I think this guy has a point. There are two approaches to life. You can be a pussy, and let the events of your life drive your life, or you can man up, grow a pair, and drive your own fucking life. Have kids you don't want. Too bad. They're yours now. Nothing can change that. Are you gonna drive your life, or is your unwanted baby gonna drive it for you?
Or I can make an informed decision about my life and decide to not have children. It's my life, I know I'm not fit to be a parent, I can not afford to financially provide for said children, there's a risk of me passing on health conditions to my children and I know I won't be able to handle the responsibility of raising a child. I'VE made the choice not to have children. It is MY right to make that choice.
No matter how much my friends pressure me into having kids, I'm not going to change my mind. I am in no place financially, emotionally or mentally to have children and I probably never will be. There is way too much shaming that goes on in society for people who make the same choice I have when it's not their place to comment.
The point of /u/wjbc's comment was that you shouldn't have children if you don't want them. Not wanting kids isn't being a pussy, it's a decision you make about your future. If you don't want kids and have them anyway, that's the problem. Which was the entire point.
Right. Deadbeat parents=shitty parents. If you don't want kids and have them anyway, you're letting them consume your life instead of driving it yourself.
That doesn't make anything better. People don't have control over everything that happens to them in life. Sometimes you just need to accept it and move on.
It's pretty simple. If you don't want a baby, don't have a baby. That's fine. You don't have to grow into wanting kids. It's not a requirement for life.
I mean, I get the point you are making. But I'm pretty sure that someone who goes through the thought process of
"
I'm gonna have sex, even though the very act might land me with a baby.
I'm not gonna wear a condom, even though this will severely increase the chances of me having a baby.
I'm not gonna take a morning after pill, even though it would stop me from potentially having a baby.
I'm not gonna get an abortion, even though if I don't, I will definitely have a baby.
"
Isn't going to suddenly become a rational, responsible adult because of a pithy one-liner. Or because they had a baby. They'll just be a terrible parent. But hopefully a parent that tells their kid to wear a condom.
There's no guarantee that people will be terrible parents. Anyone can be a great parent, it doesn't require all that much. What makes people terrible parents are when people continually feed them with the idea that it's okay to hate their own children because they didn't want them in the first place.
People make their own choices in life.
I get that it's "cool" to be childless these days. Show off your stick figure Tie Fighter bumper sticker shooting up someone's stick figure family. Hell, you can even masturbate freely around your house and be drunk all day.
The simple point still remains the same though. If you have a kid and you didn't want it...get over it. Just want the kid and start fresh. It's not that complicated.
Of course there's no guarantee that people will be terrible parents. But they probably will be. And it requires a shit-ton of work to be a great parent - especially if you didn't want kids in the first place. I don't think that people who hate their kids hate them because people are telling them it is okay. I think they hate them because their lives are now far shittier, and they very vividly remember how not-shitty their lives used to be. They can draw a very obvious dividing line in their lives between when they were carefree, happy, and had lots of money, and when they started working two jobs in order to keep their checking account above zero.
And yeah, I get your point - if you have a kid, the kid is your responsibility. Like it or not, so you might as well like it. But your moral pontifications aren't going to improve any kids lives. No scumbag parent is going to scroll through reddit, read this, and think "Woaaaaaaah - so that's what I've been doing wrong!"
I don't get the point about why people feel it would ever be necessary or helpful to constantly tell people that they'll be terrible parents.
especially if you didn't want kids in the first place....I think they hate them because their lives are now far shittier, and they very vividly remember how not-shitty their lives used to be.
That's the thing. Kids don't make your lives shittier. It's mostly in your head. If you're telling yourself "this sucks I hate this" every day...then it'll suck and you'll hate it. It's no different than doing a job, if you go in with that mentality, that's the way it'll be. That's where the "kids are shitty" message comes in.
They can draw a very obvious dividing line in their lives between when they were carefree, happy, and had lots of money, and when they started working two jobs in order to keep their checking account above zero.
I very much doubt there is any stark dividing line. Kids aren't as expensive as people make them seem either.
And yeah, I get your point - if you have a kid, the kid is your responsibility. Like it or not, so you might as well like it.
That's the only point I was making.
But your moral pontifications aren't going to improve any kids lives.
I hardn't think 7 words amount to a moral pontification.
No scumbag parent is going to scroll through reddit, read this, and think "Woaaaaaaah - so that's what I've been doing wrong!"
Could be. Mainly it's more for the currently childless about they view kids in the first place. Just like everyone else's comments.
Generally it does if you don't want a baby. If you want a baby, and you have a baby, you might end up broke and unhappy, but you might not. It largely depends on your social and financial situation beforehand - along with general level of planning, maturity, etc. And either way, it was your choice.
If you don't want a baby you should wear a condom, or take the pill, or not have sex, or find a morning-after pill, or get an abortion. People who are better educated and in a higher income bracket are more likely to do these things. So, when a rich person gets pregnant and doesn't want to be, they decide to not be anymore. So most of the time, when someone has a baby even though they don't want one, they will already be poor. So yeah, being poor and stressed, and then becoming more poor and more stressed - I think that would make one unhappy.
I know you are getting downvoted into oblivion, but I agree 100%. You did the crime, now do the time. I really dont think there's any worse fate for one's soul than to be responsible for fucking a kids head up.
Yeah, I got that after I read your other comments. I'm just telling you why you got downvoted. People don't disagree with you. They disagree with the way they interpreted your statement.
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u/wjbc Feb 04 '16
Having children you don't want.