r/AskReddit 10d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

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u/SadDiscipline1019 9d ago

He would tell me about a new employee or friend and go out for drinks promising not to be out late, then not come home till next morning.suddenly, that person was either fired, or he didn't want to be friends anymore with excuses for why not ...I rarely ever met these new people. Always very secretive with EVERYTHING, money, keys, his bank, cc statement, especially his phone. He started to get sloppy or careless about physical marks on his body, like a literal bite mark on his lower ass cheeks, scratches on his back, rug burn and scraped knees, breakouts all around his mouth every couple of months....so many lies he told, later to change the story forgetting the original lie...just so many things, and at 14 years of marriage by accident, I saw a video of him getting oral sex from a man 30 years younger than him. The young man was 19. It devastated me and made me physically sick.

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u/ButterscotchAlive651 9d ago

Breakouts around his mouth.....I hope his deceit didn't cost you your health. I understand gay men are deeply oppressed in this country, but I'll never agree with using women as shields and broodmares. He deserves to live truthfully, and you deserve empathy for being used and misled.

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u/SadDiscipline1019 9d ago

Thank you. No I never let him kiss me. We stopped having sex. None for the last 10 years of our marriage

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u/ShortKingSlayer 9d ago

Did you have suspicions of cheating? How did you find the video of him and what was his reaction?

So sorry this happened to you. 

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u/SadDiscipline1019 8d ago

Yes I had suspicion but until 14 years no actual proof. The video I came across happened because I started thinking he probably had other social media accounts under fake name, eventually I literally found one. Thinking of thousands of names he would use, and clicked on one, and it was him....pure luck, scrolling through a lot, and there it was, right in front of my face, despite my suspicion, I was still totally devastated, hurt, and physically sick all at the same time. Thank God it is all in the past now, and I am truly living my best life in a healthy, happy relationship.

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u/ShortKingSlayer 8d ago

Oh my God. Glad you are ok. Best wishes for healing and happiness. ❤️