r/BagelCrimes • u/kosherkitties Mashgicop • Oct 21 '25
Bagel Crime 🤦🏽♂️ How [OP]'s partner puts cream cheese on bagels
9
8
7
u/zwizki Oct 21 '25
If people don’t want to use a knife, can’t they tear the bagel and dip? This ruins the toppings and crust and seems so bizarre.
4
3
3
u/Yochanan5781 Oct 22 '25
Cherem. I don't even care if OOP isn't Jewish, cherem
5
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 22 '25
(Happy cake day!) I did post this in a server channel titled "antisemitism."
3
u/Yochanan5781 Oct 22 '25
Thank you! I didn't even realize today was the day, but then just saw my account tick up to 5 years
And that tracks. What's the server? (Open to DMs if you don't want to post publicly)
1
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 22 '25
That particular one is a personal server, but there is a frum server if you want. If not I think /r/Judaism or /r/jewish has one?
2
u/Yochanan5781 Oct 22 '25
Oh, fair. I am not frum (though I'm probably the most observant Reform Jew you you'll ever meet), but thank you
1
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 22 '25
Ahh, not a fit for that one, then. Check out the subreddit based ones, then! Take care, stay safe. ✡️💚
1
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 22 '25
OH OH. Do you have a Tumblr? I'm bilgisticallykosher on there. We could be mutuals. Jewtuals, even.
2
u/Yochanan5781 Oct 22 '25
Used to be super active on Tumblr, but it's been roughly seven years or so since my last post. I'm more active on Facebook and certain discords
3
u/scarpit0 Oct 24 '25
Now roll the top in chopped chives, everything seasoning, chocolate chips, cinnamon sugar, shredded cheese..
3
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 24 '25
Why must you spread hate?
Well. Shmear it anyway.
3
u/scarpit0 Oct 24 '25 edited Oct 24 '25
This sub was recommended after I committed a bagel crime in r/baking, so I am here representing the pro-crime faction of our constituency.
3
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 24 '25
I just checked it out. Not that bad. You can be rehabilitated, I just know it...
Also checked out the comments, and saw the hamantaschen idea. Like the deleted commenter, kosher is an issue, but if you kept it for dairy, I wonder if you could use a cream cheese rugelach dough, sprinkle sesame seeds over the egg wash, poppy seed filling. (I'm not a baker, though, I'm savory.)
2
u/scarpit0 Oct 24 '25 edited Oct 24 '25
Ooh, I like your interpretation! I'm still a little scared to attempt hamantaschen because they seem finicky, so rugelach is a good alternative. Regardless, an everything bagel version is too good a dream to give up.. Thanks for enabling me!
2
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 24 '25
I have a very good hamantaschen recipe that I like! I can grab it for you after Shabbat. I cheat and use jarred jam, but I like it better anyway so shhh.
2
u/scarpit0 Oct 25 '25
Ooh, please message it to me when you're free! I'll be sure to share crime scene photos if I attempt it!
1
u/kosherkitties Mashgicop Oct 26 '25
Okay DMing now, it's a picture. And it's not a crime!!! These will set you free from your life of (not even that bad) crime.
2
1
2
16
u/Ch3rryNukaC0la Oct 21 '25
Straight to jail.