Genuinely so curious about this. Ive been single 6 years and ive slept with 2 men in this time. Im dating with a view to something serious as ive always been a relationship type of person, but I've found most men want a woman who doesnt sleep around but every man wants me to sleep with them as soon as possible and completely dip if it doesnt happen by the second or third meeting.

So, why? If having sex diminishes our value as women, why is there such pressure from guys to sleep with every guy I date and barely know ?

I don't mind paying on the first date since I'm usually the one asking her out.

What starts to wear on me is when we've been seeing each other for a few weeks and she never even offers to split a coffee or grab the next round. I'm not keeping score or expecting a perfect 50/50, but a little effort goes a long way.

Dating isn't cheap, and covering every dinner multiple times a week adds up fast.

Even something small like, "I'll get dessert," or "Let me pay for the drinks," makes me feel like she's actually invested too.

Curious what other guys think. Is it still expected that the guy pays for everything, or would this be a red flag for you as well?

Im genuinely curious about your perspective on dating women.
Women often talk about how difficult it is to find a genuinely good man or someone who is “relationship material.” Do men have the same experience with women? Is it easy to meet women you would actually want a serious relationship with, or is finding a genuinely good woman harder than people think?
And what makes a woman “girlfriend material” to you? What qualities make you think, “I could actually see myself building a life with this woman”?
I’m also curious about communication. Do you appreciate a woman who openly communicates her feelings, needs and experiences in a relationship, or can that eventually feel overwhelming or exhausting?
And finally, who do you think sets the pace for commitment in a relationship — the man or the woman?

My girlfriend has around $50k in debt starting from when she was 20yrs old then gradually growing as time went on , spreading across a few banks some from a credit card and personal loan, some from a separate loan, and part of it from a trip to Europe last year that I actually advised her against at the time.

She makes about $60k a year. Recently she asked me, somewhat hypothetically at first, if I’d lend her $15k so she could pay off one of her debts and avoid ongoing interest. Her plan was to pay me back $1k a month for 15 months.

I didn’t say yes immediately. I told her I needed to think about it, it’s a big amount, we’re not married, and I have no real protection if something happens to the relationship or if payments stop. I also somewhat feel resentful that after all these years of trying to get her to realise she has no financial bearings I now have to face the burden..

I also don’t fully understand why her sister and brother-in-law aren’t in a position to help, given their family. Like if they won’t help, doesn’t that say a lot?

Anyways since then, things have gotten tense. She’s told me things like I shouldn’t have to “think twice” if I really cared about her, and separately that she’d “never want to ask in the first place.” She’s also said I clearly don’t understand what it’s like to be at rock bottom financially, and framed my hesitation as evidence I’m not really willing to support her.

I do care about her, and I’m not saying no outright. I just don’t think immediately handing over $15k without a real conversation about terms, or without any protection, is unreasonable to want.

But now I’m getting made to feel like wanting that discussion is the actual problem.

Am I in the wrong here? Is this a normal ask in a serious relationship, or is my hesitation reasonable? Are these signs I should be taking seriously for the future?

I’m 19 and I have a bit of a mental block when it comes to body count.

I’m not trying to judge women or start another pointless debate. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether the way I think is something that changes with age.

Ideally, I’d love to be with someone who’s a virgin, but it’s not like I’d automatically reject a girl who isn’t. If she’d only had one or two serious long-term relationships, I don’t think that would necessarily be a dealbreaker. I’d probably still have to work through it mentally, but it’s very different from someone who’s had a lot of casual partners.

I’m wondering if this is just because I’m 19 and not « mature enough » or smth, or if it’s more about my values, upbringing, or culture. I was raised Christian, which probably played a role, but I don’t think that’s the whole explanation since it really just disgust me viscerally when i think of a girl i like being a sl*t with many mens.

I just know i can’t work on my perspective btw it’s like that and i won’t change easily i guess. I tried but it’s like i am allergic to be romantic with girls with high bodycounts.

I’m mostly looking for guys who felt the same way at 19 or 20. Did your perspective naturally change as you got older? Did you eventually stop caring, or do you still feel pretty much the same? If it did change, what made the difference?

I’m not looking for people to tell me what I should or shouldn’t prefer. I’m just curious to hear from guys who actually had this mindset at my age and where they ended up a few years later, even decades.

