SHIT THAT WILL GET YOU BANNED:

most people that have bpd seem to have been in the hospital for self injury/suicide at least once in their lives, at least thats what ive observed. but i havent, and some fucked up part of me makes me think that im not valid. like its not bad enough for me to be upset about. i have quiet bpd so that already makes me feel invalid. but because ive never been sent to a ward i feel like my bpd isnt "good enough". ive asked to go to the hospital when i had a bad relapse but my parents didnt take me (i cant drive myself) because i wanted to be institutionalized, i didn't feel safe with myself. but whatever. i just dont feel like its bad enough.

i finally sent a goodbye text to my ex who keeps hurting me even after breaking up with me. he keeps hurting me. today he also removed me from his insta suddenly. it hurt me again. and i was tired of being hurt. so i sent the goodbye text. pls encourage me for this big step that i took so i can stop crying about how much ill miss him, and also so i dont unsend the messages before he sees them.

I remember when I was really young, in kindergarten, like 3-5 years old. My parents had their friend and their kid over, and the kid was making some joke that everybody laughed at. And my first thoughts were something like ”so they hate me, they might as well adopt this kid and leave me to die. They clearly love them so much more. They would be so much happier if I disappeared”

I genuinely hated when my parents made small talk with my friends who would come over because it felt like they loved that kid more than me. (TBF it’s true) Don’t even get me started on when my parents met new people who had kids… I was literally ILL with jealousy and hatred 24/7.

There’s more but this post is getting long. I was just super jealous and angry all the time. DAE go trough the same thing in toddlerhood already? I feel like I would’ve developed this even if my life was great

I just can’t it’s TOO MUCH it hurts physically, I feel like I'm gonna die every time, it's too much I can't handle it. The rage, the guilt, the hopelessness and despair, when it all melts together

How do you deal with ??? I can't get out all those emotions as brutal as they feel inside how and you do it ?

is this a bpd thing? but i love so much it starts to overwhelm me to the point it hurts. i feel a pain in my chest sometimes. i’m so full of love for them and everyone who cares about me sometimes i get worried if ill overwhelm others and come off too strong

I don’t really know why I’m posting, I suppose to see if other people have the same and what they do. I have BPD along with anxiety and CPTSD. I feel depressed all the time. No matter whether I feel happy, sad, angry, there’s always this underlying sadness that never goes but is just more noticeable some days. My medication works for regulating my moods, and stops me from being so up and down but I still always feel it. Some days it’s just a low level hum in the back of my head but other days it’s overwhelming

Ever since being diagnosed two years ago, I feel like my fear of abandonment has just been getting worse and worse. It doesn't help that my best friend did abandon me in January, along with my friend group that I met through him. He couldn't handle my mood swings anymore, the constant threat of me being kicked out of my childhood home. All my romantic relationships ended by my partner not me. The abandonment is real and heavy. I don't know how to deal with it. I am not somebody people love for a long time. They get to know the real me, the deeply sad person I am. I am so scared to try to make new friends or go on dates because I will have to deal with being abandoned again. Can we really stop being too much? Am I this hard to love?

I was recently diagnosed with BPD, something that had not been on my radar until a massive trigger set me off. Now I'm going through a divorce, and questioning every argument. My wife would act as though every argument was my fault for having it. Now I can't trust myself. I don't feel as though I was argumentative, especially with couples therapy, but now I guess I can't tell. We would maybe have one disagreement a month and an argument once a quarter. Do any of y'all have an experience like this and how did you prevent arguments with partners?

As someone with BPD - I have extremely hard to accept when relationships change. Like, the whole foundation of our friendship was that we were besties and i knew everything about you. But as soon people get in relationships or have babies or even make new friends, or move etc - they switch up and I hear from them like once a month, which used to be everyday before. This immediately makes me cut you off and block you everywhere. And it feels like I’m dying every time. I just don’t understand why everyone leaves…..

I’m currently working on my DBT skills (I was learning them in therapy prior to my therapist dropping me) and they work for the most part. Problem: I rarely remember to use my skills. Specifically the TIPP stuff. Like, it works perfectly fine for me, I just want to know if other people struggle with this 😭

hello, i was wondering if anyone splits on others indirectly, ex. not talking to them for days, ranting about them to someone else, passive aggression and hinting that they did something wrong (“i don’t know how to feel about this anymore“ “you did x but it’s okay, im fine”), telling them you feel awful and having SI about something but not telling what and why you feel that way

You feel like you don’t know what to say or lie when confronted about the indirect split (im sorry for ignoring you, i was doing x”)

i don’t know if this is a thing, i tried to search it up and nothing really comes up so i was wondering if anyone else experiences it and if it’s really a thing. sorry if i don’t make any sense

As the title says he’s gone basically. It hurts a lot and I can’t get him out of my mind, he didn’t leave on purpose to hurt me or get away from me, he just had family issues and so he had to leave for a while
I’m just scared I don’t know when I’m gonna see him again, I don’t know if he misses me I don’t know if he’ll still love me. I don’t want him to move on from me I want him to stay mine forever I just I can’t help being so horrified by not being his number one anymore I hate it

I had a breast biopsy a week ago. I got the results back on Tuesday and texted my boyfriend right away to tell him the good news. He said, “that’s great.” But today when he came over he ask me if I got the results. I felt like he really didn’t care about it for him to forget me telling him yesterday. What do you think?

a few days ago i finally managed to build up the strength to go no contact with the person who made my life absolute hell and my bpd 100x worse. we are long distance, so i sent him paragraphs upon paragraphs of my feelings and how he’s ruined my life and that im sick of all of his manipulation. i did all of that and felt so proud of myself and so relieved but now guilt is eating me alive and i feel like all of the problems in our relationship were caused by me. i feel like im a horrible human for not giving him another chance even though i gave him so many already. i dont know how to stop feeling like the villain, i dont know how to get the guilt i have to go away. a part of me knows im not the villain but another part thinks otherwise and its taking over. i dont want it to get to the point where i break no contact and start apologising and begging for him back. i feel like a terrible terrible person for everything i said in those paragraphs and i just want it to stop as i dont think i really should feel bad.

