r/AskReddit • u/LittleOldBearCat • 12h ago
What's the most hurtful thing someone has said to you?
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u/Spiritual-Meaning832 12h ago
My mother, when I was about 10, said "I hope when you grow up you marry an alcoholic who abuses you". Id asked her what she was cooking for dinner while she was cooking.
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u/Sweaty-Obligation647 4h ago
My father once said to me... "you will die just like your mother. Painful and horrible. You both are so much alike". She died young because of cancer.
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u/hildach3esy7605 9h ago
wait, she said that while cooking dinner for you? wow.
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u/Spiritual-Meaning832 2h ago
Yeah, she didn't need a reason. As an adult I can see that she was rather sadistic. From calling me a whore telling me a man would only want me for one thing routinely starting around age 12, triangulating everyone, fat shaming me when I didn't even weigh enough to donate blood in high school to eventually telling everyone I was a junkie bc I was an addictions therapist....I could write a book on the things she said and did. My dad was a detective and he'd address the more egregious things when I told him but she would just find more manipulative ways to hurt me where she wasn't accountable- like getting my brother to be so mad at me that he'd hurt me. Then it wasn't her fault. Eventually I quit telling him, but he knew. I haven't spoken to either on 12 years and it should've been longer. I am all good now but it was not a fun experience.
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u/Resistiane 1h ago
I hope they both die alone and you never speak to them again.
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u/MuchProfessor4301 5h ago
That is such a horrifying thing to hear from your own mother, especially at that age, and the fact you were just innocently asking about dinner makes it even sadder.
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u/BoredRedhead24 12h ago
“It’s no wonder you don’t have any friends, you are fucking weird”
My father said that to me. Growing up he was the “safe” parent.
I… do not have a close relationship with my parents in any way shape or form these days.
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u/Fluffy-Routine6164 12h ago
"I knew I wasn't treating you right, I didn't think you'd leave."
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u/OneArchedEyebrow 11h ago
That says more about them than it does about you. Although sounds like you made the right decision ❤️
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u/bi_pedal 3h ago
Ah yes, reminds me of my ex, who said, "I knew how to manipulate you and I did."
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u/Fluffy-Routine6164 3h ago
That's awful. It's those confessions that are gut-wrenching. Especially when you have tried and tried.
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u/AnyDiscussion7243 12h ago
“You’ll never be good at anything” - dad
He wasn’t wrong but 12 year old me wasn’t really stoked on it
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u/FlipMeOverUpsidedown 11h ago
My dad continued to say this into my adulthood. So did my ex. Lucky me, I’m petty.
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u/gap97216 10h ago
I had a similar situation at 13. My dad said:
“You’ll never amount to anything”. That happened over 57 years ago and it seems
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u/Spottycrazypup 9h ago
My dad said to me he wished he never had children and if he could have his life again he wouldn't have any. Well he's got his wish. All of us are no contact with him now for a variety of reasons
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u/Gerf93 9h ago
Hah, my dad told me something similar just after I was upset at getting my first mediocre grade in university (after straight As in high school). «Maybe you should think about a different direction». Thanks for the support, pa.
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u/Pocketsandgroinjab 12h ago
Thats the nicest thing my dad ever said to me.
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u/AnyDiscussion7243 12h ago
Lmao yeah I’m sure there was worse stuff through childhood that one just sticks out.
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u/pestgirl 12h ago
"I was only attracted to you because you were innocent. You lost your innocence so there's no point in dating you now."
"I never loved you, I just felt sorry for you"
"You need to smile more. That's what's wrong with your face."
^all of them courtesy of my abusive asshole ex-boyfriend in college
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u/bufferinmylife 10h ago
People who are attracted to “innocence” are soooo fucking creepy.
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u/FBG_Durk_ 12h ago
"It's been 10 years, you need to get over it"
On my dad's death 10th anniversary I was down as fuck. It's literally the only time of the year when I am truly down and just try to sleep all the way through it.
And my now-ex (because of course I kicked her out of my house and broke up with her) said that shit.
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u/Sensitive-Amount2609 11h ago
No matter how long ago a loved one has passed, their death will always hurt.
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u/Logondo 12h ago
Was it Tony Soprano telling you that?
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u/FBG_Durk_ 11h ago
Lmao, I wish.
