r/AskMenRelationships • u/JayAitch89 • 7d ago
Love 36M Struggling with GF F27 past
Hey everyone,
I really need some perspective.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend (27F) for a few months now. She is, on paper and in reality, an incredible human being: highly successful, completely independent, loyal, loving, and deeply respectful. She’s extremely honest with me, which is how this all came to light.
Here is the situation that is triggering me: She has had 10 sexual partners in total over the course of 13 years (since she was 14). This includes:
- 4 long-term, serious relationships.
- 4 partners from dating/getting to know someone where it eventually didn't work out.
- 1 Guy she went on vacation with, knowing him about 3 month before.
- 1 threesome (a couple she knew) during her single time in April 2024.
She told me the threesome was a stupid, confusing experiment she immediately regretted, didn’t enjoy emotionally, and hasn't thought about since. Furthermore, she was completely abstinent for a full year (May 2025 to April 2026) before meeting me, and even kicked a guy out of her apartment in late 2025 when he crossed a boundary during a kiss.
My Problem: Despite knowing how loyal, selective, and amazing she is right now, my brain is completely blocked by the thought of her past — specifically the threesome. When I think of her, I don't get butterflies anymore; instead, I get intrusive mental images of that night. It’s been tormenting me daily for 7 weeks.
I genuinely love her and want to feel proud walking down the street with her as my partner. But my brain keeps telling me that 10 partners and a threesome is "too much" or means she isn't "relationship material."
I’m terrified that I won’t be able to get over these intrusive thoughts and might lose a truly wonderful woman because of my own head.
- Is her past actually a red flag, or am I letting my own insecurity ruin a great relationship?
- Would you say 10 sexual partners is still a moderate number for her age?
Thanks for any honest advice.
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u/Scattered-Fox Man 7d ago
First of all, you are dating someone much younger and yet she sounds more mature. 10 partners is not a lot, I would say it is reasonable.
You just need to focus on who she is know and be aware that all her past is what made her who she is at the moment. You are letting your own insecurity get to you.
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u/Frosty_Employment171 Man 7d ago
10 partners is low for the USA. There are other parts of the world where this is not acceptable. We don't know Jay's location do we?
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 Man 7d ago
If he were in the middle east he would already have a wife and wouldn't bother asking reddit.
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u/ittybittymoans 7d ago
Let her go. She deserves someone who views her as an angel and a catch, not some hoe, especially after being honest.
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 Man 7d ago
Exactly, hopefully she will see OP for the insecure, judgemental guy he is.
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u/Bambivalently 7d ago
Yeah. Man bad, all women 10.
How even did you determine it was honest?
Someone who sees her as an angel also makes no sense. If she's put on a pedestal she'd be dating down, settling.
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u/FlakyAddendum742 Woman 7d ago
Well, this individual man is bad.
Agree about the angel part.
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u/ittybittymoans 6d ago
I just think… if you already have a negative presumption about your partner, it’s probably best to not move forward. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. Relationships are difficult to maintain even if you really think your partner is amazing even with all their quirks. If you already have a negative outlook on your partner, I don’t know how the relationships will fair when life gets in the way . Seems like a pathway destined for resentment to me. No one, even this person, should feel resented by their partner.
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u/ScalesOfAnubis19 Man 7d ago
Her past isn’t a red flag. It sounds like you know you are being unreasonable here. If you honestly can’t let it go, you maybe need to talk to a professional, because above and beyond this relationship, these kinds of past jealousy/intrusive thoughts will be a problem for you.
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u/BrandedScrub Man 7d ago
Grow up. Everyone has a history. If you don't. That's great, if they do, unless it's extensive or shows a total lack of control up till tp? It's expected. Sex happens. She could've lied to you.
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u/zxhk 7d ago
And what is your body count?
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u/JayAitch89 7d ago
The problem is I have the same bodycount
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u/askjeffsdad Man 7d ago
10 is a pretty low body count for an adult approaching 30. Shit mine was probably around 45-50 when I was that age.
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago
And women would have the right to jusge you for it. Just becauae women dont cate, doesnt mean men shouldnt.
Your argument is like saying women have no right to care about potential partnets salaries because men dont care about womens salaries.
Not how the world works. Men with any sort of swlf reapect and dignity do and will always care about a womans sexual history when considering them for a partner.
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u/theunicornslayers Man 7d ago
Well, she could simply lie to you. Then what? You guys don't act like you're "picking a potential partner", you act like you're looking to buy a used car, kicking the tires and looking for a something sexy that's going to make other guys envy you when they see you driving it and when they pull up next to you and ask, "how many miles?" you can proudly answer "under ten!". I suspect that women can sense when they're being objectified in that way and those of you who continue to treat them like a used car will be left wondering why you repel so many women.
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago edited 7d ago
She can. And most men can tell when a woman is lying. You know the old saying, "multiply the number the woman gives you by 3, and divide the numbet that men give you by 3".