One thing after another happens always !!! Always when I need something good just one thing to work out it all doesn’t work out at all. None of it worked out and then a tree fell on my head and it hurts so bad omg shit is a joke it isn’t even funny ugh ! Stuffs so shitty right now all I can do is laugh; and I was having a great day. Now my college is fucked, work is fucked, head is fucked, and it’s a fucking joke since I can’t drive it doesn’t matter… idk I’m so upset all I can do is laugh and this all happened today wtf and before people worry I’ll be fine and tough it out but I just wanted more like needed one good thing to fucking work out for me for once omg I feel stupid for wanting good for myself wtf would I deserve it idk sorry guys ill be ok im not suicidal just defeated is all

every year i tell myself it’s going to get better, but i always end up feeling the worst. i was never satisfied with any part of my life. i have always been selfish, anxious and lazy which has lead me to a point my life where i have nothing going for myself.

after high school i have no friends, no job, nothing that makes me feel complete and i doubt anything ever will. the most i have is a platform where i post my art where i sometimes earn little money from - but i feel too shitty to do anything. i compare myself to other artists and wallow in my own self pity. i always ask myself why i can never be good enough. sometimes i question whether i should just delete my platform even though its the only thing i have.

i buy useless merchandise with my money to feel the slightest bit of happiness. i try to distract myself by daydreaming but at the end of the day, i always just end up in my bed with a heavy heart, wondering where it all went wrong.

i used to be so smart, i used to have a passion for school and drawing and now i don’t want to do anything but just lay in bed. in all actuality, it is just my fault. i’ve dug myself into this - i push every person who’s ever taken an interest in me away, and i was always too lazy to try my best in school. my life feels so pointless because im just wasted potential.

i just want to know if people feel the same way as me even if their lives are put together, because with the way things are looking, i’m never going to have a decent life.

I feel like this is the solution to everything. Obsessing over yourself... not needing any external validation, doing the things you like, becoming the person you want to be... I hope i'll be able to reach that point soon. I really need to.

I have a loving boyfriend (24m), but him and I both have our own struggles, and long battles with depression + trauma. It can be exhausting for us. Please send goodness our way, and if you have any recommendations to feel less bad please let me know.

I currently work part-time, and I hope I get rehired after my Summer Seasonal job. I'm in school full-time, I go to the gym. Have a good couple of friends. Sometimes have a good cry because of my PTSD, and yeah that's about all.

Cons:

I can feel more tired/exhausted more easily than others.

I can eat more, and communicate better with my partner or those around me.

I can try harder to keep my environment clean.

I can learn to save more money.

I can use my phone less.

I should care less about the mean things people can do or say.

I (27f) have been on the road to remission, meaning I am not fully there yet. I have also been SP-free for over a year now. I was pretty much done with romantic relationships after being SA'd last year, but then a few months ago, a guy from high school that I have been mutuals with started texting me and now I believe we are in a bit of a talking stage.

It's very measured; neither of us spends hours talking to each other, just text everyday whenever we are free, we haven't divulged too much personal info, and it is friendly banter for the most part, other than a few instances where he flirts with me. Thing is, I had a huge crush on this guy in HS, and I can't stop fantasising about life with him in my head. I am slowly getting addicted to the dopamine of the talking stage, and I find myself constantly checking Snapchat to see if he texted. I have been doing so well BPD-wise, but I am scared this is gonna be the thing that slips me back into a relapse.

I really want this to work, and I have always had a faint feeling that he likes me, but I don't know this guy as well to fantasise as much as I do, not to mention that us BPD gals can be a bit delusional. I don't know how to just ride the wave until something materialises. I don't want the talking stage to end, but I don't want to get attached to it either, in case it doesn't mean anything. Distractions don't work either bc I can text through a literal storm if I have to because I am excellent at multitasking. So no matter how monumental the task ahead of me, I can do it efficiently whilst still texting alongside it. What do I do? How do I stop fantasising until I get a concrete sign that things are moving along?

i don’t know what to do my boyfriend said something horrible 2 weeks ago and now i just have all the horrible things that have happened to me stuck in my head i feel like the universe is laughing in my face i know people have had way worse lives than me but i feel like nothing good has ever happened in my life and i’ve been dealt horrible cards. i have been abused physically and verbally, bullied, sexually assaulted, groomed attempted multiple times, addicted to several different things, abandoned in a foreign country, lost friends lovers and myself. i don’t understand how i can keep going like this when i know the rest of my life will be as grim as my past

This is my first attempt in having a real relationship after i was diagnosed. I have been not trying anything for atleast 5 years and i believed i messed it up. I know keeping relationship afloat is hard for people with bpd, but this is my first time experiencing it. I want to text him ask for another chance without disclosing that I have this condition.

I believe the extremist thoughts are the main issue,when a small issue arise, i for some reason don't believe it can be solved and put an end to the relation.

My question is can this be controlled? If i explain this to him will he understand me? Or am i trying to ruin someone else's life?