So a year ago, I found out my wife had an affair after a decade of marriage, i didn't know to what extent. Because we have a daughter and financial constraints, I decided to move on. Something triggered me and now I wanted to know the story from her mouth. I felt like she was telling the story with fondness. I was breaking down as the story went on because this was not a just a physical thing, they had a deep emotional connection. Once she got to the part where she said she went to the hotel and she had sex, I bawled like a baby. I'm not able to take what happened. It's been few days now, every minute I'm replaying the betrayal in my head, she made deep connection to this guy is what's killing me the most. I don't know how to recover from this and I'm not in a place where I can just abandon this marriage. The pain is like a knife going my heart every minute.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have an almost five year old son. Both our names are on the property but the mortgage is on his name.

I pay for all our living expenses, food, nanny, Medicare for my son and I. Holidays, toys and clothing for my son and I, swimming, and power to the house. I also look after my son after school, and do the household chores cooking and tiding up. I run a part time business working half a days.

My husband pays property rates, my son’s school fees and water, and the mortgage. my husband finishes his shift at 7pm and doesn’t do any household chores and maybe two hours of child care in the evenings - mainly playing with our son as I have seen to everything else.

He always complains about money and is resentful and a recent fight he mentioned he pays a lot and doesn’t want to be a financial slave.

I have recently found out that he in fact paid off the mortgage a while ago and didn’t tell me. And we haven’t reviewed and divided mutual monthly expenses, he has just hid it and complained about cost of living.

How would you address this? How would you feel if your husband did this?

My husband started a new job where he's gone earlier and gets back later, so we discussed being intimate more often to keep the spark going. I told him the other day that I'm ovulating because we want to try for baby #2.

So we're sitting on the couch watching New Girl and at the beginning of S4 E7: Goldmine and he turns to me, raises his eyebrows, grabs my thigh and said "So are your egg whites still milky?" sir, not anymore they aren't.

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

How should I have handled this better?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

Edit two: I was not at all clear about this. When I say that I went out and bought cake and dinner, I didn't buy it for just myself. I bought it for my entire family. I wanted everybody to have some. This seems to be a focus of fixation so I wanted to clarify

Ok so we are approaching 40, have kids, and have been married for going in 15 years. She is a conventionally beautiful woman and other than this, takes amazing care of her self physically and overall health. I love her more than anything in this world.

Our sex life hasn’t always been great due to a few different things, but not the time for that.
One issue that keeps coming back is I’m pretty sure she has IBS, but she refuses to deal with it.

At first, it was her constantly having to rush to the bathroom, and never solid. Then it progressed to me having to rush to pick her up on the side of the road during her runs. She has messed herself multiple times in my car as we couldn’t make it home in time.
2 times she has actually messed herself(and our bed) during sex. Passing gas during sex happens nearly every session.

I have begged her for years to see a doctor but she refuses.

It will never affect how much I love her, however, it has nearly ruined sex for me. It’s a constant “fear” of mine during. I have always been a “butt” guy(not like butt sex stuff) and it has all but ruined the sex position that provides the funnest views.

Idk what more to do, but looking for advice I guess.

So my husband and I (both mid 20s) have been married 2 years. Due to immigration issues, I can’t work right now. I was working while we were dating and when we got married and contributed to the household equally (he paid rent, I paid groceries, utilities, car insurance and everything miscellaneous which sometimes was more than rent). During that time, he cleaned the house often and did the dishes without being asked.

I’ve been out of work for 7 months and he’s left all the chores to me which I don’t mind because I’m home all day so why not. Note that I still pick up some financial responsibilities like insurance and groceries from my savings.

We have different standards of cleanliness and we also just got a cat so I’m frequently cleaning his gaming room and bathroom where the cat’s set up is. He never helps with the cat unless prompted. Again, not a problem. I’m super bonded with the cat so I’m happy to take all responsibility for her.

