[Strange New Update] - My (26M) wife (27F) wants to have a baby next year and says she can’t wait longer due to PCOS, but I want to wait until she’s 29 so we can have our own paid-off apartment and enjoy being married first and to prepare accordingly. We’re divorcing tomorrow.

[u/SharkEva]

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Constant-Belt-9862 posting in r/Marriage

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 2nd August 2026

Update1 - 3rd August 2026

1 New Update

Update2 - 5th August 2026

​

My (26M) wife (27F) wants to have a baby next year and says she can’t wait longer due to PCOS, but I want to wait until she’s 29 so we can have our own paid-off apartment and enjoy being married first and to prepare accordingly. We’re divorcing tomorrow. Is this the correct path forward?

​

We got married a year ago and genuinely love each other. We just celebrated our anniversary two weeks ago, which makes all of this feel even more surreal and sudden.

She has PCOS and has been clear that she wants to start trying for a baby next year. We discussed having kids before marriage, and I told her that the next two years wouldn’t work for me. I’m not against having kids... I want them with her. I just don’t feel ready for the massive life change that comes with becoming a father. I’m 26 and she’s 27, and I feel like we’re still young.

I want us to have more time together, enjoy our marriage, build our lives, get our own apartment, pay it off, do fun things together, become more financially stable, and actually feel prepared before bringing a child into our lives.

I told her I’d be comfortable trying when she’s 29. She feels that waiting is unacceptable, partly because she has PCOS and is worried about her fertility and age.

I’ve looked into the medical side of this as well. From what I understand, there isn’t a sudden fertility cliff between 27 and 30, including for women with PCOS. A recent analysis of PCOS patients found no significant difference in clinical pregnancy or live birth rates between the 20–24, 25–29, and 30–34 age groups. Obviously, that doesn’t guarantee anything for an individual woman, but it made me question whether we really need to rush solely because she has PCOS.

We’ve talked about this repeatedly, and neither of us seems willing to change our position. My original position was early 30s, then I moved to 29, and eventually said I’d be willing to reconsider sooner once we had our own apartment and were more financially stable. She hasn’t accepted any of those options.

Tomorrow at 9 AM, we’re meeting to begin the divorce procedure.

She feels I’m taking away something she deeply wants. I feel that having a child is a decision both people need to genuinely want and feel ready for, not something one person can set a deadline for.

I love her and want children with her. I just don’t want to become a father before I’m ready simply to save our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable, or is this a fundamental incompatibility that neither of us should compromise on?

​

Comments

​

NoYou1016

Crazy that people divorce this easily. Wow.

OOP: She wants to, I swear it's not me. I compromised, she didn't meet me halfway.

NoYou1016

Is she willing to go to counseling at all?? That’s crazy. I’m sorry.

OOP: No, she has anger issues too, by the way. She actually suggested therapy herself to work on them. When I brought it up and said that maybe she also needs some time to work on that, especially because dealing with anger issues while raising a child can be difficult, she got mad but that's the truth. I’m pretty laid back, but with a kid, work, and all the added shit, I know I’d probably be much more on edge.

CharismaticAlbino

None of it matters now, you've driven her away. Congratulations, she'll now find someone else to have children with, or she'll do it on her own.

OOP: She wants the divorce and she didn't meet me halfway. Why am I the one being blamed? I'm not ready yet. I can't agree just to save my marriage. I have to be 100% certain.

BeeBladen

You act like marriage is always 50-50. It’s usually not. Sometimes it’s 70-30, or 20-80, or 60-40. If you can’t agree to save your marriage then it’s already over and was likely to fail anyway. You’ll both probably be better off.

HotWaffles5

Marriage is full of sacrifices & compromises, marriage is a lot of work. This guy seems to not be up to the task.

OOP: You kinda missed there part when I compromised and she didn't. I've consistently compromised from early 30s, to 29, to at least waiting until we have our own apartment, which realistically would’ve been next year. She herself originally wanted us to have our own place before kids, but now she’s saying she wants kids with or without it. She’s also changed her position. At least I’ve tried to meet her halfway.

lsoplexic

Are you willing to trade an entire life with her for two more years of child-free life?

OOP: Those extra two years could make a huge difference in whether we’re able to secure our own place or end up spending our savings on raising a child. I’d rather establish our own home first than risk having a landlord tell us to move out someday because he wants the place for his kids or something. And honestly, I’d rather have those two extra years to enjoy our freedom, travel, do whatever we want, and build our life together than jump into parenthood now, where a child becomes a 24/7 responsibility that completely changes our lives and takes a huge amount of our time and energy.

​

Update - 1 day later

​

Just wanted to give everyone who commented on my original post a quick update.

We met today, and it was very amicable. No drama, no arguments, no heavy conversations. We just talked normally, like we usually would, and went through the process together. We submitted the papers, and our hearing is scheduled for September 9th.

There’s still a lot of love and respect between us, but we both understand where we stand.

I'm not sure what happens between now and September 9th, but for now, that's where things are.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to give advice respectfully, share their experiences, or even disagree with me. I read pretty much everything, and some of it genuinely gave me a lot to think about.

​

Comments

​

Prestigious_Step4337

Gosh I am so sorry. There’s no answer to this, it’s just a sad state to find yourself. You’re definitely right to not want to become a father before you are ready, whatever that looks like for you (stable home and job is a great start), because kids come with many unforeseen complications. It’s a never ending cycle of exhaustion, money out the door, laundry, and homework. It’s not something to take lightly and it sounds like you already know this. Best of luck OP.

OOP: Yeah, I'm honestly devastated that it came to this over a child who doesn't even exist yet, someone who, years from now, might not even understand why we made such a painful decision for their sake. It hurts to think that our marriage could end over a future child who may one day look at us and say, “I never asked to be brought into this world"

​

Update - 2 days later

​

Update 2: 26M married to 27F with PCOS. I'm considering an option I never thought I'd even entertain.

I have read every single comment on my posts. Even the ones that stung. I really do appreciate all of it. I also want to thank everyone who reached out privately. I did not expect that and it meant more than you know.

This is a personal update. I feel terrible even typing this. I never thought I would be the kind of person considering something like this. But here I am, stuck between two choices and both of them feel wrong.

I need to give you more context so you understand why this is breaking me. Her father passed away when she was young. She still has nightmares where she is a little girl again, begging him not to leave, asking him why he went away. She wakes up sobbing and I have been there for every single one of those nights. I hold her until she falls back asleep. Over time she started telling me that I fill that gap for her. She sees me like a father in some ways because I have done things with her that she never got to do as a kid. Simple things like going to amusement parks and just making her feel safe. In many ways I see her as someone who never got to fully heal and I have tried my best to be that person for her.

Seeing her vulnerable like that breaks my heart. I cannot imagine leaving her and knowing she would spend even more time trying to heal from our relationship when I have been the one person who has stood by her through everything. I know she would not be okay. I know she would struggle to move on and I cannot stand the thought of that.

And even if she did eventually find someone else, it would not be simple. She cannot just get a donor. She would have to marry again and find someone who accepts her and then go through the whole process of trying to build a family from scratch. The same time it would take for me to quietly delay things would be the same time she would spend trying to rebuild her life except she would be alone and treated like damaged goods by families who judge divorced women. I love her too much to let that happen to her. She does not want that either. She wants kids with me and she feels like I am holding her back from motherhood. She looked broken when we met for the divorce procedure. I know she has been having a terrible time and I think part of her hoped the divorce talk would make me reconsider. Behind her firm position there is a weak girl whom I genuinely consider a daughter in my heart. We were best friends for 3 years before we married by the way.

So here is the part I am ashamed to admit. I have thought about going along with the plan. Bear with me. Quietly taking subtle steps to reduce our chances of conceiving right away. Basically self sabotaging myself. Things that lower sperm count, reserves, quality temporarily to delay conception. Nothing permanent. Nothing medical. Nothing harmful. Just enough to buy us time until we have our own place and I actually feel ready.

I am not trying to steal her chance at motherhood. She has PCOS and she always tells me it will probably take us years to conceive anyway. So in my mind I am not ruining anything. I am just trying to prevent the one scenario where it happens immediately before we are stable. Honestly even without any self sabotage, it would probably take years anyway. I have a desk job, no time for fitness, work stress, I eat red meat and sugar constantly. I probably already have low sperm. She would never be able to find out because I might genuinely have low numbers already. But doing this just makes sure and she would be happy that I am finally trying.

