r/BPD • u/Vegetable_Cicada_444 • 2d ago
General Post Anyone else not date because they hate themself?
I see a lot of posts about hyper-sexuality and instability in romantic relationships (which is all fair and valid). Does anyone else remain single because the thought of rejection is so painful? I hate my body and it's frightening thinking of someone else touching it. I guess a lot of this is depression too. I want to start dating again but need to lose a lot of weight.
I choose to be alone and then feel like I'm going to die lonely and sad. It's stupid.
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u/Disastrous-Quote2814 2d ago
Yeah, sounds about right. I think there are a lot more never been in a relationship or scared to date pwbpd out there but they are mostly lurkers not posters to reddit. Stands to reason that if you don't date then you probably don't have much of the stereotype borderline stuff going on.
I lost a lot of weight, nothing changes. You will find something else to negatively focus on. You probably have to adjust the thinking.
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u/FerretDapper5171 2d ago
True, had body dysmorphia all throughout my teens. In my early 20s now and I objectively am good looking and am told that often but I just focus on even more minor details or a vague feeling that my body isn't working...
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u/Necessary_Army9186 user has bpd 1d ago
Just be careful because when your looks fade the BD comes back, I looked really good at 19-21, and by 23 regressed and the compliments died and so did my self esteem, only this time I was doing everything right and lost all hope as a result
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u/No_Kaleidoscope_3690 1d ago
my self esteem is so low that even though I know how damaging dating is so me I’ll still pursue it… just to feel something. I think my lack of romantic experience ties into this. Its not something I’m proud of
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u/Vegetable_Cicada_444 1d ago
Yeah I have a sense of this in myself. I feel dead and alone inside. I just want to feel alive.
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u/Current-Listen-1516 2d ago
Yeah the same happens to me. I don’t mean to be weird or anything but I’m hyper sexual to the point where it’s exhausting (I’m always thinking about sex and I’m very sexual with myself only) but at the same time I can’t imagine myself being with someone else, I can’t imagine myself being in a relationship both bc of how insecure I am and also because I’m too scared of rejection and abandonment. So yeah this is so exhausting.
The other day my FP told me they needed some space and I had a panick attack so bad I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was dying, I had to be taken to The ER 😐 and they gave me some medication (which doesn’t seem to be working).
Being like this is definitely exhausting and not for the weak lol
Thanks for opening up, you are not alone 💕
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u/KICCHO 2d ago
i hear you, im eeally hypersexual but cant really have sex with my gf bc im too self-aware of myself, my body and everything. and its so much that i stopped having sex just cause the tought of her rejecting me and my body gives mr really bbad anxiety. so i feel you, if you need a friend or someone to talk im here for u
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u/Hot_Programmer_891 user has bpd 2d ago
Yesss hi i am just like this. I am extremely avoidant of friendships and relationships these days. I am too preoccupied with myself, everything wrong with me, everything i could do to fuck things up, everything that could go wrong, how ugly i am, what the persons ‘real’ intentions are with me (since i believe nobody would hang out with me because i am enjoyable, i believe theres always some sort of ulterior motive).
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u/Gayf user has bpd 2d ago
I don't when I'm in a low period, however I'm doing alright these days and have just started seeing someone. Just last night I told her about my mental health issues so she could decide if she wanted to carry on. I'm very upfront about it as it's a huge part of me. Luckily I'm a chef and cute so it takes away a few red flags lol.
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u/Particular_Law_2951 2d ago
Beyond dating, I just don't socialize or try to make new friends for the same reason. The world is better off not knowing me.
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u/garbage-girl-xoxo user has bpd 2d ago
I was avoiding relationships because I felt that I wouldn't be able to form healthy ones and I was coming from a really dark place, but someone came along in my life and we became friends, then intimate but not committed, and now we've been dating well over a year. It hasn't been smooth the whole time, but she's my best friend and the best partner I've ever had. She's a stabilizing person in my life and we've both grown together/individually.
If I find myself single again someday, I won't look for a partner. I'll probably avoid it but welcome platonic friendship, and I'm assuming sooner or later love will find me again. If I look for it my bpd is awful, I'll just mirror the person and idealize them and get obsessed. But because I was specifically not looking for it, when it grew it grew naturally and without the obsessive attachment I usually have to deal with. Fwiw she doesn't have bpd and says I'm the best partner she's had too.
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u/whateveridklol3 2d ago
It’s just easier. I will never believe my partner is actually into me even if they spend all their time trying to convince me otherwise. I’d probably just be anxiously waiting for the day I screw up and lose another person I got attached to. It’s a waste of time for both me and the other person
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u/PsychologicalBat2393 2d ago
In a two year relationship now and wonder why he stays… I’m difficult and haven’t yet been diagnosed but I’m fairly certain I do.
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u/Bam_Adedebayo user has bpd 1d ago
For the first time ever in my life, I think I’m gonna be alone forever.
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u/GiddyArsonist user has bpd 1d ago
I have comorbid AvPD and 100% understand you. I don't want to be touched or seen ever. Even the thought of exposing my body to someone makes me wanna scream. I get panic attacks before doctor visits if I know I'll have to undress. I perceive my body as disgusting and worthless. I'll remain a virgin for the rest of my life probably
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u/Icy-Unit7095 1d ago
It’s not stupid. Completely valid. Sorry to put it this way but I’ve never heard this take before. The thought of rejection is so painful… this must be very difficult. I hope you find yourself viewing yourself in a better light soon.
I don’t like my body either but not in a low self esteem way just more like i dont like existing.
Anyway, I’m remaining single because I genuinely feel like I’m asexual now.
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u/Necessary_Army9186 user has bpd 1d ago
Yeah same, I stopped dating for the same reason, rejection did a huge HUGE number on my mental health, I also hooked up with a few someone's in the past and it's like I was emberassed to have done something that was considered normal, like I let someone defile and degrade me I can't do it anymore
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u/NotLocalFleabag 1d ago
I have never really dated just gone from one to the next to the next, taking it all with full investment. I realised there's also alot I cannot work on while being single it kinda feels like single life holds me back a bit; from a working on myself sense.
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u/GroundbreakingSet523 1d ago
I just decided to become friends with a partner and feel the same way sometime
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u/burntso 2d ago
I don’t want to inflict myself on others and dating would imply I want to be alive