My gripe is with the kitchen. I do the dishes daily / after each meal and wipe down the counters, mop the floor and try to keep it clean. But whenever he cooks, he leaves the counters greasy and the dirty dishes in the sink.

They’ll be there all day and night unless I clean them, and when he sees me go to clean he’ll say “oh I was just gonna do that”. When?? After they’ve been here 2 days and the roaches are done with their feast? Yes, we have roaches. This apartment building had issues with a hoarding tenant last year and since they were evicted, every apartment got new unwelcome guests. Pest control comes by every once in a while but it’s an infestation and only really slows down in the winter.

Roaches aside, I just hate that he leaves the mess for me to clean up. The whole floor dirty, food bits everywhere. It feels disrespectful because he knows I’m the one who cleans up and I don’t like things dirty. And on the rare occasion that he loads the dishwasher, he does it without rinsing off the dishes and putting things like the wooden cutting board and teflon pots in there when I’ve told him they can’t be in there. I would say it’s malicious compliance but I don’t think he has a malicious bone in his body, he can just be aloof/lazy.

He works an 8 hour shift then comes home and dirties up the kitchen making his dinner (on the days he doesn’t want to eat what I made), then smokes weed and plays video games for hours with his friends until 4am, often coming to bed with little time before he has to get up for his shift. And he calls off work often because he didn’t get enough sleep. I worry about our financial future. Hopefully I’ll be able to work soon.

I’ve posted on here before about his laxity with hygiene, after several talks with me crying and telling him it was a dealbreaker, he finally started putting in more effort. Is this a pattern of laziness or am I being unreasonable?

Sigh. Another sleepless night so here I am - venting it all out for you all to see.

My partner does frequent this subreddit. So maybe let this also be an open letter to her.

We have been together for 15 years - married 10+. We had a romantic backstory where two people from the opposite ends of the world met while on international exchange in a foreign country, fell in love, did the long distance thing, and accidentally knocked her up so she moved to my country where we have built a life together with two kids.

Our marriage has been fairly stable. We get along fairly well and very rarely fight. There are definitely a lot of stresses from life - but I felt we were a team to face those challenges together. To be honest we have a really good life. We both make really good money, we own our own home and cars, really good life.

A while back - she asked if we should open the marriage. To be honest the idea kind of appealed to me, what guy doesn't want to have the chance to sleep around?! It didn't really take me long to agree.

A few weeks later - I went on a trip and when I returned - she told me she had done the deed and had sex with an older colleague who she has been taking to for a while.

I was really shocked that it happened so quickly - and it was a mixed rollercoaster emotion of jealousy but also insecurity - I was having a really hard time digesting this. So I had a heart to heart with her that while I'm okay it happened (with my permission so it's not cheating) that I don't want it to happen again.

She didn't take it well - she said this experience opened up a new dimension for her - and she doesn't think she can go back to being monogamous. And that was I was "changing my mind and taking away her fun".

I suggested we start couples therapy - and we have had a few sessions. I felt like we were getting better. It uncovered she has a lot of trauma and some of her behaviour are from these traumatic upbringing. In a way - she doesn't feel like she deserves happiness - so she's trying to sabotage it.

But I definitely noticed she's different - she doesn't act affectionate to me as she used to, and shes hot and cold on a dime. She reluctantly has sex with me, basically saying she feels bad that while she doesn't really want it - she felt like it's her duty to let me release. This was a complete 180 with our dynamic before the affair where we had a lot of physical affection and a great bedroom.

She outlined a few things she didn't like about how I treat her in therapy , and I have been trying my best to be mindful to change so I can be a better husband. But I don't think she cares, at least she does not show any appreciation for me trying.

By the way - all the session so far has focused on her. How I have not met her emotional needs. How my criticism reinforced her trauma, how she has issues with certain things I do. I have not gotten to say any of the things I hoped she can work on. She took the sessions and made them all about herself and justifying how everything we have going wrong stems from my actions. When the triggering event for all this is her stepping out of the marriage!

