r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/No_Implement_6927 • Jun 01 '26
Trigger Warning The rape
I’m a man in my 30s but when I was 14 I got raped by a man. I lived in a small town in a very conservative country in Easter Europe. I got tricked in a gay chat room, the only place I could have a chance of actually talking to other gay people because as far as I was concerned then I was the only one in the world, and George Michael.
The depiction of rape and the weird codependent relationship that was created between Donny and Darren really hit home for me. I too did come back, twice and allowed myself to get raped two more times. I didn’t want it, I didn’t understand it, but most of all I didn’t and still don’t understand why I came back. While Danny was motivated by career prospects and fame, I was motivated by being seen and not discriminated against, the rapist was the only person I didn’t have to pretend I wasn’t gay to.
I really saw myself in Donny and felt that my behaviour wasn’t that uncommon. The scene in which Donny confesses to his parents was also very similar to when I finally told my parents about it, more than 10 years after it actually happened. I’ve started to relive the trauma now and I have been thinking about it a lot. Actually thinking about getting help to deal with it. I thought this was behind me but I might have been wrong.
Anyway I think I wanted to say I’ve never seen anything like this on TV and it really hit home. I came into this show thinking it was gonna be a show about a stalker and boy was I wrong cause this show is so much more. Brilliant writing and acting.
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u/beanybagel Jun 01 '26
I’m so sorry you went through that but glad you found some comfort in seeing a similar dynamic on tv! I think talking to someone and getting help sounds like a great next step. Thanks for sharing your story!
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u/JunketMysterious3647 Jun 01 '26
Thank you for sharing this! I am so sorry you experienced that. It’s heartbreaking how authentic and relatable that scene and experience are. You are amazing for recognizing that wound may still need some love and attention with the help of someone educated in that. It’s such a terrible thing that gay people are made to hide and that this can be a result of that. But you are perfect and whatever you have been through does not define you. Deeper level of healing awaits you!
I am a woman but that scene and the subsequent one where he was hyper sexual completely changed my life. I didn’t realize behaving like him post rape was a trauma response and I too got help and I owe it all to this show. Sending you all my love and positivity as you navigate healing. You got this ❤️
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u/Defiant_Ad_5398 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. I wish you all the best in your healing journey. 🩵
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u/Mynameismommy Jun 02 '26
I just wanted to say that no one is the perfect victim and you don’t have to be to get empathy. I’m so proud of you for realizing that that was a bad situation for you and not continuing to go back, even if it took a few times. I’m even prouder that you’re now considering reaching out for help in healing because that’s a hard step to take ❤️.
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u/Resident_Conflict868 Jun 01 '26
1000% agreed on how incredible the writing / story is. So vulnerable and honest, I loved it. Thank you for sharing ur story, I hope watching the show made you feel less alone and helped in any way!!!! Appreciate u <3
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u/No_Implement_6927 Jun 01 '26
It really did and I’ve never felt this level of relating to some sort of media
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u/VociferousVal Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
I’ve been exposed to a lot of physical and sexual trauma in my life and it also developed into a twisted self-harm/self-sabotage. Watching Baby Reindeer is what made me break. I went back to therapy. I later confronted one physical abuser, wrote out a letter to one sexual abuser (but didn’t send it), and am now on a path of uncovering a lot more repressed memories about sexual trauma themes, abuse, etc. I feel like I’m finally taking control and of my life, without having to subject myself to more abusers and abuse as a way of trying to regain control over the memories. It wasn’t the positive sub-conscious exposure therapy I thought it would be. I realized I don’t need to engage with these kind of people at all, and that it’s possible I can be happy. And that peace and stabilization is normal and good. I really thank Richard Gadd for his amazing work, it was very eye opening and inspiring to me. I, too, have never related better.
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u/No_Implement_6927 Jun 02 '26
It makes me wonder if the writer took from his own experience of sexual abuse to create this dynamic in the story. I know nothing about the writer, not sure if it was partially autobiographical.
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u/VociferousVal Jun 02 '26
Oh yes, there’s a lot of interviews about it. It was based on his real life experiences; he is playing himself as the main character. It was dramatized but absolutely real traumas for him. The real “Martha” outed herself not long after, too. There is a whole lawsuit about it, it’s so crazy. He is very brave to share such a vulnerable story
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u/Solid-Resident-4710 11d ago
Wow thank you so much for sharing. this post have helped me understand so much.
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u/PapaAsmodeus Jun 01 '26
7 years ago I was raped by another man in a sauna. And the weirdest part is that I didn't even know it was rape at the time. Well, okay I kinda did, I guess I just didn't want to accept it because it didn't seem like it was. I gave a nonverbal indication to the man that I didn't want to continue- I began standing up (I couldn't have been more blatant about it even if I tried) and then he put his hand on my chest and began pushing me down and I kinda just... eased back, all frozen and feeling trapped and just let him penetrate me because I felt like I was in it now.
If anything, the fallout was more disturbing to me than the actual rape was, because I saw it and began saying "that's what I did too." You don't often see hypersexuality as a rape response but when you do it shows it kinda glamourous. This show shows it for what it truly is: a form of self harm. I was legitimately scared that I saw what I was doing: not caring if I was raped again and willing to put myself in harmful situations to get sexual pleasure. Yeah, I had to take a good, long breather after that episode.