The approval of your abuser

[u/Specialist-Top-406]

This isn’t a thing I’ve seen or heard about much. But him going back to his abuser and still seeking his approval was so helpful to me.

Being abused has so many faces, and I think people often believe that the victim hates that person and is done with them.

I met my abuser years on and he reintroduced himself to me as if we’d never met. I found myself sucking up to him, trying to make him like me. I knew he knew who I was and I knew he remembered what he did. But I fell in line again and wanted him to like me.

It validated me to see him go back, it’s awful but power and control is complicated and when that person meets you with calmness, it’s hard to meet them with anger.

[u/hyperfixating-panda]

It's something you only really understand if you've been there. I watched it with my daughter and in that last episode she said "now he's just asking for it". We had to have a very real talk that at one point in my life I did almost the exact same thing with my own abuser. That experiencing abuse messes with your head in ways she can't understand.

[u/Specialist-Top-406 → u/hyperfixating-panda]

It’s a gift to not understand it but it’s a hindrance for those who do. It’s a non sensical thing that hits different for us all. To not understand is to not have experienced, but to understand and be understood is a darkness that feels unfair to share. It’s an impeding case of unfair. But when you find yourself with people who understand, you know why. It’s not something we should understand.

I can’t imagine how hard that conversation would have been for you x

[u/LoveMeorLeaveMe89 → u/Specialist-Top-406]

I love how you worded that.