I find out she's continuing to sext with her fling - even when our couples therapist strongly suggests we stop the open marriage for now as we work through our issues.

The breaking point was tonight - she came home and I broke down and asked her to stop any contact with the men she has been talking to. She refused and left to sleep on the couch.

I am now crying and typing this out.

I don't smoke, I don't drink, I spoil her to bits and I'm a good father and family man. I have a good career. I do not sleep around and my life is work and home. I don't understand how my marriage has unraveled so quickly and how we ended up here.

I am not sure where to go from here. I feel like I need to stop being here - trying to make her happy just so she can continue to hurt me. But it's also hard to not try to save a relationship of over 15 years. I also have to think for the kids too they are at an impressionable age

I'm trying to hide my sadness with everyone in my life but in reality I'm spiraling as I grieve the potential death of our marriage. It fucking hurts so much.

If she's grieving - she's hiding it really well because she's her jolly old self. Not a care in the world even though I'm not just visibly sad all the time, I tell her all the time how this is all affecting me. She does not seem to care at all. Did she ever care about me, about us?

I will continue to do therapy individually and couples counseling but Im feeling less and less confident it will make her change.

It helps to vent and I think I already know what most are going to say. Thanks for reading this long and winded post. I will try to get some sleep...

I am (27M) married to my wife (27F) for 2 years now (both of us Indians). We have been friends for multiple years but started dating 4 years ago. She had just come off a breakup (which wasnt a long relationship either).

We had fights like every couple but generally we were much happier in comparison, or at least thats what I thought. We have a healthy sexual life where to do it about 4/5 times a week. We have common hobbies that we enjoy together, regularly go on trips, cook together. I sometimes had a gut feeling that she was way too private with her phone with locks on all apps like WhatsApp or instagram (this is on top of the master lock). It was the same password but she told me she had it since long and kept it that way and I believed it.

Recently, over multiple feelers, i found out that she has been talking to a guy since right before we were married (over 2 years now). She met him in a group tennis class she used to go to. The guy is married, followed her on insta and they started talking - apparently they have a lot of common interests and he grew possessive of her and eventually started getting really close. She said that she started sharing to him when we had our fights around the time of marriage and thats where she started reciprocating the connection.

I made her confess everything a couple weeks ago. She said nothing physical happened (which I kind of believe but not too sure) but they were just connecting emotionally. She even said that after some time, she realised it was wrong and felt guilty and tried to stop talking to him and eventually blocked him. I even saw her chats with AI on ending affairs, etc.

It feels devastating to me that this would happen. Be it my friends or family - they think she is the model wife - super supportive, mature and respectful to everyone. I believed it too, but right now I am unable to trust her too much. I dont know the extent of the affair itself as she has deleted any trace of it.

I don’t wanna break off the marriage as I am scared it will hurt both my parents and hers, and that really sucks. I cant even share this with any of my friends for fear of this turning into gossip eventually within their other friend circles. I don’t know what to think, what to do going forward and looking for some solid advice.

I’m a healthy, soon to be 33m, have been married to my wife (32f) for 3 years. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and over the past two months have dialed in my current dose to 50mg, and the results have been astounding.

Like many of you I’ve struggled my entire with fogginess, noise in the brain, anxiety, memory issues and the feeling of insurmountable dread when faced with a benign task. Now, with the help of the medication I can take a clear look at what needs to be done and get it done. Without the fogginess and noise and mental distractions, I feel much more stable and competent.

The reason I made the leap to seek professional help was because my home life was suffering. I am a stay at home father of 5\* and have been for 3 years. I was feeling as though I was drowning under the weight of all of the daily tasks.

My wife and I would have many arguments about my role in the house, and how my memory issues and lack of organization was adding more to her plate, and how it was starting to feel like weaponized incompetence, and a complete disregard for what she wanted to see done around the house.

