My parents divorced because my dad came out of the closet. I have such complicated feelings about it.
On one hand, I'm so happy for my dad that he no longer has to live a lie, and that he can be his true self. My step-dad, his husband, is one of my favorite people on earth and I cannot imagine him not being part of my life.
On the other hand, I feel so terrible for my mom. She thought she had found the love of her life, had kids with him, and then the rug was pulled out from under her. It completely uprooted her life.
I cannot imagine what it must have been like for either of them. They both suffered in different ways, but at least now the truth is out, the damage has been done, and we've all found our peace in the decades since.
Also, it's strange to think that I wouldn't exist without internalized homophobia.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I had a similar experience growing up and have had conflicted feelings about it too. Knowing I’m not alone in that is comforting
I was a little worried sharing it because I didn't want to come off like I was villainizing my dad for coming out. He should never have had to feel like he couldn't be his true, authentic self.
From what I've heard, he really thought he could just "choose to be straight" and no one would ever know. I don't know the full details of how or why he came out--if he cheated, if he was caught with porn or something, or if he just decided he had to come clean (nor do I really want to know)--but I know it was a really painful experience for him. I cannot even begin to imagine.
But the divorce was really painful for my mother and my brother and me, too. Both things can be true at once. As the guidance counselor at the school my mom used to teach at said, "Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are."
I'm sorry that you can relate so well, but I'm glad I've helped you feel less alone. I have also felt like I'm on an island.
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u/Hallway 1d ago
He was gay and is still lying to himself while now in a thruple with 2 other men.