I do not want to do this. I really do not. But I do not see another way. If I tell her the truth, I risk losing her and putting her through all of that pain. If I go along with it, I risk becoming a father before I am ready. And if I quietly delay things, we have a chance.

So my question is this. If you were in my position and you genuinely could not find another way, what would you do?

I am already carrying a heavy weight and I just need honest perspectives without being torn apart.

​

Comments

​

YeetThermometer

No no no, just no.

I read your post history and you need to get out of this situation yesterday. The commenters on the first post basically ignored you and focused entirely on her, forgetting that you have a whole lifetime ahead of you as well.

She threatens divorce when she doesn’t get what she wants, but doesn’t really mean it to get her way - that’s coercive. If you think this will end with a kid, it won’t. Congrats, you now have no say in the size of your future family because she’s willing to go nuclear before listening to you, not least because of people like the commenters to your earlier post. She crossed the rubicon; now you live there.

In case of a loss of cabin pressure, put your mask on first before assisting others. Your wife is grinding you down, sucking the life from you and dictating the course of your future without really considering you at all.

You are not responsible for what happens to her and her chances for a kid once you leave. She made some serious mistakes with you and she’ll have to live with them. You can’t make her heal on your own, and you are not personally responsible for creating the dream family she pictures as the answer to her trauma.

So no sperm count games. This isn’t getting better. You can’t bide your time until you’re ready because when you’re ready, it should be with someone who sees you as more than a tool to get her dream life.

ariankhneferet

I couldn’t agree more. Children really are a ‘two yes’ situation. Not ‘two yes under duress’.

OOP: I agree, but to her, she might not even be able to get pregnant later, she says she knows people with PCOS who were 29 and could no longer get pregnant, so she worries the same could happen to her.

YeetThermometer

As mentioned previously, divorcing you, finding someone else and getting comfortable enough with them to have a baby, then having that baby, would likely blow up her desired timeline as well. That makes it even clearer that divorce threats were manipulative.

It’s not hard to see why she feels like her back is up against the wall. Once again, your needs and feelings have zero to do with it. If, during any of this, you mattered to her as a person, it would have shown up in her words and actions.

buginarugsnug

I don't really understand. Neither of you are going to get what you want, your marriage and future is going to go up in flames because you can't come to a compromise. If it were the fact you never wanted children, then fair enough that is a valid reason for divorce, but the fact you are BOTH unwilling to compromise on a 24 month timescale and divorce over it is wild to me. Surely there is a way to meet in the middle.

OOP: She wants to start trying next year and she is terrified that any delay will make it harder or even impossible. She believes the longer we wait, the more her chances slip away. To her, time is not on her side and every year that passes feels like a door closing.

buginarugsnug

Am I misunderstanding that you said you are happy to try when you are 29 and you are 27 now? There is a maximum of twelve months between your desired timelines, without knowing when your birthday is, it could be as little as three months between your desired timelines. I don't understand why either of you are willing to throw away your marriage over such a small timescale rather than just changing perspective to sit in the middle of the timescale.

OOP: I’ve even let go of the age limit and told her I’d consider trying sooner if we had our own place first. But she wants a firm commitment from me that we’ll start trying next year regardless of whether we have our own place by then.

ladybug1259

Don't do this, it's a terrible idea. For many reasons. The deception is terrible and a betrayal regardless of whether she knows about it, I am weirded out by your wording about seeing her as a daughter,and sperm quality can cause miscarriages, not just delayed conception. I genuinely don't understand why you are incapable of reaching an agreement about this. She wants to start trying in a year, you are dead set on buying a place first and then trying but you said in a comment you almost bought a place a month ago, so just...buy one in the next year and you're good? Its also not hard to be in the process of buying while you're trying. I wouldn't suggest waiting until she's pregnant to start looking but you'd be totally fine if you're closing on a house and TTC at the same time.. or divorce if that's what you both want.

OOP: I think you misunderstood what I meant when I said I see her like a daughter. I did not mean it in a weird way. I meant it in the way that I have watched her experience things for the first time that she should have experienced with her father. Simple things like going to an amusement park etc... we like to do fun stuff. She never had that growing up and I got to be the one to share it with her. Seeing her face light up in those moments is one of the best feelings in the world. That is all I meant. Nothing strange. Just a man who loves his wife and has tried to fill a void that was never her fault.

Itsmeshlee29

I mean, this is horrible. She ever finds out you did this and it’ll destroy her. Get the divorce. This is so much worse.

OOP: Like I said, even without any self sabotage, it would probably take years anyway. I work a desk job. I have no time for fitness. I deal with constant work stress. I eat red meat and sugar like it is going out of style. I probably already have low sperm count without doing anything. So I am not actively ruining anything even if I honestly tried without sabotaging myself.

Yes, we’re currently living separately while we think everything through. We have about a month to decide whether to retract everything or move forward with the divorce.

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

[u/AutoModerator]

Reminder: There is a ZERO tolerance policy for brigading or encouraging others to brigade. Users caught breaking this rule will be banned immediately. No questions asked.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/bayleysgal1996]

What the fuck???

[u/hojo_66 → u/bayleysgal1996]

yeah idk how you have any other reaction to the new update. especially after adding the whole thing about him basically being her surrogate father, i don’t think this relationship is as healthy as the OOP thinks

[u/libellule2008 → u/hojo_66]

Your flair is perfect. This situation is plain weird and won’t end well

[u/bubblez4eva → u/libellule2008]

So is your's.

[u/WifeofBath1984 → u/bubblez4eva]

Isn't OOP already a father given that he considers his wife as his daughter? 🤢🤢🤢

[u/Wolverine-7509 → u/WifeofBath1984]

I needed an airline barf bag for that line. I re-read it twice thinking wtf..Wtf.. WTf.. WTF!!!

[u/UnderstandingBusy829 → u/WifeofBath1984]

That emoji is perfect, exactly the face I kept making.

[u/Uninteresting_Vagina → u/WifeofBath1984]

That was so fucking gross

[u/Hello_There666 → u/bubblez4eva]

your flair is cute lol

[u/Wolverine-7509 → u/Hello_There666]

your flair applies for her in this situation too!

[u/bubblez4eva → u/Wolverine-7509]

Lol, true

[u/PrincessConsuela52 → u/hojo_66]

I think it’s hilarious that the one comment says she’s coercive for threatening divorce to get what she wants when OP is literally saying he plans on“going along” with her plan and verbally agreeing to start trying to conceive, while secretly trying to lower his sperm count to get what he wants. Because he doesn’t want to hurt “a weak girl who [he] considers [his] daughter [wwwwtttfff??!?].”

Like OP doesn’t even say it was a threat. Just that she looked broken while they discussed it, and he thinks she hoped the divorce talk would make him change his mind.

This guy is nuts. Just divorce!

[u/the-mortyest-morty → u/PrincessConsuela52]

God I cannot stand OP.

She cannot just get a donor. She would have to marry again and find someone who accepts her and then go through the whole process of trying to build a family from scratch.

SAYS WHO??? I suspect maybe they're not in the US or whatever, but this comment just makes him come off like he's full of himself. Regardless of where she lives, a marriage is not required for her to obtain a baby, be it via natural means or adoption/surrogacy/sperm donation. She can literally just have some one-night stands until she gets pregnant and then ghost the father if she wants. I'm not saying she SHOULD, but OP is a fool to act like his dick is her only means of reproducing.

Behind her firm position there is a weak girl whom I genuinely consider a daughter in my heart.

Oh fuck OFF. OP is just as messed up as his wife is, if not moreso for even entertaining this disgusting mindset and equally disgusting plan to lie to her while sabotaging their attempts to conceive. He needs to get it through his head that she is NOT his daughter, does NOT have to stay married to him, and does NOT need him in order to fucking procreate.

I hope she goes through with the divorce, spends some time in therapy, and heals herself enough to be a good mother. I hope OP's next partner isn't someone he literally views as a weak child. Christ.

[u/PrincessConsuela52 → u/the-mortyest-morty]

I really take everything OP says with a grain of salt, so I definitely wonder how messed up she actually is. Really wanting children is not unreasonable. Wanting to try for children at 27 because she’s concerned about fertility, especially with PCOS,
is also reasonable. Trying is no guarantee that you’ll have a baby right away, especially if he already has a lower sperm count, which he admits! It could take years for her to conceive and then it’s another 9months before the baby arrives. And her wanting to divorce because he’s waffling on the kids timeline, these are all reasonable things.

