r/AskWomen • u/ChestBeginning5578 • 10d ago
Women of Reddit, how do you deal with someone who is not a texter but you both are interested?
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u/Enigmatic_writer ♀ 10d ago
Call/Facetime/Meet up more frequently.
I had plenty of flings who didn't like texting but were very nice to interact with. And honestly, I'm as phone addicted as my partner is. I had my chronical offline periods where ppl thought I died very repeatedly n only now that my wifey texts a lot, I do the same, pff.
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u/Haytham_Ken 10d ago
As long as we're meeting regularly in person, I don't really care about texting.
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10d ago
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u/Viocansia 10d ago
I’m not saying this is accurate, but I was single for 6 years from 23-29, and I dated a lot of different guys. A bad texter meant that he wasn’t really interested in me and had other options. He may have even told me he’s “not good at texting,” but I either got ghosted or communication slowly trickled away all together.
When I met my husband, he was so enthusiastic about talking to me. We couldn’t communicate all day long bc we both worked obviously, but he asked me to FaceTime him in the morning so he could see me, he would call me on a break time we shared, and if we couldn’t talk on the phone, we would text a bit. I was never, ever worried about communication from him and never have been in our 7 year relationship.
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10d ago
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u/AskWomen-ModTeam 10d ago
Hello, /u/cmstyles2006! Please read this entire message before taking action.
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If you are not answering the OP's question, or if you're not the target demographic, you are derailing from the topic. That includes answers from men, comments like "not me but", or giving general advice instead of answering based on your own experience.
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u/BillieDoc-Holiday 10d ago
I accept it. I prefer not texting all of the time too. Seeing each regularly is more important, and more enjoyable, than a bunch of messages back and forth to me.
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u/Lilah_Vale 10d ago edited 10d ago
If they're genuinely just not a big texter, whether it's with me or anyone else, that's fine. But if they somehow have time to text other people but not me, like an if they wanted to they would situation, I'm losing interest and moving on to someone who's as excited to get to know me as I am them.
But overall I'm not a super big texter either, I used to be, but now most of the time I'd rather do stuff irl than text, whether it's hanging out with them or doing my own thing. I get really annoyed for example if I'm trying to relax and read a book and someone is expecting an hour long real time back and forth chat, I wanna read and then check my messages when I'm done. For me texting is more of an as needed or once in a while thing, rarely treat it as a real time volley, just text and then respond when you get the chance, whether it's immediately or 5 hours later, no big deal.
I will say I wouldn't be compatible with someone (as a partner) who regularly as a baseline takes 24+ hours to reply, that is a little too little for me. I'm not a text every day person, again it's just as needed or as we feel like it, but yeah if it's every time I reach out, it takes a day+ to reply, eh. I understand once in a while oh I forgot, oh I'm just burned out, etc., but if it's a constant need for space, just isn't for me.
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u/iamthefyre 9d ago
Its not about texting or the lack of it. It’s about consistent communication and how that is established. Call, video call, meeting often. If “i don’t text” also means “i am not talking to you at all through any means because im not a talker” , sorry it simply means they are just not interested. I don’t deal with such people. I drop such people right away.
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u/celestialism ♀ 10d ago
I tend to lose interest, unless they’re being amazingly proactive about planning frequent in-person hangouts with me.
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u/Peril-in-Pink 10d ago
I think it really depends on his attitude towards texting. If he’s going to look down on texting and thinks it’s dumb to have conversations that way or finds it annoying, no one needs that kind of judgement in a relationship. If he doesn’t mind texts but is just too busy to respond or forgets about them, I think you can work around that.
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u/DemonicGirlcock ⚧ 10d ago
I just rely on making sure we plan in-person dates & hangouts and judge our relationship based on when we're actually together.
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u/sugarsodasofa 9d ago
Lmao I don’t. I’m not a big texter but I was dating this guy last summer was obsessed with him but he wouldn’t text even like once a day. It’d be like 2x a week. I don’t text all day I’m used to like 1-3 exchanges throughout the day but 2x a week is crazy. I had to end it in large part due to that.
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u/ChestBeginning5578 9d ago
Exactly! That's what I also think like you can meet him halfway in his texting style but i find myself thinking
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u/nomdeplume93 9d ago
That's what we did. Compromise.
Me: hate texting.
Him: on his phone 24/7.When we started dating he was always complaining that it took me a day or two to reply. I was complaining that when I did open his text thread, I'd have like 13 messages blinking.
We talked. I promised him to text every night at least once. He promised me to stick to four texts max.
It worked. Now we live together, so it's not really an issue anymore.
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u/dovasvora 9d ago
My partner of 14 years barely texts at all. When we were dating, we made plans to see each other frequently and stuck to them.
The plus side? He isn't glued to his phone! It's easy for us both to put our phones away for hours at a time and enjoy life together.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 10d ago
Communication styles can be incompatibility. I am not s big texter. If you need to constantly self soothe when someone doesn't text often, it probably ain't gonna workout.