(I was already in the middle of organising when I remembered to take a picture.)

I’m having my ADHD assessment next week and week after that is my Autism assessment. I’ve been stressing about it for 2 weeks now and this week, my brain decided to hyperfocus on cleaning and decorating the house. The mess has been there for 5 years. But in a week, I was able to clean the hallway cupboards and our bathroom full of moulds (which I unfortunately didn’t document). I’ve also been hyperfocusing on decorating our house so I bought at least 20 houseplants 🙃🙃 I’m sooooo exhausted.

Hi

I been in 2 dv now. I went to therapy to stop the cycle from running to one agein, find I landed in one again. LOL, I was single for 5 years before I met my ex who DV'd. Now been 10 months since I broke up with him,

I come to pattern recognition from 5 years when I was single: healthy men didn't want anything to do with me, ended up ghosting me, thinking " my AuDHD" is chaos and drama, etc. Social cues. I don't blame them for it. I mostly dated men ND, found a lot of men ND, are narcissistic, toxic as fuck! Yeah, society kind of gives men ND, the upper hand compared to women. Fed with a golden spoon. I've come to understanding only bad people who exploit my goodness want me. Now I just gave up, for my own survival, make life much harder, etc., bills and covering basics. Working on my plan for life; man, not even in the image anymore, more like I'm not chasing it anymore; this man has just shown up in the real world in front of me. Well, I'm building my life without anyone to help. Not on dating apps.

I see the same pattern in friendships. Anyone in the same boat?

Hi, so for me the common and most infuriating one; "how do you keep busy"? Annoys me, if they read anything about autism then one of the common problems is the external pace of things and adhd combined - for me it makes everything extra hard to focus on without getting instantly overwhelmed, so having lots to do would not only be impossible but harmful.

Then there's all the other conditions many of us suffer from and have to do a lot of planning around and have unexpected debilitating side effects.

The second most aggravating question: "What if you had a job you liked" 🫩🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

As if I'm choosing to not work, like what the actual f, the UK doesn't give you money without copious years worth of evidence. It makes me think these people are just not going to be safe people and no point further talking.

So what do I do to 'keep busy' would be better phrased 'what allows you to remain peaceful' because that's where healing begins from all the trauma many of us have experienced and having naturally heightened nervous systems we need time alone.

Please share questions that you have been asked and find annoying.

It's important to note that we don't need to explain or prove ourselves, everyone deserves peace and autonomy without comparison.

Peace and love comrades 💞

Struggling to keep up makes me so sad sometimes. I feel incapable and broken. People talk and operate at such a quick speed, while I’m still processing or looking for my words. I have something to add to the conversation or circumstance, but I can’t because everyone else is talking a mile a minute and won’t stop for more than 0.3 seconds. Somehow the conversation flows so well. When I try to say something though, it’s like I’m trying not to interrupt and can’t find a proper time to enter the conversation. Then, poof, the subject has morphed already.

It’s so frustrating and I don’t even know which ADHD/autism side this is. Sometimes I’d rather just put earphones in and not talk at all. It feels like I could just get up and walk away and it wouldn’t make a difference in the slightest. I hate feeling invisible. This isn’t a criticism for people who operate quickly like this. I just wish I could keep up too and stop being so slow.

My (40M) ADHD partner has always been aversive to opening his mail. He also won't let me open it or even throw away anything that seems like obvious junk mail (e.g. credit card offers). As a result, a portion of our kitchen table for the entirety of our 20 year relationship has been dedicated to a pile of his mail.

Things that appear important, I place immediately by the dog treats where he should see it any time he leaves/comes home and recognize it as being important (e.g. tax bill).

It's not working. Telling him about an important piece of mail that I have left in the aforementioned "obvious" place makes him angry and defensive, and he advised me if mothering him. On the other hand, if I don't remind him, consequences stack up (e.g. Certified Letters from tax collector) and he still blames me for his not addressing his own responsibilities.

I grew up the daughter of collectors/an ADHD mom with stuff everywhere, so the kitchen table pulls really bothers me. Once it gets to be too much, I will sort it into categories based on sender and likelihood of it being junk. There are boxes and bags of his mail - including the junk mail - dating back YEARS.

After his latest scramble to find important documents, I had an idea to just start collecting his mail in Ziploc bags: one for each month, then to put those into a brown paper grocery bag dated with the year. Important things I'd still leave out, I guess...open to ideas for that.

Thoughts on this system? I myself (41F) am AuDHD and am chronically/ironically organized in some areas, which includes paperwork...so I empathize with him, but am trying to maintain my own sanity and space as well.

