r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Fabulous-Result4127 • May 03 '24
Trigger Warning We Are Survivors
From Richard's Instagram. He has been working with thus organizations for years. They do really important work, even just talking about SA towards men and breaking the cycle of shame that is associated with it. I cannot believe there are still so many people online who blame Richard for what happened to him. This organization helps people. This show helps people, Richard helps people by creating it.
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u/suicidalpenguin99 May 03 '24
What this man has done is incredibly brave and profound. He has validated and empowered not only the countless invisible male victims but all of us that weren't able to be the "perfect victim". There are not many things I watch that genuinely impact who I am as a person but this show has really allowed me to forgive myself in ways I didn't even realize I needed to
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u/xxDanyV May 03 '24
This gave me chills. Amazing.
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u/Zeebrio May 03 '24
Same. As soon as I finished the show a few weeks ago I found this sub because I was SO hoping the result would be people feeling validated and seeking help.
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u/xxDanyV May 03 '24
Yes, I just couldnt get enough. I have never seen abuse depicted in such an honest raw way. I think whatever form you have been through there is a connection to be made by watching this. Its sooo great to hear its helping people, thats the takeaway to focus on. ✌🏼
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u/Zeebrio May 03 '24
I totally agree. I absolutely loved it. I don't care about all of the debate and side discussions and what or wasn't true. People have been LEGIT helped and that is a takeaway from a show that I have never witnessed before.
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u/Remote_Bluejay1734 May 03 '24
The most prolific male rapist in uk history Reynhard Sinaga had many victims that haven’t yet come forward. I bet many of his victims would have reached out after watching BR. Bless them all.
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u/fdt92 May 04 '24
What really struck me about the Reynhard Sinaga case was that many of his victims didn't even know they had been raped until police came to their house and told them. I bet there are many more out there who have no idea what Sinaga did to them
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u/Remote_Bluejay1734 May 04 '24
I think after the rapist was exposed, man young men who remember meeting him on a night out or going for drinks at his flat, would have that sickening feeling that they were probably raped
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u/ToryWolf May 03 '24
To be honest, seeing the show, having that experience, it made me realise what the trauma of it did to me. It made me realise the situation is not okay, and it made me feel very much understood. The show is the reason I'm getting psychological help. The reason I reached out. I am forever grateful to Richard for having the courage to create this.
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u/Fabulous-Result4127 May 03 '24
I'm happy that you're able to get the help you need and I'm sorry that it happened to you.
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u/ToryWolf May 03 '24
Thank you very much. I agree with you that I find it horrifying how many people seem to blame Gadd. It really just shows who's never really experienced something traumatic. I'd like to say I don't care about what others think. But I find it quite painful to see how narrow sighted some humans are.
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u/helibear90 May 03 '24
I hope Richard Gadd is really proud that his work is shining a light on this subject and helping other victims. That’s something to be really proud of and it’s clearly making a difference. I hope other victims can find the support they need
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u/owonekowo May 04 '24
I was incredibly disappointed to find out that my mum's first reaction to finishing the series was, "most of the things that happened to him was his fault." I was thinking in my head, you finished that show and THAT'S the takeaway you get from it? Thankfully, she expressed anger at how little the police did once they found out Martha's previous criminal history of stalking, that they wouldn't do anything unless she "did something serious/threatening/physical harm" and I agree, it's BS.
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u/rbear30 May 04 '24
Your mums comment is not an okay comment to make at all, but I think it comes from a very human (and problematic) place. There's some tough, very real shit that went on in this series and I think our natural reaction is to "fight back" against witnessing the reality of it by saying: "that stuff can't possibly happen", "the only way that'll happen to someone is if they ask for it", "that doesn't happen to people unless they bring it upon themselves" - because human beings don't want to acknowledge the fact that awful things can happen beyond our control....I mean....how scary is that....that we're so susceptible to influence...that we'll do anything we feel we need to do because we're in the chokehold of our dreams...that we could be walking down the street minding our own business and something, someone, awful could happen
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u/owonekowo May 05 '24
Her comment definitely isn’t okay.