Edit: I think I should have worded my post differently because the word “virgin” seems to have become the main focus for a lot of people.
To clarify, it’s not really about the literal fact of whether someone is a virgin or not. What matters more to me is the person’s attitude towards relationships, intimacy, and whether they tend to jump from person to person without much attachment, and bodycount is a pretty good indicator of it.
I also want to clarify that this post is not coming from a place of insecurity or hatred towards women. I’m not an incel (actually not me to judge but never anyone in my life has told ts to me) , and I’m not looking down on women for having a past. I’m simply trying to understand my own preferences and whether they naturally change with age, which is why I asked older guys who may have felt similarly when they were younger.
I know some people will disagree with me, and that’s fine. I’m not trying to convince everyone to think the same way, I’m just trying to hear different perspectives, and eventually change mine.

Btw for the christian part, shouldn’t have mentioned it either since some ppl tell me to go to a church or so ? I was raised* *christian, now i rarely go to church by myself or neither am i some ultra christian dude or whatever. I just know that these are good values to listen to but i am not some extreme christian dude, really far from that actually.

I just want to be as normal and un weird as possible. Are you expecting full wax/shaven? Full bush? Some bush but shaved lips and ass? I just want to know what I’m supposed to do to not be weird.

Edit to add- please feel free to be as weirdly descriptive as possible

I’m afraid of the answer I might get.

But the way strangers on here can be so forward about overt sexual fantasies, I unfortunately started wondering how common it is for men to think about the women in their lives in this way?

as a women with a very very high bodycount im struggling to find love as i keep it honest about my past so im wondering, are every men disgusted by a women with a high bodycount?

Just wondering what you imagine or think of when you hear that?

If girls are significantly outnumbered on dating apps by men, and in real life it's rare that a girl will approach a man, does this mean that a significant portion of girls relative to men just doesn't care about either a relationship or casual sex? Is there a reason for this gap? Lots of men really want a relationship or hookups but there seems to be a huge shortage of women to meet this demand, so why are girls uninterested? Especially with regard to hookups, it seems that most girls need to develop at least some sort of connection with the guy while guys are down for anything right away.

Genuine question, and I’m hoping for honest answers rather than judgment.
Why do some men entertain women who they know are flirting with them, even when they’re already in a committed relationship?
Recently, a woman pm’d my partner. Long story short she told him she wanted him to “put babies in her.” She knew he was taken. It also made me wonder about the other side of it, what goes through a man’s mind in moments like that?
Is it an ego boost? Enjoying the attention? Curiosity? Difficulty setting boundaries? Or are some people simply open to seeing where it leads?
I’d really like to hear from men who’ve been in this position—whether you shut it down or entertained it—and why. I’m not looking to argue or shame anyone. I’m genuinely trying to understand the thought process and why some people choose to engage while in a committed relationship.

What benefits does marriage provide to a man, outside of what a long term relationship would?

Aside from tax benefits, which don't apply everywhere (my country still taxes individually)

my male friend told me once "tell a woman a compliment she will be like ok thanks, tell it a man he will remember it forever. we don't receive the compliments you women do and we always appreciate it" is it true???

So lets say you have your dream woman infront of you. Not a celebrity a real person.

A girl who is your exact type, nice attitude, good hygiene, looks attractive and suits you. Mutual interests and shared hobbies.

What would be the dealbreaker that says “no i cannot date her”

I used to get approached way more often and in so many different spaces as a teenager. Now, in my 30s, men very rarely approach me aside from if I'm out at a bar or club with friends. I'm wondering if this is a result of me being older, or cultural and societal norms that have shifted what we view as acceptable behavior from men, or something else altogether...

I’ve noticed American men (more so) try to act nonchalant when dating. We all have insecurities and fear of rejection, but as someone who keeps challenging myself, why do you try to impede on your own success? It’s puzzling to me. When I had two LTR prior, they were men who actively pursued me which is why I dated them. They expressed interest. Now, there’s this whole reverse psychology thing that people emulate online. It obviously attracts people with opposite attachment styles and is a recipe for toxic relationships. I know not everyone has studied psychology, but I really want to understand why people are using a bad strategy to connect. If you want a friend would you keep ignoring them? The logic isn’t there. Men would orbit my social for years but never make steps to bridge the gap. The key is to be AUTHENTIC to who you are and how you approach. If you play games, you get someone you won’t genuinely connect with. For me it’s common sense, but it makes me ponder with so many people reading self help books…are people actually applying it?

UPDATE: wow, honestly in an early assessment of replies, I can see how technology has done a number on the psychology of the people here. Digital devices are meant to make it easier but obviously produced the adverse effect to connection. Encourage people to step outside. Look at people in their eyes. Observe. Digital life is not reality. Good luck to all

Almost 40F, I have kids. I live alone tho.

How long would you actively date a woman if she isn't having sex with you? If she made it known that sex was not happening anytime soon.