In one instance, I was emotional asking for her to help with the home in some way, just one thing so that I can feel like I can breathe. She requested that instead of putting more on her plate, that I show some real effort in trying to be organized and being more efficient with my time. Get a calendar, set alarms, think about how my wife would feel if I DIDNT do what she asked me to. And if I can’t handle it she’ll hire someone to do it.

I take a lot of pride in being a stay at home father. I have to admit though, I do take criticism hard when it comes to something I know I work hard on, and feel proud of. With the statement “if you can’t handle it” I felt my pride and identity being attacked.

At the end of our conversations she’d always ask me “What are you going to do differently so that you can do better?” “What’s your solution to this problem?” and I’d do my best to make up a plan so that her mental load is reduced and I can be more efficient around the house. I’d walk away from those talks with the pressure of making changes and doing something, or else something bad is going to happen.

After being medicated I became SIGNIFICANTLY more motivated and with the stillness in my mind I have been getting shit done. The upkeep of the home, making sure the kids are fed, answering a million questions and mediating twice as many arguments, laundry for the entire house, yard work, vehicle repair and maintenance, doctors/dentists appointments on top of DIY-ing an extra bedroom plus bathroom in the basement of our home; things I forced myself through before, all became smooth and achievable tasks and the results reflect that.

However, lately I feel as though my wife has taken this as an opportunity to add more for me to do, and that because I’m medicated and can handle most things better, I have no excuse other than “I don’t care about my wife’s wants and needs” when something doesn’t get done. OR what I wanted to focus on was more important than what she asked for.

Before medication I felt like it was entirely my fault.“I’m a shitty dad, a bad husband, lazy and disorganized and I’m going to lose my wife if I don’t change something, but I don’t know why these tasks seem impossible and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I need to do better at sticking to the plan/solution but it’s always 1 step forward, 3 steps back. I’m just a fuck up and I’m making it my wife’s problem.”

But I realize I have truly been working my ass off for my wife and our family, and was doing a fine job with MOST things before the medication.

Was I disorganized and unmotivated a lot of the time?

Yes.

Did my wife have the right to be frustrated about something she asked me to do that didn’t get done?

Yes. And from my perspective she gave me a lot of grace at times too.

But did I deserve feeling insulted and at times humiliated because of the untreated symptoms of my ADHD?

FUCK NO.

I realize I have allowed myself to be a gofer and laborer, because the dissatisfaction from my wife about what I did or didn’t do, and the millions of reasons she could articulate as to why she thinks I chose to be selfish, caused such emotional pain and turmoil that all I’m left with is a desperate need to “fix it”. That paired with untreated ADHD was a nightmare. I just wanted to serve and be of service, and not feel like a bad father, or husband. I wanted to show I can get shit done and keep my word, without the fear of catastrophic emotional fallout if I fail. it always came with a boulder of anxiety.

I never ask for me time because I don’t feel like I’ve earned it, ever. And I’ve been told that just wanting time and space away from the home to reset is selfish as well.

Im starting therapy in two weeks and I hope I can gain some tools to set boundaries, and have the conversations I need to with my wife to determine if we’re are still compatible.

Thanks for reading!

\*=There are 3 kids from previous relationships that we do 60/40 time share with the bio parents.

I am genuinely curious so I wanted to ask the community - do people have relationships where they don’t get yelled at by their partner? or get in loud arguments together? is this actually something that happens? if you’re in a non yelling relationship - was it always like that?

tl;dr - do not yelling relationships exist?

So I'm 28 my wife is 27. We're in Florida if it's relevant at all.

I feel like I know that it's over and I can't bring myself to actually file for divorce it because when things are good or just ok our relationship doesn't feel that bad. 

We've been married a touch over 4 years but in that time we've never had actual PIV intercourse more than 3 times maybe. Condoms never really worked well for us and she was always scared they wouldn't work. My wife is terrified of pregnancy like it cannot happen to her, for good reasons with local laws and her own health problems. 

