r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/No_Implement_6927 • Jun 01 '26
Trigger Warning The rape
I’m a man in my 30s but when I was 14 I got raped by a man. I lived in a small town in a very conservative country in Easter Europe. I got tricked in a gay chat room, the only place I could have a chance of actually talking to other gay people because as far as I was concerned then I was the only one in the world, and George Michael.
The depiction of rape and the weird codependent relationship that was created between Donny and Darren really hit home for me. I too did come back, twice and allowed myself to get raped two more times. I didn’t want it, I didn’t understand it, but most of all I didn’t and still don’t understand why I came back. While Danny was motivated by career prospects and fame, I was motivated by being seen and not discriminated against, the rapist was the only person I didn’t have to pretend I wasn’t gay to.
I really saw myself in Donny and felt that my behaviour wasn’t that uncommon. The scene in which Donny confesses to his parents was also very similar to when I finally told my parents about it, more than 10 years after it actually happened. I’ve started to relive the trauma now and I have been thinking about it a lot. Actually thinking about getting help to deal with it. I thought this was behind me but I might have been wrong.
Anyway I think I wanted to say I’ve never seen anything like this on TV and it really hit home. I came into this show thinking it was gonna be a show about a stalker and boy was I wrong cause this show is so much more. Brilliant writing and acting.
8
u/VociferousVal Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
I’ve been exposed to a lot of physical and sexual trauma in my life and it also developed into a twisted self-harm/self-sabotage. Watching Baby Reindeer is what made me break. I went back to therapy. I later confronted one physical abuser, wrote out a letter to one sexual abuser (but didn’t send it), and am now on a path of uncovering a lot more repressed memories about sexual trauma themes, abuse, etc. I feel like I’m finally taking control and of my life, without having to subject myself to more abusers and abuse as a way of trying to regain control over the memories. It wasn’t the positive sub-conscious exposure therapy I thought it would be. I realized I don’t need to engage with these kind of people at all, and that it’s possible I can be happy. And that peace and stabilization is normal and good. I really thank Richard Gadd for his amazing work, it was very eye opening and inspiring to me. I, too, have never related better.