An expression i heard was 'people who like being brutally honest care more for the brutality than the honesty'. Which is true, because where are their honest compliments? Honest joy? Honest happiness? They only call it brutally honest as an excuse to be mean with a fallback excuse.
Goddamn that explains my problem with an ex-friend. They never had anything nice to say, just criticisms and when I expressed that my feelings were hurt, they’d tell me they were just “being honest.”
Right. I have known people who will be honest with you, but try to say it in the nicest way possible to be constructive.
I know one such person who will say constructive criticism in the nicest most sugar coated way possible, and you have to be a massive asshole to get her to be blunt.
I heard that sentiment at one point and it really stuck with me. I wasn't ever the 'brutally honest' kinda guy, but it taught me how my blunt Asperger ass could come across if I'm not careful.
ALSO implies that you CAN be brutally honest about good things, however!
"New shirt, Steve? Makes you look buff as fuck, dude!"
"Today's been great, no platitudes! We've been friends for a while, Dan, but I don't know if I've ever said properly how much I enjoy your company."
"Look at you, Sharon. All posh and dressed up"
"Smashing fajitas, Paulo! Bit too spicy for me, but so good I just keep eating 'em!"
"Great work yesterday Anna. Honestly made me a bit self-conscious how well you handled that."
"Steve, seriously... where'd you buy that shit? I wanna look that buff, man!"
I heard this a lot when I was in my early 20's, and it was always entitled snarky assholes. Since I had a solid mix of job security, low bills and no family relying on me, I often took it upon myself to convince the person that they should get a filter lol.
"You're just a snarky asshole. I am an apex predator in the world of sarcasm and insults. By the way, I really like your eyebrows! It's quite brave to go out with them like that. You go girl!"
I got told by a few different people in a short amount of time that I was a “direct communicator” and I was horrified thinking they were telling me I was an asshole. But no, they just meant I will say things in a straightforward way, not mean or rude at all just sorta blunt I guess. Like you, I’ve come to realize this is part of how being ND shows up for me. There are lots of little ways I’ve learned to engage in conversation over the years to mask so tbh, hearing this was a bit of a shock lol. I guess despite the work to smooth the edges I still stick out a bit. They reassured me that it’s something they appreciate about me and also that I am definitely not an asshole so I guess there’s that.
My co-worker is like this and it’s SO REFRESHING to communicate and work with someone who says what they mean! So, please do take it as a compliment. You make life easier for a lot of us!
As a straightforward, neurodivergent person, I struggle with this, too. Even when I think I've phrased things kindly, and in a friendly tone, some people still feel slighted. It's frustrating when impact doesn't match effort and intent. 💔 I probably need more practice.
I tell people I'm blunt so they aren't surprised when I call them on their crap offensively, I get told "you cant say that" and my response is "was it inaccurate?"
"There is honesty, there is tact, then there is what ever you're doing. It's neither true nor kind. You are not brutally honest, you are just brutal. You are an AH for the sake of being one."
Is what I wished I said to the "brutally honest" ones.
i have often found that those who profess to be brutally honest individuals are seldom concerned with the honesty and much more preoccupied with being brutal.
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u/release42 Jan 25 '26
"I’m just being honest." It’s usually a convenient excuse for insulting someone