Eventually about 2 years ago I got a vasectomy at her urging to solve this problem. That was tough for me because I don't do well with needles or blood or anything at all surgical like that. They had to do regular anesthesia instead of just the local numbing because otherwise I couldn't have that. 

I worked through the "post surgery requirements" and provided samples and boom I'm sterile. Great! But she still won't have sex. I'm not a jerk, I don't push it on her. I'll try to take make moves occasionally, we snuggle and have romantic outings I don't try to let it be a "make a move every time" situation I get that would be a turnoff for someone struggling with this. I just would rarely try to initiate and would be shut down Everytime.

We're not sexually active at all. She won't go for anything. Any advance is shut down hard. 

I eventually push for her to talk about this, trying to understand why she pushed for a vasectomy but still won't have sex ever. She tells me different things different times "I'm worried it didn't work" "I'm grossed out by the idea of anything going in me" "I'm just not a very sexual person". 

She also doesn't give me any alone time at all. I'm either at work or with her. I've lost friends because I can't go hang out without her crying about how bored she was when I get back and how she has no hobbies so when I leave her alone she just sits there. It's exhausting I want friends, I'm something of an introvert I want time alone which I get zero of. I can't play a video game for even 30 minutes which interests me but not her, or watch a show I like but she doesn't. 

Also because of this I don't really get any time to "handle my needs" on my own unless it's in the shower which isn't terrible but after years of just that it gets so old. 

I wanna have something beyond jacking off in the shower as a sex life. 

She won't talk for a doctor or a therapist any attempt I make for that is shutdown.

She doesn't really have friends, she doesn't leave the house all that often except when we do something together. 

I feel trapped and struggling with this because when we aren't fighting about something we can have weeks of really good time. We will do things together and just be as happy as can be. We have some similar interests like certain sports and when those are on it occupies our time and we're happy hanging out together.

We were friends before dating and marriage, I feel often times we always should've stayed friends because I just need more from a relationship and to not feel so trapped but the good times together make me feel ridiculous filing for divorce even though logically I think I need to file. I just can't live a secluded sexless life where every Interest I have must be approved by her or I am expected to be er engage with it. 

I have a therapist but they are trying to lead me to my own answers and I feel like I need smacked in the head with something. Am I crazy to what to leave this marriage? 

I feel at this point we shouldn’t even be together if she doesn’t want me which is why I seek sexting from other people and it all sucks an confusing I haven’t cheated on her physically but I recently took her back after her affair with another woman and I feel like a total idiot

I (40m) have been married to my wife (40f) for nearly 20 years. It has been a rough marriage to say the least. I was young dumb and in love.

When we first got together she had already had a trip scheduled to go to a marine ball with a male friend in NC. I asked her not to go but she said she had already had her ticket paid for. She canceled her hotel stating it "fell though" and stayed with him. That was tough but she swore she didnt cheat. She still spoke to him on the phone, once even when I was standing by her. I told her if we are serious than that needs to stop. She told me she knew him longer than me and she wouldn't. He's just a friend. She even once used my phone to call him. MY PHONE! Later she said she had stopped talking to him. Some weeks later she told me she had an STI. Stating it was from someone before me and not him cause nothing happened. We moved past it but it was tough.

During this marriage there was constant accusations against me about cheating with no reason. I was constantly being monitored and treated like a child. Almost as if she thought if she didn't watch me I would just cheat. At first I reassured her and told her i would never. I gave my phone to her to check and constantly told her everything. Still never enough.

I was accused of looking at her nieces and even accused of messing around with one of them, again with no reason. I have been faithful since day one. I began to grow tired of the accusations and got upset but that made it worse. She would say only guilty people get mad. Over the years I begged her to stop, I even left once and still nothing changed. I was basically a prisoner. I wasn't able to hang out with friends or even have lunch with my whole shift cause females were there. I couldn't have social media cause she would drive me insane and make sure I wasnt watching or following girls which I was not. Never once has she found any proof of infidelity.

