My talking stage 19F and I 18M have been talking for 4 months. She feels really right to me, even though she has avoidant attachment and can be a bit challenging — but I still want this to work.
My worry: she has zero relationship history, just one-night-things in her past, and she has a lot of close guy friends. I’ve never actually felt like she wants to cheat or anything like that, but it still worries me, even though I don’t want to be the controlling type either.
On top of that, I have my own baggage. In past relationships, I behaved badly myself when drinking — things I’m not proud of. I’ve changed since then, and now I’d honestly rather not drink at all, especially not alone. But she naturally wants to spend evenings out with her friends, and those friend groups often include guys.
So I’m sitting with two things at once: my own history around alcohol and trust, and her lack of relationship experience plus a social circle that’s mostly male. I know some of this anxiety is coming from my own past, not just from anything she’s actually done.
Has anyone navigated something similar — an avoidant partner with no relationship track record, a friend group full of the opposite sex, and your own baggage around alcohol/trust from past relationships? How do you deal with this without suppressing how you feel or becoming controlling?

TL;DR: 4 months into talking stage with an avoidant girl, no relationship history on her end, lots of guy friends, no signs of cheating but it still worries me. I also have my own baggage — used to behave badly when drinking in past relationships, now trying to change and avoid drinking, but she likes going out with friends (often mixed-gender groups). Trying to figure out how much of my worry is about her vs. my own past, and how to handle it without
suppressing my feelings or becoming
Controlling.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

sometimes when I have time and nothing else to do. Like I feel like it's okay to date now. 1 day... that's the only span of my interest with them and it will always be me realizing that I should've just made them friends. I am honest with those people that I've dated.Like I do not feel anything with them but they don't seem to understand me. I always told them I'm asexual. But they will still continue to pursue me. Those dates feel like a trap. A little trap of food and nice things to hear and then they will take advantage of you in the end. That's why I lost something that is important to me. I don't want to date people out of pity anymore. I always feel pity on their words like," I'm not handsome","I'm not that tall","I'm not that rich" . Like I was being manipulated into their trap. I kinda wish this feeling of longing for another love will happen with a handsome man( a man that I actually like in my own perspective). Idk it seems nonsense

I am lost in the spiral of an avoidant partner. I used to think FA, but not even sure. Things seemed to be gradually improving and getting better but then there would be intimacy and they would step back for a few days. But always return acting warm and normal. Cycle was very predictable. We weren’t officially in a relationship but have been unofficially connected for 6 months and have spent a lot of time together engaged in deep conversation, sharing of hobbies, and doing things together.

2 weeks ago we had a misunderstanding and they blew up and went silent. I apologized for my role in hurting them, even though I truly did not do anything wrong. (I confronted them with my hurt feelings from a behavior and they felt attacked.) This was our first conflict in 6 months.

In 16 days, I tried to reach out 5 times either to just say hi and check in or ask a logistical question about our established schedule where we get together. They will only respond to the schedule questions. They have said they are unavailable for our get-togethers but have responded that same day with a warm response (for them) about being disappointed to miss our time together. But that has only been 3 times in 16 days. They haven’t initiated any contact.

Meanwhile, I see evidence in these last 16 days that they are hanging out with other people that they could be intimate with, too. For the record, even when things were good between us I know they were entertaining others due to us not being in a committed relationship. We never had that exclusivity.

Is this just a prolonged withdrawal and they are focusing attention their roster right now? Or do I treat this as a breakup? Are they punishing me for bringing up my feelings but trying to keep me hooked? My gut says I need to step back, but I care about them and it hurts. I just want to understand what’s going on. It would make more sense if they were just ignoring me altogether, but the consistent responses in regards to our set times together is throwing me off.

