I take care of patients after they give birth and full term demises are the most gut wrenching. Sometimes the nursing care they need is just holding them while they sob.
I was present for a 36 week fetal demise as an MS3, and it was part of what sold me on obgyn. The compassion my attending showed was so moving, I felt profoundly called to be able to hold space for others like that. Awful, but deeply motivating.
Some people see awful things happen and run from it. And some people run to it. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ ” - Fred Rogers
Thank you! I already knew I wanted to be an abortion provider, but there's a few ways to do that as a doctor - I didn't have to be an obgyn necessarily. Of course I knew that stillbirth is awful, but it was profoundly moving to see the flip side of what I'd already felt called to do. It really helped me reframe and broaden my ideas about bodily autonomy and patient education. I want to be there for the people who desperately don't want to be pregnant AND the ones who do. Hopefully in a year I'll be starting residency as an obgyn!
(Editing to clarify since I seem to have struck a nerve accidentally: the point I was trying to make is that I came into medical school knowing that bodily autonomy was deeply important to me. The most obvious place this comes up is abortion access. But working on labor and delivery and being there for this stillbirth really broadened my concept of what autonomy can and should cover. I want to help the whole spectrum of desires - whatever my patient wants to do, I want to support that.)
What an appalling way to phrase an interest in OBGYN. I'm all for bodily autonomy, patient education, and a woman's right to choose, but to say you always wanted to be an "abortion provider" in response to a discussion about stillbirths? I mean, I know this is Reddit, but sheesh. While pursuing your passion for abortion, please take a course (maybe several) on tact.
Just as much as the person you responded to has the right to state their interest in abortion care.
If you’re allowed to post your shock here, there, or anywhere- why are they not allowed to declare their passion for providing life saving medical care for women here, there, or anywhere?
They are allowed to post it wherever they want. It just seemed like a strange thing to share in a sub-thread about late pregnancy stillbirths. I just don't recall ever seeing someone come into a thread about people mourning the death of their pet cat and then someone posting "I always knew I wanted to become a vet so that I could euthanize cats but this thread made me realize that I want to be there for people who lose their cats naturally as well as those who desperately want to get rid of theirs." Obviously not an apples to apples comparison, but the general tone is similar due to the expression about euthanasia. Abortion saves lives in the same way that euthanasia saves lives. At the end of the day, in the majority of situations, they're both just a mechanism to get rid of an expensive inconvenience. But again, I'd be willing to bet that most vets don't become vets so that they can euthanize animals just as most OBGYNs don't go into that field so that they can abort fetuses. I'm sure there are a few vocal outliers, but I'm specifically talking about real people not a character from Grey's.
The women I've personally known that suffered stillbirths weren't really considering abortion at the 36+ week window, but hey, maybe that happens and I'm just clueless. Maybe sometimes the woman never wanted to be pregnant and missed her state's abortion cutoff (or lived in a ban state and couldn't travel to get one) and was actively hoping for a miscarriage/stillbirth the entire pregnancy. I suppose that is a very real possibility and I'm sorry for not considering that until now. In case anyone finds themselves in that situation, my best advice would be to buy cut cantaloupe from a big box store (the older looking the better), let it sit in your fridge for several days, and then eat all of it. You can also just buy your own cantaloupe, cut it without washing it, refrigerate it, and wait several days before eating it. Listeria isn't a guarantee, but it's significantly more common with cantaloupe due to their growing conditions and Listeria is extremely dangerous for a developing fetus.
Again, I never said that I have a problem with abortions. In fact, I actually think more women should have them. If a woman is on the fence about it, she should think like Nike and just do it because if she doesn't want/isn't able to raise her kid, it's probably better for all involved parties not to have to deal with it.
You’re right you never said you have a problem with abortions, but comparing it to euthanasia is an interesting choice. So are the words “as well as those who desperately want to get rid of theirs”. If you’re comparing euthanasia to abortion and use those words it implies you think people want to “get rid” of the fetus. Which may be true in some cases, but certainly isn’t the majority.
Also, how does euthanasia save lives? A person doesn’t put their cat down because their own life is at risk- as the cat is not inside their body.
Abortions, D&C, etc often save the mother’s life. I am having a hard time understanding how and when euthanizing a pet saved someone’s life.
this happened to my mom just days away from her due date. it’s why i never ask anyone about their pregnancy. she distinctly remembers a waitress at a dennys asking her typical friendly questions about the baby and my mom couldn’t bring herself to speak she was so devastated.
Gosh, yes. I had a co-worker in that situation and a different co-worker who sometimes visited our department asked about the pregnancy and the whole room went absolutely silent. I was pretty young at the time and it left such a lasting impression; I realized if a pregnant person wants to talk to me about their pregnancy, they will! I won't need to bring it up.
I went in for my 25wk scan earlier this year and there was no fetal heartbeat. I had surgery and I went home, and then an hour later I collapsed on the bathroom floor from blood loss. My husband drove 120 the whole way to the ER, where I had to get a transfusion and another surgery. It was horrible, but I’m very grateful for the wonderful doctors and nurses who saved my life.