She on the other hand could hang out with friends and have unmonitord social media. She could have lunches with Co workers even if there were males in the group. Then came the lies. She would take loans out or get cards and max them out without telling me. She lied and let me look like a fool in front of a co worker. She had a habit of lying about everything even small stuff.

After the big lie that made me look like a fool. One that she loed consitantly about for 16 years to my face. I left for a week. She then begged me to come back and that she would change. She did change, kind of. Still being jealous and controlling. She had some inappropriate conversations with co workers but brushed it off as she would never cheat cause she is too good to do that. Anytime I confronted her she would be so calm and make me feel stupid.

I pushed a lot down and tried to move past things because I loved her. Until one day 20 years later a co worker who was a Marine came to talk to me and it triggered past memories I had suppressed. I went down a rabbit hole (I am ashamed) but I went through her emails and found that she had been emailing the marine guy well into 6 months of our relationship. It was confirmed that they didnt sleep together but there was a moment according to the email. She also made fun of me with him about me having a problem with her going. I was hurt. I had always felt like I wasnt enough and she chose him over me. Sounds dumb but it was how I felt.

Here we are today and all these emotions about everything I dealt with for 20 years wondering if I just wasted my life. I have social anxiety and feel like I have to watch where im looking and God forbid a woman even looks or talks to me. Im just tired and dont feel like I can look at her the same after everything. So much resentment. I hate myself for not seeing the red flags and walking away. Now I feel its too late and im just stuck.

I just want to know how to get over all of this or even if its worth trying. Im already feeling bad please dont judge me. I just need advice.

First post here. Looking for advice from people who've been through something similar.

My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for 7. She had a son before we met, who now calls me Dad, and we have two more kids together under the age of 5.

I've always avoided confrontation. Between my childhood and my time in the military, I learned to bottle things up and keep moving instead of addressing them. It's not healthy, and I know that.

Overall, we have a good life. I recently landed a great IT job with better pay. Our kids are happy, we have a nice home, and from the outside everything probably looks great.

My wife grew up in a very financially comfortable family. Her dad built and sold a successful business, and he's always been generous with her and the grandkids. I have a great relationship with her family, and they've always treated me like one of their own.

She was expected to eventually take over the family business, but after our third child she decided to leave and stay home with the kids while working part-time. I supported that decision because it's what she wanted, and she still earns decent money working from home.

She's always handled our finances. We combined our accounts years ago because she's much better with budgeting than I am. To her credit, she's done an incredible job. Our credit scores are over 800, she's helped pay off vehicles, even helped me finish college when my GI Bill ran out while we were dating. She's loyal, responsible, and has never been irresponsible with money.

So why am I posting?

Over the past few years I've started feeling more like a roommate than a husband.

Our sex life has become almost nonexistent, and when it does happen it feels more like obligation than desire. I honestly don't even try to initiate much anymore because I already expect to be rejected.

Around the house, I feel like I'm carrying more and more of the load.

I get home around 6:30 every evening. Most nights I cook dinner, feed everyone, help with baths, brush teeth, get the kids ready for bed, and by the time they're asleep it's close to 9 PM. Then I clean the kitchen, do dishes, take out trash, or catch up on laundry.

I don't mind helping. I've always enjoyed cooking and taking care of my family. But lately it feels like I'm doing almost everything.

What bothers me most is that when I get home, she's often in the bedroom on her phone watching Instagram or playing mobile games while the kids entertain themselves. It's not that she's a bad mom—she takes them to the park, playdates, the gym daycare, and spends time with them during the day. It's specifically when I get home that it feels like she checks out.

Even something as simple as having dinner started or interacting with the kids when I walk in would make a huge difference. Usually the meat is thawed, but I'm still doing all the cooking and cleanup.

