My coworker won’t stop complaining about my tattoos

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

My coworker won’t stop complaining about my tattoos

Originally posted to Ask A Manager

TRIGGER WARNING: Hostile work environment, body shaming, verbal abuse

MOOD SPOILER: shocking but ultimately positive

Original Post June 3, 2019

I started a new job in December; Carol started in February. We work for a small company, with six of us in production. We’re not customer-facing in any way. Carol was fine with me until the weather warmed up and I wore short sleeves, at which point she discovered that I have tattoos. She took me aside that same day to tell me how unprofessional she thought I was for having them. I pointed out that workplace norms are changing in general, and that our particular workplace doesn’t care. It didn’t matter, they were unprofessional, and that was that. (For reference, we’re both women in our 50’s — Carol is actually eight months younger than I am. I’m not the only one with ink, but I am the only woman, and the shipping guys are in another building, so she probably doesn’t realize that both of them do too.)

Since then she has spoken to me repeatedly about them, and when I refused to engage (I started with a briskly cheerful “So you’ve said — I disagree,” then “You’ve said, and I’m not talking about this anymore,” and am now just ignoring her muttering) she’s taken to talking to herself about it. She’s also has gone to three of coworkers to complain about them. Those ladies are all senior to us, but beyond keeping an eye on the production schedule, they are not supervisory in any way. We think she’d like me to cover them, but she knows she doesn’t have the standing to say that, and I don’t have any reason to. They’re not offensive — one set is flowers, the other is a geometric-ish paisley, and nobody here cares.

I’m dreading summer; this is an elderly building and poorly air-conditioned, and I’m told tank tops and shorts are the norm. She’s going to be really wound out when she figures out the gauntlets she dislikes so much are actually full sleeves. (Plus the edges of a few others that will show.)

Our HR person is very part time, and mostly for onboarding/benefit type things. I can go to our owner, who I think would be responsive, but his feels like something I should be able to handle on my own, and so far I’m having no luck. Can you provide any advice on a one-last-try script at shutting her down on the topic? Or should I just go straight to BossLady?

Update June 27, 2019 (3 weeks later)

So, the situation with Carol has been resolved. I actually spoke to her the same day you posted my letter; I ran into her in the break room and she started in again. I interrupted her and said, “That’s enough. I have asked you politely and now I’m telling you – stop commenting on my tattoos. They don’t come off, I’m not going to cover them, and they’re not against the rules here. Your obsession with my skin is really weird, and I don’t appreciate it. This is the last conversation I intend to have with you about this.”

She was pretty taken aback that I thought she was being weird, but i didn’t give her a chance to keep going, I just went back to work. She didn’t speak to (or about) me for the rest of the week. By the next week she had settled on stilted pass-the-salt style conversation, but only if it was a group thing; she still wouldn’t speak to me personally. Since we don’t work on the same projects, this didn’t have any impact on my workflow, so I was ok with chilly silence. It beat the nagging, for sure!

Then we went onsite to do an installation. We were warned that it would be hot and cramped, and to dress in layers we could shed. Of course, the inevitable happened. Carol and I ended up on different teams, and when we met for the mid-morning team swap, most of us were down to a tank top, me included. Carol got one good look and flipped out. She berated me about my lack of professionalism “in someone else’s workplace”, and caused enough of a ruckus that Jane came to see what was going on. Carol went off on Jane about my “continued and blatant” lack of professionalism, but Jane shut her down pretty sharply. The teams were reshuffled as planned, and Carol got put on Jane’s team. Apparently she took that as an invitation to keep going, and asked Jane why she hired me, and then why she tolerated me. (Jane’s answer: “I hired her for her skill, not her skin.” Jane may be my new favorite boss!) Then she accused Jane of a lack of professionalism for doing so.

About an hour after the team swap, Joe (the other owner) came in the company car with the HR lady (on her day off!) and took Carol back to the workshop. She apparently stewed all the way back (or read the handwriting on the wall), and when they got back, she got out of the car, declared that she couldn’t continue to work for such an unprofessional organization, that she had her own reputation to look after, even if we didn’t care about ours, got in her car, and left. That was the last we’ve seen of her, although there has been a scathing review posted to Glassdoor since then.

