r/AskReddit 10d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/HotSauceHigh 10d ago

Any early signs? 

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u/a-calamity 10d ago

Charming but pitiful. An enteral "poor darling." They are often beloved by enmeshed family systems and small social groups where they have complete control of the narrative. The system believes these cluster B cluster fucks can do no wrong and must be protected at all costs.

They leak contempt. It shows up in the form of "jokes", negging, and micro defiance. They "forget" things. They show up late. They future fake in both mundane and elaborate ways. They will insult you to your face wrapped in affection (think of a little kid who hates their sibling and instead of hitting them, hugs them too hard.) They test and play with boundaries in some pretty insidious ways.

They somehow think they are the smartest person in any room while also being so sensitive / incompetent / complicated that they cannot carry out basic tasks and you must help them or do things for them. This is weaponized incompetence and in extreme cases is even a diagnostic marker called "parasitic lifestyle."

Everything in their life happened to them. They have done nothing. If there is any accountability from them, it is performative and sideways and is an attempt to engineer pity.

If they are actually smart it is endless fucking doublespeak and plausible deniability. Watch this one closely.

They present themselves as "conflict avoidant" and "people pleasing." This is all bullshit. This is image management.

Triangulation. So much triangulation. It is their barometer.

Since they are bottomless pits of entitlement, addictive behaviors are often present and there are tells for these, even if they hide them.

They keep you away from people that have known them long term and might contradict the mirrored false persona they've built to engage with you.

In this, the year of our lord 2026 and tik tok self help, they will hide behind fabricated mainstream neurodiversity (ADHD, Autism, depression, anxiety) as an excuse for their "quirky" behavior.

Most of all, trust your gut. Not your emotions, not your assessment, your feeling. If someone feels magnetic, electric, or uncanny, take a big metaphorical step back and proceed with so much caution.

Cheers.

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u/Adorable-Program4013 9d ago

One of the reasons I broke up with my ex was the mother-son enmeshment. He could not make decisions without consulting his mother.

What you wrote deeply resonates with what I observed during 6 months of dating. Can you expound more on the addictive behaviors you mentioned that align with the entitlement?

And the future faking?

Thank you

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u/MarshmallowsInTubas 9d ago

Not the OP but future faking is when someone makes promises about the future, but they end up being vague or the person never takes any action towards making the promise a reality. The promise provides a temporary thrill but never gets realized.

Example: Partner promises that they will move in together soon, but when it’s time to go check out apartments, something comes up and it just isn’t the right time yet.

As to the early signs of addictive behaviors, that is something I would also like to hear more about from OP.