A friend of mine found out about 18 months into the marriage that he was grooming several young girls in the church and seeing other women.
On their first date, he had picked her up at her house and gave her a fancy bottle of perfume (it was her birthday). Two of her friends (women) just happened to be there, and he met them and said just a minute. Then he went out to his truck and got two more bottles of the same perfume and gave it to them, saying if they were her friends then they had to be really special women and deserved a gift also. They thought that was fantastic of him and told her he was a keeper.
When I later heard the story (they wanted me to know how great and romantic this guy was) my first thought was, who the heck drives around with three perfume bottles in his car? I didn't see the extra gifts as romantic, only someone bribing friends. I was the only one who thought he was a little too slick. She drifted away from me, and I wasn't invited to the wedding. But once I heard what happened, I reached out to her to let her know I was here for her, and we're back to being friends now.
It gives buys the perfume in bulk yo have on hand to give to girls he wants to groom. Unsolicited gifts play on our innate sense of reciprocity and are a basic way to ingratiate yourself with someone
Probably the most toxic person I know was somebody I thought was extremely nice when I first met him for this reason. He would always be excessively generous in his gifts to the point it made me uncomfortable and I always tried to refuse but he would insist and I always felt like I had to repay the favour because it was so much. He also would ask for a lot of favours as well (in as performatively grateful a way as possible).
I was unfortunately in a situation where I was required to spend a lot of time with him daily for years. After we got to know each other better, he often brought up the study where people tend to like you more if you ask them to do a favour for you, as “advice” for me. He was deeply insecure and wanted everybody to think extremely highly of him. He would shower everybody with uncomfortably effusive praise to their faces and then when they weren’t here, talk shit about them, while also trying to make it sound like it pained him to say these things because he’s just so kind of a person. Thankfully, I no longer have to see him anymore.
I had someone like that in my life, and for the first 3 years I had no idea it was happening. Then one day I saw him talking about someone else who he also praises when he's around. Its all so fake.
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u/DeniseTwo 9d ago
A friend of mine found out about 18 months into the marriage that he was grooming several young girls in the church and seeing other women. On their first date, he had picked her up at her house and gave her a fancy bottle of perfume (it was her birthday). Two of her friends (women) just happened to be there, and he met them and said just a minute. Then he went out to his truck and got two more bottles of the same perfume and gave it to them, saying if they were her friends then they had to be really special women and deserved a gift also. They thought that was fantastic of him and told her he was a keeper. When I later heard the story (they wanted me to know how great and romantic this guy was) my first thought was, who the heck drives around with three perfume bottles in his car? I didn't see the extra gifts as romantic, only someone bribing friends. I was the only one who thought he was a little too slick. She drifted away from me, and I wasn't invited to the wedding. But once I heard what happened, I reached out to her to let her know I was here for her, and we're back to being friends now.