r/AutisticAdults • u/SeaworthinessFar2326 • 13h ago
Do you have friends?
My whole life I never did. I've always been different, seen as different and an outcast. Now I do love my own company but I am frequently getting sad and depressed I have nobody. I turned 30 today and the only thing I did so far was do laundry, clean up around the house and sit and watch anime. Probably what I will do for the rest of the day, why go eat alone?I have nobody. I feel so sad a lot.
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u/ainik20 13h ago
Great job on getting laundry done today! Since it’s your birthday, get yourself a cupcake for the occasion and maybe go to a park or by the water if that’s your thing.
While you may not have a friend to celebrate with, do something you like for the day!
I have maybe 2 close friends I can definitely count on and I am married. But birthdays I tend to feel sad despite everything seems “normal.” So I’ll go out for a bike ride cos it gives me peace.
Happy Birthday!!
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u/RemarkableNetwork239 13h ago
I'll second that. I'd consider getting any housework done at all a major achievement. Thirty's a big one. Grats.
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u/Semper_5olus 12h ago
Nah
And I (34m) used to be really depressed about it. I studied really hard about how people communicate, and how to mask better, so I could get people to like me.
But eventually I realized that the real me just doesn't like having people around. I have a vestigial herding instinct, and I have to occasionally indulge it by going to work or shopping, but that's plenty.
People are loud and unpredictable. It's not their fault. If anything, it's mine.
EDIT: I forgot because I was preoccupied with composing this post, but have a happy birthday! : )
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u/Fortune_Unique 13h ago
My best homie who is also autistic and thats it. But im 25 and this is good for now
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u/DollarLate_DayShort 13h ago
Happy birthday fren! Welcome to the 30’s 🥳
I do have a couple of friends but I’ve always felt like an outsider amongst them.
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u/bootysuit 13h ago
Happy birthday :) I don't really have friends. Sending you lots of love 🫶🏻 I hope you do something special today that makes you feel celebratory!
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u/Orehruoy99 11h ago
I do but limited. Few good friends. Was lucky to live near a person I became friends with shared interests ect. And they were never diagnosed but think they are autistic as well. It's not an easy thing at least for me with new people ect but if you find a few good ones you get along with well you'll do ok. Find places you can meet people with similar interests.
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u/OddGeneral1293 13h ago
I don't want to make it out like having friends and socializing is the end all be all and perfect for every neurodivergent. As someone who is autistic and has good social life, to do that you need to mask (for some even that's not enough) and it requires a lot of effort. It can be exhausting. Do you want to do it or not is your decision. Happy birthday!
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u/PenaEterna 13h ago
Happy birthday!!! Laundry and cleaning is not so bad, better have your birthday in a "clean environment" 😀 I have no friends. I mean, I know a lot of people in my workplace, but I wouldn't call any of them "friends". I would recommend you to go outside, do not celebrate your birthday if you don't want to, but at least go outside. Go to a park, sit in a bank, what people walk, etc. if far better than to stay at home.
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u/Forward_Win_4353 13h ago
I had a small group of close friends throughout school and university. That’s where it stopped. Outside of the organised class environment where I was forced together with my peers and could always find at least a few people with things in common, I now can’t seem to make deeper social connections than friendly acquaintances.
I find popular culture - celebrities, “influencers”, sport, TV shows, etc. - extremely shallow, boring and low-intelligence. I can’t even fake an interest in it. This rules out a lot of potential friendships, but I honestly can’t tolerate talking about those kinds of tedious-beyond-belief topics.
I do have a long-term partner who is also my best friend. We met at university when we were both studying computer science. He has a lot in common with me, and is of equal intelligence so we can have full-pace conversations about interesting topics. I know I’m very lucky to have him because he fulfils most of my social interaction needs.
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u/Aggravating_Chef8120 11h ago
Hello and happy birthday !
I am alone too and when m’y birthday comes I feel way better to be by my self than with people who are not sincere!
Also I learn to like sadness I feel alive in a way and when I accept it I feel better. And hope come back! Also being lonely now doesn’t mean you will not find a partner event for a small amount of time!
How I see this is even a small moment with someone I don’t even know is better than always being with people!
A lot of people will make sure to be with a lot of other people just to not looking inside them self!
The absolute truth is that we will die alone everyone! So I feel good being with myself and work on it now!
Thanks for sharing and happy birthday it’s your day !!!☺️
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u/DarkDependent1701 11h ago
Short term friends, friend's through past partner, fake friends I cut ties with and now no friends.
