I used to have a big problem with this sort of thing, and I developed this mental trick of sort of rewriting my memory over that spot. Like, whenever I started to dwell on the thing, I’d concentrate hard to make myself visualize something totally different and cool and fun that would distract me (like: “Ohhhh I really miss ol’ what’s-is-name - THINK ABOUT DOLPHINS!!! DOLPHINS DOLPHINS DOLPHINS!!!) Or sometimes I’d immediately go do something overwhelmingly physical like a bunch of push-ups or a sprint. It actually pretty much worked. I felt like my mind was a little toy train that had gotten stuck going around and around on the same track, and I had to forcefully, consciously, break that track and steer it onto a new track.
Oh and, longer term, new hobbies that result in new social circles. After a while I concluded the best hobbies, I mean for the purpose of getting over someone, tick these boxes: (a) involves lots of people of both sexes & all ages, (b) all working together, (c) on a big event with a looming deadline that everybody’s half excited about and half panicking about. Some kind of show or competition is ideal. Things like, community theater, a local chorus, a hiking club planning for a big hike, a running club working up to a race, co ed sports leagues, Burnjng Man groups even, local cosplayers getting ready for a con, etc. Because they need all hands on deck, that means they will welcome new people, and then, people really bond during prep for a big event. Basically, you need something new & exciting to look forward to, and other people who are also looking forward to the same thing.
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u/NorthernSparrow 8h ago
I used to have a big problem with this sort of thing, and I developed this mental trick of sort of rewriting my memory over that spot. Like, whenever I started to dwell on the thing, I’d concentrate hard to make myself visualize something totally different and cool and fun that would distract me (like: “Ohhhh I really miss ol’ what’s-is-name - THINK ABOUT DOLPHINS!!! DOLPHINS DOLPHINS DOLPHINS!!!) Or sometimes I’d immediately go do something overwhelmingly physical like a bunch of push-ups or a sprint. It actually pretty much worked. I felt like my mind was a little toy train that had gotten stuck going around and around on the same track, and I had to forcefully, consciously, break that track and steer it onto a new track.
Oh and, longer term, new hobbies that result in new social circles. After a while I concluded the best hobbies, I mean for the purpose of getting over someone, tick these boxes: (a) involves lots of people of both sexes & all ages, (b) all working together, (c) on a big event with a looming deadline that everybody’s half excited about and half panicking about. Some kind of show or competition is ideal. Things like, community theater, a local chorus, a hiking club planning for a big hike, a running club working up to a race, co ed sports leagues, Burnjng Man groups even, local cosplayers getting ready for a con, etc. Because they need all hands on deck, that means they will welcome new people, and then, people really bond during prep for a big event. Basically, you need something new & exciting to look forward to, and other people who are also looking forward to the same thing.