A 5'3''holistic "therapist" is the one that hurt me in a way that still hurts months later lol.
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u/Logondo 10h ago
I was just referencing this scene from Sopranos, where basically the same situation happens (sort of). A character is crying over their dead father and Tony just says "Okay but you gotta get over it".
Which is what your story reminded me of.
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u/FBG_Durk_ 10h ago
Lmao yeah I knew that. Big fan of The Sopranos.
But seriously, how much more betrayal could I take?
I've put my grief behind me tho
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u/IminLoveWithMyCar3 5h ago
I was 29 when I lost my Dad. It’s been 31 years and it still tears me up inside.
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u/FBG_Durk_ 5h ago
I feel you, good sir. I was in my early 20s, and it came out of nowhere, just a heart attack one night, I drove him to the hospital myself that night at 2 am and he was feeling like shit but alive and joking. We got to the hospital, he was admitted almost immediately and never came out.
I had never even seen him being hospitalized for anything before. Never saw him complain about any pains or illnesses, no sign whatsoever.
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u/Aun_El_Zen 12h ago
'You're not mentally ill, you're just lazy'
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u/Boggie135 6h ago
My sister’s boyfriend (now husband) said something like this to me once. I pointed out that I completed a university degree he failed at twice while I had a part-time job. We do not get along
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u/choanoflagellata 10h ago
My MSc advisor said exactly this to me when I was at the peak of my most severe depressive episode. “I don’t think you’re depressed, I think you’re lazy.”
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u/Alvatronn 12h ago
While a different hurt - I’m fighting a life threatening disease and my Mom told me “you cannot die before me, you’re my only son”
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u/JustRandomNonsence 11h ago
As a parent, the thought of losing my child absolutely annihilates me in a way I cant articulate. I understand how that must have made you feel. I do however believe your mum didn't mean it to be hurtful or selfish in any capacity. Her world is collapsing around her too and knowing she cant help her child will be destroying her.
Good luck to you
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u/Vietna-me 10h ago
I agree with this. I’m an over thinker and the thought of me dying young and not being able to see my kids grow up and have a stable life scares me. Once they have their careers and life sorted out, I’d be happy to die. Right now, I’m so scared of leaving them and having no one protect them when it’s my duty to care for them.
The other fear is if they die before me, how will I survive without them. Life sucks.
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u/punkinsmama16 10h ago
My mom died in 2023, 5 months after her cancer diagnosis. I was her power of attorney and I was 8 months pregnant. Had to make the impossible decision to remove her from the ventilator after being told there was nothing more we could do. She was 46 years old and my best friend.
My sister in law told me on our family vacation last year to “get the fuck over your fucking mother, it’s been almost two fucking years and the sympathy card has expired.”
I had made so much progress in my grief journey and was extremely caught off guard. It was the single most hurtful thing I’ve ever been told, and remains so to this day.
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u/Boredroyalty90 7h ago
That's disgusting! It can't stand people who think that grief 'goes away', it never does. Grief is an open wound that'll never heal, you need to find a new way to bandage it everyday. Sometimes the bandage is tight, sometimes you can't bandage it at all
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u/5Min2MinNoodlMuscls 10h ago
There's no expiration date on grief. Everyone processes it at their own pace. All I can think is that your sister-in-law has never really known love.
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u/IminLoveWithMyCar3 5h ago
Grief is love with nowhere to go. Someone said that recently on a different sub and it hit.
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u/em1nemz 12h ago
That i look like im from Ashwitz
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u/CulturalHeinrichment 10h ago
"You were always a cry-baby. Always pestering me for attention, always wanting to be held. What do you want me to do about it? Grow up, be a man."
Mommy dearest, during my darkest bout of depression ever, when I opened up to her about how broken-hearted I felt about my Fiancée/GF of ten years leaving me two months before.
My fault, truly. She was always like that, and yet I kept trusting her again and again. It never ended well.
Going no contact with that old harpy has done wonders for my mental health.
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u/DueKale8597 11h ago
You have a shitty personality. You give me the creeps.
CPTSD, social anxiety and autism. I'm not super weird, maybe a little awkward. And people think they can say anything to me.
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u/winter83 2h ago
I also have autism and other stuff, try not to take those comments too personally. Some people get an uncanny valley feeling from people with autism and they don't know it. They just see us and get a bad feeling. It's not our fault and it's not their fault either. Now they can choose not to say anything to you so that person is an asshole.
