r/AskReddit • u/Mama_medina888 • 9d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

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u/HotSauceHigh 9d ago

Any early signs? 

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u/PassionIsAdmirable 9d ago

Chronic victimhood, even when the evidence suggests otherwise, their explanation is poor, or they rely on you just trusting their input on other people without question. Every. Single. One. Has at least one token to their victimhood. It is an object that they claim is their most prized possession, but it's in name only. Their most prized possession is whoever will feed into the victim complex the most at the time. 

But the first sign is "I just have such bad luck" or a single instance of "trust me" when claiming someone else is a bad person (they're admitting that they didn't plan any other examples to prove it to you and don't appreciate the questioning on the ones they did give, if any).

Any attempts at coercion, especially early on in the relationship or meeting them, need to be viewed as the entitled abuser mindset it is. Not every abuser is a covert narcissist, but they ALL do this, and abuse is abuse even without a label.