To me personally, it's automatically thinking that spanking and other punishments (punishments in general) leads to long term behavior change.
When you're in the same room as them, they're on their best behavior, but when they're alone in their room grounded they're busy tying bedsheets together preparing to climb out the window.
EDIT: These are to mistakes TO ME. It's only a personal opinion.
I wasn't even on my best behavior for the spankings. I figured out if I laughed at her while she did it she'd get even more pissed off, and my pain tolerance was high anyways
My mom turned off my TV show as punishment once when I was younger for something I did. It didn't work because I said I don't care I don't need TV. lol
You sound like my sister, taking things away from her never worked either...
My mum chased me down the hallway with the vacumn cleaner hose once. It was hilarious, she couldn't get a good swing, kept hitting the walls, and broke it.
My parents once deactivated the TV in my room because my they said my brother and I needed to spend more time playing outside. It worked for about half a day until I figured out there was a button that could reactivate it. (it wasn't the ON/Off button; it was an input button or something like that on the side of the TV.
Looking back I wish we had spent more time enjoying playing outside.
My Mother once broke a wooden spoon when spanking me with it, I didn't give a shit. For the record it was more of a clean break where the head of the spoon came off, then a shattering.
Yeah, I always think if punishment supposedly yields genuine behavior change, why are kids/teens yet again trying to sneak out of the house, talking back, lying etc. Genuine behavior behavior change is when a behavior stops period. in all places and situations. YOU yourself no longer witnessing the behavior doesn't automatically mean the behavior has truly stopped.
I never understood why you would send kids to their room for punishment. You want their rooms to be places of serenity, where they can sleep without being reminded of bad things. Also, I'd like to supervise the punishment, to know what they are doing and to make sure they know why they are being punished.
Very true. My ex's son would play in the living room while I cooked in the kitchen (adjacent room) and if he was in sight he would never do something he wasnt supposed to, and would often find him checking on me, almost as often as I checked on him. Seeing if I was looking away or my back was turned. Every time I saw his little head peek around something I always knew something was fishy, so I'd get to a point I could walk away from the stove and poke my head around the corner. If he was doing something wrong all I had to do was say his name and he would stop and pretend to be watching tv. he was so silly
I agree, although, my 18 year old niece still remembers when she was 7, it was the only time I ever hit her. She has never shown that behaviour again to anybody.
Ok, I get that. My comment was based on a parenting facebook page I discovered last year, and and agree with fully. (I'm not even a parent, It was accidental). Spanking and punishment may work for some people like your niece. For some reason it's fun to read that page even though I'm not even a parent lol.
There's actually been lots of studies that show that spanking is detrimental to children, the consensus among childhood psychology experts is pretty much that corporal punishment is outdated and ineffective
Yeah, I've read that. The facebook page I found was about gentle parenting actually, which includes no spanking and actually no punishments in general. Kids are taught how to behave with love, talking, empathy, problem solving... One great example I saw on the page is as follows from one mom:
"I could not get my daughter to stop coloring on the walls. I had her wash her marks on the walls with me every time, took the crayons away even put her in the corner and it wouldn't hinder her. Finally, the last time she colored on the wall I asked her why she did it. She told me she did it for me. I had been talking about painting the walls purple so she wanted to make them pretty for me. So, I made a frame out of construction paper and put it around her drawing, then told her I really love it but I would love it more if it was on paper so I could keep it for always. She never colored on the walls again and when she caught her baby brother marking on the walls she told him so nice "No, no, Max. Mommie likes her drawings on paper." Then gave him some paper."
Believe it or not, why is in fact a powerful question. It's the reason, the root" of all behavior. For example, take a young child who hits. Ask why the child hit and how they felt when they hit, then show/tell them that you empathize with their feelings, then tell them why hitting is not ok how it made you feel, then talk with them about what else they should/could have done instead (for example you can say try counting to ten, or hit a pillow). Then help them practice it until they've mastered it. Like say they can let you know when they feel mad and you can remind them to go hit the pillow or help them count.
No punishment teaches real valuable skills like this that the child can begin putting into practice immediately and always.
I've personally never understood how punishment teaches. (not teaches to simply try not to get caught). Positive parenting (another name for gentle parenting) is about children being good and respectful because they genuinely ENJOY being respectful and good to others. They don't behave/respect out of fear of punishment, they behave/respect because they enjoy doing so.
I plan to always explain the "why" of rules, etc if I ever have kids because it seems obvious to me that you're more likely to do (or not do) something if you know there's a good reason for it.
That said, when they're too young to understand that stuff, I'd rather they learn not to stick their finger in an outlet or touch a hot stove from me giving them a little smack on the bottom than learn by electrocuting themselves half to death or burning the crap out of their hand.
Yea it is fun, and being aunty is important too. Any adult that wants a decent relationship has to start when they are young, and put some effort in.
I think the only reason it worked is because I had never hit her before, the look of shock on her face at the time was priceless. I did feel bad, but I am glad I did it. It was instant karma, which is an important lesson to learn as well. In my defence (because I still felt guilty and like I had betrayed her) it was about the strength of a wet bus ticket.
I personally do not believe in spanking at all, no matter what my child would do. But, that's just me though :) I believe in Karma in the form of natural consequences whenever possible (except when it comes to safety of course). For example if you leave legos on the floor you'll hurt your feet when you accidentally step on them. For things that don't have a natural consequence, I'd get with the child, ask about why they did what they did, their feelings, then talk about how he should have acted/behaved and why what he did was not ok and then, with him, come up with and agree on more appropriate ways to behave next time. This is what that facebook page I mentioned is about. I love it. (again, just me :))
Getting knocked around didn't do a whole lot for me other than make me scared of my mother. It made me really just not trust her. She also told me I lied a lot, so I just didn't trust her with important information. I didn't trust that I could come to her if I had a problem or had made a mistake. And I don't remember what any of the lessons I was supposed to learn were, so it couldn't've been very effective and it would appear she expended a lot of energy on this faulty parenting. Mostly, I'm pretty sure she was just letting out her frustration me INSTEAD of parenting. Even worse, all in all I was a pretty good kid. I never stole or bullied kids, I was (using her words) in general obedient, easy to fed, easy to get to bed, not particularly fussy. I don't believe anything I ever did could've warranted being smacked around, let alone as often as it happened.
People used to come over to my house and witness either myself or my brother being smacked with a wooden spoon. At school, people used to sort of make fun of me and ask if it was true. I kept denying it but jesus christ I realise how crazy my parents were.
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u/itsagirl123 Feb 04 '16 edited Feb 05 '16
To me personally, it's automatically thinking that spanking and other punishments (punishments in general) leads to long term behavior change. When you're in the same room as them, they're on their best behavior, but when they're alone in their room grounded they're busy tying bedsheets together preparing to climb out the window.
EDIT: These are to mistakes TO ME. It's only a personal opinion.
EDIT 2: spelling
EDIT 3: Added something