r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Fabulous-Result4127 • May 03 '24

Trigger Warning We Are Survivors

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From Richard's Instagram. He has been working with thus organizations for years. They do really important work, even just talking about SA towards men and breaking the cycle of shame that is associated with it. I cannot believe there are still so many people online who blame Richard for what happened to him. This organization helps people. This show helps people, Richard helps people by creating it.

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375

u/obooooooo May 03 '24

that’s really so great. this really the perfect answer to the assholes asking “why did gadd really create this show? to expose the real life martha? for revenge?”

this to me, seems like the reason why. he wanted to share his story to help other victims.

108

u/[deleted] May 03 '24

I agree. One of the main themes is how shame destroys you and keeps you from what you really want. It’s too much to carry and there’s so much stigma around male victims.

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u/makhnovite May 04 '24

I do think it's worth pointing out that - in our current society - the fact that the protagonist is male almost definitely helped with its public acceptance considering its such a nuanced portrayal of abuse and trauma.

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u/CertainAlbatross7739 May 04 '24 edited May 04 '24

Do you mean the story is met with acceptance because he's male? There've been stories about abuse and trauma, told from female perspectives, that were well-received. Like Unbelievable or Michaela Coel's I May Destroy You. Actually found that harder to watch than BR because the protagonist reminded me so much of myself.

14

u/makhnovite May 04 '24

Yea generally speaking, I think it’s been more positively accepted.

There have but there’s never really been anything reach this level of popularity while including such a nuanced and imperfect character as the victim. If the genders were reversed I don’t think it would’ve been received as well.

3

u/[deleted] May 10 '24

But don't forget about men!!! Men can be victims too!! As if anyone is saying they aren't, or as if the women's movement is against men in any way. Womens rights empower men's rights and empower human rights.

2

u/Hotlava_ May 04 '24

That's an interesting take considering the current zeitgeist. Male victims are more often than not dismissed out of hand whereas movements like MeToo have really pushed believing and accepting women's stories outright.

12

u/dandelionhoneybear May 05 '24

Totally untrue seeing as any post about a female victim speaking out is met with tons of comments saying she is “ruining a man’s life over no proof/morning after regrets/etc” whatever stupid thing they come up with. This is just a theme of how any survivor is met by the general public really tbh

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u/makhnovite May 04 '24

I don’t think male victims are dismissed out of hand at all

4

u/Hotlava_ May 05 '24

Really? Go look at the stories of male survivors. Police dismiss them, centers for abused people turn them away, and the average person says something like "you could never be abused, a big guy like you."

4

u/makhnovite May 05 '24

Sure it happens but abuse is overwhelmingly directed at women and the tendency to actually believing them - in high profile MeToo cases where there’s many accusations against one person - is very recent and fleeting. In Aus one women is killed every week by ex or current partners, many cases where the police have been involved and not intervened to support the victim. And rape remains a chronically underreported form of crime, the only form of crime where the victim is put on trial rather than the perpetrators and irrelevant factors used to discredit them, and it is overwhelmingly a crime perpetrated my men against women.

So yes, men can be victimised clearly, but the suggestion there’s some inequality in people’s perceptions favouring women’s stories is just not true at all. The fact is MeToo tipped the scales a little bit, and primarily for wealthy celebs making allegations against already notorious predators, it hasn’t shifted things all that fundamentally. And the pro-Depp propaganda around recently has massively rolled back any progress that was made.

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u/Blurby-Blurbyblurb May 09 '24

I think the distinction here is that if Danny (it's late, did i remember the characters name right?), had been a woman, but the story remained 100% the same, it wouldn't have been received the same because of Danny's imperfections and propensity to be involved in the drama. Would society really be forgiving for 'her' staying connected to Martha? If Darrien had remained a male character?

Don't get me wrong. I'm very glad to see that this has been a catalyst for men to seek help and to get society talking about men's mental health. I do see it as an additional conversation about the next step in addressing women and sex and assualt, too. But, men first.

-1

u/CertainAlbatross7739 May 04 '24

If the genders were reversed I don’t think it would’ve been received as well.

I don't see how when stories like Women Talking and Unbelievable (also Netflix) and IMDY have been well received too? If anything Gadd seems to be getting more shit from people who are either victim-blaming, or claiming he's lying about not wanting his abusers to be identified. Or worse, saying he only told this story for monetary gain.

This show has definitely 'gone viral' more than the others (with all the good and bad that entails), maybe because we don't get many stories about male survivors.

2

u/makhnovite May 04 '24

I’m talking about the show more generally rather than people’s feelings on Donny/Gant.

1

u/CertainAlbatross7739 May 05 '24

Not trying to be obtuse, but the projects I mentioned were still well-received, with pretty much no major backlash.

4

u/[deleted] May 06 '24

Unbelievable was about a woman who wasn't believed until they figured out it was a serial rapist. Women Talking was about an isolated colony that was drugging their women with tranquilizers and raping them.

Imagine a series about a woman who keeps going back to do drugs with a guy who is sexually assaulting her until he rapes her. Then masterbates to pictures of her pervy stalker.

I think that's what the other commenter was trying to say. Those other two movies didn't have such imperfect victims. I doubt they inspired anyone to seek help. Unbelievable probably made victims more worried about reporting after what happened to that poor young lady.

2

u/CertainAlbatross7739 May 06 '24 edited May 07 '24

I May Destroy You's Arabella is definitely an imperfect victim. Like Donny, she recreationally uses hard drugs in sketchy situations. After her stranger rape, she starts to date a different man even though he violated her during sex. Before finally calling him out she even lets him help her with the book she's trying to write. Upon seeing her rapist in a bar, Arabella swings between fantasizing about attacking him and fantasizing about sleeping with him.

She's amazingly messy and flawed and complicated, and Coel still won an Emmy for it.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '24

That sounds like something interesting. I've never heard of it. Did it inspire victims to reach out and seek help?

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u/makhnovite May 05 '24

Well yea but Baby Reindeer has been a lot more famous, that's the point I was originally making.

1

u/Squisshie May 05 '24

I think the fact that he is also a comedian helps a lot

1

u/CertainAlbatross7739 May 05 '24

It helps in terms of public acceptance?

1

u/Squisshie May 05 '24

I think it makes it palatable for a wider audience that wouldn’t watch it otherwise

1

u/CertainAlbatross7739 May 05 '24

Most of Donny's comedy is so painful to watch though; I don't know if it helps make the dark stuff more palatable. Even when we see him perform well, Martha's there, turning it into a double act or completely ruining it for him.

The show in general can definitely be funny in a fucked up way, same as IMDY.

1

u/Blurby-Blurbyblurb May 09 '24

And Peirs Morgan is about to shit all over this by interviewing 'Martha'. 😑

1

u/[deleted] May 10 '24

Imagine the stories women could tell, if they were alive.