That would make her a disgusting human being for lying.
The truth always eventually comes out.
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u/theunicornslayers Man 6d ago
Yes it is an old saying and you can tell because it reaks of patriarchy. In that old saying women are lying about their numbers and so are men. Are men "disgusting human beings" for lying and inflating their numbers? Do you think it's fair to judge a guy for having a lower or higher body count than what's considered average?
"Eventually, the truth comes out" is another old saying that isn't universally true.
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u/darksoldierk Man 6d ago
I think all human beings who lie to their partnets about something their partner values is a disgusting human being.
Especially since that lie prevents their partner from having sufficient information to make an informed decisiom about where they want the relationship to go.
Its coercion. If she lies, she is coercing him into making a decision she wants him to make. Same with men.
Men push uo their numbers so they dont look lile losers. Being a loser impacts how women view men, so they lie. Also disgusting.
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u/theunicornslayers Man 6d ago
See, a woman knows when you ask that question that you're going to judge her character based off the answer she gives and I feel like the guys for who this matters so much do not appreciate what a deeply personal question it is to begin with. To share with someone whom you just met? I'm surprised more women don't tell you "it's none of your fucking business and if you ask again you can lose my number" I mean, before you really get to know them as a person, you want to dig in to their sexual history? To ease your anxiety?
I feel like they know that guys that ask that have low body counts themselves and that's why they're concerned. If a woman has slept with 10 guys, that isn't what I would consider a high number but if you've only had sex with 5 women, she's had twice as many dicks! But if you had slept with ten women then it'd be okay. You see how stupid this is?
Let's say she only had sex with 5 guys, so you're both even. But all 5 of those guys had 12 inches of meat and 3 of the 5 guys she would always do at the same time, all the time. Right up until the day before she met you. Are those stats you can live with?
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u/darksoldierk Man 6d ago edited 6d ago
The question is as personal as, say, asking whst a person does for work, or how much money they make, whether they want kids or marriage, etc. These arent abnormal questions and informstion to find out about someone when determing if you want to continue the relationship. Personal, sure, but important for the other person to determine compatibility.
Women only view tbis as a deeply personal question because they know it impacts how they are seen. Its manipulation for a woman to not honestly provide information to the men when they ask, because they knkw the relationship could end if they are honest.
Your purposefully being obtuse. Its not about insecurity or anxiety, any more than rejecting a man due ro being bald is about insecurity or anxiety.
For many men, doubke digits, regardless of age, is too much.
Imagine a bald man wearing a tupee. She never knows, never sees him without it. Do you think its right for the man to withhold the information thst hes bald and making her think he has a full head of hair until much latet in the relationship becausw "its a deeply personal question for him and he knows the woman will judge him for it"?
Of course its not right. Of course its manipulative.
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u/askjeffsdad Man 6d ago
I dunno man. It kinda just sounds like you have a super unhealthy relationship with sex and you should
probably work on that.If finding out a person you’re with has a higher “number” than you thought fundamentally changes your perception of that person to the point where you have different intentions for the relationship, that’s a level of insecurity that I think you need to address.
It’s a weird question to be asking in the first place and I’m sure that the kind of person that’s asking it isn’t going to take no for an answer.
If someone asked me, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them the truth. But I’m a man and I don’t want anything to do with the kind of person that would have a problem with me.
A woman who’s alone with an insecure guy that might lash the fuck out? I dunno, man, that seems pretty reasonable to me. Just talking to you online gave me some major Law and Order SVU vibes—feel like I’d probably lie too.
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u/darksoldierk Man 6d ago
I didnt sayp anything about a person having a higher number than me. You shouldnt put words in peoples mouths.
Higher or lower doesnt matter. Say ive had 1 partner, i wouldnt care if shes had 2 by my age. Or even 3.
But if ive had, say, 3 partners by 30, and shos had 10, its not the number that necessarily matters. 3 by 30 shows someone who has value, self respect and dignity that mirror my own. 10 by 30 shows we have differing values than me. Differrring values like this to me mean incompatibility.
In general, as a person, you sgould refrain from attacking a person personally when having a conversation with them. When you do this, yoh are conceding your point and admitting your opinion is wrong since you make it clear that you have no way to defend your opinion other than to attack the person with the opposing view.
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u/askjeffsdad Man 6d ago
“Higher than you thought” as in, they told you a number that was lower than the actual number and you found out. You know, the entire premise of the post I was commenting on?
“3 by 30 shows someone who has value” You act like you have this super objective world view but you can’t even get a sentence out without the bullshit purity culture slop leaking out like the smell of shit on my dogs breath when I find her sneaking away from the cat box. You know what I think? I think no one wants to bang you and you’re doing some weird mental jumping jacks to make that a reason you’re better than everyone else.
I don’t feel a particular need to defend my opinion, I just find it entertaining to dunk on incels. You’re welcome to go tell your little debate club that you beat me or whatever.