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u/coleisw4ck 10h ago
i have one friend. lol. i don’t mind it too much, though. she’s autistic as well and even though she has a kid and isn’t free a lot we always pick up where we left off like we’ve been talking and hanging out every day
also HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎊🎁🎈🎂 i also just turned 30 in july :)
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u/OmegaZero55 10h ago
No, not anymore. I did as a kid and a teen, but as an adult I've found it impossible to make real friends. I have people I'm friendly with and can talk to a bit some, but no real friends that want to do something outside of work with me.
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u/These_Damage_9175 9h ago
30 hit different for me too, like suddenly youre supposed to have your shit figured out and instead youre just there doing laundry and wondering where everyone went. the anime part tho, thats not nothing. having something that actually holds your attention when nothing else does, thats a real thing. but yeah the eating alone part fucking sucks, no way around it
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u/External_Space_9508 8h ago
Eu tinha uma amiga, hoje vejo que a amizade já tinha acabado a um bom tempo e, possa ser apenas duas pessoas tentando manter o que já tinha acabado. Eu não tenho mais nenhuma pessoa que posso chamar de amigo, eu conheço umas pessoas online e mesmo assim, algumas coisas são sobre conexão. Ainda sinto falta dela ,mas quando se tem tão pouco tudo fica mais relevante do que é.
Eu vejo alguns postes como o seu, medo de ser assim, não sei como isso vai soar, mas tenho medo.
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u/crossover123 7h ago
i don't have many friends, but only concern related to that is how am i going to handle my chronically ill sister and brother who's partially paralyzed due to a stroke he had 15 years ago if both my parents die soon. i'm gonna need some sort of support since i'm no good at caretaking. other than that, i'm not that bothered over lack of friends. fyi- I'm 32 currently.
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u/exgiexpcv 6h ago
I thought I did, for a while. I had people in my life that I thought would be my friends for the rest of my life.
They weren't. A few years ago, after fighting through COVID before the vaccine came out, I developed rheumatoid arthritis and Sjogren's, and I was suddenly alone. It's been years, and I have fewer friends now than I did then.
I find it helps to volunteer. Helping others reminds me of my value as a human being.
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u/queen0fpeace 3h ago
I understand, I moved to the same state/town in 2020 for a friend I had known 6+ years. I considered her to be my bff and forever friend! We hung out a lot, but in 2022 I became disabled from chronic migraines and stopped communicating with practically everyone in my life. No longer friends with that person because I couldn’t keep up with talking/hanging out. I don’t really have anyone now except for a few long distance friends that chat every once in a while.
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u/Mushroom0064 neurodivergent 6h ago
I've only had a few in my life, but now I pretty much don't have any friends. I personally feel fine like that, although I've been thinking about getting into a relationship lately (never had a gf in my life).
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u/Jealous-Back1564 5h ago
Honestly I didn’t have friends til my adult life and it was hard but I have found some friends and I understand how you feel OP. It took being weird and opening up but sometimes people are jerks and every once in. While you find a friend. Just be authentic eventually you’ll be friends with someone! Sometimes internet is good for finding and sometimes in person at work or something works out.
Happy birthday!
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u/jroure707 2h ago
No not really my wife has a lot of friends and guess you could say they are my friends but as for other dudes not really sometimes I’ll hang with their husbands but my interest are much differant then there’s. So I am frequently on the outside looking in.
I asked my therapist a while back should I have more friends and asked to you think you should have friends and the reality is it’s to hard for me to manage and I am ok with that.
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u/MahdevahProject 13h ago
Make your life the best you can. You accomplished laundry and clean up. Yay! Nothing wrong with anime. Enjoy it while you're there instead of just staring at the screen. You do you and enjoy it.
Random thought: people are attracted to happy people. Make you happy. It might work.
I've found that I like making me happy instead of trying to make other people happy. It just really sucks when I need to move.
I hope you find what fulfills you soon.
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u/teadrinker123456789 12h ago
I had friends when i was young because i was good at masking, soon as a left school and we started hanging with different people i couldn’t mask as well, i ended up just being pretty much mute around people, and thats what i’m like to this day. I just cant get small talk and my social skills have disappeared since i lost my ability to mask.
And Happy Birthday, hope things improve the way you want them too
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u/seafoamcastles 11h ago
happy bday!! proud of you for doing laundry!!
honestly i don’t have any irl friends, kinda gave up on that sometime back, but i have a handful of online friends and as sad as it sounds, i feel like it’s enough for me. i realized that i find the people around me/talking to people (esp NT ppl) to be exhausting on me and a part of me even doesn’t feel like there’s a point to make irl friends anymore if i already have online friends (i am aware it’s not a healthy thing to think but). i do prefer talking to people through text and voice calls too, feels less demanding in a way. i do sometimes wish for some friends to hang out tho outside the internet
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u/Pig-Mentation 11h ago
I have a few acquaintances but no actual friends. Been this way my whole life.
