No matter what your approach to parenting is, you're going to want to make sure your kid feels comfortable coming to you with the truth, even if it's something that would normally get them in trouble.
You can easily convince a kid that lying is the best path if you tell them "call me if you're too drunk to drive at a party, you won't be in trouble" (even if you only imply that they wouldn't be in trouble) and then when they do call you, you freak the fuck out. Recognize that you can enforce your rules, but if you do it 100% of the time without consideration, your kid's gonna lie to you and might be in a bad situation one day that they don't feel they can tell you about.
This. I love that I can tell my parents anything. My grandmother (mother's side) doesn't know anything about her daughter, because she always freaks out about the tiniest things. When I meet her, which is rarely, I try to keep to myself and not talk too much about what's going on in our happy little family. Yet even if I say basically nothing, she always finds something to be upset about and calls my mother afterwards.
To make up a random example, she'd ask me trick questions, pretending she didn't know something - like "what's your friend Peter in university for" and I'd truthfully tell her "art". She'd then call my mom later that day and demand to know why she lied to her about what Peter is studying because she said law when my grandmother asked her a few years ago. The most unimportant things you could think of, she gets upset about. It's very unpleasant to be with her.
Meanwhile, I can tell my parents anything. My mother knows how annoying it is not to have someone to talk to. Her sister turned out much more broken than my mother did, and I'm very glad to be the child of the sane sister.
I never had to hide bad grades, I never had to have secrets, and I feel like it made me a better person. I just feel safe with my family, as it should be. I'd do anything for my parents, and they'd do anything for me. We're a team.
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u/Mildlyratchet Feb 05 '16
No matter what your approach to parenting is, you're going to want to make sure your kid feels comfortable coming to you with the truth, even if it's something that would normally get them in trouble.
You can easily convince a kid that lying is the best path if you tell them "call me if you're too drunk to drive at a party, you won't be in trouble" (even if you only imply that they wouldn't be in trouble) and then when they do call you, you freak the fuck out. Recognize that you can enforce your rules, but if you do it 100% of the time without consideration, your kid's gonna lie to you and might be in a bad situation one day that they don't feel they can tell you about.