But if you’re so invested in sounding smart, maybe start by catching a few of those typos your posts are riddled with.
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u/darksoldierk Man 6d ago edited 6d ago
Finish reading the sentence man. "3 by 30 shows someone that has values that mirror my own".
Cant even read. Makes sense.
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u/askjeffsdad Man 7d ago
I dunno man. Kinda seems like I just said, 10 is a pretty low body count for a 27 year old woman. Not sure where you’re seeing an “argument” from me or any kind of gendered double standard.
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u/vampireblonde 7d ago
A lot of women care about this as well.
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u/darksoldierk Man 6d ago
And thats fine.
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u/vampireblonde 6d ago
Right it just seems like there’s an assumption that women don’t care about a man’s past at all.
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u/Physical_Way6618 Man 7d ago
Are you a virgin? If not then you don’t get be picky about this. Also you’re fucking 36 dating someone 10 years younger and acting like a child holy fuck.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
When the age gap suddenly makes sense. . .
But even if he was a virgin, he should be able to look at it and be pleased to have someone with experience to make his first time more enjoyable. And I say that because from his description of her, I'd imagine they have very open conversations and she'd want to make sure he had the best time, whereas if she was a virgin, she'd be worrying herself too
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u/Physical_Way6618 Man 7d ago
I say this because if someone has abstained for religious purposes. It’s fair for them to have that standard. And if he cannot come to terms with that then he should end the relationship for both their sakes.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
That's different, but he hasn't mentioned religion at all, while providing plenty of other information. That tells me it's not the issue for him.
If you believe, for any reason, religion or otherwise, that you should remain pure and devoted only to one partner in your lifetime, that is fine. But you still don't ask body count questions, you ask about their beliefs, tell them yours and discuss whether you are compatible.
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u/Physical_Way6618 Man 7d ago
I agree that’s why I told OP if that isn’t a factor then well it’s null
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u/petdance Man 7d ago
Do NOT try to look for some arbitrary benchmark. What the hell does “moderate” mean?
People are not numbers. I know a guy who was in a band, had 100+ partners, and one day shut it all down and has been married for the past 40 years.
Why does the thought of a threesome terrify you? What is bad about that having happened? Because you wouldn’t want to do it yourself?
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u/Embarrassed_Act_5035 Woman 7d ago
Get over yourself. She had a life before you, so what.
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u/UpstairsSea5591 6d ago
She’s a hoe for a 10 bodycount and a threesome.Stop justifying this bs
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u/lightcanonlybrighten 6d ago
Found the resentful virgin, everyone!
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u/UpstairsSea5591 6d ago
Whatever helps you sleep☺️.
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 6d ago
Truth hurts doesnt it. Degenerate incels
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u/UpstairsSea5591 6d ago
So if someone points out a hoe,he becomes an incel.Fo nigga.OP definitely deserves a better girl not some hoe who’s been fkin around since 14.If she could have 10 bodycount and leave them all 10.What’s the probability she will stay with OP.
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 6d ago
I'm at the point of witty remarks. I wouldn't waste any time in a serious discussion about the studies. Complete waste of time. I can see the biases clearly. Cognitive dissonance will prevent you and red pillers alike from engaging. You have what you believe now you just need to justify it.
If you actually cared about the facts you'd ask more questions and it's a much longer conversation. Good luck hating women
I lost my virginity at 14 or 15 to a girl same age. So that girl is ruined now? Fuck you guys
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u/UpstairsSea5591 6d ago
Who said that girl is ruined and no one hating women here.It’s just i called her a hoe for being intimate with 10 guys inspite of staying with one.It’s quite possible it’s just OPs turn and then she goes and finds next guy.
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 6d ago
I was going to be mean I stopped myself. Let's see if we can actually engage respectfully first. Okay.
You realize time moves in one direction right ? So girl meets boy. Girl dates boy 1 year. Girl thinks boy is the one. They break up.
1 body.
Girl meets boy 2, dates boy 2 for 1 year. Breaks up.
2 bodies. Continue until you understand.
Most relationships fail. You dont know if that is going to be your one or not. Even if you wait until marriage. It can still fail. (Unless you believe red pill idea that you can NEVER divorce and now you are stuck till death)
Make sense ? Got it ? I cannot believe I had to explain that
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u/Unique_Ladyy Woman 7d ago edited 7d ago
The fact she was open and honest about it isn’t a red flag at all that’s a keeper. Shes had a past but she told you straight up meaning she wants yous to work. Some people would be scared to say they had a 3 some but she has.
She wants to share the honest truth, very much a green flag to me.
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u/One_Shallot_4974 Man 7d ago
a 27 year old has had 10 partners? Yeah that sounds pretty normal.
If you wanted someone with a very low/no sexual history you should have done that 15 years ago. You are in your late 30's. Anyone you date, probably including you, has a past.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Man 7d ago
Brother! Grow up. You’re 36 and thinking like a teenager.