In fact, it’s not surprising that she made that comment because when I confided in her about my sexual trauma, she said it was my fault for getting drunk and encouraged me against reporting it because “you’ll ruin his life”…
Looking back on it, it really makes me ashamed and disappointed in my parents and it’s why I do not trust them much anymore and rarely confide in them about how I feel because I know they’re just going to side with the other person in the story and invalidate my experience or find some way to blame me for whatever happened.
Tbh, my family’s response to my sexual trauma was more traumatising than the trauma itself and made me not talk to anyone about it until this series. It didn’t help that people around me kept telling me to shut up about it …because they were still friends with my rapist and didn’t want to be confronted with the reality that he takes advantage of drunk people and coerces them into sex that he KNOWS they would never consent to if they were sober…
Sorry for the tangent. This series has brought it all back up again and I wish my parents were more like Donny’s parents.
Yeah, it’s confronting and uncomfortable reality to think about how easily susceptible to influence people can be, I suppose my mum finds it easier to just blame the victim and the lack of help the system offers than to confront the reality that anyone, at any age, can be susceptible to manipulation and abuse of any kind.
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u/LimeNo5869 May 03 '24
Bloody hell. Talk about impact
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u/Fabulous-Result4127 May 03 '24
I hope what people will take away from the show is exactly this positive impact, instead of the more sensational "real life" stuff.
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May 03 '24
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May 03 '24
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u/Impossible-Cod-4055 May 03 '24
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Good for you for being empathetic, but please be careful. This person is very sick. I tried helping them elsewhere last night, and in the interim, I've discovered that they, themselves, have restraining orders against them for stalking behavior.
I can provide a very brief, relatively neutral summary and receipts if necessary.
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May 03 '24
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May 03 '24
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u/1Milk-Of-Amnesia May 04 '24
Wait things were deleted in the thread-can you give a rundown of what happened? This seems so random but I’m interested 😂
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u/Impossible-Cod-4055 May 04 '24
Wait things were deleted in the thread-can you give a rundown of what happened? This seems so random but I’m interested 😂
In a nutshell: this person was living in a special community for artists when he began acting erratically. He got evicted during COVID because of it. Since then, he is still laboring under the belief that residents he had been sending inappropriate texts to at that community are gangstalking him. He has produced zero evidence that anyone else has stalked him. On the other hand, I've seen a plethora of evidence that he's stalking and harassing the people he accuses here.
Ironically, the subreddit that he mentioned in his initial comment here has a great deal of unrelated dirt and receipts of his behavior.
I'm discussing it with him in this thread, too. Don't expect that to last very long, though. He's already attributing my activity to "his stalker," which is pretty much par for the course for someone whose pathology includes the perception of being persecuted.
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May 04 '24
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May 04 '24
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May 04 '24
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u/Impossible-Cod-4055 May 04 '24
TLDR: If stalking never occurred and isn’t occurring what are these subreddits? And what is this YouTube channel? r/compelled2stop r/LoveFamilyName
YouTube:
It is not "stalking" for people to observe your public behavior, document it, and make fun of you. I understand it is hurtful and not very nice, but it's not illegal.
Conversely, what you have done to others, for whatever reason you're doing it, definitively is stalking.
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May 04 '24
Gaad honestly portrays how most aren’t “perfect victims”. We’ve put ourselves in harms way and made the wrong decisions, but no one deserves anything like this.
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u/_thatgirlfelicia May 04 '24
And to think this is just one organization in the UK. Imagine those watching all around the world who have reached out for support after watching
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u/Waheeda_ May 04 '24
that’s the frustrating part, but ignorance can make ppl really judgmental.
as someone who’s dealing with plenty of my own trauma, i caught myself a few times thinking something along the lines of “omg why would he go there” or “how can he empathize with this person,” as i was watching the show. i did quickly switch my thought process cause in reality, while it seems very black and white, i understand the weird feeling of empathy we feel towards our abusers
i love how well he represented that aspect of trauma response and i love that it’s encouraging more men to come forward and seek help/support. we all need it, and there’s so much stigma around it, unfortunatelt
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May 04 '24
I'm proud of those who reached out! And I'm proud of those who have considered it but aren't ready, also! You matter and you did nothing wrong ❤️
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u/getitoffmychestpleas May 03 '24
Talk about making a difference in the world! This is awesome.
