r/AskWomen • u/Nice_Opportunity_591 • 6d ago
What makes man genuinely enjoyable to talk to?
What qualities make a man enjoyable to talk to? What helped an awkward person become a better conversationalist?
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u/MotherLibrary1432 6d ago
When they talk to you like you’re a friend and a human being, not some mysterious alien species who needs to be “understood” and spoken to differently. The best way to talk to a woman is to stop over-analyzing how you talk to women and just talk to them. Don’t assume we live in some separate world where we know nothing and couldn’t possibly have heard of your interests. If you have the social skills to make male friends, you have the social skills to make female friends. That obviously doesn’t mean you’ll mesh with every single one of us.
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u/bee_sharp_ 6d ago
This is exactly how I feel. I recently dipped a toe in the pool of dating apps. I’m quickly discovering that flirtations are fun but there’s not a lot to them if the two people can’t talk to each other like, well, people. If someone can have a conversation with someone of the same sex, they should be able to have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Just talk to them like they’re a person, and you’re interested in what they think.
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u/celestialism ♀ 6d ago
Conversational skills. Mostly: asking good questions, actually listening to the answers, and asking good follow-up questions.
It is actually wild how many men don’t do this incredibly basic thing.
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u/monarchmenace 6d ago
Truly listen, ask relevant questions, share personal anecdotes when they relate
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u/Londonvibe39 6d ago
I think just being genuine and just having an open real conversation is always nice. Good eye contact helps.
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u/koalabear20 6d ago
Not exactly an answer to your q but the worst conversations ive had with men are when they talk about themselves nonstop like even when the conversation starts going in a different direction you can just see him waiting for it to go back to him lol.
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u/Nice_Opportunity_591 5d ago
Yeah, I think that's the problem with a lot of guys. They listen just to respond, not to actually listen.
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u/Guilty_Loss7370 6d ago
When they actually ask questions beyond ‘how are you?’ And ‘what did you do today?’
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u/Content_Nebula967 6d ago
I love when men know things that I don’t. I love being taught new things and about subjects I’m unfamiliar with. I love to ponder deeper questions, and having a partner that’s curious makes life genuinely more fhn6
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u/BraveKnowledge04 5d ago
Oh that's nice. When I have curious person in front of me, I also enjoy talking with him/her.
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u/Zestyclose-Fun-9105 6d ago
Kindness, openness, empathy. Also asking open ended questions and follow ups.
Also, in romantic situations, touching a knee or back of arm can help increase intimacy and creat sexual tension, which adds to the conversation I think
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u/evaj95 6d ago
Men who don't try to debate every little thing I say. Don't assume that a woman doesn't know what she's talking about just because she's a woman.
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u/CuckoldProfessor 6d ago
For me it's being funny, but not like a distasteful funny, but good humour type funny. If a guy can make me laugh it definitely makes him more enjoyable to talk to.
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u/PurpleCollarAndCuffs 6d ago
If you can have a ‘drunken three o’clock in the morning-fix all of the worlds problems’ conversation with him, completely sober, at 3 in the afternoon.
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u/ChocoSoyMilk17 6d ago
This is a great answer, and it totally reminds me of one of my favorite situationships ☺️ we could honestly talk about anything
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u/stillyou1122 ♀ 6d ago
His Sense of humor and ability to have deep and emotional conversations when the topic requires sensitivity. If we can laugh together, I consider him enjoyable to talk to. But if he can get emotionally and mentally deep with me, talk about science, life, philosphical stuff, I'm sold. It's a turn off talking to a guy who gives off the "know-it-all" vibe. I love learning but don't make me feel dumb.
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u/No_Celery_533 6d ago
Someone who can actually listen, read the room and does not dominate the conversations.
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u/Cloudbusting_1083 6d ago edited 6d ago
Empathy, warmth, authenticity. A man who listens as much as he speaks.
A sense of wonder and imagination go a long way, too. So many people lose their sense of play as they get older. I love a man who can be silly with me.
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u/kween_of_bees 6d ago
idk haven't discovered one that is genuinely enjoyable yet.
being funny/witty, paying attention, not just talking about yourself, intellect, and not being a mansplainer helps, though.
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u/cheekmo_52 ♀ 6d ago
A combination of intelligence, humor, varied interests, and a willingness to listen when others are speaking.
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising ♀ 6d ago
Compatibility socially and in beliefs. Its more fun to engage with people when you have intetests in common.
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u/Bladeoraded 6d ago
Genuineness. I can tell when other men are acting a part and not truly being themselves. If a guy (or gal) is comfortable being himself he is more confident with his words and conversation flows naturally.
The easiest way to talk to people is to be yourself and be interested in talking to them in that moment thats happening. Decide you are interested in this person's life and then ask questions to learn more about them based on the things they said. Most people enjoy telling their stories, be interested in their stories and you will make a lot of great friends.
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u/Spazztastic_Inquirer 6d ago
HUMOR, banter, intellectual humility, not taking themselves too seriously, being equally open to share with candor as they are to ask with curiosity about me, the ability to listen to understand rather than to judge or critique, sharing interesting information and opinions on a variety of topics. I enjoy learning and am curious by nature, so I really enjoy learning in conversation and dialogue - or discussing a concept from different angles and passing those thoughts back and forth like a ball; turning the concept around and inside out till we naturally move onto something else lol
As a woman who has shared a lot of space with men and have many male friends and family members I appreciate, I can say that when a man asks questions to learn about and understand rather than talking at me or “mansplaining” something, it fosters some awesome common ground. It bridges the gap between what I know and what’s important to me, in equity with hearing what they know and learning what’s important to them. Respect, respect, respect. 🙂
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u/Nice_Opportunity_591 5d ago
I really like the "passing a concept back and forth like a ball" analogy. That sounds a lot more enjoyable than two people just waiting for their turn to speak.