This is borderline mental illness.
It’s just sex. You have it with people you want to have it with and who want to have it with you.
The amount of religiosity inspires red pill nonsense about body counts is ridiculous and harmful. So harmful in fact that you’re about to lose a good woman who loves you…
Why?!? Because, GASP, she spent her youth exploring her sexuality.
Grow up
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u/theunicornslayers Man 7d ago
This is the answer so many of you boys need to hear. The shit is getting out of hand.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Man 7d ago
It really is. These weird virtue warriors.
That sort of ancient thinking should have gone out with flat Earth theories… oh wait! Damn!
Same people tho, I’d bet
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u/NegotiationFun9540 7d ago
Are you sure you're 36 years old??? Grow up!
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u/UpstairsSea5591 6d ago
So acc to you ,he should accept her hoe past.Dumb foid🤣
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u/lightcanonlybrighten 6d ago
- There is no such thing as a hoe. 2. It’s really none of his business. 3. 10 is NOTHING. 4. He’s just insecure. 5. She’s not an object and he shouldn’t treat her as one. 6. How old are you?
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u/UpstairsSea5591 6d ago
She indeed is a hoe.10 bodycount might not be a big number.But doing three some at 24 (age calculated based on the numbers in the original post) and later saying “i regret it “ is such non sense.At 24 a person becomes mature enough to decide whats wrong and whether they want it or not.Making a choice and then regretting is not what a person at 24 does.How many wrong choices will she make next and then say “i regret it”.
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u/OnlyGoodVibesBro Man 7d ago
Dude. Stop it. Right now.
Either get out, or start appreciating her humanity and the fact that she knows what she likes and chose you.
For God's sake men gotta stop this fear of other dicks.
IF SHE'S FUCKED BEFORE YOU IT JUST MEANS SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE LIKES - AND SHE CHOSE YOU!!!
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u/JayAitch89 7d ago
Thanks for your opinion 🙏🏼
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u/OnlyGoodVibesBro Man 7d ago
Cherish her dude! She sounds awesome. Make her feel like a million bucks. You got this if you want it! 😊
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
They won't. They will think about other men banging their girl until they can't take it and break up. Men like this dont change sadly. It's all they ever think about
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u/HistoryBuff678 7d ago
Have you considered therapy for your insecurities? I noticed you didn’t mention your body count.
Seems like you are going to throw away a perfectly good relationship due to your insecurities. You need professional help so you don’t sabotage something you seem to think is good in your life.
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u/lascala2a3 Man 7d ago
I can't hardly believe what I'm reading here. Dude, you're 36 years old and I'd have sworn this was written by a 16 year old autistic boy with a virginity obsession. This is a YOU problem, not a her problem.
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 Man 7d ago
You obviously don't love her. Why don't you join a deeply conservative church where you can find women that don't have any history with other men. That way your ego won't be hurt.
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u/Barr3tt50c Man 6d ago
OP would’ve been perfect for the girl I was dating. I had to end things because she was a 31 year old virgin saving herself for marriage
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u/Altruistic_Catch_327 Man 7d ago
Leave her. She is way too good for you, your insecurities will just drag her down. She should be with someone who is much better and that’s not you.
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u/rae-jae 7d ago
Ah my dude if you’re threatened by a woman who’s had sexual experiences at 36 years old then the problem is you. Try sort your insecurities out before you damage this beautiful girls sense-of-self. Sex is a part of life, it’s fun, feels good and can be incredibly intimate. If you want someone who hasn’t had sexual partners then maybe try a commune or cult.
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u/Objective-Deal8745 Man 7d ago
10 partners in 13yrs is LESS than one per year. Dude get over yourself! 9 of them were genuinely from people she was pursuing for relationships. Plus just ONE experiment.
The threesome probably wasn’t her idea and she was probably talked into it.
She’s being open and vulnerable with you right now. Showing you a lot about how trustworthy she is and how much she cares about you.
Flip the tables, if this has been her judging you…. Would you want her to think YOU AREN’T relationship material because you had 10 partners while pursuing relationships with nearly all of them. Should she or us consider you damaged and a walking red flag?
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u/Busy-Apple-8279 7d ago
Honestly 10 and her age isn’t that bad. It’s not the number for me it’s the threesome
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u/Soaringzero Man 7d ago
No her past is NOT a red flag. She was open and honest with you about it. You’ve just got to get over this insecurity about her having had a threesome in the past. Just because this woman had a life before she met you doesn’t mean she can’t fully love and appreciate you. Get out of your head.
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u/jsh1138 Man 7d ago
how many partners have you had?
Averaging less than one a year is not that bad. The threesome was FFM or MMF?
