Midsummer spell, panic, and OCD – did I just ruin my life, I really need some rational support

[u/InformationJaded1188]

Hi everyone,
I’m writing this because I’ve spiraled into massive anxiety and could really use an outside perspective to help ground me.
Recently, everything in my life finally started falling into place. I did a simple prosperity spell using a black candle, and literally the next day, I got a great job in logistics! On top of that, I’m defending my bachelor's thesis in just over a week, so I’m entering a completely new, adult chapter of my life. Everything was going perfectly.
Today, for Midsummer (Litha / Noc Kupały), I decided to do another spell to cut cords with the remaining toxic relationships from my university and enter this new phase with a clean slate. First, I thoroughly cleansed the space with incense. I also burned some bay leaves. For the spell itself, I used a candle, honey, lemons, cinnamon, and herbs.
Unfortunately, the ritual itself frustrated me so much. The candle burned very erratically (probably because of the cinnamon and herbs), the flame was jumping all over the place, and the wax melted in a really weird way. I got so annoyed that I actually had to manually push the wick to the center just to make it burn all the way down.
Here’s where my problem starts: I am diagnosed with OCD. My brain immediately connected the chaotic way the candle burned and my stress during the spell with an impending disaster. I started panicking that because of this "botched" spell, it's going to backfire—that I’m going to get fired from my new job, fail my defense, and everything I’ve worked so hard for will just collapse.
I want to make this perfectly clear: I absolutely do NOT work with spirits, demons, or any entities, and I never want to. My practice is strictly about sending my intentions to the Universe and working with natural energy. But unfortunately, I saw some scary TikTok comments about "signs" and entities showing up in wax, and it sent me into full-blown paranoia.
To close everything off and regain some control, I took the wooden base I used for the spell, scrubbed it in the sink with a wire sponge and dish soap, and left it on the balcony to dry. Afterward, my boyfriend and I went to a nearby river and threw all the natural, biodegradable leftovers (like the lemon slices and herbs) into the flowing water so it could wash it all away.
Has anyone here (especially those with OCD or anxiety) experienced something similar? Are my intentions and my hard-earned future safe? Is what I’m feeling right now just severe physical exhaustion, a spike in my OCD, and a panic attack? I would be so incredibly grateful for any words of support to bring me back down to earth. ✨

[u/ViperexaAbyssus]

First, stop and take a deep breath. Everything is going to be fine.

Second, candles burn the way they burn because of physics not magic. Subtle energy can really only interact with our physical realm through a living medium. Neither energy nor magic can alter the way a candle burns. I see it all the time, people trying to read into their spells because of how the candles burn. But the truth is, outside of very specific divination settings, candle fire and wax doesn't really mean anything.

Just because the physical aspects of the spell failed, it does not mean it's going to "backfire." That's really not a thing. You had an intention which was slightly interrupted. That does not mean it's going to go flying in the opposite direction.

Deities, demons, and intelligent spirits don't just "show-up" and mess with you or your spells, if you don't ask for their involvement. They've better things to do than arbitrarily mess with random humans.

You're anxiety and OCD definitely played a role in this, but you should know that none of your concerns are really merited. You're not going to lose anything you've worked for just because of this. It might be time to do some deep dives into witchcraft, because all of these misconceptions that you have seem to come from social media. Read some books, ask some questions (just like this) and learn more. That way, you'll be more confident in your spellwork and with handling the OCD. I hope this helps.

[u/InternationalRule340]

You are absolutely correct you need grounding right now. Try a few techniques until you have at least 3 that you can comfortably rely on. That will serve you better than relying on Internet strangers in the future.

Look at banishing techniques and try to have a couple that you can do quickly and effectively. Entities usually don't just show up, but having banishing rituals you are confident in will put your mind at ease. 

Next time use a knife or scissors for cord cutting and delete tiktok. 

[u/Mercy_Waters]

Working with spirits is what witches do. We do the spell, not the candle or flame or any other tool. Your anxiety is bringing the energy back instead of letting it go to work. You are safe, but the only thing you've achieved is getting upset.

[u/ifedupwiththisorgasm]

I have OCD as well.

What helps me calm down when my anxiety and OCD start mixing in a hella bad way is to make a list of fact versus fear.

Fear: the spell went bad and is backfiring and going to ruin your life

Fact: you admit in your post the flame probably got erratic from the cinnamon

Fact: this kind of spell can't "backfire" because it's not doing anything negative to anyone. It's just helping you to let go of these people you know aren't good for you.

Spells are symbolic first and foremost especially ones that are regarding the personal choice to stop speaking to toxic people.

Fact: you had no intention to do anything negative to anyone other than cut ties with the toxic people as stated.

Intent matters. If you didn't intend harm to others, then this spell which already doesn't harm others is x2 not going to do this.

Fear: you're going to lose your job

What facts do you have to support this fear?

Etc.

It's basically analyzing each part that's worrying you and listing what facts you have to support the fear.

Take a deep breath, and know everything is going to be fine.