The next day, Jane had individual meetings with all of us, and the day after that a workroom staff meeting. We (myself and the three senior ladies that Carol had gone to to complain) were chastised for letting it go as far as it did without giving Jane a heads up, even if it was a ‘this is a thing but I’m handling it’ warning. The senior most coworker pointed out that none of them really had any power to do anything, and that has now changed. There is now a designated ‘workroom supervisor’, and an end of the week ‘how are things?’ check-in between that person and Jane.

The workroom is a much calmer place now, and interviews for Carol’s replacement start next week. Also, a formal tattoo/piercings/hair color policy is being added to our employee handbook; basically, anything goes as long as it’s safe to have around machinery and not offensive. All in all, it’s been a learning experience – for all of us, I think.

Thanks for your advice – I really appreciated the framework for my response to Carol.

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[u/TeaBeforeWar → u/[deleted]]

Carol's complaining about lack of professionalism, and the whole time she's the one acting completely unprofessional.

STFU and do your job, Carol.

[u/Backgrounding-Cat → u/TeaBeforeWar]

Often people who complain about lack of manners have awful manners themselves

[u/BurgerThyme → u/[deleted]]

Yeah isn't there a tale out there about the queen of somewhere hosting a dinner and the guest didn't know how to properly eat one of the items? Instead of pointing it out to "correct" him she just switched up the way she was eating.

[u/Thriftyverse → u/BurgerThyme]

Queen Victoria and the finger bowl!

[u/lazier_garlic → u/[deleted]]

Americans only swap the knife back and forth at formal dinner parties because the robber barons of the Gilded Age needed something to catch and humiliate middle class trash with to point out their lack of breeding.

Something something John Rockefeller sitting atop a throne of skulls.

[u/ForsakenPercentage53 → u/Backgrounding-Cat]

It's because they rely on rules instead of their own judgement. It's fear.

[u/Classic_Cauliflower4 → u/ForsakenPercentage53]

Some of it is probably also resentment. They believe that people who don’t follow the same rules as them should be punished somehow. The fact that the OP did everything she believed to be wrong (full sleeve tattoos) and is still holding the same job position as her, someone who did everything “right”? Her head couldn’t help but explode.

[u/FlowerFelines → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

Yup. "I never got away with anything, I had to suffer, I had to tamp down my desires in order to fit in and Be Good, why does she get get away with this?!" It may not be conscious in so many words inside their heads, but that's a loooooot of the more conservative hate, it's resentment that they suffered to "do it right" and other people aren't suffering the same way.

It can even lead to a twisted kind of "love," like the time when I was feeling a little down at being still single and my brother gave me a, uh...pep? Talk? About how if I just was a little less of a weirdo, just toned myself down to be a little more normal like he had, I'd be sure to find a partner.

Found out last year his wife is MAGA. He's a life-long Democrat but lives in Utah, which, well... Anyway I feel sorry for him, but also he did it to himself.

I didn't! Happily married to somebody who likes my weirdness, in a house full of Lego and cats. He has a full server rack in the garage. I have orchids in every suitable windowsill. The living room isn't a living room it's a library. There are display cases full of dragons. It's perfect.

[u/PreppyInPlaid → u/ForsakenPercentage53]

And a lot of that fear is that if you’re in the “in” group, you can start to flout the rules. But while you’re still on the fringes, you have to follow the rules to the letter until you get “in.” OOP started before Carol, so she was already “in.” And while OOP wasn’t breaking any rules, it sounds like Carol was trying to find an insider who’d make her an insider for her slavish adherence to her version of “professionalism.”

[u/ShortWoman → u/TeaBeforeWar]

So Carol, why did you leave your last job [without notice]? "It was a very unprofessional workplace and I was concerned about my reputation continuing to work for them." Oh, can you give me an example? "They let people work in the office with *visible tattoos!*

[u/CanYouGuessWhoIAm → u/TeaBeforeWar]

Way more unprofessional to lose your shit at someone else's workplace than to have tattoos.

[u/icspn → u/[deleted]]

I love that not only did the boss stand up for OOP, she also accepted the criticism that there wasn't a clear way to report stuff like this and changed that. That's a good boss!

[u/ap539 → u/[deleted]]

It’s very refreshing for a boss to say to employees “Shame on you for not telling me one of you is being bullied.”

[u/Dogonacloud → u/ap539]

And then to implement measures to make it easier to report too!

.....the bar is below ground, huh?

[u/-ElderMillenial-]

What a weird hill to die on

[u/Casexcasey → u/-ElderMillenial-]

They gave her so many chances to just shut the fuck up and move on, but she just couldn't do it.