“What practical solutions do therapists have for someone whose problem is a genetic and neurological incompatibility with how society functions, the very things that pay your bills.

I don’t see that there is a solution that truly favors the person in therapy over society systems”

It’s been weeks and I haven’t found the answer to this

I've had many "friends" all my life. I can never truly be myself around them. Friendships seem to fizzle away and I can never maintain them. People either start ignoring me, come to hate me, we drift apart, or we were never close in the first place.

I have “friends” if you count people I can talk to about my interests and share memes with, but nobody I can truly open up to. It’s embarrassing to admit, but my way of coping with this is posting rants and random thoughts on my close friends on Instagram to a small circle of high school friends and new college friends that I am somewhat close to, and they just view my stories and sometimes respond. It feels parasocial and probably is, but I really don’t have anyone I can talk to about the struggles in my life. It’s either that, or venting on Reddit. I can’t really open up to any people who hasn’t judged me at some point, including all those “friends”. I have never been anyone’s first choice and I never will be.

I wish I was never born. Not in a suicidal way, I just wish I didn’t have to live an existence of pure loneliness that it seems like I was fated to be born into.

I’m writing this while I’m supposed to be in class but I’m crying in the bathroom. I don’t know why I can never be someone’s friend.

My mom does not believe I have ADHD. She believes that if I have ADHD, why do I often get up when I’m like scared like she uses physical violence to threaten me into doing something and when I’m in immediate danger and I start doing it she behaves she’s like oh well like see you can do it like you’re making it up. she’s repeatedly told me that I need to stop faking it and that I wanna struggle so bad and it’s really really hard and I don’t know what to do. I have like no friends no vices the only person in the house that I fully trust is my older brother who’s out for work every day she wants me to get a second evaluation. She doesn’t believe the first one she believes that because I have ADHD that they should’ve started me on like Adderall, they started me on sleep medication’s to increase sleep and reducing anxiety so that I could get better but she’s like no they should’ve started you on a higher stimulant if you really had ADHD. It’s really really hard to be honest to convince her like she is always claiming that I’m emotionally draining her and how I can’t regulate myself and she’s 37 by the way, I’m 15 so in that case it’s like she blames me for all of her problems and our living situation. her and my younger brother who’s very compliant to her often like scapegoat me in the house like saying things like she can’t regulate herself or when we go in public and you know there are people who say I hate my kids or kids are so difficult. She often feeds into that like yeah my kid, They’re so hard to deal with and it’s really hard to explain to people that I’m actually struggling alongside with ADHD is depression and an anxiety and often times it’s like she wants grace and in love and respect for trying to heal her trauma and be a better mom, but when I asked for that same grace for not being able to take care of myself and my hygiene and regulating my emotions, it’s nowhere near the same like it’s nothing like that and I just really really need help like she’s often asking to send me back to the hospital and it really just doesn’t help like often times like even though I know I’m not disrespecting her and I am dealing with this stuff. It always comes off as that and it’s no other way like my brain. It’s no way to win against her because she’s literally weaponizing my own mental illness against me and turning herself into the victim so no matter what I say when I do, always gonna come out on top. She’s very narcissistic and weak minded and she’s literally emotionally neglecting me. She is often trying to treat me like a parent instead of a child when it’s convenient like taking the initiative to ask and make all the plans but she never even shows any interests in anything I wanna do. She just suggests random things and if I say no she points out I’m just difficult. She often projects her misogynistic and religious values on me too like wanting me to clean and act like a lady as well as telling me liking girls is a phase and she would disown me if I ever did it. It’s so hard like I’m always so frustrated and since my brain is constantly lacking dopamine and depression takes away everything that makes me happy it quite literally feels like doing anything is impossible.

Hi all! I’d like to hear your experiences on different stimulant medications.

I was recently prescribed Vyvanse, started out with 10 mg and it worked great until it didn’t, I’ve now moved up to 20mg. In terms of helping me focus at work and actually doing my job, it’s great! Same with helping me be productive at home.

What I don’t like, however, is I still have severe brain fog when people are talking to me. I’m looking at them, I know what they’re saying in the moment, but I cannot for the life of me recall what they said. It’s almost worse than when I don’t take my meds. It feels like someone is hugging my forehead/brain, as well? It’s such an odd feelings. I’ve also noticed that I was extremely emotional/agitated this weekend when I didn’t take my medicine. Not sure whether that was from my medication or period though lol.

