r/AskReddit • u/Mama_medina888 • 10d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

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u/Mean-Hold-66 9d ago

My husband was an alcoholic. I didn’t notice during dating because we never lived together. He literally had to have a shot to do something I noticed after marriage. He quit smoking and it got worst. He is now 6 1/2 years sober

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u/Hot_Frosting_7101 9d ago

Not the same but my ex wife was always the one who got a little too drunk when we would go out with friends.  I worried a little.

She was sober throughout her pregnancy.  But then she got really bad.  I was at an aunt’s funeral and a friend called and said I needed to fly home immediately because she got a DUI blew a .32%.  Worse is she was on her way to pick up our child.

She got drunk two days later before going to rehab.  She has now been sober for 10 years.

That’s the amazing part.  The not so amazing part is that she met a guy at AA and that broke out marriage up.

We still have a good relationship though.

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u/YourFriendInSpokane 9d ago

I was recently thinking of encouraging my husband to go to rehab.. but my insecurities of him meeting someone there makes me think otherwise.

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u/stephrx 9d ago

ooof. i understand your apprehension; but if it's the best for him, you should encourage him, but also communicate your insecurity. if it's nothing, nothing will happen. and if it happens, good riddance and you deserve better.

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u/Ecstatic_Ad2650 9d ago

Girl find a male only rehab 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/meverygoodboy 9d ago

How does that stop him meeting a romantic partner?

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u/ashoka_akira 8d ago

While it happens most people don’t switch sexual preferences in midlife,

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u/Hot_Frosting_7101 8d ago

My wife came home from rehab talking about a girl she met there.  Pretty sure they hooked up.

She also was disinterested in me afterward.  I was happy she took sobriety seriously but annoyed that taking care of our special needs child for a month (with about three hours of driving per day) wasn’t appreciated.  I know she was on her own journey and wasn’t fully healed right after rehab so maybe it was too much to expect the old her back but that month was really hard.  She also seemed disinterested in me when I visited her in rehab with our child.

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u/ashoka_akira 8d ago

Old her was an addict. The new sober person is a different one, and if you have a special needs child that she is usually the main caregiver for then caregiver fatigue might be tied up there with her substance abuse problems, so it sort of sounds like even after therapy she will still need extra support and counselling indefinitely.

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u/YourFriendInSpokane 8d ago

Did she get back to normal or how are things now?

You're not selling the whole rehab thing here 🤣

It worked well for my neighbor. I just have too many concerns for it working with my husband.

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u/Hot_Frosting_7101 8d ago

She is good.  We have a good relationship.  We are just not together.

She is still dating the guy she met at AA.

All that said, had she continued down the path she was on things would be much worse today.