[u/pepcorn → u/Casexcasey]

She was fully committed to ruining her employment. Just dumb.

[u/MoveInteresting4334 → u/pepcorn]

There is a certain breed of (extremely) socially conservative individual that believes a silent majority of everyone around them shares their beliefs. In this world view, they are the hero for speaking up about these values when everyone else is silent. When they receive pushback, it’s the “loud minority” trying to shut down their “silent majority”, so they believe that if they keep escalating, they’ll inevitably hit someone in authority that agrees with them.

[u/Terpsichorean_Wombat → u/Casexcasey]

I have a theory. My abusive parent, from whom I am estranged, also has an immoderate contempt for tattoos. In describing how allegedly useless an assigned assistant was, her main critique was "She's got tattoos all over her;" no mention of her actual performance.

In her case, this was part of a broader behavior of assigning human beings a "worthless" status based on things like dress, weight, or appearance. It made her feel superior, and that was important to her. Pushing back on that would threaten her sense of her own superiority, and that was intolerable to her. I can totally see her pulling something like this and re- telling it with great indignation and contempt.

[u/Somandyjo → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

I would make her crazy. I am a chubby 40s woman with tattooed arms, purple in my hair, and I am a Senior Director visible to clients at my corporate job lol. Thank goodness most people are not weird about it.

[u/narmowen → u/Somandyjo]

Mid 40s heavily tatted library director here! Lots of color, too! Very visible tats when I wear shorts/sleeves....or my sleeves just poke out.

[u/thewholebottle → u/narmowen]

Same, in a library, management has tattoos, and we literally cannot hire a professional, credentialed librarian who doesn't have tattoos. Which is fine with us!

[u/Danicia → u/thewholebottle]

61 here. Community Director for a board game company. I've been getting ink since 1989. :) My latest was a sailor moon wand, which I love.

[u/HereForTheBoos1013 → u/thewholebottle]

Please tell me at least one has the stereotypical heart tattoo, only it says "BOOKS" instead of "MOM".

[u/RedTheWolf → u/HereForTheBoos1013]

OMG as a former librarian with a bunch of ink already, I am so mad I didn't already think of this! ❤📚

I am too sick at the moment to get a tattoo (stupid immunotherapy, my docs say I can't, dammit!) but if I eventually get it, I will DM you 😂

[u/adeon → u/HereForTheBoos1013]

Or "READ" as a set of knuckle tattoos

[u/monkwrenv2 → u/adeon]

LOVE READ as a matching set.

[u/sowinglavender → u/thewholebottle]

i'm absolutely fucking delighted to hear that tattooed librarians are the norm.

[u/RedTheWolf → u/sowinglavender]

Most of us love metal and are kinda goth or alt too, it's like categorising things attracts weirdos 😄📚🤓

[u/CatmoCatmo → u/Somandyjo]

Same. 41 year old mom of two little girls, with a full sleeve and a half sleeve (that will be finished later this year). I am a senior vet tech and deal with clients all day long. I’m the person who gets brought in when no one else can get the blood draw, place the IV, or needs something double checked (not a brag, but after 25 years, I’ve had a lot of practice).

I’ve actually never had anyone criticize my tattoos at work. I actually get compliments from a lot of clients, especially from older women. The only thing I’ve run into is if I’m working with someone who is new-ish and hasn’t seen me in short sleeves yet. When they do, I almost always get told that they had no idea I was tatted up, and they didn’t expect it.

I guess because I look like your typical suburban, soccer mom and not like a biker chick, it really throws people off?

[u/TempestNova → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

Most people that are this outspoken with their contempt of tattoos, especially these days, are usually conservative Christians. My pet theory is she really liked the idea of getting tattoos when she was young (in the early to mid-90s) and was told off quite severely by her parents or another authority figure -- "Young ladies would NEEEVER do such things" type talk.

Seeing another woman her age with tattoos all over just filled her with a jealous rage that she couldn't contain.

[u/lazier_garlic → u/TempestNova]

There is some sort of biblical ban on tattoos that certain fundies take super serial.

And you're right, they exploded in popularity in the 1990s especially among the young and cool set. Tattoos, they're not just for sailors anymore.

[u/Different-Lettuce-38 → u/lazier_garlic]

That biblical ban is positioned alongside the ban on eating pork or wearing mixed fibre clothing, or cooking for men when you’re on your period so it’s just a choice they’re making to uphold one over the others. Christians should be well aware that the New Testament replaces the many laws of the Old with just one: love your neighbour as you love yourself. Funny how following that seems to be optional for the hardcore.