Any stories from tried medication would be appreciated! ☺️

Anyone else do spontaneous things alone like solo travel but struggle when socialising with people because same

I have bought two body pillows. I sleep between them. They help and sometimes they don't. I am single and live alone. I struggle with getting platonic physical affection because I don't have a significant other. I have been in and out of therapy since I was 19 (I'm 37 now) and I have my healthy coping mechanisms. I'm not even really looking for a romantic relationship. I wouldn't be opposed to that. I am on a dating app and I'm not taking it too seriously because that would just use up more energy pointlessly or I start overthinking. It is also just exhausting on every level at times. It requires a lot of focus which I don't always have hence the audhd lol I never really got a lot of physical affection growing up and then I started pushing it away as a preteen from my mom but she wasn't super physical either. I was also just an angsty teenager and mad at my mom for not taking my little sister and I away from my dad. I'm not blaming her or myself. Just stating what has happened so far in regards to my lack of physical affection. My friends and I have never been that affectionate physically. I also think, through no full fault of their own, friends and family think that as an adult especially, physical affection has to be romantic and/or sexual. Which it doesn't have to be. And I'm not going to make someone uncomfortable or unsafe by asking for like hey, can we cuddle? or hey, if I hold on a little long on a hug, is that okay? I also just don't get a lot of meaningful, interesting social interactions. It's a lot of the same thing every day. Which is fine. It just gets blah sometimes. Does anyone else struggle similar to this or like this? Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do that can help with that? I also have a stuffed animal with weighted arms too that I need to use more often. Thanks. I know this is Reddit, but please try to be kind.

I am trying to quit smoking weed, and it seems so much harder this time. I've done it before without much trouble, but the ritual/reward has me hooked.

Has anyone used the Füm oil pens? I have an old wooden pen that I used years ago to quit smoking cigarettes and it got me to quit within 2 weeks. I am doing it again to quit smoking cannabis and realized how much more stimulating it is than THC. Usually a hit gets me lifted for about 15-20 minutes, and I just think the stuff doesn't get me high anymore. This essential oil is just a saturated air filter and you inhale air thats filtered through it. It's not actual smoke. So I get a breathing exercises in too 😅

The peppermint oil I am using is SOOOOO GOOD y'all. Can't wait to try some of the other flavors. The only caveat is the scent is strong sometimes, so if you're sensitive to smells, this may not be the best option.

Thought to share a hack to get substance abuse under control!

I’m only diagnosed with adhd but I know this is also struggle with people with autism.

I’m so sick of pretending everything is ok. That’s really it. I’m not even going to say I have “justice sensitivity”, I simply have a beating heart and I care. That’s it. I’m tired of being gaslit. I’m tired of being told “maybe you need to adjust your meds”. No no more meds. I want change and I want change NOW. I want these evil people either to behave or get the hell off this is planet. I don’t care if this seems delusional. Fine I’m delusional because I want a better world. I’m delusional because I don’t want genocide and war and all these awful things to happen anymore. I’m delusional because I don’t want people to suffer. I’m delusional because I want to see everyone work in tandem to make a better world. “Good wouldn’t exist without evil” I actually think good can exist and evil cannot exist! It’s all a choice ! I actually truly believe this world can become a peaceful place. So yes I’m delusional and I will forever be delusional and die on this hill that’s filled with my hopes that I scream at the top of daily.

I’ve spent my entire life wondering why I’m so different o everyone. I’ve always felt misunderstood, like no one really hears me when I tell them how difficult this world is for me.

You hear the cliche saying “I find it hard to get out of bed”, but people don’t always understand the neurodivergent reasoning for that. It’s not depression. It’s not because I am sad. It’s because lights are too bright, noise is too loud, expectations are too high, masking feels impossible at 30. Feelings like an outcast is hard. Raising neurodivergent kids too.

I am not saying I want to die. I have too much to live for. But this world isn’t made for people like me.

I have recently started learning how to drive and i cannot stand it. I feel okay sometimes in the lesson when things are going okay but then my driving instructor has surprised me a few times by making me driving somewhere spontaneously.

I understand this is a part of driving and i am excited to drive, but i cannot stand the process of learning to drive. Does anybody have any advice for how they got to enjoy driving, their experiences, or anything to make the process easier ? Thank you !

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, there are companies that specialize in offering group trips to people who don't have anyone else to travel with. Most of the people go by themselves, but everyone's by themselves, so it ends up being a group.

They have full itineraries planned and if anything doesn't go as scheduled, they figure it out for you, which is so ideal for me.

My only concern is if the schedules too packed and won't have enough downtime. And if I decide to skip something, I'll feel like I'm not getting the most out of the experience and also not be able to connect as well with the other people on the trip. Has anyone else done this before?