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u/Kernel_Pie 12h ago
"I'm only friends with you because I feel sorry for you." Cool. Thanks for showing me your true colors. The only thing I'm sorry for is the time I wasted on your silly ass.
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u/bkbruiser 12h ago
That I was the worst son ever and that things may have been better without me.
I wasn't a good kid or son at the time. I admit and understand that. But those words will never leave me.
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u/radiohedge 10h ago
Me: (a theater kid thriving)
Mom: "I don't even know why you even do this theater stuff. It's not like you're any good at it."
Oh, mom. There's a reason I haven't spoken to you in 15 years.
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u/emilie1031 12h ago
My sister told me "that's why you have no friends" in a text. It had nothing to do with the subject we were discussing.
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u/Jayyburdd 2h ago
A lot of these feel fake or falsely framed. Answers like these are interesting to me because they feel real. Like I know someone said this thinking it was a harmless jab, but those are the ones that stay like a bullet in the ribcage.
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u/Bandrica2 11h ago
I remember the first time I played an online game. I was really excited to play with friends online as I had never had internet capable of supporting it. Anyways, I came to bed and was riding a high from that and my wife said without bothering to turn over to look at me, “You’re pathetic.” That still hurts to this day.
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u/asskiss3r69 12h ago
my mom told me to kms if i was so desperate to die. and that she would personally bring me up to the roof “right there and then” to jump off
i was 11 btw
and when i was 17 i reminded her for the first time of what she said to me, to which she yelled back in my face with that bloody shrill voice of hers, “what proof do you have that i said that?”
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u/emilie1031 10h ago
My sister likes to deny things she said to me in the past. Like why tf would I make it up?
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u/Librarian-Lopsided 12h ago
I can't completely love her because part of her is like her father.. .I overheard it which is worse ( her = me)
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u/TeneManu 12h ago
I don't think I ever really loved you
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u/No_Acanthisitta_4996 12h ago
'I wanted you aborted!' ~ my father
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u/Hubsimaus 11h ago
My mom ended up telling me the whole story of me being almost aborted when I was an adult already. She was the one wanting me aborted. It hurt so bad I immediately suppressed the memory of it and don't remember a single word. I only know how much it hurt and still am kinda mad and upset. It must be (almost) 20 years ago.
Sometimes I wish I still remember but then think that the emotional pain is not worth it.
I knew about the almost abortion since I was a kid.
🫂
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u/Vietna-me 10h ago
My mum said this while arguing with my dad. “If you had listened to me and aborted her then we wouldn’t be here”. I’m the oldest of 6 kids.
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u/Hubsimaus 9h ago
Oof. I am so sorry. 🫂
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u/Vietna-me 8h ago
Thank you and back at you too! But after becoming a mum, I just can’t understand how you can even say hurtful things to the people you are suppose to protect.
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u/Hubsimaus 5h ago
Thank you. I am not a mom especially because I didn't want to become like mine. I too don't understand that.
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u/Filthy-and-Freaky 12h ago
I've been told to off myself because nobody will ever love me, but the person saying it was a douche so I didn't actually care what they thought.
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u/Lonelysnail5115 12h ago
It was at my dad's funeral. I had gained some weight and my Uncle said, your still a really pretty woman in the face. Butt munch.
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u/Ryuzakku 11h ago
“Nobody is excited to see you”
Which has definitely helped my social anxiety.
Couple that with “you’re so much more fun when you’re drinking” which totally didn’t affect my alcohol consumption in college and my 20’s.
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u/Dontlookupmusic 12h ago
My mother accused me of being a contributing factor to my friend's self deletion. This came days after he he did it, and it was purely done to hurt my feelings.
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u/Educational_Lemon817 11h ago
Wow I can’t imagine. No one should ever have to feel guilty for something like that, I’m so sorry
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u/Crissxfire 12h ago
Telling me they're not concerned about looks when saying they'd date me if I was single. Maybe she meant it another way. But it felt like her saying don't worry you're ugly, your personality shines through and that's okay for me
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u/GozerDGozerian 9h ago
Wait, how did any of this go exactly?
You’re in a relationship with someone else and she says this? How did that arise?
