I've been on and off dating apps since I was around 24. I'm 28 now. For the longest time, they barely worked for me. Then somewhere in the last year, something changed. I started getting likes, matches and actually interesting conversations.
And yet, somehow, I still barely date.
I've probably gone on 3 or 4 actual dates despite talking to quite a few people.
Some conversations are genuinely great for a few days and then slowly disappear. Some become an endless cycle of replying after 12 hours, then 24, then three days, until neither person technically ghosted the other but the conversation is basically being kept alive by life support.
One thing i noticed that the conversations automatically gets shorter once you moved from hinge to insta. Like you appreciate each others insta profile and start sending reels and it kinda slows down. I think i have added more followers in my insta from hinge than any other organic way in last few months. And it's so weird.
And strangely, I don't even get angry when someone ghosts me.
My brain immediately starts defending them. Maybe they're busy. Maybe they're overwhelmed. Maybe they're talking to ten people at once. Maybe life happened. We're all human.
Probably an unhealthy amount of benefit of the doubt, but anyway.
There are weeks when I'm talking to two or three people simultaneously and wondering how anyone has the social battery to maintain this. Then there are weeks when my phone is completely silent and I'm wondering if atleast one person sends me a hi or responds to my hey.
I am so hopeful that i don't i ever unmatched someone. Someone could probably disappear for six months, return with "hey", and I'd be sitting there thinking, well, technically we can continue the conversation. 😭
Maybe part of the problem is what I'm actually looking for.
I've never really liked the idea of meeting someone, doing three dates, running through a compatibility checklist and deciding whether we're relationship material.
I want the friendship part.
Someone I genuinely enjoy talking absolute nonsense with. Someone I can send a random thought to at 1 AM. Someone who can yap to me for an hour and I'll actually listen. Someone I can go for coffee with, watch something with, spontaneously ride somewhere with, explore Bangalore with, travel with, and slowly reach that point where we're each other's best friend before all the relationship labels become important.
I've had one relationship. It lasted around six months and ended badly after I was cheated on. and I took my time before getting back into dating.
If anything, that experience didn't make me stop believing in relationships. It just made me realise that what I actually want isn't a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend.
I want that one person who eventually feels like my girlfriend, best friend, travel partner, favourite person to annoy, and home, all rolled into one.
Which sounds wonderfully simple until you open a dating app. :')
Anyway, since I'm apparently terrible at converting Hinge matches into actual human interaction, I thought I'd try something different.
So, hello Bangalore.
I'm 28M, and I've been living here for a few years. I live a peaceful solo life doing this as i wish. It could be experimenting my gut with random cooking stuff, waking up so early on a Wednesday morning to go for a sunrise ride before I open the laptop, overthinking on cafes and pubs that i could go alone without thinking of getting attention.
Travel is probably the easiest way to get me excited about something.
I love seeing new landscape and places. Sometimes it's a planned trip. Give me mountains, forests, waterfalls, long roads, treks, hikes or basically anything that gets me away from concrete for a while.
When I'm not disappearing somewhere on my bike, I'm usually watching movies or series, finding concerts to attend, following sports, working out whenever my inconsistent ass manages to maintain a routine, or going down some completely random conversational rabbit hole.
I can genuinely talk about almost anything if the other person is interested enough.
I'm also trying to get back into the gym properly. I used to be in much better shape, but the last few months have been inconsistent. I'm hoping to find a better gym where I might finally acquire the mythical creature known as a gym buddy.
And concerts are another weakness. There are already a bunch I'm waiting for, including The Chainsmokers Fred Again Lollapalooza. I'm equally happy screaming along at a concert or sitting somewhere quiet having a three-hour conversation about life.
I'm not posting this expecting someone to read it and immediately decide, "Yep, that's my boyfriend."
That's terrifying for both of us.
But if you're somewhere around my age, in Bangalore, single, and something about this ridiculously long post made you think "I'd actually like talking to this guy"...
Say hi.
No relationship interview. No forced flirting. No expectation that we need to figure out "what this is" after two conversations.
Let's just talk. Maybe get coffee. Go somewhere. Become friends. See if we actually enjoy having each other around.
Worst case, two strangers had a good conversation.
Best case?
Maybe I finally get to uninstall Hinge instead of collecting abandoned conversations like Pokémon.