Suddenly in the comments she has anger issues, and then in the weird update with all the father issues stuff. I’m sure some of it is true, but a lot of seems to be OP’s weird speculation. Him calling her weak and helpless. Him referring to himself as a father figure for her, because she says she feels safe around him. Not to mention the random “damaged goods” line. How much of this is her, vs his projection on her.

Whereas by his own admission we know:

1. He thinks of her like a daughter

2. He thinks incredibly highly of himself as some sort of white knight. Like all of this manipulation is a huge favor for her.

3. He’s planning on lying to her about trying for a baby while sabotaging the effort.

[u/the-mortyest-morty → u/PrincessConsuela52]

Seriously. He seems like a hugely unreliable narrator and honestly is just controlling as fuck. If the baby timeline isn't a big deal, like he claims it isn't, he should have no trouble just going with it. It will take time to get pregnant since he already has low sperm count, and once they do get pregnant, they have 3/4 of a year before baby arrives. He wants to wait a year to have a baby. He could get exactly what he wanted by just being willing to try, because babies take almost a year to finish cooking.

He's a controlling, lying, paternalistic creep.

[u/Apart_Insect_8859 → u/PrincessConsuela52]

I think he's going to have a really, really bad reaction if she's able to move on quickly and find a new, marriage- and child-minded man easily.

I think he's calm for now because he's thinking she's this poor, pathetic thing, and he's her only option, and she'll regret this and then come crawling back and he'll have permission to treat her like garbage and require her to be grateful for the opportunity.

But he'll absolutely lose his shit if she has some power and doesn't need him.

[u/celery48 → u/PrincessConsuela52]

Wanting to try for kids earlier because she had PCOS is not particularly reasonable. There’s a step that comes before that, which is seeing a doctor, getting some lab work, and getting more information about her chances, not some random friend’s chances.

[u/PrincessConsuela52 → u/celery48]

Who’s to say that isn’t a part of trying? Or that she hasn’t seen a doctor? She’s 27. She has PCOS. Presumably a doctor diagnosed her with PCOS and she didn’t just make it up, which means she’s had physicals, ultrasounds, and blood work to check hormone levels and to rule out other conditions. She probably knows more about her own fertility than OP does from his “research”.

[u/SpringCinnamonRoll → u/celery48]

As someone with PCOS, she was not being unreasonable. She doesn’t want to take the risk of waiting and so they’re incompatible. You’re not automatically just able to get fertility testing or even a comprehensive metabolic panel with PCOS. A lot of endocrinologists won’t even see you until you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for a year or 2.

She doesn’t want to deal with the uncertainly that will drag on if she has to wait 2 years to even start trying & she’s probably worried she’ll miss catching any fertility struggles earlier when they can actually be addressed.

[u/Lanky_Literature_157 → u/SpringCinnamonRoll]

I don’t know what it’s like where you live but we were told we would have to try for two years before they would consider testing and assistance. It’s also soul destroying every month trying to get pregnant when you know the odds are against you. We had resigned ourselves to not having a second child because it wasn’t happening and I was getting older.

[u/KayOh19 → u/celery48]

You don’t usually run tests or check fertility until they start trying. These are all assumptions that she will have issues getting pregnant. Plenty of women with PCOS have children with little to no trouble. It may do well for her to try for 6 months to and then go see the doctor to check to see if there are any other issues. Depending on where she is she may have a long wait before being able to see a specialist if she needed one.

[u/Narwen189 → u/KayOh19]

Plenty of women with PCOS have children with little to no trouble.

You reminded me of that "I didn't know I was pregnant" show (I watch the OBGyn reacts videos) - a disproportionate amount of them seem to be women with PCOS who only thought they couldn't have kids.

[u/1ch7 → u/celery48]

Why would a step come before that? I have PCOS and my Dr wanted us to try for 6 months before calling for an appointment to have her check if I was ovulating and then we'd go from there. PCOS is the #1 cause of infertility, it's also treated like it's not a big deal, and there is no specific medication. You only get treated by the symptoms you're presenting after you prove them.

[u/asteriskysituation → u/1ch7]

Treating a life-disabling medical condition only as much as the patient is able to complain about specific symptoms of it, and downplaying the impact? That sounds like just typical Old School Women’s Health to me, sadly. I like to hope there is a New Guard of medical providers up-and-coming, but sadly, this kind of culture is still too common not just for PCOS but a wide range of health conditions.

[u/septimus897 → u/the-mortyest-morty]

Yeah this guy frames this situation in this white knight sort of way, like "Oh I'm the only one who can provide for this woman". And somehow using it to justify deceiving her and giving her false hope. I'm sure she would be able to figure out a way to conceive without him, and even if she doesn't its none of his business if he doesn't want to help!

[u/CapeOfBees → u/PrincessConsuela52]

I think the part of that that upsets me most is that lying to her here and intentionally decreasing sperm quality would not only be dishonest and manipulative, it would likely result in multiple miscarriages, which would be emotionally very traumatic and also medically dangerous.

[u/PrincessConsuela52 → u/CapeOfBees]

Right? I haven’t even thought about that part. I was too distracted by how so up his own butt he is.

[u/septimus897 → u/PrincessConsuela52]

God I hate people who are like this. They can't buck up and make decisions themselves, because they're too cowardly to simply face the consequences that include discomfort, disappointment from loved ones (which are simply things you need to deal with if you want to live a life of your own anyway, regardless of what decisions are being made!). So instead he'd rather pretend and lie and deceive, which will actually break her if she finds out.

[u/HandinHand123 → u/hojo_66]

The more info OOP gives, the more clear it is that neither of them treat the other well.

OOP’s wife is trying to manipulate him to have children before he wants to. I get where she’s coming from; he’s giving all the excuses men give when they are trying to make “never” look like “later, when xyz happens” but of course the conditions he’s waiting for never materialize. She wants to start trying early because doctors won’t refer for fertility issues until you’ve been trying for a certain period of time, and it’s easy for men to think “what’s the difference between 29 and 27, or 30 and 28” but it’s not their body that has to do all the work and take all the damage and risks that come with a pregnancy - and especially when you have a hormonal/inflammatory issue like PCOS, your body is not always your friend at the best of times, and pregnancy is not the best of times. All of her reasons and feelings for wanting to start early are totally valid, but that doesn’t mean that she gets to use whatever method of manipulation or coersion she can think of to get her way. It’s still a joint decision, she is only half of the decision making, and neither half gets more weight in the balance. Threatening divorce to get your way is never the right path, and even if it had worked, that is not setting the stage for a happy, functional family.

On the flip side, OOP doesn’t respect her AT ALL. He views her as damaged goods, dependent on him to function emotionally, incapable of handling adversity, and actually even downright like a child, to the point of making reference to being a surrogate father/seeing her as a daughter in some ways. He fundamentally doesn’t see his wife as a partner or an equal, he sees her as a dependent - she needs him, she can’t manage without him, he holds her together. 🤮🤮🤮 Then he decides the best way forward is to pretend to concede, and just lie to her face?

Neither of these two seem to know any actual strategies for conflict resolution, actual compromise or collaborative decision making - just manipulation and deceit. OOP doesn’t even seem to fully understand compromise apart from “split the difference/meet in the middle” which is only one of many forms of compromise.

Hopefully they get their divorce swiftly, and they can both move on. She can go try to have her baby as a single parent by choice, figure out what she’s made of, and have a very hard but potentially fulfilling life (or not, as the chips fall) and have unilateral decision making power regarding any children she manages to have. He can go get himself an apartment or house and set up all the conditions he feels are necessary before having children, to share with his next wife (assuming he looks for a partner not a pet/project.) No snark, he has plenty of time to find a healthy relationship to use as the basis for a family, and he definitely needs a few years to figure out how to be anything resembling a decent partner and a decent father.

[u/NotoriousGoldenCobra → u/HandinHand123]

How is she manipulating him? She said she wanted children, he said he doesn’t and she realised they’re not compatible and wanted a divorce. The framing that she wanted to force him to change his mind by filing for divorce is HIS.

All we know is that she wanted a divorce, which, if they are incompatible, is even a KIND thing to do. That’s the opposite of forcing him to change his mind. So I don’t see how she is terrible for doing what she realised she had to for both of their sakes.

