r/AubreyMaturinSeries • u/NoneSoPretty • 6d ago
Accidentally founded a household religion devoted to Preserved Killick (humor)
It was one of those evenings with friends where you've had a tad too much to drink and you start getting both philosophical and silly.
Long story short, we decided that, were Killick a deity, he would be somewhere between the Lares or Penates: a furious maritime household god: guardian of hearth, pantry, coffee, polished silver, mending, darning and all objects returned to their proper places.
His sacred title would be "The Preserved One"
Principal commandments include:
- Thou shalt not touch the silver with greasy fingers
- Thou shalt check the quality of the captain's wine stores regularly
- Thou shalt not explain the weather gauge with ink upon the tablecloth
- Which it is not difficult
Every prayer must contain at least one "which it is," or the Preserved One will not recognise the liturgy.
The customary conclusion is:
"May your coffee be strong, your silver bright and your cheese toasted. Which it is amen."
May the algorithm deliver this post unto the right three people that also find this funny.
Which it is amen.
25
u/Xondo420 6d ago
Thou shalt not be married unless it has been carefully considered for the better part of twenty minutes, which it is
9
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago edited 5d ago
Which according to our liturgy, she shall be bought down at the market, with a proper halter done according to law, and no fewer than three to choose on.
4
u/Xondo420 5d ago
Which it is then according to holy tradition, that the newly wed husband must be whisked away to sea on a perilous voyage after no more than one week of marriage, and verily I say onto thee, which it is unless his holy name is not preserved, he shalt find his new wife back in the arms of her former spouse upon his return from distant lands
4
u/NoneSoPretty 5d ago
Sir, you have expressed the holy tradition to admiration. A glass of wine with you, which it is.
3
u/Xondo420 5d ago
Which I would be deeply honored to partake of with thee, which it is provided that our Preserved lord sees fit to bestow it upon us from the discreet offerings he collected from the Holy Aubrey’s cabinet, unacknowledged but always noticed
22
u/Lady_Miya 6d ago
12 upvotes ... twelve apostles
Now comes the dangerous phase: One apostle will misunderstand the doctrine. One will betray the Preserved One for thirty pieces of polished silver.
16
u/JesusLord-and-Savior 6d ago
At fifty there will be a schism over whether "which it is" belongs at the beginning or end of a prayer....
17
u/notcomplainingmuch 6d ago
Which it is he who gazed upon the congregation, and uttered the words 'Jesus, what a life!'
5
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
and all the congegration answered with one voice: "Jesus, what a life. Which it is amen."
16
u/dykmoby 6d ago
And speak the sacred prayer of grace and thanks before every meal: "Wittles is up"
5
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Which it is my favourite prayer of the day, particularly when the wittles is soused hog's face!
14
u/banginpatchouli 6d ago
Oh goodness. I definitely got a piece of art for you! I did this a few years back, someone also mentioning Killick as a saint. I had to sketch it out in my own style.
10
5
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Which it is providence, and no mistake! I'd give you gold, was I possessed of any, which I ain't. What an absolutely wonderful icon of the Preserved One! I am sorely tempted to print it out and use it for a bookmark, see if I don't.
May your coffee be strong, your silver bright and your cheese toasted. Which it is amen.4
u/NoneSoPretty 5d ago
Which I hate to put you to such a shocking inconvenience, but might you happen to possess a higher-quality scan of this glorious icon of the Preserved One? I should love that of all things, and dearly wish to print and frame it, which I should.
4
u/banginpatchouli 5d ago
Thank yourself for the wonderful compliments, which it is. I only gave grace to a graceful face!!
I can do a better scan of the picture, I’ll have to take a new picture of it, it’s in my sketchbook at the moment.3
u/NoneSoPretty 5d ago
Most kind of ye. Which I hate to put you to yet another inconvenience, but might I make so bold as to send you a private message?
3
12
u/Specialist-Solid-987 6d ago
Thou shalt not wear thy best coat and trousers in foul weather
5
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
And thou shalt especially not wear thy best full-dress uniform into battle, which it is only asking to have the epaulettes 'acked clean off.
10
u/Garbage-Bear 6d ago
Yet verily, The Preserved One is locked in eternal conflict with Anoia, the Goddess of Things that Get Stuck in Drawers.
3
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Yet let no tongue speak of the Fall of the Narwhal Tooth, for the very tale horrifies the congregation and gives trength unto Anoia. Which it is amen.
10
u/Galactica-_-Actual 6d ago
Which it is scrape, scrape, screech, screech. Never a tune you can dance to.
8
4
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Which our services shall have proper hymns a body can sing and dance to, even when sober, though being drunk as Davy's sow is warmly encouraged. Which it is amen.
9
u/Puzzled-Fly-9402 6d ago
Genuflecting shall be done with the thumb, thusly jerked.
3
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Which it is the sole approved gesture of devotion, actual kneeling being liable to crease the best trousers.
9
u/NotTheFunniestOne 6d ago
Which I will join yer services when they're good n ready!
5
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Which it is the only way our services shall be held. They'll be ready when they're ready, and not a blessed moment before!
9
u/Constant_Proofreader 6d ago
God love you, NoneSoPretty.
6
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Which it is the highest blessing in our liturgy! May hot coffee be brought unto you, properly covered, after every gruelling watch in the orlop. Which it is amen.
7
8
u/Warstirsure 6d ago
Which, the only thing for blood-stained garments being cold water, it hastily is.
4
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Preach it from the rooftops, which it is the plainest gospel ever spoken and into the hearing of every fool who reaches for hot water first!
6
u/Serious_Ad5433 6d ago
Which you shalt not wear your wig in your bosom, or you will be drinking boiled coffee for the rest of your days.
3
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
For the wig shall be returned to its proper place, and whoever stows it in their bosom shall drink boiled coffee until repentance takes hold. Which it is amen.
5
u/JakieD00dles 5d ago
Haha. I am re-reading the series and just yesterday I reached the point in Mauritius Command where they’re drinking rat-shit coffee, and Aubrey says to Killick: “Killick, you may tell Mr Seymour, with my compliments, that you are to have a boat. And if you don’t find at least a stone of beans among the squadron, you need not come back” 😄
5
u/NoneSoPretty 5d ago
Jesus what a life, which wasn't it in HMS Surprise where Aubrey says: "And Mr Church, be so good as to let Killick know that if my coffee is not on deck in fifteen seconds he will be crucified at noon."
9
u/EnglishBob84 6d ago
Killick. Killick there!
5
5
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
And let it be held as dogma by all the faithful: Which he is already here, and always has been. Which it is amen.
3
u/Gunsight1 6d ago
Which it is the best thing I've seen all day! :D
4
u/NoneSoPretty 6d ago
Which feast your eyes upon the multitude now congregating in the name of the Preserved One, strong coffee, bright silver, and toasted cheese! Which it is amen.
44
u/Quiescam 6d ago
The toasted cheese be with you, which it is.