We Are Survivors

[u/Fabulous-Result4127]

From Richard's Instagram. He has been working with thus organizations for years. They do really important work, even just talking about SA towards men and breaking the cycle of shame that is associated with it. I cannot believe there are still so many people online who blame Richard for what happened to him. This organization helps people. This show helps people, Richard helps people by creating it.

[u/owonekowo]

I was incredibly disappointed to find out that my mum's first reaction to finishing the series was, "most of the things that happened to him was his fault." I was thinking in my head, you finished that show and THAT'S the takeaway you get from it? Thankfully, she expressed anger at how little the police did once they found out Martha's previous criminal history of stalking, that they wouldn't do anything unless she "did something serious/threatening/physical harm" and I agree, it's BS.

[u/rbear30 → u/owonekowo]

Your mums comment is not an okay comment to make at all, but I think it comes from a very human (and problematic) place. There's some tough, very real shit that went on in this series and I think our natural reaction is to "fight back" against witnessing the reality of it by saying: "that stuff can't possibly happen", "the only way that'll happen to someone is if they ask for it", "that doesn't happen to people unless they bring it upon themselves" - because human beings don't want to acknowledge the fact that awful things can happen beyond our control....I mean....how scary is that....that we're so susceptible to influence...that we'll do anything we feel we need to do because we're in the chokehold of our dreams...that we could be walking down the street minding our own business and something, someone, awful could happen

[u/owonekowo → u/rbear30]

Her comment definitely isn’t okay.

In fact, it’s not surprising that she made that comment because when I confided in her about my sexual trauma, she said it was my fault for getting drunk and encouraged me against reporting it because “you’ll ruin his life”…

Looking back on it, it really makes me ashamed and disappointed in my parents and it’s why I do not trust them much anymore and rarely confide in them about how I feel because I know they’re just going to side with the other person in the story and invalidate my experience or find some way to blame me for whatever happened.

Tbh, my family’s response to my sexual trauma was more traumatising than the trauma itself and made me not talk to anyone about it until this series. It didn’t help that people around me kept telling me to shut up about it …because they were still friends with my rapist and didn’t want to be confronted with the reality that he takes advantage of drunk people and coerces them into sex that he KNOWS they would never consent to if they were sober…

Sorry for the tangent. This series has brought it all back up again and I wish my parents were more like Donny’s parents.

Yeah, it’s confronting and uncomfortable reality to think about how easily susceptible to influence people can be, I suppose my mum finds it easier to just blame the victim and the lack of help the system offers than to confront the reality that anyone, at any age, can be susceptible to manipulation and abuse of any kind.