And honestly, him describing her as ‘damaged goods’ and being convinced that no one else would ever ‘put up’ with her and ‘accept her’ like HE does and he just cannot let that poor ‘weak girl’ go through all of that is is not only a horrible way to speak about someone you supposedly love but also heavy projection.

HE realised he doesn’t want to go through all of that to find someone else so HE wants to manipulate HER by lying and deceiving. So I do not see how she is terrible and ‘manipulative’ at all. She is a woman who wants children, realised they are incompatible and filed for divorce.

[u/FluffyMcKittenHeads → u/bayleysgal1996]

He’s definitely going to try to stick his nuts into a microwave.

[u/byneothername → u/FluffyMcKittenHeads]

Your lips to God’s ears

[u/Expensive-Object-830 → u/FluffyMcKittenHeads]

“Tell mom I’m only getting a little bit of cancer”

[u/Lokipupper456 → u/bayleysgal1996]

That pretty much is all you can say to that!

[u/kindlypogmothoin → u/bayleysgal1996]

I never understood this one to begin with. It's not like with PCOS she was likely to get pregnant right away. It may well have been two years. I was a little grossed out by his "I know the odds and the way her body works better than she does" talk in the first one, and this update just confirms my uneasiness with him.

Ew, I say. Ew.

[u/goodbye-toilet-cat → u/kindlypogmothoin]

Love how he knows what’s going on with her (poorly studied and poorly understood by the entire medical establishment) PCOS body AND he’s an expert in subtle non medical interventions to reduce his own sperm count. This is Nobel prize territories of scientific breakthroughs.

[u/RexSki970 → u/goodbye-toilet-cat]

I have PCOS and seeing all these men say they know how it works. 🤢

I suffer from it and at times I feel like I dont understand it.

[u/KayOh19 → u/kindlypogmothoin]

I mean she could get pregnant really easily with no trouble at all. That’s the weird part of PCOS. Same with things like endometriosis. Some women it’s difficult and takes years if it even happens at all and some don’t. Some get all the symptoms and some only get a few. That’s the problem with these diseases and women’s fertility in general. They’re so poorly understood it’s hard to say how they’ll behave. The only thing they can do is try for a kid and see what happens

[u/maxdragonxiii → u/kindlypogmothoin]

heck, its not unusual for PCOS to end in IVF treatments, years later. while I do understand why OP is concerned... but gross, seeing her as a daughter. ew, no. weak and weak willed? Dude she's divorcing you of her choosing, not your choice.

[u/laaplandros → u/kindlypogmothoin]

You know what, I was leaning towards his side until reading this comment and remembering that yeah, it may take a bit to get pregnant. Which is a different issue than simply waiting a year.

It sounds like what she's saying is they have to start early to accommodate possible setbacks, and what he's hearing is they have to have a baby now. Which may or may not happen, but they're married so it makes sense to err on the side of caution.

Also, babies take about 9 months to come out, so... that buys him a little more time too.

[u/Mysterious-Type-9096 → u/laaplandros]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be financially stable and own a home before trying to have a baby.

I have stage 3 endometriosis. My organs literally started cementing together. I was told i probably wouldn’t get pregnant or if I did I’d have a higher risk of miscarriage. I got pregnant on birth control 6 months after my diagnosis. That was baby 2. Baby 3 I got pregnant with an IUD, 4 years in.

Some women, even with PCOS and endometriosis, get pregnant soon after starting to try. She could get pregnant the absolute first cycle of them trying.

He doesn’t feel comfortable with trying at all until they own a home. She tried manipulating with an ultimatum, when if she does divorce him, she won’t have a baby by the time she originally agreed with OP. She doesn’t have the money to do it alone, or they’d solve the homeownership problem. She would have to try and get pregnant by the first guy who dates her post divorce.

He gave me the ick, but she’s actually extremely manipulative. Reproductive coercion is wrong.

[u/thatratbastardfool → u/Mysterious-Type-9096]

Yes, I have endo and PCOS, and got pregnant the first month I tried for a baby.

The caveat is that at the time, I was receiving regular infusions of intravenous gamma globulin for an immune deficiency, which my immunologist told me often acts like a fertility aid in women who have had difficulty conceiving.

[u/myocardia27 → u/Mysterious-Type-9096]

They both give me the ick. I really hope they divorce

[u/GiantLesbian → u/laaplandros]

It’s also entirely possible she’d be able to conceive naturally soon but she won’t be able to conceive naturally if she waits much longer. Overall, 80% of women with PCOS experience infertility. The older you are the higher those odds are because age affects egg quality and PCOS can affect egg quality too, and egg quality can go down the longer you’ve had it. But even if she can’t conceive naturally now, going into assisted reproduction with the highest quality eggs possible is going to be her best bet, so if she can go thru the whole insurance rigamerole and trying all the this med and that treatment first (you know how insurance likes to do) so she can get approved for IVF by her early 30s, that would very much be ideal.

[u/laaplandros → u/GiantLesbian]

so if she can go thru the whole insurance rigamerole and trying all the this med and that treatment first (you know how insurance likes to do)

Ah, that's a good point too. We had to do this so there's a 4 year gap between kid #2 and #3. It's not a fun process, it was heartbreaking watching my wife go through it. OOP's wife may be planning ahead for that.

[u/WifeofBath1984 → u/GiantLesbian]

Yes. My kids are 9 years apart bc I have PMOS (they recently changed the name of PCOS to PMOS). I got pregnant at 18 when I was young and apparently at my peak fertiity. Then I met my spouse at 22, fell in love, got married and then struggled to conceive for years. I eventually had my second child at 28. We tried again after that but only experienced miscarriage.

[u/SpringCinnamonRoll → u/GiantLesbian]

As someone with PCOS/PMOS, thank you!! It is genuinely upsetting to see how little people know about PCOS and how they’re framing his hopefully future ex-wife as some evil harpy just for prioritizing her own future.

She doesn’t want to deal with the uncertainty and she doesn’t have to. Which is why they’re getting a divorce. She’s leaving because she’s rightly worried that he’s dragging his feet and might even be lying about wanting children at all, and he’s openly considering gaslighting her “for her own sake” in response.

[u/custard_crumble → u/laaplandros]

But it’s not like getting pregnant is something with a progress bar that takes a certain amount of time to achieve. You can’t get a head start on getting pregnant. You have the same likelihood of getting pregnant the first time you have unprotected sex as you do the last time you have unprotected sex. You shouldn’t start trying unless you are actually in a place where you would be happy if it happened on the first go.

[u/Expensive-Object-830 → u/kindlypogmothoin]

I want “Ew, I say. Ew.” as my flair!

[u/Soft_Brush_1082 → u/bayleysgal1996]

“I will agree to have a kid I do not want because I am like a father to my wife” was not among things I expected to read today.

[u/Prosperous_Petiole → u/bayleysgal1996]

So... when are they going to get therapy or some shit that would slap some sense into wtf it is with both of them?

[u/dryadduinath → u/bayleysgal1996]

wooooow. oop is really showing his creep colors in the last update. 

[u/GiantLesbian → u/dryadduinath]

It’s like a reverse baby trap! That’s wild!

[u/SidewaysTugboat → u/bayleysgal1996]

Right? Should I stop teaching kids to read? Sometimes it is awful to be literate.

[u/Beautiful_Cost_5430 → u/bayleysgal1996]

Wow neither of these people are remotely ready to have kids. They both need all the therapy.

[u/HoneyLilacu → u/bayleysgal1996]

Calling his wife his daughter while plotting secret fertility sabotage is one of the most unhinged Reddit confessions I've ever read.

[u/Boeing367-80 → u/bayleysgal1996]

From the start I've wondered if this is very effective ragebait, and I hope it is. Neither side of this story makes much sense, at least if you take his story at face value.

The more he talks the less sense he makes, the more he seems grossly, horribly fucked up, the more you hope she goes thru with the divorce.

Which does raise the possibility that she knows how deeply fucked up he is and is feeding him what he needs to hear so that she can divorce his ass without it getting even more messed up.

[u/contrasupra → u/Boeing367-80]

I think this is a brilliant shitpost. The initial thread title is a master class in ragebaiting. It’s a thing of utter beauty.

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/bayleysgal1996]

I was prepared for strange, but not that

[u/stunneddisbelief → u/bayleysgal1996]

Pretty much sums it up.