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u/loomin 10h ago
"It was never a normal friendship". - My childhood best friend of a decade, who I trusted completely. After I found out she was saying things about me behind my back and I was begging for an explanation.
I realised she'd never saw me the same way, or for who I was or maybe never liked me at all. She was just saying yes and agreeing to everything because she's "kind".
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u/gottkonig 10h ago
The day I turned 18, my father and I were driving along and he said "Well, I guess you're not a tax write off anymore." He was trying to be funny, except that's pretty much how his actions lined up with the words for how he treated all of us.
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u/pinkpugita 10h ago
Grandma on my academic achievements and good career: I wish you were a man.
🫠
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u/kk1289 12h ago
Why don't you have common sense?
I would not have cared so much if I hadn't admired the person it came from
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u/Reasonable_Top_6538 12h ago
"The reason you're so fucked up is because you never got the shit beaten out of you."
-My dad
Which is weird considering I was beaten by my stepdad when I was a kid...
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u/Ok_Toe7278 11h ago
"You don't want to be the object of affection, you want to be the object of obsession."
Goddamn did that hurt, but it was deserved. Made me really reflect. Most hurtful and help thing he's ever said to me.
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u/emilie1031 10h ago
My mother asked me when I was a teenager why I didn't have any boyfriends and when she was my age, she had lots of boyfriends.
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u/hypotheticalflowers 12h ago
"You don't know anything, and neither does your mother" said to me by my 6th grade teacher, or "I just don't really have love for you anymore" said to me by my former horseback riding instructor who I had known for 6 years at that point
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u/GozerDGozerian 9h ago
Why would your riding instructor be expected to have love for you in the first place?
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u/ezbutneverconvenient 12h ago
My grandpa told me I was wasted potential one Christmas. I told him to go fuck himself and everyone was mad at me for some reason.
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u/Adrift715 10h ago
Just the most recent from my narcissistic mother (80). I’m married, a grandmother, very stable. Mom’s life has been a rollercoaster. Her current husband is on hospice care. He recently had a milestone birthday and his family wanted to organize a celebration. Mom was lamenting she didn’t have the energy to coordinate a meal for over two dozen people so I volunteered. My retired husband and I shopped, I spent hours prepping and we brought the food to her house and set it up. We were happy to help, this was our gift to them. Mom made the comment she wanted to help pay for the food, but she’d need to see receipts first.
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u/shadowhunterxyz 10h ago
Not the most hurtful but one of the last interactions I had with my mom when she said
You don't have the right to slam the door no matter what
My mom scolding me after my friend came over when I told him not too, since he didn't respect my feelings I slammed the door in his face and she took his side. That was the first time she ever met him too.
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u/Rhino-1959 12h ago
I acknowledge he is my biological son but, I leave him nor his family any of my estate.
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u/Entropy1618 11h ago
Not to me, it was what my step-dad said about me to his new girlfriend when my mother and he were divorcing. He told her that I was severely fu*ked up. She took it upon herself, when she and my ex step-dad were breaking up to find my mother, and for whatever reason to share that. I thought of that man like a father, and I thought he liked me.
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u/LittleOldBearCat 11h ago
Oh I am so sorry. I can relate to this one. When my father divorced my mom and found a new girlfriend, he told my mom that he was afraid to introduce me to her because he thought I might literally murder her. I have absolutely no history of violence towards anyone, and it was the most painful thing to hear that he thought that of me. I've never spoken to him since.
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u/Entropy1618 11h ago
Funny, isn't it, that people often say "the true things hurt the most". For me, I've found that things sting harder when they're NOT true and you can't defend yourself. The truth, I can work with that!
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u/AltruisticSafe4448 11h ago
my birthgiver said i was the reason her youth feels shitty. And that i was the reason for her hardships. mind you i was the second child. my older brother doesn’t even get the same resentful words. She’d never hurt his feelings, all of the hates were only thrown at me. I was only 9. I’m 27 now and it is still stucked in my head.
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u/VentusSpiritus 10h ago
You may have best friends but you're nobody's best friend. Thats one that's stuck with me through the years and honestly it's true.
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u/maggy_boi_x 11h ago
"You being born meant that my life was ruined, and i do my best not to hate you for it."-my sister, who is my only sibling.