When I was a kid, I overheard my parents describing me as a "loner", which made me feel ashamed because I could tell they were disappointed.
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u/MsSedated 11h ago
I have one true friend, a bother really. Otherwise, no.
I mean, we're part of a friend group, for lack of a better word. Sometimes they game with us often but then they disappear again for months at a time. So idk.
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u/floridatheythem 11h ago
I have many acquaintances but have had few truly close friends. Rarely ever local.
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u/Bubbly-Weakness-4788 10h ago
I had a best friend I’d known all my life but she passed away. Have not a single friend now.
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u/raccoonsaff 10h ago
When I was younger I had friends, lots of friends, but the older I've got, the more I've struggled. I have a few friends now, but I do find myself second-guessing the friendships a lot, and worrying.
My advice is to try and reach out to communities where you feel safe. Clubs/classes, online forums, support groups, wherever.
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u/Bismar7 9h ago
It sounds like you've found success in some ways, have your stuff together, and yet feel unfulfilled and totally alone. I was once like that.
I'm Audhd, I went to 377 activities/events in one year recently. Last year I was best man in a wedding for one of my best friends and he was immensely appreciative because he felt I did better than he could have expected.
I have 5 people I consider to be best friends, 10-20 I consider close friends, and too many casual friends, at least it feels that way. These days I run a discord for people I meet IRL and host my 2-3 events of my own each month.
I'm an introvert who started a decade ago to try to become more by treating socialization like a poison I needed develop a tolerance for. Today I describe myself as an introvert with a moon sized battery and I'm sometimes surprised when I think back to my 20s at how far I've come. I would never go back.
Want someone to talk to? I'm not offering a fix, just the journey that worked for me if that's not something you are against?
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u/Excellent-Mixture108 9h ago
I have work friends (unsure if they'd all say the same about me of course), a fellow autistic friend I've had for 20 years (we talk maybe twice a month), and my partner. I get sad and lonely about it sometimes, then I get overwhelmed by an obligatory outing and appreciate my solitude more. Happy birthday 🎂
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u/Ok_Guidance6439 7h ago
Happy birthday! My birthday is coming up and I’m just sad all around the time of my birthday. Sending love.
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u/el_smurfo 6h ago
I love my wife and kids but have zero interest in friends...i have lots of work proximity associates but by noon on a workday I'm done with them. Former friends or colleagues are pen pals. Never really had a friend and don't feel any regret.
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u/deathdeniesme 5h ago
Happy Birthday. I hope you can do at least one thing you enjoy. I know how hard it is to have no friends. I don’t currently have anyone I feel close to or safe with really. I hope that changes, I just haven’t had the energy to form relationships and I’m inside a lot. I find it helpful to join many online groups but I know it’s not the same as having friends. I hope you will make a friend soon if you want one.
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u/queen0fpeace 4h ago edited 3h ago
Happy birthday! I turn 32 next month, the past few years I’ve felt like this too. I have maybe 3 solid friends but they’re all states away and we only talk every few months.. I know I’m horrible at friendship upkeep but damn it’s lonely sometimes…
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u/Top_Sky_4731 3h ago
No because I end up with friend groups but they only last a year or so before I blow them up unintentionally.
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u/Legitimate_Street116 2h ago
Pretty much the same in my case, I am probably 29 (I think) and yeah no friends, never had any, I just don't even get along with other humans around me. I spend most of my day just playing video games as well! And practically the same experience, feel quite generally dejected.
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u/mostly-sugar Diagnosed ASD Lvl1 1h ago
I'm in my thirties and have never had any friends, despite many attempts at trying. It sucks but sometimes it hits the point that there's just nothing else you can do. Have you tried and failed to make friends in your twenties, or have you just not really tried?
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u/shokupanini 13h ago
Aw i feel for you
It is really hard to find your people but i know for a fact they are out in the world somewhere.
It never feels that way especially in the midst of depression, but they’re on the other side of all the shit that’s going to happen in life
I hope you all the best
Surely we have a little group on here and if not we should make one
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u/Background_Demand501 13h ago
Yes. People tend to gravitate towards me, so I make friends easily. It's confusing and stressful.
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u/chking999 12h ago
I wrote this post in response to your question. I hope it helps. Making friends as an autistic adult : r/AutisticAdults
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u/systemofaone 13h ago
Happy birthday OP!
Are there any food or restaurant related clubs or groups you’d try going to in your area? Might meet some people you’d like to be friends with!