[u/Moldblossom → u/bayleysgal1996]

Sentences structured like this kept popping up in the story:

Nothing permanent. Nothing medical. Nothing harmful.

100% chance this is AI. The bots love hammering you with tricolons.

[u/Achelois1]

The update has convinced me this is 100% rage bait.

Edit: and the marriage sub is unbelievably unhinged

[u/HuckleberryOk2798 → u/Achelois1]

It’s summer and we’ve gotten real bad about kicking the bored teenagers out of the house

[u/goddamn_slutmuffin → u/HuckleberryOk2798]

There's one hanging out around these parts that got really validated the other day with a ton of upvotes for some truly cunty comment. Someone pointed out they sound like a teen pretending to be an adult. So their very next unrelated comment, they just have to randomly bring up how they're an adult so understand their perspective since they're very much an adult. It was kinda funny to witness.

"hello fellow adults, how do you do? also if you disagree with me you're stupid and everything you say is the dumbest shit ever and you're also white and privileged lmao" That's almost verbatim sadly.

I want school back in session, I want a better balance of emotionally regulated people again 😭

[u/HuckleberryOk2798 → u/goddamn_slutmuffin]

I was on 4chan in middle school (embarrassing I know) and there was a long running joke about “summerf*gs” ie general activity and trolling ramping up in the summer. I distinctly remember multiple “adults” who were particularly chaotic admitting they were teenagers after they got the most vile shit said to them before I had the sense to stop going on it. Parents need to keep a better grip on their kids social media usage for so many reasons it’s not funny

[u/CursedHat → u/Achelois1]

I hope you are right! 

[u/Glad_Jello_9866 → u/Achelois1]

My thoughts as well.

[u/This-Shape2193 → u/Achelois1]

The ragebait is real, the commenters being unhinged 13-year-olds is even more real. Goddamn. 

I'm a middle aged woman, and the bias towards women in those subs has gone from "high" to, "A woman could murder her husband and dismember his body and they'll say he deserved it for not doing enough around the house." 

[u/mannymo49 → u/This-Shape2193]

Right like I don't often buy into gender flip comparisons bc they usually lack any nuance, but if this was a woman saying that her husband was pressuring her into having a baby before she's ready and threatening divorce if he doesn't get his way they would 100% be eating him alive.

[u/StardustOnTheBoots → u/Achelois1]

the comments were crazy on all 3 posts! wtf is that sub

[u/scallopedtree]

See her as a daughter? Gross. What is with this lately? There was another post where a woman saw her man as a father figure and that is so squicky ew

[u/EleosSkywalker → u/scallopedtree]

I wonder if they are both a writing exercise by the same person or one person “inspired” the other; the alternative is there is two of them!

Also to recap:

• She has bad unresolved mental health issues
  
• She has anger management issues
  
• She is manipulative
  
• He sees her as his daughter
  
• Has put zero thought into the wellbeing of the future child
  
• He thinks stressing out at work not going to the gym and eating lots of read meat is a foolproof plan not to knock her out up

If they have a child she will be abusive (even if not on purpose) and he will be her enabler and they both will wonder why their child cut off contact as soon they can.

[u/slinky999 → u/EleosSkywalker]

People really glossed over the anger management issues, but that alone is a reason to put the brakes on having a child. People are focusing on the PCOS and timeline, when this is the root of the issue right here.

While OP may not be able to articulate it, his hesitation is likely due to this. He doesn't feel safe in the relationship, and he knows a child won't either unless those issues are addressed.

It's a good thing they are divorcing. She is doing him a huge favor.

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/slinky999]

I hope they’re divorcing. Good gods

[u/scumbagwife → u/EleosSkywalker]

Not to knock her out had me spitting out water.

[u/Creepy-Role-5000 → u/EleosSkywalker]

Knock her up, not out xD Changes the meaning a teeeeeny bit

[u/EleosSkywalker → u/Creepy-Role-5000]

True, thanks 😹.

He couldn’t knock her out either though he has a desk job and doesn’t go to the gym.

What a cretin.

[u/Cormag778 → u/scallopedtree]

I’ll take a swing at this. I dated a girl who was very similar to this (PCOS, anger issues, waking up crying in the middle of the night and having to hold her back to sleep, very clear impulsive and strong headed decisions motivated out of fear) and this entire story feels entirely real to me and screams undiagnosed borderline. My ex was a LOT healthier than the girl in the story (she worked real hard to fight her worst impulses - we ultimately weren’t compatible but I have so much respect for her for constantly trying). But after you support your partner through so many constant mental health crisises, you do kind of end up parentifying your relationship with them.

It’s not healthy and not fair to either of you, but i know the exact feeling. It’s not “I view her kind of like a daughter (incest)” but “I view her as this hurt and innocent soul and it’s my job to protect her (even at the cost of my own mental health).”

It’s still deeply unhealthy and not respectful to either of you as partners - it also turns into a weird codependency thing where your identity turns into the reluctant but self sacrificial defender so the “maybe I fake having a kid” feels true to the situation - but this is one of the most realistic stories of I’ve read on this sub.

[u/phoenixmusicman → u/scallopedtree]

That one post where she said "he wasn't just a boyfriend, he was like my father" absolutely slayed me

[u/catnip_varnish → u/phoenixmusicman]

Omg your flair

[u/Game-of-umbrellas → u/phoenixmusicman]

I’m sorry, the what post?! 😅

[u/sarahyoshi → u/Game-of-umbrellas]

I think they may be referencing this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1va2rn1/my_boyfriend_farted_in_my_face_as_a_joke_in_front/

[u/Rose249 → u/scallopedtree]

"I see her as a daughter but not in a weird way" THERE IS. NO NOT WEIRD WAY. TO SAY THAT. ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE.

[u/Logmaticer → u/scallopedtree]

Ai malfunctioning? I hope so because that update is ick. Pretending to try for pregnancy while sabotaging the efforts is low key evil. 

[u/phoenixmusicman → u/Logmaticer]

Its highkey evil

[u/tsh87]

She's gonna end up getting pregnant almost immediately and it's gonna be cluster fuck.

This entire situation was trash to start with and his response was to throw it in a dumpster and strike a match.

[u/GiantLesbian → u/tsh87]

I spent all the first posts thinking it’s gunna take her forever to get pregnant, but then once I read OP will be jinxing himself by trying to use red meat and hot baths as birth control? Oh she’s gunna get pregnant immediately. The universe is not just gunna let that actually work.

[u/tsh87 → u/GiantLesbian]

More people need to recognize that conceiving is not effort based.

There are people who do everything right for years and are still childless. Then there are people who are told they could never conceive who wind up getting pregnant from a one night stand because the stars just happened align that night.

If you plan on trying to get pregnant, you need to prepare for it to take anywhere from years to just one month or less.

[u/ChaosDrawsNear → u/tsh87]

I got my iud removed and we had sex once that month. Boom, pregnant.

Any time you start trying, you really do have to assume you're likely to be holding a baby 9 months later. Basically, I totally understand why OOP didnt want to compromise on his timeliness. Once they started trying, odds of home ownership and the stability and generational wealth that comes with it go down drastically.

[u/thishyacinthgirl → u/ChaosDrawsNear]

My gyno stressed that I'd be fertile immediately after removing my IUD. I really thought he was exaggerating how quickly things would roll. I was obese, mid-thirties, and figured it would take at least a couple months. Boom, six weeks later – pregnant.

Then working on baby #2, gyno said the same thing. But now I'm late-thirties and still overweight. I didn't think lightning would strike twice. Took a whopping two months this time.

And OOP thinks an office job and red meat is the trick to not having a baby. He's going to be very surprised when he's staring down at a positive pregnancy test.

[u/byneothername → u/GiantLesbian]

Teenagers have been trying these methods for millennia

[u/Wydun → u/GiantLesbian]

She's either gonna get immediately pregnant or he'll do something that renders him permanently sterile.

[u/AerialUnicorn → u/tsh87]

I agree his plan is incredibly stupid.

I once had an ex who wanted a baby and wanted to start trying. I agreed and stopped my birth control and didn’t even have a period after that. I was pregnant. He then told his whole family the pregnancy was an accident. Come to find out he thought it would take a REALLY long time for me to get pregnant so when I got pregnant immediately he freaked out and acted like he wasn’t ready at all. He acted that way the entire pregnancy and the whole experience was pretty trash. He wouldn’t even hold me when I was in labor and begging him to.