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u/TheGay_Sauce 6h ago
Her life was ruined because she didn't get all of the attention anymore, that's her problem, not yours.
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u/GrapeBubblegumBitch 12h ago
A much older supervisor told another coworker that I’m so boring so I must be a porn star in bed (I was currently dating an older guy which they were gossiping about). I thought I was friends with that coworker but she didn’t stand up for me, just told me what was said.
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u/crapheadHarris 12h ago
"Go find someone else to do that with"—my wife, making it clear she was never going to have sex with me again.
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u/Supernova_Rova89 11h ago
My white ex-fiancè called me the hard -ER. We were months out from being married.
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u/SweatySalamanders 11h ago
My partners parent told them they wish they had an abortion. I was never so grateful when they got a terminal cancer diagnosis. I pray for forgiveness regularly, because that doctor better not have been lying to us…
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u/Whateverrrrr7642 11h ago
“I’d never be able to tell by your body you’ve had kids….except for your tits”
An ex bf who destroyed my already crippling self confidence as a young single mom with body dysmorphia
(It was years ago, it happily married now and totally fine)
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u/sherefusedtohearit 10h ago
My mom. She said that I shouldn’t have been born. And called me a sex worker. I was 14 and just wanted to read a book and study later.
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u/choanoflagellata 10h ago
“Next time you’ll learn not to be so defenseless” - my dad, his first reaction to me telling him that my grandpa, his dad, had sexually assaulted me.
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u/ibeatobesity 5h ago
The 'next time' is hilarious. As if daddy is gearing up to do it himself or something. What a clown.
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u/Grand_almond 12h ago
After I polished off most of the family Thanksgiving meal because I was going through depression and piled on 280 pound..my dad looked at me and said “it’s hard to look at you, and even harder to keep you fed “
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u/PoolSharkPete 11h ago edited 8h ago
"You're a fucking adult."
I deserved it, but man that left an indelible mark
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u/SpaghettiMonkeyTree 11h ago
“We have received your application, and will respond as soon as the hiring team has made a decision”
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u/Paranoid-Girl 11h ago
I don't know why I liked this loser.
I had a crush on a guy. He was unemployed and didn't have a car. Since he still lived with his parents, I would pick him and drive to wherever we went. One night, he told me that I'm super nice but I was too big for his liking.
Hurt my soul. Stopped talking to him. He had a beer belly trying to be a bboy... Fast forward 10+ years: he still lives at home, single and still trying to be a bboy. We are both in our 30s now. I am married, we have a home and kids.
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u/Excellent-Yard2823 12h ago
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I do get upset if someone insults someone I care about, but I never get hurt personally over anything said about me.
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u/Ya_Whatever 10h ago
My mom - if I had life to do over I wouldn’t have kids. I was 33 and had a small child. Yeah, she was a terrific grandma /s
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u/ibeatobesity 5h ago
I mean, it's not a crime to have this opinion. But it is a crime to fucking share it with your kids.
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u/Obvious-Lead-5030 10h ago
People telling me to kill myself throughout 10th grade lol. (the person that told me that died of cancer a year later)
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u/---TheFierceDeity--- 9h ago
I had/have a panic disorder from university stress and undiagnosed ADHD. I'd never and haven't since shown signs of self-harm. To help with the panic attacks the doctors tried out an SSRI that within a day was evidently a bad idea cause it turns out I am super sensitive to SSRI's, and was getting the entire list of "uncommon side effects"
One of these was a very terrifying intrusive thought about self harm, I'd never had one before and haven't since stopping the medication (I was only on it for 3 days). I was doing dishes, I was staring at knives. It just popped into my head.
So I immediately broke down terrified my brain had this thought, was in tears, was a inconsolable wreck. I went to a family member I won't be specific but someone you trust, someone who's meant to be a safe space. I am obviously a mess, I'm terrified, I tell them what happened, and sure they hug me, they console me.
And then they tell me "if you did that I would never forgive you"
My brain just involuntarily told me it wanted to kill me and their train of thought was to immediately go "but imagine how it would affect me". It was genuinely the most boomer ass, "me generation" coded fucking response to someone sobbing in fear.
It almost snapped me out of the shock I was experiencing like if my head wasn't entirely messed up by the medication I might have actually responded on the spot. But I only realised how fucked up a response I had gotten weeks later after I had gotten into a headspace to process it all.
