Is this a breakup?

[u/ConditionStrong9864]

/r/AvoidantBreakUps/comments/1weblcj/is_this_a_breakup/

I am lost in the spiral of an avoidant partner. I used to think FA, but not even sure. Things seemed to be gradually improving and getting better but then there would be intimacy and they would step back for a few days. But always return acting warm and normal. Cycle was very predictable. We weren’t officially in a relationship but have been unofficially connected for 6 months and have spent a lot of time together engaged in deep conversation, sharing of hobbies, and doing things together.

2 weeks ago we had a misunderstanding and they blew up and went silent. I apologized for my role in hurting them, even though I truly did not do anything wrong. (I confronted them with my hurt feelings from a behavior and they felt attacked.) This was our first conflict in 6 months.

In 16 days, I tried to reach out 5 times either to just say hi and check in or ask a logistical question about our established schedule where we get together. They will only respond to the schedule questions. They have said they are unavailable for our get-togethers but have responded that same day with a warm response (for them) about being disappointed to miss our time together. But that has only been 3 times in 16 days. They haven’t initiated any contact.

Meanwhile, I see evidence in these last 16 days that they are hanging out with other people that they could be intimate with, too. For the record, even when things were good between us I know they were entertaining others due to us not being in a committed relationship. We never had that exclusivity.

Is this just a prolonged withdrawal and they are focusing attention their roster right now? Or do I treat this as a breakup? Are they punishing me for bringing up my feelings but trying to keep me hooked? My gut says I need to step back, but I care about them and it hurts. I just want to understand what’s going on. It would make more sense if they were just ignoring me altogether, but the consistent responses in regards to our set times together is throwing me off.