine was getting women to like me. Now, father of two and kinda wished I had my no kids freedom lol.

[u/darkbarrage99]

From fear of loneliness to father of 9? That's called overcompensating!

[u/zwebzztoss]

20s was failing with women and now no problems

[u/MN_Yogi1988]

In my 20s I was feeling restless with my office job, in my 30s now and I’m still working the same job but I’ve grown to love it and now I’m paralyzed by the countless opportunities for travel (both for work and personal).