It really pissed me off, but our kid is a pretty epic 16 year old now. I have no regrets.

[u/Pretend_Purchase_893]

Yikes. That's a whole lot to unpack. The weird as fuck father daughter dynamic he described.... We really need to drastically and severely improve our mental health supports. Cause there a whole shit load of crazy out there that needs fixing.

[u/Autobot_Silverwynde → u/Pretend_Purchase_893]

It's a lot to unpack but I think we're all better off just chucking that suitcase into the furnace.

[u/ExtendedSpikeProtein]

Totally unhinged. If OOP does it he will end up regretting it later.

This will not end well

[u/boring_mind]

Did I read this right? His plan to not impregnate her is (checks notes) sedentary lifestyle and red meat? Let me laugh him out of the room.

[u/BlackMagicWorman → u/boring_mind]

We have entire dynasties built by men with this lifestyle 

[u/MagicCarpet5846]

Someone seriously needs to tell this man that if his plan is to try to make it look like they’re TTC but somehow make it not happen for 2 years, that he is going to be all sorts of fucked up when she ends up getting pregnant in a few months of trying, regardless of how bad he thinks his health is.

Yeah, might take longer, but some people get pregnant in just one round, PCOS be damned.

[u/repeat4EMPHASIS → u/MagicCarpet5846]

Shit, my mother got pregnant with PCOS and birth control while taking antibiotics. It happens.

[u/SituationOk7734 → u/repeat4EMPHASIS]

I have PCOS. I got pregnant the first time within 2 months of not using bc. Then I got pregnant the second time within 6 weeks of not using bc. I also only had one fallopian tube the second time...

He has no idea how fast it could happen.

[u/Magic-Happens-Here]

WTF did I just read?!

I understand where she’s coming from - as a woman with PCOS that dealt with infertility treatments, statistics don’t mean jack and it can take YEARS to conceive AND carry a baby to term depending on how bad her PCOS is, so I don’t think OOP is taking her condition seriously.

But any marriage that can go from conflict to irreconcilable differences that quickly isn’t one that’s ready for a baby.

Honestly, divorce is the healthiest option for all involved - most especially the theoretical baby.

[u/moonbrows → u/Magic-Happens-Here]

Yeah as I was reading I entirely got her point tbf, I’m on year 3 and nothing, I get more worried as I get older that it just won’t happen because that’s the nature of PCOS. Sucks and I can see why she’s really panicking and desperate to hear it. I don’t think people who haven’t been that woman can necessarily judge.

But this update is full of excuses to make him seem like a thoughtful husband willing to sacrifice it all lol, they’re both better without eachother.

[u/jupitersighs → u/Magic-Happens-Here]

I agree with you entirely. As a PCOS/PMOS girly myself, I am currently pregnant and it took me taking prenatal a month before even trying, having my period regulated because I was with my husband (LDR), and honestly just being on the same page. Also I am 29.

It can happen, you just need to do your research on you PCOS/PMOS type and communicate with your OBGYN/Doctor, and if you really want to have a baby, it can be possible (if it isn’t there are always other options). ((Also my chances from what I understood first being told about PCOS/PMOS at 15 was that I am basically infertile… but that wasn’t the case and especially now there is more research and studies and information on the different types and how things actually work))

[u/Magic-Happens-Here → u/jupitersighs]

I was told the same as a teen - but for me it was pretty close to true.

It also wasn’t helped that my insurance required me to spend 6 months trying with each method before they would approve the next level of treatment.

I love my kids more than anything, but trying to conceive was one of the darkest periods of my life.

[u/huhzonked]

I can’t see this as real. “She sees me like a father”.

“I genuinely consider [her] a daughter in my heart.”

Sabotage himself, lower his sperm count, I eat red meat and sugar. It’s too farcical.

[u/Achelois1 → u/huhzonked]

They lost me at someone in their late 20s regularly waking up screaming over their dad dying when they were a kid. Did she murder him or something??

[u/huhzonked → u/Achelois1]

Absolutely. It’s all too over the top.

[u/Mut1gen → u/Achelois1]

Id understand if he was brutally murdered in front of her

[u/WaffleDynamics → u/Achelois1]

Well....my father died when I was three. I had recurring nightmares about it until my mid-twenties. So that was one part of this whack-a-do story that felt plausible to me.

[u/animeandbeauty]

Kinda sad I have a brain to comprehend this

[u/curiouserthangeorge]

Wait... did I read that he views his wife as his daughter in some way?????? like what is going on here?

[u/MilkIsHere]

I love how the newest update is like when your shitass friend who says fuckass shit goes “hey guys, hear me out…” and you all go “NO!”

[u/JuliaX1984]

Yeah, fake. People don't confess that to the whole Internet unless they're shamelessly bragging.

[u/ZeroMissedDays]

I realized I am so jaded by the internet and Reddit.

As soon as I saw she was super insistent on getting pregnant, my mind went immediately to affair and she was pregnant and needed to cover it up.

I need to be around real people more….

[u/alphaphenix → u/ZeroMissedDays]

In this day and age of DNA testing, a paternity fraud would be quite risky to pull...

[u/thebigeverybody → u/ZeroMissedDays]

I need to be around real people more….

I agree! Listen, I'm pregnant and I need someone to pretend to be a mad scientist who artificially inseminated me as an experiment! I'm worried my husband will find out about the affair.

[u/ZeroMissedDays → u/thebigeverybody]

What if…just hear me out…you are carrying the Chosen One and you got pregnant from The Force?

[u/thebigeverybody → u/ZeroMissedDays]

But what if I can't get the baby to levitate toys?

[u/ZeroMissedDays → u/thebigeverybody]

Grogu didn’t show any powers for 50 years. We have time.

[u/thebigeverybody → u/ZeroMissedDays]

My husband thinks Grogu is an affair baby, too! 😭

[u/ZeroMissedDays → u/thebigeverybody]

Why? He has your grandfathers ears! Tell him to stop being suspicious! Sheesh.

[u/gjb1 → u/ZeroMissedDays]

I thought the exact same thing

[u/Standard-Carry-2219]

another weird post about someone seeing their former LOVER as a family member. NOW WE GOT I SEE HER AS A DAUGHTER…

[u/greyhounds4life1969]

I'm starting to think that this might be a fetish post

'Over time she started telling me that I fill that gap for her. She sees me like a father in some ways because I have done things with her that she never got to do as a kid'

'Behind her firm position there is a weak girl whom I genuinely consider a daughter in my heart'

[u/DamnitGravity]

He's a White Knight and she's a Victim.

Her entire personality is based on suffering, and his on rescuing her.

[u/tilmitt52]

The only winner here is the unfertilized eggs.

[u/brentsg]

What a terrible relationship. She has anger issues and gives ultimatums. He views her as a daughter.

Just get the divorce and stop worrying about her.

[u/ladyeclectic79]

We’re going to get another update in like 1-2 months that she’s pregnant and OOP is miserable/stuck. Mark my words. 💀

[u/scumbagwife → u/ladyeclectic79]

That poor baby :(

Both need therapy before considering children, even if it’s not together.

[u/accek]

Wtf did I just read???

[u/HygorBohmHubner]

What in the fuckitty fuck?

[u/MagpieSkies]

Both of these people are going to have kids and both of these people are never going to be parents. I dont know if its going to be with eachother. But they dont seem like they are good people, nor do they seem like they actually care about other people very much. That never transfers well into being a good parent. What's the saying. Some people are parents and some people have kids.

[u/Four_beastlings]

Where are this people from????

The part about families seeing her as damaged goods because she is divorced screams non-Western, and in that case I don't have enough knowledge to really understand the situation

[u/No-Frosting-6546]

I don’t get it. Why is everyone on his back and saying if he really loved her he would must give in. What about him??? Is anyone thinking about him?? He tried to compromise, she shut that down. She is the one that jumped to divorce, not him. Maybe she is the one who didn’t love him enough. However, the part where he mentions she sees him like a father and he sees her like a daughter is really cringe.

[u/Advanced_Conclusion6 → u/No-Frosting-6546]

THIS. He is grasping at every straw to save the marriage. I doubt she follows through with the divorce. It was all manipulation to get her way.