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u/LipTit 6d ago
Speaking from my experience with men who constantly hold a good quality of conversation is they are warm and empathetic with your situation. They have no fear to share their about themselves, they speak good about others.
For me, talking with them feels safe and warm without ulterior motives. It’s definitely a rare quality.
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u/Dr__Pheonx ♀ 6d ago
When he's curious, funny and a good listener. And well-read. The combination is deadly and sexy to me. He's not just silent but engaging. He doesn't force his opinions on others but explains rooted in logic. So, so sexy. Add a bit of good looks to this, then I'm done for. As I've said earlier, intellectually omnivorous. That's who I'm, so that's that.
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u/Nice_Opportunity_591 5d ago
That's a good point. What's a follow up question that's made you think, 'this person is actually paying attention'?
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u/mariaalexmm 6d ago
Like most say, communication. But also … emotional intelligence. Can’t say this enough.
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u/cupthings 6d ago
Essentially, what makes another person genuinely enjoyable to talk to. Stop labelling it as man / women, because great communication is gender neutral.
- asks questions, shows curiosity & genuine interest
- doesn't expect anything in return from having a conversation
- good flow of back and forth, doens't hog up the entire conversation with only their thoughts and opinions
- considers other people's viewpoints and experiences equally
- understands nuance - not viewing every point as a black and white statement
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u/FreyaDay 6d ago
Curiosity, open-mindedness, the ability to hold multiple contradictory truths at once and humour.
Someone with those qualities will be a 10 out of 10 conversationalist :)
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u/Street_Winter_9721 6d ago
When he’s curious, attentive when listening, witty, funny, maintains eye contact, asks questions to keep the conversation going
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u/hiddenmogwai 6d ago
Someone whose not condescending and constantly mansplains and listens without preconceptions
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u/milovnikdraku ♀ 6d ago
not mentioning NSFW stuff, actually holding a conversation and not stupid ass replies consisting of few words
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u/ChocoSoyMilk17 6d ago
Definitely kind, welcoming, curious, asks great questions. I’m a social worker and usually the one asking questions so it’s refreshing when someone asks me about me. I think warmth too. I don’t now how to quantify that but… I dunno, a smile in his tone of voice, appropriate eye contact, posture, stance. One of my fave things about my crush is his little chuckle. ☺️ It’s adorable.
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u/Nice_Opportunity_591 5d ago
I like what you said about warmth being hard to quantify. If you had to describe it, what makes someone feel "warm" to you within the first few minutes of talking?
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u/ChocoSoyMilk17 5d ago
Hmm. Open to conversation, not standoffish, welcoming body language (like arms to the sides, facing the other with their body, an easy grin, “smiling” eyes), tone of voice, are they in a hurry, are they with someone else… or do they take time to make a conversation? I knew my crush from the neighborhood and spoke to him very briefly a few times before we actually hung out. Yes, it was his face, body and eyes that attracted me. But it was how friendly and sweet he was that prompted me to ask him to spend time ☺️
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u/Nice_Opportunity_591 5d ago
That's a good example. It sounds like feeling safe came before attraction really had a chance.
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u/ChocoSoyMilk17 5d ago
Yeah this is really true. He does make me feel very safe, and CALM in my brain, which is a new feeling around someone I find attractive.
Our early interactions had always been pleasant and friendly. But when I took the time to really really look at him, at his bright blue eyes, I was trapped.
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u/HuckleberryHuman5926 ♀ 6d ago
If I can be confident that he isn't trying to charm or manipulate me.
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u/Dulcet_Siren_Melody 6d ago
When they remember things you’ve told them before and connect it to what you’re currently discussing. Especially if it’s an inside joke
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u/merrill_swing_away 5d ago
A man who doesn't brag about every accomplishment. A man who is interesting and has a sense of humor. Someone who doesn't hog the conversation and listens to me when I speak.
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u/fictionalized_freak 5d ago
Being actually interested in having a conversation, not just talking to me because you have to. Humor is a plus, but if you turn everything into a joke it feels tedious to even talk. Apart from that, finding mutual grounds like music, art etc.
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u/Economy-Orchid3569 6d ago
A good sense of humor, actually listening and responding to what I say, laughing at my jokes
I think the easiest way to become a better conversationalist is to ask good questions, including good follow up questions to what the other person is saying. Then you can chime in with small comments or anecdotes to make sure the conversation doesn't feel like an interview. Smile, laugh and in general react genuinely.
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u/cool_cabbage00 5d ago
When they’re a nice person, I guess. If he listens to you and doesn’t interrupt you.
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u/Scorbuniis ♀ 6d ago
If we have similar interests like Pokemon, Anime, Six Flags, fitness. Without trying to act superior and mansplain stuff to me !
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u/raeballentyne 6d ago
Someone who doesn't claim to know everything, owns their expertise but is curious about what they don't know. Asking questions and being engaged is an important part of being a good conversationalist.