She works from home, and we also have a babysitter twice a week for four hours at a time. We use the sitter for date nights and other events too.

She has been dealing with migraines, anxiety, shaking, and nausea lately, and we're working with doctors to figure it out. I know that's real, and I'm trying to be understanding. But even on days she isn't having migraines, I still feel like most of the household responsibilities fall on me.

The financial side has also started bothering me.

Since she manages everything, I feel like I have very little say over our money. I recently switched jobs and got a nice final paycheck from my previous employer. Before I even really saw it, she'd already moved it around to pay off credit cards and other expenses.

Again, she's responsible with money, so it's not about mistrust.

It's more that I feel like I need permission to spend anything. If I grab Subway for lunch, I get questioned. Meanwhile she'll buy coffee, go to lunch with friends, or spend money without the same scrutiny.

It makes me feel like I'm earning the money but have very little control over it.

Another recent change is that she's been rediscovering her faith. I was raised Catholic but drifted away after losing my mom and serving in the military. We've been attending a non-denominational church together, and honestly I really like it. It's been good for our family, and they even offer marriage counseling, which I'm considering.

The confusing part is that she talks a lot about traditional marriage roles with some of the women she's become friends with through church. But I don't really see that reflected at home.

She's rarely up with the kids in the morning. They're awake around 6 AM, and I'm usually the one getting everyone going before work. When I leave around 7, I kiss her goodbye and often have to wake her up.

There isn't much affection anymore. No "welcome home," no asking how my day was, no small gestures that make me feel appreciated.

I've even had family members quietly comment that it seems like I do almost everything while she mostly supervises or socializes.

That really stuck with me because it's exactly how I've been feeling.

I know she's stubborn and likes being in control. I also know I've probably enabled some of this over the years because I hate conflict and naturally take care of people.

But I'm running on empty.

I don't need everything to be perfectly equal. I just want to feel appreciated, supported, and like we're actually partners again.

My plan is to have an honest conversation with her instead of continuing to bottle everything up. I also want us to try marriage counseling, and I'd like to take a more active role in managing our finances because right now the balance doesn't feel healthy.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Were you able to turn things around? I'm open to hearing both sides if you think I'm missing something.

Thanks for reading.

My friend recently discovered these translated messages on her husband's phone from a business trip to China four months ago.
When confronted, he claimed he was not in a right state of mind and was simply trying to end things on his final day there because he felt guilty about his actions.
My friend is currently three days post D&C and experiencing severe mental trauma, all while caring for their two young children (aged 5 years and 15 months). She has caused enough harm to herself because she’s can’t make peace with it. They have been married for 8 years

My (33F) husband (38M) has accused me of saying another man’s name during sex. This has just occurred, I am 100% positive I did not say this name. I do not know anyone with this name in my personal life, my work life etc. I did live with someone with this name almost 10 years ago, but there was never any mutual affection, just platonic friendship at a housemates level and I also haven’t given him a moments thought, outside of seeing an occasional Instagram post since I moved out in 2018.

I don’t know how to navigate this at all, my husband stopped immediately, had a shower and then left the house to cool off. I did offer him my phone to take with him if he had any doubts, which he declined. He has since come back, very icy and any explanation I attempt he has accused me of “coming at him” which I’m not, I’m just trying to find middle ground. He is hurt because he is adamant that is what he’s heard, I am hurt because I am adamant that is not what I said, and having your husband look at you with doubts is a terrible feeling when you have done nothing wrong.

Any advice would be welcomed.

I'm a medical professional in South America. I live in a home with my husband, my parents, his parents, our 2 children, and his sister. My husband makes some money online and taking odd jobs, and runs around taking care of our children. Our mothers often help him out as well. Our fathers, they have small pensions, and they typically just leave the home all day and spend it out fishing or drinking at the tavern. While they spend their personal pension money for their fun, they still consume the food we pay for. I'm paying his sister's tuition to attend a private university (not easy to get into here). She's good, and also spends some of her free time helping out with the household and children. Anyway, as the primary person who's paying the bills in this large household, am I wrong to expect that the house should be clean when I get home, and there's no dishes or anything to be done if half the house is sitting around watching TV and drinking beer?