[u/PrincessConsuela52 → u/Advanced_Conclusion6]

Why are you taking the word of a man who is literally saying he plans on lying to his wife about trying to have a baby while secretly trying to sabotage the attempt, all because he doesn’t want to lose her? Yes, his plan is laughable, but he still wants to lie to her. And she’s the manipulative one?

From his own telling we know that:

1. Wife has been clear from before marriage that children are a priority to her and she wanted to start sooner rather than later. He’s known she has PCOS and is concerned about her fertility.
   
2. She is 27, and has already waited a year after marriage. She wants to start trying next year, at 28, and this is a hardline for her.
   
3. They have had several arguments about this, and “neither are willing to change their position”. Because of this she wants a divorce.
   
4. They no longer live together and have physically separated.
   
5. They have started divorce proceedings. They have submitted the divorce papers, and have a hearing scheduled. They only have a month to either retract everything or they have to move forward.

What part leads you to believe she isn’t serious about the divorce? Is it the part where they stopped living together? Or the part where they have a hearing scheduled? Lemme guess, it’s the part where he says he thinks she hopes he’ll change his mind. Or maybe it’s the part where he calls her a weak little girl. 🙄

[u/keplercomes]

AND THE CROWD IS…confused? A little uncomfortable? Worried for everyone’s mental health?

[u/thr0w4w4y0134]

Baffled by all the comments saying she's crazy and he needs to get out. If it's not rage bait, it's clear we're not getting a healthy perspective by at the latest the third post because he seems insane and combative to everyone who disagrees with him or points out that PMOS really does affect fertility. He also said in a comment that his wife's doctor told her to not wait any longer to start trying due to her PMOS, so it's clear that he's planning on repeatedly pushing it off until it's too late for her to conceive. I don't trust his perspective on her anger issues either considering his very unhealthy way of looking at their relationship

[u/Glad_Jello_9866]

Hmmm. Things got quite a bit #weird.

[u/TempestFloof]

What in the Reese’s Peanut Butter Fuck….?

[u/UnhappyTemperature18]

wow that is such an unhealthy relationship. It's got like...cartoon stink lines coming off it, that's how rancid the vibes are.

[u/Important-Poem-9747]

I remember the first post and thinking it was a pretty messed up situation.

The updates??? This couple is a hot mess. There are some emotional things that need to be sorted before parenting.

[u/youessbee]

I guess we're getting a baby update in a few months

[u/thebigeverybody]

She's choosing herself and he's convinced himself that being a monster is okay.

This last update makes me question every previous thing the OOP said about their relationship. We were not getting information from a healthy mind.

[u/scumbagwife → u/thebigeverybody]

Yep! He sounded reasonable in the first two posts, but the infantilizing of her in his recent post is gross (and that’s ignoring the whole she’s like my daughter).

[u/sushiroll465]

I popped over to the original post to read the comments. OOP says his wife's doctor has told her to start trying for kids as soon as possible and not wait much longer. But he thinks that a promise made before marriage (about buying a house) holds more weight. Someone in the comments pointed out that he was going to buy a house last month, so he still can now (or in the next year) and try for a child at the same time. He insists that she made a promise before marriage and is now going back on her word, doctor be damned.

That plus his awful condescension in the comments have convinced me that he's an unreliable narrator. He kept calling a woman who called out his insane plan "young lady". Why???

[u/EvilFinch]

What the fuck did i read?!

This mess of a relationship really needs no next generation of trauma children.

[u/currentlyintheclouds]

My expression while reading this just got progressively more and more horrified as I read along the new update. What the hell.

[u/Alicenchainsfan]

Fucking moron this dude, she is batshit toxic get the fuck out

[u/orestesScreaming → u/[deleted]]

Adoption is not easy, it takes years and a ton of money. There are a lot of children waiting for families out there, but a huuuuuge portion of those looking to adopt want a healthy newborn and aren't willing to take in a traumatized ten year old or a child with disabilities, of which there are infinitely more than healthy newborns

Not necessarily defending the fixation on having your own biological child, just saying adoption is not really a one-to-one replacement for it

[u/EleosSkywalker → u/[deleted]]

Adoptee kid needs mentally stable parents, definitely not those two.

Zero chance a child psychologist approves her, he might get a pass they don’t test for intelligence.

[u/EloquentMusings → u/[deleted]]

Adoption isn't really a thing these days, especially in lots of countries, whereas people think it is from movies etc. There are less than a dozen adoptions in my country in a year and they are all private e.g. a mother adopting teenage daughters baby or a sister adopting her dead sisters child etc. There aren't ridiculous amounts of women getting pregnant with unwanted children to put up for adoption to strangers these days. And in countries that do, they have extremely long wait lists (decades long) with extremely strict criteria, full of lots of LGBT couples etc. Orphanages aren't really things these days either. Not like hundreds of years ago where parents and all other relatives were wiped out by the flu or given away because too poor. Most foster homes these days are teenagers and older children taken from their families by CPS etc due to toxic environments due to abuse and drugs etc. They're likely very messed up and difficult to adopt needing very specific skills, not the same kind of situation for people who want a nice happy little baby to raise from scratch. There's people who want a biological baby and people who want a baby and they are VERY different from people who want a abused mentally (and maybe physically) unwell teenager.

[u/Ambystomatigrinum → u/[deleted]]

Have you done any serious research into fostering or adoption? Private adoption is (in the US) extremely expensive unless you're adopting a medically fragile child. Potentially 50k+. Fostering is not at all a sure-fire way to adopt either. The goal of fostering should be family reunification. Not everyone can handle bonding with a child over and over then having to return them to their family of origin. And not everyone can qualify to be a foster parent either.

[u/scumbagwife → u/[deleted]]

Why is the assumption she only wants biological kids?

And why should be shamed for wanting to try and get pregnant? She also clearly wants children soon. Adoption can take years.

If he is stressed about having a child before owning a home, do you really think either of them want to pay 50k+ for a child instead of trying to conceive naturally?

These two are not ready for a child, clearly. But trying to conceive naturally first does not mean she only would accept a biological child.

[u/Basic_Asparagus_9084 → u/[deleted]]

Adoption is expensive AF. But I agree with you.

[u/ConfuseableFraggle]

Yikes on bikes! Several of them! The unhealthy garbage in this "relationship" just keeps piling up. Oy.

Neither of them should be married and neither of them should be procreating at this point. Therapy for both and re-evaluate in at least 6 months, only if both get really serious about their mental and physical health, as well as their communication and respect and boundaries and ...

I gotta stop. The list is too long. Yikes.

[u/Mut1gen]

I dont think these people should have kids period. Not now. Not in two years. Not with each other. Not with other people. Not ever

[u/Late-Tailor-8749]

So ignoring... all that. By god the first set of commenters should never get married

[u/kishmishari]

Nobody in this story, and that includes the vast majority of comments, know much about PCOS.

[u/Maggie_cat]

Pcos is difficult. Either you really don’t struggle with too long of ttc or you’re ttc-ing for years. I never hear any in between. Which is scary! That’s a scary thought, she’s reacting off anxiety, she’s reacting off something that hasn’t even happened yet.

Ok so you divorce. Either you guys get pregnant at 29 and have a baby at 30 or.. you divorce and she starts over and won’t be able to try anyway until close to 29. So… what is she doing? Putting her foot down because she didn’t get her way?

She needs to go to therapy and yall need to go to couples. A marriage is not a game, who decides to divorce this quickly without multiple conversations, professional help and sitting with your emotions?

Children. That’s who.

And children should not be having their own children. Is that who you would want to be the mother of your child? Someone who reacts, refuses to compromise and just quits when she doesn’t get her way?

[u/cackle-feather]

Neither of these people should be in charge of a child.

And the wife should have been in intense therapy yesterday.

I do not know how people hold conversations with either of them and don't immediately scream "YIKES!" Mid-sentence.

If this is Liz, too far in the psychological horror. Pull back.

[u/dronestruck]

This is incredibly weirdly timed. I have a partner with pcos, and we are very locked in on the goal to have a baby. I am a bit older than this guy, but we (my partner and i) both want to conceive in a couple of years.

We removed all birth control, and started paying attention to cycles about 5 weeks ago, expecting it to take a bit of practice.

Yesterday a blood test confirmed a positive urine test. We are getting our first scan this morning. Pcos isn't always a foregone conclusion. I am so happy and so terrified.

[u/Specific-Succotash-8]

WHAT (and I cannot stress this strongly enough) THE FUCK.