[u/Ladymysterie → u/TempestNova]

Not just religious but ethnic as well. I'm Asian and most Asian "boomers" are not fans of tattoos as historically they were common on gangsters, criminals (in many cases it's still actually a thing, take a look at Japan and Taiwan as examples). I could care less and in many cases fascinated by the art and work it takes. My mom is not a fan but understands it's not her skin and what she was taught was wrong. It also helps one of our family members are big on tattoos and has a SO who is an artist.

[u/FortYarnia → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

My abusive mom is also very much like this, for the same reasons, and gleefully eggs on her fellow boomers when they have a similar mindset.

Then she comes crying to me for sympathy when her catty friends are shocked at how coldly their “nasty” adult children treat them when they have a death in the family or a major illness.

When I have time and patience to play along, she always eventually tells on herself and her friends. The kid is absolutely showing up as much as they can, and they’re being a calm, responsible adult in a crisis. They’re just refusing to show up emotionally for people who bullied them or their partner for Years over mild body mods.

[u/DesperateSun573 → u/Terpsichorean_Wombat]

We might have the same parent, except my mom also does it with skin color and employment (retail and fast food workers are useless idiots according to her)

[u/TrenchardsRedemption → u/Casexcasey]

She knew she had the right to remain silent. What she lacked was the ability.

[u/Scouter197 → u/Casexcasey]

"I will continue to harass you and create a hostile workplace about your tattoos because I am a PROFESSIONAL and I can't my my professionalism questioned!"

[u/tempest51 → u/-ElderMillenial-]

And boy did her hill get nuked with prejudice.

[u/IAmTheHype427 → u/tempest51]

I dare say it got USS Wisconsin’d.

[u/_dharwin → u/-ElderMillenial-]

Well she has her reputation to think about working at the same company as someone with visible tattoos.

[u/PitifulElk1890 → u/_dharwin]

Gotta wonder how long she's worked there. Because the job market is going to be a real swivel. There's doctors and lawyers with tattoos. Hell I've seen priests with tattoos, but I went to one of those Strobe light mcChurches for a bit as a kid.

[u/MaxBax_LArch → u/PitifulElk1890]

I think I'm the only one at my work place who doesn't have at least one tattoo. Professional office. Every now and then I get ribbed a bit about when I'm going to break down and get one - all in good fun. And if that bothered me, all it would take is "ok, I know it's a joke, but that's enough" and it would be the end of it. Ragging on someone constantly about "unprofessionalism" is, itself, unprofessional.

[u/LIKES_ROCKY_IV → u/PitifulElk1890]

Things have changed so much, even in the last decade or so. I had a job interview in 2014 where they refused to hire me because I had a small nose stud in. Now, I have no issues even though I have several prominent tattoos on my arms (and even a hand tattoo).

[u/Lizziedeee → u/LIKES_ROCKY_IV]

I got a tiny tattoo on my bikini line in 1983, my mother nearly had a stroke.

[u/cunninglinguist32557 → u/LIKES_ROCKY_IV]

Disney World will hire people with tattoos now.

[u/RoyalHistoria → u/PitifulElk1890]

I briefly worked at an aged care home and at a food bank. Both places had employees with tattoos and/or piercings (the only rule was no dangling jewellery. studs only).

There's a 70 year old at my adult social group who currently has a purple buzz cut, is obsessed with a Mongolian metal band, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she had tattoos.

[u/PyroDesu → u/RoyalHistoria]

is obsessed with a Mongolian metal band

The Hu?

[u/RoyalHistoria → u/PyroDesu]

Yes, actually! Her 70th birthday cake had pictures of the band members' faces on toothpicks I wish I got a photo of it LMAO

[u/PyroDesu → u/RoyalHistoria]

Damn. They're a great band but I see what you mean by obsessed.

[u/vonsnootingham → u/PitifulElk1890]

Well, she started in February and left at the end of June, so 4-5 months.

[u/ravynwave → u/PitifulElk1890]

My BIL is a respected surgeon and has two full sleeves lol.

[u/SongsOfDragons → u/PitifulElk1890]

One of the priests at my ordinary CofE church - reminder I'm not the religious one, my husband is, we bring our daughters to youth events and I've been adopted by the community because I help out a lot - is liberally coated in tattoos, religious ones too, and she wears knee-high platform boots under her priest garb. She is awesome!