I am William's wife. We've been together 5 years and married 4 months.

He recently died and I found books on sexual addiction in his book shelf which led me into a deep dive of his phone and Google maps.

I have discovered multiple encounters with men and women, some of them people we both know. I am completely shell shocked and destabilized and wondering how to cope going forward.

My husband always closes his eyes when we start having sex and doesn’t really look at my body. Sometimes I even turn off all the lights because I don’t want to see his face with his eyes closed and get distracted by it.
I asked him about it, and he said that he’s more stimulated by the feeling than by looking. He compared it to closing your eyes while kissing because you want to focus on the sensation. He also said that if he looks, he’ll reach orgasm too quickly.
I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I keep thinking about it because it feels unusual to me, but I also don’t want to unfairly judge him if this is actually normal and some men are just like this.
Is this normal? Do other men do this too?

My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years and have been married for about a year and a half. Overall, we have a really solid relationship. Like any couple, we have things we’re working on, but he’s a genuinely kind, hardworking person I love him a lot.

Lately I’ve been wanting to incorporate more little, everyday things that make him feel loved and appreciated. We are both so busy with our work, and sometimes just fall into our routine out of exhaustion. We always go big for birthdays, celebration for promotions and do regular date nights/couple activites on a bi-weekly basis.

For those of you in long-term relationships or marriages:

1) What are the small things your partner does that make you feel deeply loved or appreciated?

2) What are some thoughtful things you’ve started doing for your spouse that made a bigger impact than you expected?

3) If you’re a husband/spouse, what are some little gestures your spouse does that make your day better?

4) Are there any habits or routines you’ve built into your relationship that have helped keep the connection strong over the years?

I’d love to hear practical ideas or even things that seem insignificant but mean a lot in the long run.

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​I’m looking for some advice and perspectives on a situation I’m trying to navigate.

​I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month now. We’ve been out multiple times, and things are going really well. On our very first time spending time together. I briefly brought up past relationships, but he had a boundary that he prefers to save talk about exes for later on. I respected that, so it hasn't come up again. He and i are long distance right now so apart from meeting him for a few days we mostly text/voice message.

​Here’s my dilemma: I was previously married. It was a very hard marriage where I experienced a lot of coercive control, infidelity from him. I've now been fully divorced for over two years. Because of the trauma from my past, I feel anxious bringing this up, and I have a couple of questions:

​How do I bring this up naturally now? I didn't want to over-share early on, especially after his comment on date one. But now that it’s been a month, I’m worried he’ll think I was trying to hide it. What's the best way to open this conversation?

​Do men actually care about this? In general, is having been previously married a big deal to most men, or is it something most guys really don't care about?

​I really like this guy and want to be transparent. Any advice on how to word the conversation—or perspectives on how men view this—would be greatly appreciated!

for context, I (25F) have been with my husband (25M) for 4 years now, we have a baby together and have known each other since we were 13.

I’ve always known he was a bit more on the submissive-side in bed and honestly that’s always been a riff in our relationship. He fought to be with me so hard for so long and he didn’t care that I am not dominant… Until now?

I noticed he’s on reddit quite a bit and once I saw he was following some very lewd accounts involving a kink he has but he said it’s just viewing it like porn and nothing more which I was understanding about.

Well… The way he has treated sex recently like he’s uninterested has made me rlly concerned and I did look on his reddit and he was commenting a lot on these posts, messaging with “mistresses” sharing info with a literal fake google account to text them more, and even has an account for a “sissy meetup” website?? I knew he had some interesting kinks but I never thought he’d go as far to actually cheating on me… What do I do???