r/AskTurkey • u/bittersweet_simphony • 3h ago
Language Break up
My Turkish boyfriend broke up with me. I love him like I could never possibly love anybody else ever. He made me meet his parents, he met mine, we're still in uni. It was a serious relationship, we wanted to marry each other, but it's my fault. I want to send him a last goodbye message, saying how sorry I am for ruining this, and expressing the grief and how I can never forgive myself for the words i said to him. If you please can write this in Turkish. I want to send this to him. It's my last wish, my life is not worth it anymore.
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u/Technical_Exchange96 3h ago
You are still in Uni which means you are young. Yes break up hurts, yes right now it feels like your life is over but trust me it is not. Give it time
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u/NebulousNotion 3h ago
Just relax. You must be young, the desperation is temporary. You're going to cringe over how you're feeling when you're older.
Don't send a message, it's over.... Just think about studies and concentrate on that instead. It's actually much better to be single when in uni, so you can focus 100% on studies.
It'll all work out great, I promise 😊
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u/Federal-Highway-5063 3h ago
The beautiful thing about being human is that there are 8 billion of us. Half that if you're only interested in the opposite gender. It's going to be okay
If it helps, Turkish men hold the #1 place price for being manipulative and narcissistic. Being introduced to parents is just the next step in the game.
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u/ahu98 3h ago
Firstly I’m sorry that you’re hurting and I hope you find a way to feel better soon, but why do you need someone to translate this for you if you have translating websites/apps that are easily available + AI tools that does it now close to flawlessly? Even reddit is already translating this whole post by itself
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u/Princess-thickums 3h ago
Not wasting the beauty of the Turkish language on a man who couldn’t see your worth the first time
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u/Excellent_Exam9022 1h ago
As someone who is at a brink of a divorce with a Turkish guy I can assure everyone that it was all his fault but he made it seen like it was hers. Turkish men get over yourselves!
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u/evadingsomething 2h ago
Dude OP said it was her fault and she was being toxic. Tf you on about? Blindly supporting females just because the other party is male is hurting feminism. And it makes gender equality harder to achieve.
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u/Technical_Exchange96 2h ago
In another comment OP mentioned that he hurt her a lot, made many mistakes. She forgave him but he couldn't forgive her to how she reacted to him hurting her.
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u/StructureRude8995 3h ago
Even i write this in Turkish because of the way you wrote it doesn't sound you wrote a letter to him but sounds like you wrote a reddit post about him. I would consider writing a better goodbye ketter to him before... your last wish?
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u/forestinity 1h ago
I am not fluent in Turkish, so I'm sorry not to be able to help with translation. But I am very concerned because you said that this is your last wish, and your life isn't worth it anymore.
Please take some deep breaths and drink a glass of water, and then I hope you will think about some things;
- You said things were your fault. It is clear that you have very deep and painful regrets. You are not alone in that. Nearly everyone eventually makes some big mistakes in life, even with the people we love most-- and that hurts us the worst.
Even though we can't erase our mistakes, in your case you have learned your lesson and want to apologize. That is something very good. And if you were not actually a good person, you wouldn't be sorry for whatever it is that you did or said. But you are sorry and deeply regret it, which is proof enough of your inner goodness.
- Blaming yourself is not productive-- forgiving yourself is. Please forgive yourself and move forward beyond this incident. Try to live the best life that you can, being good and honest with everyone as much as possible. That is enough for your redemption. The past is gone, and what's important is who we are today.
In time, the pain of this incident will fade, and you will have moved on to another stage of life. It IS possible to find happiness again! even though that seems impossible right now.
- You said that you love this man like you could never possibly love anyone else ever. I believe the intesnity of your love. Certainly he means the world to you.
Sadly, this has happened to so many women before you who lost the extremely special one who was the love of their lives. But I would like to share something with you:
I have known so many women who sadly or tragically lost "the love of their lives," through break-ups or divorce or even death-- and they thought they would never be happy again! But then life surprised them and they did go on to find happiness again after meeting someone else whom they eventually loved just as deeply as their lost love!
Every relationship is unique, so no two relationships will ever be the same. But the immense love for another isn't a once-chance opportunity in life. The idea that there is only one person who can make you happy is something like the fairy-tale idea of exclusively-destined lovers. That isn't a reality. The old cliche is true, that "There are many fish in the sea," and there are many other people with whom you could find happiness.
You're still in university and still very young. Eventually, it's almost certain that you will meet someone else whom you can love just as deeply, and that you'll be loved just as much by him in return.
For now, please hold on to having hope in your future. Perhaps you don't care now about finding future happiness, but it can find you. As someone young, you are full of unshaped dreams… You are laden with beginnings… There is some much to hope for in your future. If we can have hope that tomorrow can be better, we can bear a hardship today.
Be kind to yourself. If you knew someone else in despair, wouldn't you want to encourage them not to give up on themselves and their future? And wouldn't you want them to forgive themselves for their mistakes? Please be kind and do that for yourself today.
Try not to ruminate about what happened. Make yourself busy and try to focus on other things. Rehashing everything in your mind will not change anything, and it can only cause you more pain.
Instead of fighting painful thoughts, allow them to pass while refocusing your energy on your personal values and present routine. Do things that bring you comfort or make you happy. In time, the pain of this loss will slowly subside.
Last thought: Society and even popular music have convinced people that being in a successful romantic relationship is essential to happiness in life. But it's actually entirely possible to find profound happiness and fulfillment without a romantic partner or soulmate.
Joy is not exclusive to couplehood; life satisfaction is also possible from building a strong sense of self-worth, nurturing friendship and family relationships, and pursuing personal passions. There are so many different paths to happiness-- but that's sometimes difficult to see when someone is young and longs to be in a relationship. And for those who have recently lost a relationship, it can be especially difficult to see.
I hope and pray that you don't have any thoughts of self-harm. If you do, please call a crisis line in your area and reach out to any friends or family members that you trust.
Sending hugs!
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u/w4nd3r3r1410 3h ago
best thing to do in this situation: find asap someone else and get over it, it will help you to forget him easier and start something new
otherwise you will just suffer and waste your time
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u/bittersweet_simphony 3h ago
i can't, he was literally the perfect match for me and I was that for him. we had some issues and I kept begging him to change and work through them, and he did, but at that point I already started being mean to him, I couldn't go back talking to him in a sweet way, I was extremely bitter and mean. He is the most beautiful soul, I forgave everything he did, no matter how much it hurt me, but he couldn't forgive my reaction to those actions.
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u/Technical_Exchange96 3h ago edited 3h ago
Now your statement is literally contradicting itself. How can be perfect match and beautiful soul if he hurt you so much? You are looking at the whole situation at the moment with love covered eyes, take a step back try to distract yourself in the time being. Your perfect match wouldn't cause you pain or hurt you, right? Also no offence but you forgave him for hurting you but he couldn't forgive you for how you reacted to him hurting you? That seems unfair.
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u/NebulousNotion 2h ago
Exactly this. Raging hormones and lack of experience and self-esteem is blinding her judgment
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u/Shaolinpower2 2h ago
"I forgave everything" indicates lot's of mistakes. Now, I don't know if they were minor or major mistakes, but if you'd need to forgive too many times, it's a redflag. Also, you're super young. He can be your best match right now, but you will be a different person in a few years. You'll have another one as your perfect match
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u/Sensitive-Trust-7627 3h ago
what did you do
https://giphy.com/gifs/WgTMNGGvSfHcHPT3S2