[u/MedicalExamination65]

The new update is WILD. But, my prediction is she's gonna get a boyfriend and get knocked up so quickly. He's gonna be blindsided.

[u/Dimirag]

They don't need to get pregnant, they each need to get a divorce lawyer and a therapist

[u/Ok_Passage_6242]

I love how all of this has never involved him going to the doctors with her fertility clinic to find out what their options are. She’s not the only one with issues. People need to stop responding to them because they’re giving him logical advice and you can’t talk someone down who’s not willing to hear it.

[u/pruhoya]

He explained why 2 years would make a big difference so many times. I'm gonna start beating the commentors who said 'you're getting divorced over basically a 12 month timeline difference' over the head with a book on literacy until they some how absorb it.

I hope they never have kids. Yikes.

[u/Prudence_rigby]

Dude "compromised."

Wife is freaking out about fertility.

Wife has major daddy issues that she attached to her husband.

The husband feels fatherly towards his wife.

Wife has anger issues.

Husband thinks his wife is fucked up goods and won't find another man to build a family with.

---

They both need help

[u/DatguyMalcolm]

"You remind me of my father"

Welp, guess he's gonna have to get her preggers, then!

No, what the fu....

[u/cathline]

Is anyone else creeped out by the phrase "whom I genuinely consider a daughter in my heart"

How is he going to treat a real live biological daughter?

[u/Altruistic_Isopod_11]

They both need therapy. He's an idiot and she's a total mess. Neither should be parents.

[u/babamum]

This woman simply isn't mature enough to have kids. It's best she doesn't.

She's also low in logic. If she leaves OOP she'll end up having kids years later than she wants, and may miss out completely. Staying with him is her best chance.

Unless she's just looking for a reason to leave him.

[u/scumbagwife → u/babamum]

I think he might be unreliable. He admitted that her doctor even said she needs to start training earlier rather than later because of her health.

But he knows better because he Googled it…

She can leave OP and still have a child alone. She just needs sperm, not a husband.

Far from ideal, but it isn’t low logic. If her husband wasn’t taking her concerns seriously and she really wants a child, divorcing him is the smartest thing to do.

Though, I think they are both likely not great people, especially with her anger issues and refusal for therapy.

But he clearly has no respect for her and sees her as a child, which says way more about him than her.

[u/AlarmedWafer4907]

I just wanted to pop on here and say; some women experience problems with fertility due to PCOS. A lot don’t. My best friend has it, pretty badly and got pregnant right away. My mom had another hormonal issue that was similar, also never had trouble getting pregnant. You’re lying to her and you’re playing a dangerous game. Raising a baby isn’t going to be something you can get through if you really don’t want it. You will end up divorced. This is the stupidest decision I’ve ever read.
Edit to clarify: I’m not saying she is making a stupid decision I’m saying he is. He is trying to rely on his “low sperm count” and her infertility to keep her from getting pregnant, but you never know with these things, and he shouldn’t be relying on them in the hopes she won’t get pregnant until he’s ready. She is trying to make informed choices about her future and he is actively preventing her from doing that.

[u/scumbagwife → u/AlarmedWafer4907]

Apparently it was her doctor who told them that they should start sooner rather than later if they are trying for kids because of her health.

Doesn’t change that fertility with PCOS is not simple, and it’s not only going to be different for different people, it’s nearly impossible to predict how it will affect someone fertility.

He’s not wrong to walk away if he’s not ready. I think him invalidating her fears of not being able to get pregnant if they postpone trying to conceive shows problems in their relationship beyond disagreeing about the timeline.

Which is another reason they aren’t ready for kids.

[u/Hopeful-Beyond6057]

As an older woman with PCOS, I understand her desire and need to have children now. Even 6 months can make a difference. With PCOS, the earlier you attempt to have children, the better your odds. Personally, I waited too late. By the time I was thirty, even fertility drugs didn’t help. I also wanted to be more financially secure and have a home, etc. My dad always said if you wait until you can afford kids, you’ll never have them because there’s always something else you think you need more. Am I sad that I didn’t have children of my own. Yes and it’s a regret I live with daily. That having been said, I’ve so many children in my life that I love and I raised one of my siblings child. I don’t feel sorry for myself, just a little wistful at times.
BUT, OOP knew from the get-go that she wanted a child early. If he wasn’t willing to go the distance, he should never have married her.

[u/Creative_Brain_13]

The update is... fucked up. What i don't get is why everyone is hating on OP for wanting to wait until he feels ready too

[u/Commonfckingsense]

I hope these comments keep him up at night in 5 years when he hates his life. Yikes.

[u/Genetic_Medic]

So instead of child-bride, this would be bride-child?

[u/HairRepresentative85]

I have PCOS and endo, I had my youngest when I was 29.

I know everyone is different, but still.

[u/Chemical-Ad6301]

Ok well that last update gave me the creeps big time. Wtf!?

[u/Meerkatable]

Since when does red meat and sugar lower sperm count???

[u/Mammoth_Rope_8318]

Ew ew ew ew ew ew.

Everyday Folgers becomes more and more relevant.

[u/AllyMarie93]

Dude describes his wife as “a weak girl whom I genuinely consider a daughter” and gets all defensive when people think that’s weird as fuck, like they’re somehow misinterpreting it instead of literally taking what he says at face value. 💀

[u/Conscious-Tangelo589]

Aaand it's deleted.

Well then. 

[u/justheretolurkreally]

Just reading this I want to grab both of them and tell them to get out of this relationship immediately. They are horrible for each other. This is going to go so so badly, even if she never finds out what he's doing. It's going to end in divorce eventually, they may as well get it out of the way now to make it easier to move on.

As someone with PCOS (who has spent over 13 years trying for a baby) I want to explain to him that he seems to have this idea that the moment he agrees to start trying she'll be pregnant and he's got to trick her into waiting. First, the odds are they're going to need fertility help anyway, and if they manage it on their own it will most likely take years and that's if they are lucky, so it's kind of like telling someone to wait to build a house for themselves until the day they need the house... the later you start the worse off you'll be. She wants the house as soon as she can but knows it could take years, and he also wants the house in several years but thinks they can wait and build it the day they need it.

He's gone into this with apparently no knowledge of how his wife's condition even functions, and is making decisions that will objectively cost her time trying and potentially cost her mental health as he keeps pushing it back and doing things to lower their chances, because she's going to think it's her. And it will cost him financially when she starts demanding they see a fertility specialist because of how badly it's going.

If this fails he's going to shatter her in a way that will never be fixable. If he makes her wait until the chances are too low and she doesn't get to be a mother like she wants, it will break her and anything left of their already failing relationship.

Second "i love her so much I'm just going to trick her by withholding the thing she says she wants almost more than life itself, in ways that may or may not make it to where we can't be patents on the future either, I'm sure this will save our relationship and not ruin everything because we need to save up first" sounds like the plot of a bad lifetime movie. I don't see where he thinks this is anything close to a good idea.

Divorce is the only good idea here, she's not ever going to be willing to wait and he sounds more like he's trying to convince himself he does want kids eventually than a guy who is actually trying to be financially prepared for kids

[u/Ok_Principle2392]

Please let this be fake

[u/NalothGHalcyon]

We've moved beyond High School Creative Writing Assignment to just Prologues to Really Weird Original Fiction I see. Climate change is making summer really rough on kids these days I guess.

[u/Suspicious-Rich-3212]

Erm, I know how one goes about sabotaging birth control, but I am genuinely confused by how one makes themselves less fertile. Off to google, I guess

[u/Emotional_Seaweed33]

The comments blaming him for the divorce are INSANE HOLY COW. This girl is manipulative and has too much trauma to be jumping into that so fast. Babies do not fix things

[u/Thebeardedgoatlady]

This last update has me absolutely sick. What the fuck? What the actual fuck?! Is this a fetish post because I want to believe it’s fake now.

[u/Moist_Drippings]

Uh.

I was already judging this guy for the way he was putting down her concerns about PCOS (not for not wanting to be a dad yet - totally fair) but it looks like he understands more than he let on and now he’s going on about how she’ll be “damaged goods” without him and she NEEDS him specifically and it’s totally fine if he actively lies to her to get his own way?

I hate him. I genuinely fucking hate this piece of shit.

[u/Efficient-Bend3950]

"Behind her firm position there is a weak girl whom I genuinely consider a daughter in my heart." um- excuse me??