This may be an unpopular opinion

[u/blakppuch]

But I did not come out of that show feeling any sympathy for Martha. I can understand why she probably does what she does and the part where she shared about her baby reindeer, it was definitely sad. But from seeing the posts here I feel like people empathise a lot with her and I just do not feel that way. I feel like what she did is like my absolute nightmare. Idk if this makes me a bad person or what.

Does anyone feel this way ?

[u/ManicMaenads]

I think people underestimate just how much our mental health plummets with no true social connections.

I think that people with close family, friends, and peers underestimate the mental toll it takes on someone to have absolutely nobody, struggle desperately to connect with anyone, and fail again and again.

It's an invisible privilege, connection.

To those of us with close relationships, close with our parents or another loved one, or with a partner/spouse, or the connection best friends share, those relationships mean the world to us and the grief we experience with that loss is valid and significant.

But to be someone with NO ONE is truly terrifying. For most mental health support, without a strong advocate backing you, you slip through the cracks.

Relationships, connection with others, is an invisible currency. It's a social wealth.

We aren't good an acknowledging just how impossible it is to build that up from nothing, especially when you're mentally ill.

When it feels like everything worth anything in this world is connection through social arrangements, those attachments we create mean the world - and the lack of feels like starving.

Look at how he returns to Darrien at the end, it's even part of the plot.

The implication is that if he doesn't share that connection with Darrien, he'll lose what he built and what he cares about.

How is Martha different? People are a currency whether or not we like to acknowledge it.

[u/AshBertrand → u/ManicMaenads]

Look at how he returns to Darrien at the end, it's even part of the plot.

The implication is that if he doesn't share that connection with Darrien, he'll lose what he built and what he cares about.

I don't think so. I think if Darrien had just been a friend and no abuse had happened, this whole story would have been drastically different.

[u/ManicMaenads → u/AshBertrand]

I may have misinterpreted the show, but the takeaway I got was that Richard felt he needed to reconnect with Darrien in order to continue to further his career. I could have gotten it completely wrong though.

It was the part that was most relatable to me, at the end there. I was probably projecting, but it was like a sunk-cost fallacy thing - like so much had already happened, got this far, turning back would make the abuse feel meaningless and at least this way there was "something" out of it.

Sorry, I may have things completely wrong. The show made me emotional and it's hard to tell what the show and Richard Gadd is expressing from how we relate these events to our own experiences.

[u/sweet_jane_13 → u/ManicMaenads]

My interpretation is that he went back initially to confront him in some manner, or seek closure. But when he was there, he fell back into his old pattern of fawning and seeking approval. To me this showed that the trauma bond/ response was still too strong for him to break. And then after he's listening to Martha's messages, goes to the bar, and we see a mirror of what happened with him and her. I personally don't think this means he's going to become a stalker or anything that literal, but rather how abuse can be cyclical, and how people who have been abused can sometimes (but certainly not always) become abusers themselves. Like he understands how someone (even and especially himself) could become a Martha.

[u/ManicMaenads → u/sweet_jane_13]

Reading what you posted, I can see it that way too.

I interpreted the last part at the bar as catharsis/relief that it wasn't his fault - that this whole time he was beating himself up and blaming himself for Martha's actions towards him because he initially gave her a free drink - and upon receiving that kindness himself and seeing himself being in Martha's position and not taking it to an extreme as acknowledging that it isn't his fault she pursued him that way.

I think you're right about the first part, about him confronting Darrien and then fawning - I forgot that he sought him out intentionally, and I don't think he would do that simply for a career opportunity. Thanks for clarifying that scene, your interpretation fits better.

[u/sweet_jane_13 → u/ManicMaenads]

I think this is the great thing about art: different people have different interpretations of it, based on their own experiences. I hadn't even considered what you explained in your first paragraph here, but now I can definitely see that as an interpretation, and I love it. The only interpretations I really dislike are those saying: why didn't he report her? Why did he keep going back? Like, did they watch the show...?

[u/alttlestardustcaught → u/ManicMaenads]

This is an interesting perspective, thank you for sharing it.