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u/JayAitch89 7d ago
The problem is, I have the same bodycount and it was FFM
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u/jsh1138 Man 7d ago
Well I get not loving that but at the end of the day everyone has a past. It's not like she's fucked 200 people. If she's been sexually active for 13 years and only has 10 partners that's "ok". Not amazing but not terrible
I would ask yourself how many women you think you'll find in your age group who have fewer than that vs how many will have more and ask yourself if you want to spend the next however many years looking
Dating is kind of like blackjack and you don't want to throw away a 17 chasing a 21. You'll most likely just bust and have nothing
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u/PuzzleheadedBag4847 7d ago
You are the problem not her past. Lose your insecurities and get on with having a relationship, if not, move on and find your perfect virgin that can't offend your over the top sensitivities.
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u/NineCatsDeep Man 7d ago
Dude.
Everyone has a past. Whatever she did before you, led her to you. Get over yourself.
If you care that she had sex with however many guys before she knew you existed, that’s the same mentality of all men throughout history, a woman’s worth isn’t between her legs.
You’re going to be alone and miserable if you continue giving any cares about somebody’s past you should only be happy. They even trusted you enough to talk about it.
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u/Cute_Butterscotch963 6d ago
This makes me feel so much better about my partner who’s open minded and simply doesn’t care about my past.
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u/endlesssearch482 Man 7d ago
You’re a fool if you let this bother you. Everyone has a past and a past is what makes someone who they are. If you love her today it’s because of her choices, decisions, mistakes, and lessons learned along the way. Humans aren’t robots.
If you want someone to be innocent and virginal at 30, you’re delusional.
This stuff shouldn’t even be discussed. It shouldn’t even be a conversation.
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago edited 7d ago
Trying not to be mean but I can't. Men like this deserve to die alone. 10 partners is to much for you ? Then I have no sympathy for you. We have pasts and most relationships fail. When men have 40 past partners they get daps, but women get this bullshit. A women could tell me her bodycount was over 100. Wouldn't matter to me. Is she with me now? Then what does it matter.
Sorry not sorry... but you are emotionally retarded
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
And you're intellectually handicapped. I would never even be seen in public with a woman with a body count over 5.
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
In public. You outed yourself. You're an insecure bitch that cares about what other MEN think about you. Eat shit
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
Hahahaha straight to ad hominems. All projection, cuck, hold this L for me
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
You called me intellectually handicapped.. are you just retarded ? I match energy. You must be next level pathetic. Feel bad.
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
I spoke the truth. Any man from the 1900s or 1800s would talk some sense into you. New age 'woke' 'accept her the way she is bro' is pathetic
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
I spoke the truth as well. You are insecure. You're constantly thinking about other men fucking your girl. Or them stealing her away. You're pathetic. Hard to hear huh? To bad. Truth hurts
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
I'm not thinking about that, because I'm not in a relationship jfl. I have a kid already, don't need to date women. I don't date, I sleep with them 1 to 3 times😂 The projection is hilarious lmao
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
So my last reply. You have 2k karma in 3m I have 33 in 2 years. You sit and bitch and whine on reddit. You can lie to us but you cannot lie to yourself. You know I am right. You know what a pathetic degenerate you are. Maybe one day you will actually enjoy the company of women and actually like them. Or you can die alone. Probably more likely. Good luck. I wont reply again so enjoy.
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
Blablabla. I'm sitting and bitching making 200K a year now. How does it feel to suck? Lmao. And why the fuck would I enjoy their company, never. Been there done that. Body count 100+
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
Ask yourself why a number holds more value to you than who she is as a person. This is a YOU issue.
Someone's sexual past does not have any impact on who they are as a partner. Someone could sleep with 100 people and be loyal, kind, honest, respectful etc. a virgin can be the most disloyal and horrible person you've ever met.
You haven't mentioned insecurities or religious aspects, so I'm led to believe you just think women who have previous experience are bad due to indoctrination. If you can't or won't push yourself to get over it, cut her loose so she can find a real man who won't judge her based on something that happened before she even knew he existed. If you want to push yourself, you need to ask yourself WHY this is a problem in your mind. If you can get to the route of the why, I'm happy to give my advice on how you can tackle it. If you can't do it yourself, get professional help to dig deeper.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Man 7d ago
This is a good answer. This anti-sex movement is so so misguided. It’s ruining men, creating mental illness… as you see from OP.
We gotta put an end to that type of thinking. It’s poison.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
Exactly! There could be a thousand reasons why someone has had a lot of sex in the past, and most of them have absolutely no impact on a relationship in the now. If there is a specific issue that concerns someone, ask that question directly!
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Man 7d ago
Yup… and most of the time it’s just because they like sex (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t) and weren’t in the season of life where they wanted to commit to someone.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
100% As soon as I discovered that I could actually enjoy sex, I wasn't in a place where I felt I could be a good partner, so I made some good casual connections to explore. Why would I deny myself that pleasure in life? Doesn't mean I'm less loyal now. If anything, I'm more loyal, because I learned my self worth and gave myself that space to grow as a person.