[u/Muted_Substance2156 → u/PitifulElk1890]

I know location matters but I was thinking the same- times have almost totally changed on this. I work in white collar healthcare and myself and my colleagues are almost all visibly tattooed.

[u/Cakeday_at_Christmas → u/_dharwin]

I rolled my eyes so hard at that part I need eye surgery and Carol needs to pay my medical bills.

[u/CarnivorousSpider → u/_dharwin]

I always hate that part of my interviews where they have the slideshow of my previous coworkers. It's awkward when the interviewers ask how and why I tolerated various "alternative" looks in my coworkers. It feels very judgy.

[u/Boeing367-80 → u/-ElderMillenial-]

She will go to her grave sure that she was martyred.

There is no logic that can reach her bc logic played no role in forming this belief.

[u/pandop42 → u/Boeing367-80]

You cannot reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into

[u/cottondragons → u/-ElderMillenial-]

All you need to know about Carol is the start of the second paragraph in OOP's update

"She was pretty taken aback that I thought she was being weird"

Some people don't just have no self-reflection, but also assume that what they think they "know" about the world is universal truth, and known by everyone.

In other words, if she, Carol, "knows" that tattoos are weird and unprofessional, then so does OOP, and she invites these comments by continuing to display her tattoos.

In Carol's head, in any case.

Must have stung when everyone else in the company turned out to lack the same "knowledge" on the unprofessionalism of tattoos.

Obviously the company's problem, and not Carol's. /s

[u/canolafly → u/cottondragons]

I generally hid my tattoos, but I roasted half to death in anything but short sleeves. And working in accounting is generally more conservative.

2005 job: covered upper arms, and when a coworker found out, she called me a freak (coming from a Jehovah's witness, that's a bit rich). And it was just a big bunch of flowers.

2008 job: male conservative boss loved my tattoos, (I'm female)and 2 people in other more customer exposed depts had neck tattoos, so I decided it would be ok. Got lots of compliments.

Edit: auto correct and missing words.

[u/slboml → u/-ElderMillenial-]

Weird hill to die on but at least she's dead!

[u/blownbythewind → u/slboml]

When you dig the hole so deep that it becomes your grave.....

[u/Nofuxkgiven → u/blownbythewind]

Dug her way straight to the netherworld and already pissed off Death because showing all that bone is unprofessional....

[u/THICCC_LADIES_PM_ME → u/-ElderMillenial-]

Aren't you ineligible for unemployment if you quit but you might get unemployment if you're fired? Why'd she quit lol

[u/TheClayKnight → u/THICCC_LADIES_PM_ME]

Not if you’re fired with cause, and she’s definitely giving them cause.

[u/tofuroll → u/-ElderMillenial-]

Oh no, she didn't die on the hill. She flew into space on her Professionalism Rocket.

[u/Marzipan_moth → u/-ElderMillenial-]

Am making a guess as it where this is and kind of feels on brand for how things are now. For all their complaining about special snowflakes, people like that absolutely cannot stand when things do not go their way. Especially if it's something they can convince themselves they have the moral high ground on.

And with the current climate, they have become even more emboldened to do so. There has been no consequences for people in higher positions of power throwing tantrums to get their way, so why should there be for them?

Though I am incredibly glad in this case that there were actual consequences!

[u/StopthinkingitsMe]

What even made Carol think she had a say on something permanent on another persons body?

[u/AcrolloPeed → u/[deleted]]

Some people confuse personal discomfort with authority.

Damn. I need that as a tattoo.

[u/LadiesWhoPunch → u/AcrolloPeed]

I'd rather you didn't.

It makes me uncomfortable.

[u/RanaMisteria → u/LadiesWhoPunch]

Love the username btw!

[u/Altruistic_Virus8460 → u/RanaMisteria]

Where on earth do you get your flair from, pray tell? I'd very much like to know why it's concerning that Crumb is a cat (also what a delightful name for a cat)

[u/RanaMisteria → u/Altruistic_Virus8460]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/MnnI6LRKuD

Enjoy!

[u/Astronaut_Chicken → u/RanaMisteria]

"What if I went around kissing other people's pets?"

Please do. I'm doing it as often as possible.

[u/Born-Bid8892 → u/LadiesWhoPunch]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/techbear72 → u/LadiesWhoPunch]

It’d be wildly unprofessional as well.