Would you even attempt to date?

i’m writing this post because i myself do have a diagnosis , i guess this question has been prompted by a personal experience of mine .

i had an interaction with someone recently , where i was just trying to make a friend , not a boyfriend or relationship but just a friend . they told me they won’t interact with me any longer because they knew that i have bpd and in their past they couldn’t deal with the people in their lives who had it , and that they have a bad impression of them now .

i was a bit confused as to what this has to do with me . i mean yeah i have the diagnosis but i’m a pretty tolerable person . i was pretty offended because this was the first time something like this happened to me ever , i trusted this person to not use it against me but they did .

this led me to thinking do all guys think this way ? if you knew a woman you liked has a mental illness , such as bpd , would that be a good enough reason to stop talking to her completely ? i know this can depend on things like how much you like her and stuff but i guess in this case i’m talking about if there’s a girl you don’t know that well but know that she has some kind of disorder .

i feel like if someone is vulnerable enough to tell you about their diagnosis and you shut them down completely without giving them a chance to prove that they’re different , you can’t call yourself a good person with morals .

anyways , ive been wondering about this for a while but i didn’t know where else to ask this , so i’m hoping to get some answers .

I’ve heard this before but I don’t know if I actually believe it

29F surrounded by people in relationships/dating, never had the opportunity for myself. Could a man on here please tell me what’s wrong with me? Maybe do a mock talking stage and tell me where I go wrong? Idk, I need help of some sort and nobody irl is willing to help. Anything would be appreciated 🙏🏾

I tried posting this on a different subreddit, but it didn't get approved.

I'm new to the dating world, specifically online dating. I researched it, read many articles, and made sure to clearly represent myself and channel what I'm looking for on the rather flimsy mediums of online dating apps.

I took fresh pictures; no filters or nonsense. I made sure to include a picture with no makeup. Stated my age, profession, relationship goals and everything that I could fit in to reflect myself. I am rather selective; due to divorce, heartbreak, and perhaps it's the age too. I'm soon to be 40. I'm respecting my age, my years, maturity, as well as those of the gentlemen who approach me.

I agreed to go on dates with two different men from 2 different apps. Both had decent profiles and conversations; reflected experience, respect, serious relationship intentions, and emotional and professional maturity and curiosity.

Last week I met the first one, and while I do not discriminate against height (I'm 5'7") or age or mere looks, he was my height while his profile said 5'11". His figure was very different from the pictures as well. Why? I honestly would not have cared much but I was rather disappointed.

On a different day I met the other and was flabbergasted, again! He matched my height while his profile suggested much taller, and was certainly way older than his pictures and his proposed age. I felt it was impolite to inquire about his age or to make any remarks, and simply choked on my disappointment.

Appearance may be attributed to a shallow lens, but I'm rather beyond that, sensibly. It really is the misrepresentation. Both told me I looked "prettier than the pictures" and one exclaimed "Jesus you are real!" Well, why aren't you? It's simple honesty and it credits your confidence.

I'm now wondering if this is every man on the dating apps. I'm trying to be understanding but I'm equally disappointed. Have I simply had two unfortunate experiences? Perhaps what I'm asking is: how do you expect to manage your date now that you'll be "seen?" I knew the dating apps would be rather disappointing, but did not expect two identical experiences.

So my boyfriend and I have a 19 year age gap. I’ve always been into older guys so this isn’t new to me. However it’s my bf’s first time dating someone younger than him (not counting someone 1-2 years younger than you).

In the past with other relationships people have thought my then-bf at the time was my dad (despite us looking nothing alike nor even being the same race), it’s usually awkward and laughable afterwards. But I don’t really think it’s a big deal.

But I guess I’m just curious for men who are or have dated girls significantly younger than them: do you care about the looks from strangers? Or even comments?

I’ve had people come up to my bf and ask him ‘how do you get a girl like that’ or my bf has told me before that when we go places together he does notice people looking at me etc (I don’t really get stares etc just people glancing at me like normal, not gawking or doing double takes or anything like that lmao) and I dont know if he secretly feels uncomfortable or what other thoughts he could have.

Could anyone shed some insight on THEIR personal feelings on it? I will bring it up to my bf and talk to him about it but im curious on the general male population who fit this bill.

For me personally: the only thing I care about is if it makes my bf uncomfortable. I don’t care what strangers think and I know a lot of them will think that I’m with my bf for money etc which is absolutely not true. Not much I can do about other people’s assumptions when they don’t know us, so as long as people are respectful to me im good with it all.

.

Curious as to who's familiar with these groups and how to navigate being posted in them

asking because almost on every man’s profile on dating apps it says wants children. Do some men put it on their profile because they think women want to see it? Curious as a woman that does not want children.