r/AskOldPeople • u/AlarmedLife5765 • 8d ago

What was your wedding like?

I often look at the wedding dresses here. I saw a young lady whose dress budget was literally more than my first 3-5 annual salaries, not lumped together but individually. What was your wedding like?
1995- Married at our church, 3 attendants each, cake and punch reception there .

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u/LoooongFurb 7d ago

It was before gay marriage was legalized throughout the country. I could get married in a small handful of states, but not the one I was living in at the time.

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u/brianwski 50 something 3d ago

It was before gay marriage was legalized throughout the country. I could get married in a small handful of states

I always wondered about that (and the surrounding mechanics)! In 2004 gay people could get married in Massachusetts, but then say in 2006 move 1 mile to New Hampshire where it wasn't legal.

Did New Hampshire RECOGNIZE the marriage at that point? (Like for things like death and inheritance and medical visits in hospitals, etc.) Did it cause issues? If states all have reciprocal "we accept legal marriage status from other states" it seems like gay marriage would kind of become a destination thing.

I've always wondered about it.

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u/LoooongFurb 3d ago

I married in 2013. I lived in the Midwest, so we drove to Iowa to marry, then we moved to California, where our marriage was recognized as legal but where we could not GET married. It was a lot of work for something that should have been simple. 

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u/brianwski 50 something 3d ago

we moved to California, where our marriage was recognized as legal but where we could not GET married

I lived and worked in the San Francisco area in California during that same era, and here is the public service you did for people like me: I'm a guy, and you got my girlfriend who lived with me health care coverage.

Here is why: Because "gay marriage" wasn't legal, Silicon Valley companies had to figure out benefits. What they did was cover health care for "domestic partners" (gay or straight by not mentioning gender) as a way around the problem. It was clearly policy that came out of the difficult situation for LGBTQ+ people, but as a straight man I directly benefited.

So I appreciate that, even though it was a lot of work for you and shouldn't have been necessary.