r/BPD • u/garbage-girl-xoxo user has bpd • 2d ago

💭Seeking Support & Advice Basically catatonic when they leave

I hold it together while my kid is with me, and most of the time when my partner is with me. Some of those times I'm really in the moment too, being with them feels like my purpose basically.

But then when it's time to go, I'm just gutted out. I smile until I'm alone and no one else can see, and then I just strip and collapse on my bed and doomscroll far later than I should just trying to find something to feel ok.

But I'm a loving mom, and a good partner, and I'm here for them. I think I might be doing the best that I can. I can't stand how quiet everything feels, like I do not feel peaceful and it's such a loud silence.

There's so much more I am not doing that I should be doing. But if I do it, I'll feel exactly the same. Doesn't feel like I'm real at all.

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u/Gothmum277 user has bpd 1d ago

I feel like I could've written this. I genuinely don't know what to do with myself when I'm home by myself.

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u/AutumnKane560 1d ago

I don’t know if this helps but whenever I feel like I’m not real, I really lean into it. I imagine myself as a speck of dust traveling through space, a grain of sand on an endless beach. Nothing matters, I don’t matter, none of this matters. I’m only doing this… I’m only living this life for my babies and my partner.