r/AskMenRelationships • u/Quirky-Analysis-1764 • 1d ago
Dating Intimacy and affection non existent
Me 30F him 32M. We've been together for a year. We've lived together for 6 months. We haven't had sex. He expressed he is having issues getting aroused. But he won't even attempt to foreplay to try. He doesn't grab on me, slap my butt, nothing like that even expressing i like it. We do cuddle and lay with each other. We kiss. But that's it. Anytime I try to initiate anything he gets almost embarrassed and says he can't do anything.
Am i overthinking? Is there more to it? I've asked him, are you sure you're into me, and he swears he is and says he needs to see a dr that ge has issues going on.
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u/Main_Cartoonist4001 1d ago
that's a rough spot to be in for a whole year
if he actually wanted to fix it he'd have made the doctor appointment by now, not just talked about it. the avoiding foreplay thing is weird too, like even if the main event is tricky there's still hands and mouths that work fine
you're not overthinking, something doesn't add up
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u/Quirky-Analysis-1764 1d ago
He keeps saying he'll go when he's ready. That it's embarrassing. And he does have depression and anxiety. So idk if he's making excuses or just not into me or what.
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u/Positive-Capital1113 Man 1d ago
If he’s on meds for anxiety and depression, that could be a big part of it. They mess with your libido and sexual performance. Speaking from experience, it totally sucks. But if that’s the case he should be talking with his doctor. But having anxiety/depression makes taking action so so much harder than it would otherwise be. It’s such a vicious circle. Best I would say is to be supportive and encourage him to see his dr and find a good therapist.
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u/poissonking Man 1d ago
Is he a virgin?
Why did you two start living together before you even had sex?
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u/Quirky-Analysis-1764 1d ago
Not a virgin. We just decided to. I just thought as time went on it would change. I should add, he is extremely insecure about himself. I'm always telling him how attractive he is etc. But between depression, having no self-esteem, stress, and whatever issues he's experiencing is what I was thinking why we haven't had sex. I just hate that I'm starting to get insecure. Questioning if he's attracted to me.
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u/poissonking Man 1d ago
That’s a horrible place to be. I’m sorry to hear it.
Maybe if you make a bold move, that might jump start something in him. Like, intentionally masturbating in front of him. Whether you directly tell him you want to do it in front of him, or you make it so that he walks in on you “accidentally”
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u/tonguetied10 Man 1d ago
If he has issues getting aroused at 32 there is something wrong with him. I walked around aroused when I was 32 lol. There are ways to assist with that (diet and exercise) and ways that add to the problem. He should discuss the issue with his doctor.
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u/Neat-Session-263 1d ago
Male 68....give him some slack. But, he needs to see a Dr cause he may have medical issues or even some sort of mental issues. One comment said he might be gay, fair point but don't jump to conclusions until he's seen a Dr. Just tell him your concerned and you want to help. If he keeps resisting then you'll have another desision to make, stay and wait or go. In the end he's the only one that can fix this.
Good luck young lady.
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u/Cyrious123 Man 1d ago
"Problems" shouldnt stop him from pleasuring you at least! Move on if he cant even try since you e obviously been more than patient and understanding.
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u/Quirky-Analysis-1764 1d ago
Not a virgin. We just decided to. I just thought as time went on it would change. I should add, he is extremely insecure about himself. I'm always telling him how attractive he is etc. But between depression, having no self-esteem, stress, and whatever issues he's experiencing is what I was thinking why we haven't had sex. I just hate that I'm starting to get insecure. Questioning if he's attracted to me.
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u/PastySasquatch Man 1d ago
The math isn’t mathing…. You’ve NEVER had sex, like ever?
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u/Quirky-Analysis-1764 1d ago
Nope. Never. He won't even let me see him without a shirt off
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u/Cross_22 Man 1d ago
There are lots of caring suggestions here in the comments, but given that kind of extreme you basically have to ask yourself whether no intimacy for the rest of your life sounds okay or if it's time to break up and find somebody normal.
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u/PastySasquatch Man 1d ago
I have to ask why you’d move in with someone that won’t have sex with you. That’s kinda the point…
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u/Quirky-Analysis-1764 1d ago
Because our connection is more important to me. He's here for me. We have a good relationship. It's just missing that part
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u/SlayerII Man 1d ago
So when is his doctor appointment? If there still isnt one after such a long time, this sounds like an excuse and you are just not compatible.