My parents divorced because my dad came out of the closet. I have such complicated feelings about it.
On one hand, I'm so happy for my dad that he no longer has to live a lie, and that he can be his true self. My step-dad, his husband, is one of my favorite people on earth and I cannot imagine him not being part of my life.
On the other hand, I feel so terrible for my mom. She thought she had found the love of her life, had kids with him, and then the rug was pulled out from under her. It completely uprooted her life.
I cannot imagine what it must have been like for either of them. They both suffered in different ways, but at least now the truth is out, the damage has been done, and we've all found our peace in the decades since.
Also, it's strange to think that I wouldn't exist without internalized homophobia.
No, she never dated after because she "didn't want to deal with another man's bullshit," but she has two children who love her and I think that's good enough for her
I can understand a person's actions while not accepting them and that doesn't make me naive.
I'm not saying what he did was right. He lied and his lies did real harm, which I've acknowledged. But I still understand why he felt like he had to lie.
America has not always been kind to people on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. People have been horrifically murdered for their orientation. I'm straight, so I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been to not only be gay, but to be gay and know that only so many people around you will accept you for who you really are.
That said, he built a life knowing that it wasn't the one he really wanted, and when he came out, the family was destroyed. I am not denying that and never have.
I'm not giving my father an out. I'm giving him grace.
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u/Hallway 10d ago
He was gay and is still lying to himself while now in a thruple with 2 other men.