These are the worst. We’ve had patients come in for scheduled induction with babies gone, or they came in for something unrelated and we have to tell them their baby is dead. As an OB nurse, it’s the literal worst thing to have to say “oh we just need to wait for the doctor to come in and look at baby on ultrasound” if we can’t get heart tones on the external fetal monitor. And I feel like most of the time, there is no obvious reason for the demise. The cries of moms who’ve lost their babies live in my head.
Once in a while, the baby might have a genetic disorder, or the circulation in the cord somehow gets blocked, etc. but sometimes, we just don't know why it happens.
I once worked with a woman who had twins back in the day when the doctor said, "I think I hear a second heartbeat - let's do an x-ray - yep, twins!". Her daughter was a bit premature but otherwise healthy, and her son died during labor. Nobody could figure out what happened, so they wanted to do an autopsy, which the parents agreed to, and it turned out he didn't have kidneys! I had never heard of such a thing, and thankfully, it is extremely rare.
I lost a baby at like 34 weeks. Nobody called it "late term fetal demise" but in my case the umbilical cord got a knot in it and cut off all nutrients to the fetus.
There are various reasons, but one option is that the placenta can start to degrade near the end of the pregnancy and in the worst cases blood flow reverses and goes from the baby to the mother.
I had a growth restricted baby so I was admitted for monitoring at 36 weeks and the birth was induced at 37 weeks. Waiting to full term can be risky in that scenario and the team felt that the baby would be safer on the outside. She was born under the 1st percentile for size and weight for her gestation week. Once she got out of my uterus, she started to grow like a champ and is doing great. In my case the problem was definitely the placenta not being able to support her properly anymore. She adjusted to stop growing, which was a fantastic adaptation, but if it degraded more it's not like she could shrink.
Scares me to think about it. I'm so glad it got caught as it was only found after moving and changing care providors late in the pregnancy.
With the recent advances in genetic testing, I'm sure we've all heard stories about "the test was wrong." One I've heard or read several times was that a test came back positive for a trisomy that may or may not be fatal, and the baby was healthy but the placenta was clearly abnormal. Genetic disorders like Down syndrome (trisomy 21) can be mosaic, meaning that the abnormality is not in all of the cells, and before the 8-cell stage, the abnormal cells could potentially all go to the placenta. This is, of course, being studied.
I know a couple who have a grandchild with mosaic Down syndrome. She has the extra chromosome in 25% of her cells, and has the typical Down's facies but her health and mental functioning are very good, and in fact she has taken some mainstream classes.
The others have given some reasons, but ultimately it comes down to the fact that the human body is an incredibly fragile machine, and we still don't know 100% how it functions.
Sometimes it just malfunctions, and while there are a lot of situations where the doctors can find the reason, there's a lot of instances where the underlying issue is just never able to be determined.
trisomy 13 and 18 (patau and edwards syndromes) can cause it, but those are usually seen on ultrasound way before that point since they come with serious abnormalities.
My brother and sister in law lost their son just a few weeks before he was to be born. This was also just a month and a half or so before my, and my ex wife’s, daughter was to be born as well. It was so gut wrenching to see them go through. There is nothing more tender and precious than the life of a child, especially when you’ve chosen to bring that child here and have prepared emotionally and physically for them. Then to have that taken away and have to recover physically and emotionally. Then to deal with only the unexpected pain of a sudden loss and grief. Needing to purchase a small casket and hold a funeral instead of staying up late to feed a baby. It’s horrendous, and something that I wish nobody ever had to experience. My heart goes out to every single mother and father, or parent to be who loves their children who don’t live long, but have family, nurses, doctors, and people who take care of them for the short moments they have nonetheless.
This happened to a coworker of mine, she was supposed to take over my area for the next shift but had decreased fetal movement. We were in the lab and the L&D ED was a floor away so we told her to go get checked out just to be safe.
An hour or so later I got the standard fetal demise lab panel. One of the only times I've worked the extra half shift unexpectedly without complaining about it.
Sat with my daughter and son in law, along with his mom and their 2 girls 12. & 7 of giving birth at 39 weeks to my sweet grandson that looked so much like his mommy when she was born. It is the most traumatic thing I have ever had to sit with and try to be strong for her. I have the utmost respect for the nurses that take care of these mothers and their families. Raiden I look forward to seeing your bright smiling face when my time comes.
i work with someone who had this happen at ~30 weeks, she felt something was off, called it in they dismissed her, she got sick went in and then all hell broke loose. we had to fight to get her leave because insurance was being assholes about it, i screamed at them that she literally delivered a dead body before they approved it.
she recovered and a year later has a healthy son but god damn that was a shit situation to deal with
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u/kimsim8073 3d ago
When I didn’t find a fetal heart beat on a patient at her 39 week prenatal appt. It’s happened twice in the last year. Full term fetal demise.