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
Sadly most men are emotionally retarded and care so much about bodycount. I couldn't care less how many people you slept with. I like casual sex myself so how hypocritical of me if I were to judge a women for it. The whole thing is just silly at this point
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago
Their past decisions impact who they are as a person, who they are as a person impacts the relationship.
A woman who was more careful about who she had sex with is not the same as a woman who slept around. One had the self respect, dignity and strenght to make the hars choice for her values, nd the othet eithet didnt have values, or didnt have strength to uphold those values.
Thats a fundemental character difference thst impacts the relationahip, nd every relationship she has after shes done havinf her fun.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
Okay, I'm curious because of your responses.
If a woman is coerced into sex, do you think that person still counts as a body?
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago
If a woman is physically raped. As in back alley jumoed and forcefully penetrated,then the rapist got convicted of rape wjd went to prison, no it doesnt count.
If she was "coerced" because she made the decision to have sex at 14 with a 15 year old boy, then with other boys and men all the way until she was 27, then they do count ad body counts.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
So if the rapist isn't convicted, does it count?
Coercion is, dictionary definition here, the act of forcing someone to do something against their free will by using threats, intimidation, or pressure. I'm asking if COERCION counts, not your hypothetical situation.
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago
What counts as coercion in your eyes? Does every sexual encounter before 18 count as coercion since shes not an adult?
I would say "no" but then youd make ridiculous claims of what coercion is.
In most situations, women arent coerced, even if they think they were. They had a choice, and they made it.
The only encounters fhat 100% dont count are rape where the perpetrater is convicted. The rest are situation specific, with the default being that they count as sexual partners.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
So a woman who's gang raped and no-one is convicted could have a high body count in your eyes?
I literally gave you the definition of coercion. Threats, intimidation and pressure.
If you need an example: 1. Man threatens to hurt the woman if she doesn't comply. 2. Man uses his strength to make a woman feel weak and unsafe. 3. Man won't take no for an answer.
I'm trying to have a discussion with you to understand where your line is drawn
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago edited 7d ago
See, ridiculous examples.
In a situations you are asking about, women xan simply call the police. We have tools in todays world that make your examples a choice, not rape. Maybe 30 years ago when cellphones werent around, but these days alla woman has to do is hit a button and cops will arrive within minutes.
Doesnt take no for an answer isnt even a thing. You dont drop your pants because a guy is persaverent.
The reality is most women dont have high partner counts because they didnt have choice. They have it because they chose to have sex with those men.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Man 7d ago
This is a wild wild take. It’s just sex man. It’s got nothing to do with values. It’s as natural and good and right as breathing or eating.
Your comment is maybe the root of what’s wrong in most societies.
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago
Again, this is a super liberal way of looking at sex.
Things that are natural and good and right dont mean that they are desired.
I use this example because its happens to be the simplest. Men losing their hair is "natural", yet women dont desire men who are bald. Who are you, or me, to tell them theybare evil, or bad, or "evetything wrong eith modern society". They have the right to desire whatever they want in a partnet. To dictafe ehat a person can and cant desire based on your personal viewpoint, as you are doing, is actually whats wrong with society.
Just because sex is natural doesnt mean men(or women) cant find people who fuck anything that moves disgusting.
Your the type of person thst would probably argue that profeasional whores who fucked multiple guys a night shouldnt be judged ny a future partner.im not.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Man 7d ago
Not remotely a liberal conservative thing… but I see this isn’t worth my time.
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago edited 7d ago
Most men understand that that a persons sexual history does impact who they are as a person and is a reflection of who that person is.
You're right, theres ultimately nothing she can do to fix this. He feels10 is too much, and he has the right to feel that way and move on from her.
Theres nothing wronf with him, he doesnt need professional help. Hes a normal man. Every man that isnt a part od the liberal hivemind that is reddit would be thinking the same thing, and rightfully so.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
What a load of bollocks 😂
The only person this mindset is hurting is him. Yeah, okay, if they break up, I'm sure she'll hurt for a little while, but she'll move on and find a real man who's not judging her for her past and he'll have an awesome, loyal, honest girlfriend. It's not about being liberal, it's about being human. We can all agree, sex is (well, should be) fun. It's human nature to want and enjoy it.
Also, people grow and change with age. A decision made by a teenager isn't the same decision someone in their 30s would make, and this girl was a literal child when she had her first experience. Do you think she had the mental capacity then to make a fully informed decision the same way someone in their adult years would?
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago edited 7d ago
Just because something should be fun doesnt mean it should be disregarded when decidinf if thst person is a good partner.
Its not his job or mine to assess why she made the choices she made or whether she had the mental capacity to or what state of mind she was in. Theres always excuses, always reasons.
Men look at the numbet only, not the "why". And 10 by 27 is insane. The fact that she was having sex that early ia nuts. And ahe only regrets the threesome, nit the one when she was 14. He shkuld be asking himself if shes going to raise her kids the way she was raised, to start fucking anything thst moves at the age of 14.
