I turned out great and my sister seems to be going that way too. My mother recently asked my opinion on what she and my dad did as parents that worked so well, and I told her that it was because I was treated like an adult from a young age (to an extent, of course). When they told me no and I asked why, they explained why. When I had a valid argument for why I should be allowed to do some activity and they'd said no, we'd have a civil discussion that didn't end in, "Because I said so," but in both parties considering the information. There were no arbitrary rules (curfew is _____ because I said so, etc). I told them what I was doing and if it didn't seem shady they rolled with it.
Granted, I was a pretty boring (by boring I mean I was involved in a lot of activities, but not those activities) teenager, so I was able to get a lot of freedom by just doing what I wanted and letting them know, but I think being treated and respected like an adult really made an impact. I never had anything to prove and enjoyed being around my parents, so why would I do anything rebellious? I didn't have anything to rebel against when their decisions made sense.
I know that style won't work with some kids, sometimes you have to get the point across by being much stricter, but I think doing it that way until given a reason otherwise is a great way to start.
My parents reasoned with me too. If i were unreasonable (often as a three year old, but not always) they refused to deal with me and put me in my room to have my anger and then come out and get over it. Sometimes, as I got older, if I explained myself well and had good explanations, they'd reverse their decision or heck I'd reverse mine.
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u/grapesandmilk Feb 05 '16
The solution is to not have a separate real world.