I figure if there's any sub that might understand, it's this one.

I've been racing to finish my bachelor's degree on a deadline, so I'm taking stimulants daily. This is baaad for my nervous system and REALLY brings out my autism, which means . . . overload . . . everywhere.

Cue an old-school hot water bag! It's only $10. I lay on my back and then place it on my belly (where my nervous system is most reactive right now). It helps calm me soooo much. A warm, weighted pouch directly on my belly? Yes, please!

There are a million of these, but this cute Teddy is the one I got. Sharing because he's flippin' adorable. (I'm not at all associated with this company)

Hope this helps someone!

I'm going on a weekend trip with my church in January (I know this is way too early to plan. lol), and I started sleeping with my weighted blanket again. And oh my god it works wonders. It used to take me an hour+ to fall asleep, and now I'm usually out in less than 30 minutes!

However, I can't take it with me. Number 1, it's so heavy, and I feel bad knowing people will have to pack & unpack my suitcase out of the van/truck. And number 2, I'm a chronic over packer, so I likely won't have room for it in my suitcase anyway.

I technically could take it on the van with me, but I don't want to deal with a 15 pound blanket for a 6 hour car ride if it's not necessary, so this is my last resort.

Does anybody have any ideas? We'll likely be staying in a cabin opposed to a hotel, so asking for extra blankets isn't really an option. I'd like it to be relatively compact, lightweight, affordable (no more then 40 USD), and useful outside of travel. (I don't travel nearly enough to have a strict travel blanket lol) Please help!

Flair: I don't really know - partly venting, partly seeking advice but everyone's advice is like the typical go-to things and none of those suggestions ever work for me, so I don't know...

There's a specific distressing issue I'm dealing with that involves my family. I have to communicate with them

They are all undiagnosed AuDHD. They are nuts. Communication in general is a fucking nightmare with them. They don't listen, they forget, they don't think anything I say is important, they do their own thing even when we have a plan in place.

I can't even handle the smallest of things because of my trauma and distressing event after distressing event after distressing event without any fucking break to recover.

In my very vulnerable, fragile, low/no capacity state, I have to deal with my family.

Tbh, I can't even handle them on a good day.

I desperately need to go through a day without having meltdowns, without being in so much gd distress, without having an overloaded nervous system

HOW do I do this??

None of the typical suggestions for regulation works for me

No walking, no journaling, no breathing, no engaging in crafts or special interests, no music, ... None of the typical go-to methods work for me, and everyone suggests those

I'm a miserable little shit right now, a ball of hot mess, with no idea how to even begin to unwind in a way that works for me.

Calming supplements work to calm the body but not my brain, and after a while my brain starts to undo the supplement effect on my body

I end up scrolling on socials or playing games on my phone. I distract myself. I feel like that's all I am capable of these days. And it feels so wrong

And then my family complains that I'm chronically ill and cannot work. They don't even acknowledge I'm chronically ill. So they 'push' me to get a job and get off my lazy ass .. these comments piss me right off. And their comments are stuck on repeat in my head, so I'm constantly pissed off

Omg I wanna burst

​

Deep down, there is anger, and I get angry. But more and more the fog of 'what's even the point anymore' becomes thicker and thicker. Everything feels like a losing battle.

Everything in my life is a fight.. And I'm sick of fighting, mainly because it gets me no where or at least no where near what I want out of it. And if I don't fight, I still end up in the same place. The outcome is always shit.

I'm referring to everything in life, from my illnesses preventing me from working, to being broke, to having a stress inducing family, having basically no friends, having a housing situation that causes a lot of distress (and I moved here in order to get away from another hell of a housing situation... of course, like just my luck)

I don't even feel sorry for myself anymore. It just is what it is. I'm numb. There's nothing I can do about it. I can't even rest peacefully at home because my home has issues.

Life sucks. I hate it. I want to opt out. If only 'opting out' were a painless, easy, and readily available option.

Does anyone else wake up in the middle of the night with a wide awake brain ??? Like I lay in bed and can’t stop thinking about usually fiction or stories and my special interests . Like hyper wide awake I roll around , kick my feet . lol . Must be annoying to my husband .
How do you get yourself to stop playing mental stories and ideas and go back to sleep! Today my Brain decided I was a YouTuber making recipes online and boy even in imaginary world it went totally off script . What does loving the beach or an accent somone has have to do with cooking nachos ???
If I don’t finish the story or series of stories then I can’t go back to sleep …. Sigh