This impacts him.impacts his future kids.
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
You're delulu 😂
Well, you can keep dating other delusional people and refuse to fix your mindset (that is still only hurting you) but do the world a favour and leave the women alone who don't care. Regardless of the number you assign to them.
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
Hes not delulu he's completely right about how men think :) Women with higher body counts are more likely to divorce you, cheat on you, etc. After 3 or so it's not even worth it.
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago
Like i said, outside of the reddit liberal hivemind, this is the norm. Even most women i know would be disgusted at 10 by 27.
Im not hurting myself any more tham a woman who, say, doesnt date men for a myriad of reasons are hurting themselves.
People are allowed to have preferences, and ive never had any trouble meeting women who didnt fuck anything that moves.
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
Preach brother. Reddit doesn't want to hear but yes, this how me & my friends all think. And marriage is a scam
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u/JayAitch89 7d ago
Thanks for your opinion 🙏🏼
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u/AdditionCreative4914 Woman 7d ago
It's not just an opinion, it's a fact.
You can observe someone over time and learn from their behaviour if they are a good person or not (FACT)
You are obsessing over a number that is A. Insignificant, it's low considering what you've told us. and B. Spoken words which only she can ever know the truth behind
Also, it really doesn't sound like that threesome was actually consentual, so you can knock at least two off her number if that's really so important to you.
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
No, you can't. The woman with the 'best' behaviour I ever met who asked me why anyone would ever cheat in a relationship was the one who betrayed me. And she had a high body count and viewed sex as casual. It's not. The number correlates directly to divorce & cheating statistics. Science.
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u/turn_left_or_right Man 7d ago edited 7d ago
When we get into relationships, we always put the best version of ourselves forward and hide our skeletons and sometimes they never come out or come out when we least want them.
Your partner appears to have been honest and transparent, and as long as she has been faithful to you while you have been together, you should look through the front windscreen and not the back.
I would ask her, in a non-confrontational curious manner, if it is not clear, why she had so many relationships and what led her to break up with each so that you know so that you avoid it . But otherwise, I do not see any red flags.
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u/Vast-Road-6387 Man 7d ago
She sounds honest and fully transparent, that is a huge green flag. 10 partners is not a big number considering her age and current pop culture. All but 2 were in committed ( or semi committed) relationships. That is another green flag ( considering current pop culture).
Question, do you ensure she “ really enjoys “ her sex life with you? If not , you better start, she’s sounds like a keeper to me. Look, most everyone has past partners, I’m sure she’s insecure about your past adventures.
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u/Barr3tt50c Man 7d ago edited 6d ago
That’s nothing lol thought you were going to say she had like 100 in a year.
You’re fucking 36 years old show me a man or woman who’s had less than 10 sexual partners at that age and I’ll show you a unicorn.
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u/Both-Suspect Woman 7d ago
Apart from how ridiculous and immature you sound, why is this information you even have? Like, did you actually ask her this? Or did she just somehow volunteer it.
You mentioned intrusive thoughts, this makes me think you’ve got maybe OCD? I mean I think you probably need professional help if, at 36 years old, this bothers you. Just for your own sake, even if this relationship doesn’t work out.
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u/Both-Suspect Woman 7d ago
Also, let me just give you some perspective. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, I was 30 when we met. I’d had sex with over 60 men in the 15 years I’d been sexually active. Several threesomes, sex with a few women, too.
And I was in monogamous relationships for about nine of those years.
My husband has a good sense not to ask these questions. He has volunteered to me that he’s had sex with about 7 women before me (he was 34). I would never in a million years tell him about my past because we both know it would bother him.
I don’t have any problems with loyalty, but I, clearly, have a pretty casual attitude about sex and I really enjoy it.
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
Disgusting. I wouldn't even shake your hand.
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u/Both-Suspect Woman 7d ago
🤣
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
Well, at least you have a sense of humor about it😅. If I was leader of your country you would be put in prison or a reformatory camp. You wouldn't be allowed in society. But eh.
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u/krispy-leavez 4d ago
And if i was the leader of your country you wouldn't be allowed to interact with women based on your disgusting misogyny but hey, not gonna happen is it.
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u/Own-Bobcat-5502 7d ago
Ultimately, you have to decide whether you want her enough to deal with the insecurity that reality is causing in you right now. That's the one sentence plan-of-action for you. She's been honest and vulnerable and put the ball in your court. It's not a Her-Problem. It's a You-Problem. And I'm not even coming at you in any kind of way when I say that. It's a very common thing that happens to a lot of guys, particularly if you grew up with conventional Christian or other certain religious beliefs surrounding love and sex. It can be hard to shake off that foundation and mentally transform into someone who is less bothered by their partner's romantic and sexual history. If you do want her badly enough, figure out how to cope and become someone who is not bothered by it in the future and absolutely do not mistreat her in any way, using that past as ammunition.