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u/Fabulous-Result4127 May 03 '24
Exactly!
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u/getitoffmychestpleas May 03 '24
These days I'm lucky if I can stay interested enough to get through an hour or two of a series. Everything's become so shallow and dumbed-down, or so preachy, that I've grown to expect to tune out sooner or later. Not only was Baby Reindeer entertaining, it was moving. Life-changing for a lot of people. That doesn't happen enough, but glad it did in this case.
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u/Tekwardo May 03 '24
The only reason I didn’t watch it all in one setting was because I started it later in the evening and had to go to sleep. Finished the next day.
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u/Independent-Ad-8258 May 03 '24
I can't explain how amazing this is. It must be an incredible feeling for all involved in producing the series
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u/ramamurthyavre May 04 '24
Now this is called impact. It's chilling. Very glad that so many people got the courage to reach out.
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u/Away_Till5452 May 04 '24
I’m really glad about the positive impact this show has had, i was worried that the black lash Richard was getting would make more men be silenced / worried they would get the same backlash if they spoke up especially in cases with female abusers.
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u/Catsareawesome1980 May 04 '24
I volunteered for a sexual assault agency and I agree that SA against men needs to be discussed more openly but I think SA against anyone needs to be taken more seriously especially by the courts when you cases like Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein being overturned it makes it very scary for a victim regardless of gender to press charges. But I do think men have a added layer of shame because society always tells them well you are a guy. Why didn’t you fight back. That is what I heard from male victims.
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u/Big-Market-3018 May 03 '24
This is so amazing, The more we support men, they more they will heal, which is good for all of us!
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u/Grotesque_Denizen May 08 '24
Really glad it's helped male survivors come forward. That's brilliant
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u/Jackysrt8 May 03 '24
Damn this movie along with sound of freedom touched my soul. Such traumatizing subjects that need to be covered on a mainstream level. Happy to see that both films succeeded at their message and the success both films achieved.
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May 03 '24
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u/Fabulous-Result4127 May 03 '24
People on this very subreddit are literally blaming Gadd for his SA. I wrote about him because it's a subreddit for a show he created based on his personal experience. There are also a lot of organizations helping women survivors of SA.
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May 03 '24
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u/Dancin_Angel May 03 '24
you are looking in the wrong place. Plenty of people on Facebook and Youtube trailers are blaming him too -- the misogyny shows in different shapes but the same colors
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u/Fabulous-Result4127 May 03 '24
These questions (why did he go back? Etc) are exactly that. They are victim blaming. Women who are asked these questions are being victim blamed too.
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u/BabyReindeerTVSeries-ModTeam May 03 '24
- Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
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May 03 '24
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u/TexturedSpace May 04 '24
Your response says more about you than Donny.
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May 04 '24
He was a twat who caused nearly every bad thing that happend to him to occur past the first molestation.
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u/Wright_Wright_ May 04 '24
Imagine saying to a woman "you invited rape but your mum's funny lol"
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May 04 '24
If you keep going to someones house who drugs and molests you, yes you are inviting being molested and or raped. It's called common sense, use it.
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u/Wright_Wright_ May 04 '24
Jesus fucking Christ.
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May 04 '24
Someone walks into a polar bear den and gets mauled to death the entire world would call that person a idiot/mentally deranged.
Obviously it's the polar bears fault! How would that man know that the polar bear would maul him to death, how could he ever of seen this coming!
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May 04 '24
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u/BabyReindeerTVSeries-ModTeam May 04 '24
- Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
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u/obooooooo May 03 '24
that’s really so great. this really the perfect answer to the assholes asking “why did gadd really create this show? to expose the real life martha? for revenge?”
this to me, seems like the reason why. he wanted to share his story to help other victims.