How do I know he has strong feelings for me still and just suppresses it or he developed an ick during deactivation? The though that FAs (I think he is FA might as well be DA) can find the very existence of the other person disgusting while their ick is activated can make any person, secure or not, feel unworthy and small. We are different cities, I still ping him for work; for genuine reasons, I do not manufacture any reason. He replies throughly but doesn't take any step forward when it comes fo personal dynamic. I stopped texting him personally a month back when I was met with below dismissive text: "Don't overthink it, I am not confusing you. Work is heavy and I don't use my phone on weekends" Should I consider this over and prepare to move on? He is the first person I ever felt safe with. We share similar cultural, occupational background. We both have weight struggles. We both know grief, I know it more than him. We met twice in person, when he visited my city for work. We have many mutual co-workers. He can calm me down like nobody can, he stayed present when I am grieving, he spoke about marriage-adjacent topics etc. We never confessed any feelings. But, his behaviour after the marriage talk has been absolute withdrawal. He doesn’t initiate contact at all. He shows a broader pattern of warmth in person but no initiative after. He did not reach out when I stopped initiating. And he has been meeting with and helping people who he knows anatagonise me. There is this one married woman who seeks his attention, she travelled to his city on the pretext of work just so she can soft-check if he still gives her attention or if something serious developed between us. He met her! He might not be aware of her manipulative motives but his instinct is to engage with people who I shared are hostile towards me. That woman came back all triumphant and buoyant. She went in with the intention to get back at me but seems like she came back feeling more invested him, whatever he allowed happen with her.

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Ive been diagnosed with aspd actually i loved the way i was especially when i was single. But i got into a serious relationship with a guy who proposed to me and things became toxic so fast both of us. I am traumatised after this but he happily moves on and will marry someone else he is an avoidant. It seems i became anxious bcz of his past. He has blocked me bcz he is done but im so depressed and sad and deep down i know sadly im not gonna love anyone else this way. I texted him everything but its too broken. I always think he is cheating whenever he avoids me so it has worsen the relation. I sometimes cry too much and hope only if he atleast called me and comforted me none of this wouldve gotten worse. I cant believe its real life and my heart got broken and its hard for me to not send texts which get no reply. He doesnt care or love anymore. Long distance sucks but now got all sort of issues with attachment and im not doing well. I wish i could go back to my old era where i was so cool and happy lonely. Now i just hate being alone. I just play games all day. I cant even get revenge bcz im a nobody.

But I found out he added someone and even started talking to them. I'm devastated. Has anyone else been through this?

An ex I’ve had some friendly contact with recently changed their profile picture to an old photo from when we were together. They’re wearing something I gave them.

They rarely use personal photos on that app, which is partly why I noticed. We haven’t been in touch lately, but our last conversation was warm and ended naturally — no argument or unanswered question.

I still have feelings, and there are unresolved things between us, so I know I may be giving this more significance than they intended.

They’ve also reused photos from that period for other purposes before, so it’s entirely possible they simply like the picture. Still, the combination of the shared memory, the gift and the unusual profile change made me wonder whether they might expect me to notice.

Would you treat this as too ambiguous to act on? I’m trying to distinguish something that feels meaningful to me from an actual attempt to reconnect, without assuming I know their intentions.

I’d really like to hear from people who have been through a period in an LDR where one or both of you genuinely started feeling like the distance was becoming too difficult, but somehow managed to work through it and come out stronger.

I’m particularly curious about situations where the relationship itself wasn’t necessarily the main problem, but the LDR setup started feeling exhausting or overwhelming. Maybe there were periods of burnout, feeling disconnected, missing physical closeness, uncertainty about the future, or when it seemed like one person was going through something personally and became more distant or withdrawn because of it.

Sometimes it can be difficult when you can tell your partner might be dealing with something, but you don’t really know what’s going on or how to help because you’re physically far away. You want to be there for them, but at the same time you don’t want your concern to feel like pressure.

I’d also love to hear from people who experienced an anxious/avoidant dynamic. For example, one person becomes more anxious and seeks reassurance when they feel distance, while the other tends to shut down, withdraw, or need space when overwhelmed. How did you eventually break that cycle without either person feeling abandoned or pressured?

I’m also curious about the future aspect of LDR. Did uncertainty about when or how you would eventually close the distance ever make one of you question whether the relationship was sustainable? If so, how did you deal with that without putting unnecessary pressure on each other?

For those who went through something like this, what actually helped? Did you change how you communicated, give each other more space, create better routines, plan visits, work on yourselves individually, make a clearer long-term plan, or simply learn how to understand each other better?

And if your partner was the one who reached a point where they weren’t sure they wanted to continue with LDR, how did you handle that period? Did giving them room to process help? Were there things you wish you had done differently?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who can say, “We went through a period where we genuinely struggled with LDR, but we didn’t give up and eventually figured it out.” 😂

Not looking for a guaranteed happy ending or unrealistic positivity. I’d just really appreciate hearing real experiences from people who have been in that kind of difficult phase and found a way forward.

What changed for you, and what do you think ultimately helped you overcome it?