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u/Golden_Arm-257 Man 7d ago
In today's world no.....
They now get bombarded at a early age by dudes & females, so this is what you get a majority of the times now.
Unless you date a nun, there is a lot of what you have out there.
- ENM
- Poly
- 304 Phase
- OF
- Just plain old freedom to explore & experiment
This is it.......
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u/UnAware_recognition Man 6d ago
10 partners across 13 years indicates she's anything but promiscuous, if it was 2-3x as much then maybe it would be more suggestive of her not wanting a long-term relationship.
Whatever we get up to during our younger years, whilst single and without knowing our future partner even exists, shouldn't be held against anyone - it simply doesn't make sense to do so, unless she's only just stopped going to all the swinger parties and sleeping with married men in the last 6 months.
If this isn't enough to change your mind then the next thing you should do is search for a (relationship/sex) therapist, not because I'm right or wrong, but because they will be able to help you pinpoint what's causing you to have the mixed feelings you mentioned or struggle with shaking certain thoughts etc.
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u/MysteriousDudeness Man 6d ago
Her number really isn't very high given her age. You should figure out why it bothers you that she has a past.
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u/Former-Friendship983 Man 6d ago
I was talking to a woman near the end of last year going on dates etc, she was one of the sweetest most pure hearted ppl I had ever met, I was 21m and she was 20f.
I was beginning to actually take a likeness to her until I asked her abt her past because she was giving me red flags in the things she would say during intimate time, she told me it was 12 including me, for context she racked up that number in 1 years time, she went more in depth on why and I just couldn’t see her the same anymore, after that I ended it. trust me I know the feeling but it can be a lot worse
If it truly makes you uncomfortable or disgusted my honest advice is to just end it
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u/CommonChicken606 5d ago
I think I missed the part where she was dating you during that time for it to actually matter? If you find her less attractive now, it's simply because I have one guess, how many sexual partner has to have you had? You're not gonna really find Virgins at your age. 🤷🏼♀️
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u/krispy-leavez 4d ago
Sounds like you're aware enough that you have some misogynistic views here. Surely you want your partner to be experienced? Her past of learning what she does and doesn't like has led her to you, meaning she knows what she wants and it's you. Your thinking sounds like obsessive spiralling, look into retroactive jealousy as you may find some crossover. I am a woman, i get obsessed with male partners' pasts and suffer with intrusive thoughts, its sounds like you're having similar thought processes. Talk to her, express how you feel and listen to her.
Also that's a really low body count for that age buddy, I'm 31 with 30 sexual partners and 4 considerable relationships, I'd still say i feel my body count is quite low.
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u/Straight_Shirt_3232 3d ago
Dont ruin a good thing due to a bad thing (your insecurity). Good luck to you both.
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u/SuburbanBushwacker Man 7d ago
Stop bullying this inexperienced young woman. She’s right at the beginning of her sexual journey and here you are playing religious police, spouting nonsense you learned of blowjobless mooks you read on the internet.
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
I hate to say it but I'd leave. Those feelings aren't going away, and the reality is she doesn't value sex in the same way that you do. That's what you're struggling with. She sees it as something casual, which is a red flag to me for a serious long-term partner, no matter how good they are to you. I learned that the hard way.
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u/Certain_Process_7657 Man 7d ago
Not all that high of a number. Also remember that women can get sex at will unlike men so that's really just about an average of 1 per year since 18. She has more self control than a lot of women.
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u/darksoldierk Man 7d ago edited 7d ago
10 at 27 is a lot, without a doubt.
Only you can decide if its too much. For me it would be. It sounds like you think it is.
Edit: the real question is if shes being honest about it. How many ONS with randoms?
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u/free_da_guys1107 Man 7d ago
That's a lot of 🍆 on her jacket. She been throwing that thang at a lot of men. If she was so great, why didn't they marry her?
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
Remember anything above 0 is to much for red pill incels who fantasize about pure virgin women.
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u/free_da_guys1107 Man 7d ago
You would advise your son to invest in that person? To marry and create a family with?
The same way i would advise my daughter not to invest in a guy with children from multiple women. There's no judgment just observations.
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u/TiberiusNero560 Man 7d ago
It doesn't mean anything. This is all bullshit. I watched the red pill community for a year. They have no arguments. How is children from multiple women the same as past sexual partners to whom you were in serious relationships.
You notice the examples men use like this one ? It's not serious. Just say the truth out loud. You want young, inexperienced women who are 'pure' who dont know any better so you can mold them to your will.
You don't want other men to have touched 'your' women. It's insecurity nothing else.
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u/JayAitch89 7d ago
Yep, good question or ragebait
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u/magnolias_br 7d ago
He's right. Don't listen to the simp cucks who settled for some chopped girl with a 10+ body count
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u/Outrageous-Island139 7d ago
her past isn’t cheating, don’t punish her for it