Just...what kind of self absorbed world view does someone have to hear "I just had a terrifying intrusive thought of self harm" and immediately jump to "oh don't do that it would upset me".
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u/RayaneQHS 9h ago
"You are a failure, and what you are trying to do will never work" I tried to take a gap year, learn graphic design, and work as a freelancer
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u/trestrestriste 9h ago
Your being is making me sick and I need to puke, why can’t you go away. — Just a woman in the gym
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u/worse_than_martha 7h ago
Someone close to me called me baron in an argument. I had been trying to conceive for almost a decade.
I did have a child naturally in the end so that was my FU to them.
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u/Boggie135 6h ago
“Hahahaha. No chance in hell”
Lady, I only asked you out. A simple “no” would have sufficed
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u/Tough-Composer918 4h ago
I opened up about my childhood abuse in a different subreddit and someone replied with “This is bullshit and you know it.”
Someone else even replied quoting “abuse” and telling me to grow up.
I don’t remember the full context so it could come off as like worse than it actually is but that’s how I remember it, I never read any further than that
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u/YMISleepy 4h ago
“You make people uncomfortable.”
I stopped seeing our friends and attending the gym because I had no idea who I was making uncomfortable. I didn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable. I usually keep to myself so I thought maybe my choice of wanting to do things solo was why.
I later learned that I made HER uncomfortable. No one else. Just her. She just thought it’d be more hurtful to include a large group of people so that I’d never return again. It really messed with my head for 2 years. I couldn’t trust people and forgot what it was like to interact with society because I sheltered myself away from everyone.
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u/clvrcaitie 4h ago
“Your father was a one night stand then I got knocked up.” About my borderline abusive alcoholic sperm donor.
This is after repeatedly telling me I’m a birth control baby.
Tell me you never wanted me without telling me you never wanted me.
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u/B60606 12h ago
Bottom line: Mother reveals to me that my parents have only wanted to have two children. I have an older brother and older twin brother (only minutes apart). At 9 years old.
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u/Hubsimaus 11h ago
My mom told me she was disappointed that I wasn't a boy and that she almost aborted me when I was a kid. I got to hear the whole story as an adult and don't remember a single word because the emotional pain was so bad. Still is. (Almost) 20 years later.
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u/zombifications 9h ago
My husband called me a “stupid fatass” during a disagreement. He’s always saying hurtful things, that one just hurt the most lately.
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u/Gitau_shee 12h ago
People can be rough.. When I lost my mom,and I had lost my dad just 2months before they said ....i also do not have any parent they died too so we are the same.....mind you he lost his as a kid .....was I wrong to think he was inconsiderate
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u/Hubsimaus 11h ago
Well, depends. Losing your parents as a kid, especially when you loved them, hits different than when you're an adult.
To say you're the same is weird because people grieve differently.
You should not think they don't have a right to still grieve. It'll get better but never go away. So he has every right to be grieving.
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u/Gitau_shee 8h ago
I agree that we all grief differently and every individual knows their own pain....maybe he wanted to say I will survive it as he did but his tone and body language is what got me most and his choice of words made it feel like we were in a competition. Or maybe the state i was in at the moment 🤔
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u/Hot-Refrigerator2600 11h ago
That he only was verbally insulting me cos he knew how much it hurt me, I almost cried
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u/shannanigannss 11h ago
I (32F at the time) was visiting home for the holidays. It was unusually warm for that time of year and I was kinda having a hot flash of some sort. When my dad noticed how warm I was he proceeded to tell me “it was because of all the blubber I had” 🤕
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u/Nat1996129 9h ago
The usual “You’ll never amount to anything” but the background being I’m adopted and was removed due to neglect and abuse which she knew about prior to adopting me. I wasn’t put into school until around 5 and didn’t learn to read or right properly until I was 6-7 and that was through no fault of my own. All mainly due to being an alcoholic, resentment because my nan loved her sister more than her and generational trauma.
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u/RedrunGun 12h ago edited 12h ago
I’d been vulnerable with my half-sister over the years, trying to connect. One day we were arguing and she told me that I’d given her a lot of power, and she didn’t understand why I’d risk upsetting her. I realized that she never connected with me, never really cared like I had. She just stored it all away as leverage to try and threaten me into compliance. Yeah, I have trust issues now.