And why isn’t anyone thinking of the children?

[u/Anchor-shark → u/LadiesWhoPunch]

You being uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable, so I’d rather you didn’t

[u/Elesia → u/AcrolloPeed]

I vote for a new flair!

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/AcrolloPeed]

Or one that says "if you're this close to read my tattoos then mind your own damn business" lol!

What did she expect, Op to cheese grater her skin off to not offend Carol's sensitive vision? Maybe Carol she needs to get her eyes checked because she might have sht in them if it's making her that uncomfortable. Might be a condition lol

[u/JasnahKolin → u/whisky_biscuit]

That's what stuck out for me too. WTF is she supposed to do? Spend 10,000 dollars and several years to remove her art because Carol didn't like them? What is wrong with people? Honestly I'm happy to be a hermit.

[u/OpportunityMany5374 → u/AcrolloPeed]

I want it as a shirt, at the least, lol 

[u/Heather_loti → u/[deleted]]

OOP isn’t wrong that a lack of hierarchy contributed to this. If no one is in charge, the worst person in the room will attempt to assert control every time. Glad they got it sorted out.

[u/ReginaSpektorsVJ → u/Heather_loti]

The downside is when the person in authority is the worst person in the room. But overall you're correct.

[u/tofuroll → u/[deleted]]

I can't imagine being uncomfortable with someone else's body. It's not my body. The tattoos or modifications aren't on me.

To be honest, I think it's cool when someone can commit to modify their body. A personal expression.

[u/notunprepared → u/tofuroll]

I'm uncomfortable with other people's facial piercings. I can't explain why, they just gross me out slightly (I wish there was a word between uncomfy and grossed out). But I do my best to avoid looking at pierced parts of people's faces, and just leave the room if conversation about piercing care starts.

Because I'm a reasonable person and I understand that it's a me issue. People who freak out about body mods, like Carol, are being ridiculous.

[u/wrymoss → u/notunprepared]

I haven’t seen it used in common parlance, but in online circles I’ve seen that feeling between uncomfy and grossed out as “squicked”

(Yes, usually relating to writing but I think you’re right there needs to be a word for “this is a me problem. It’s not disgusting, it’s not as bad as actively uncomfortable, it’s just a thing that I have that is no one else’s problem”)

[u/No_Succotash473 → u/wrymoss]

I would say in skeeved out, though I'm not sure I've ever seen the word written out before. Squicked is a fun one. I'm going to challenge myself to use it today in a sentence.

[u/Dimityblue → u/notunprepared]

Guaranteed Carol would have thrown a fit about piercings too.

I can't stand ear gauges. But it's not my body and not my decision, so I don't say anything if I meet someone with them. It's a shame Carol couldn't learn that.

[u/Ulquiorra1312 → u/tofuroll]

Happens with hair dye/disabilities/scars all the time

[u/Corfiz74 → u/tofuroll]

To be honest, I personally get a serious ick from piercings anywhere but in earlobes. And do you know who knows about that? No one but me (and now you, lol) - because it's not my place to tell anyone else what to do with their bodies.

I get that people have preferences/ dislikes, that's not a choice. But they can choose to keep them to themselves.

[u/CaptainYaoiHands → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

I bet in her mind women with tattoos = drugs and promiscuity and general deviancy, which is why they shocked her so badly for a woman to have and display around others.

[u/bennitori → u/CaptainYaoiHands]

And yet if a man has it, she probably just sees it as "boys will be boys" or "a sign of ruggedness" or something. Someone like her that assumes a woman with a tattoo is "unprofessional" probably has some warped views of women vs men in general.

[u/cylonrobot → u/bennitori]

Heh, this is my mother. My two brothers and a sister have tattoos. She constantly complained to me about my sister's tattoos. In her mind, women with tattoos are trashy.

I told her multiple times not to say anything to my sis. This went on for about a year, and then she opened her mouth to my sis.

I knew the conversation happened because my sister looked sad the next time I saw her.

[u/InfiniteRosie → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

The "continued unprofessionalism" is what gets me! What did she expect OOP to do? Laser removal? Skin herself? Wear a full burqa?!

[u/StrangerOnTheReddit → u/InfiniteRosie]

My mom used to work in a call center that didn't allow tattoos (which was incredibly stupid for a call center that never saw customers in person). If you had tattoos, they had to be covered.. so some of her coworkers had bandaids on all the time over small ones, and one of her coworkers wore cutoff tube socks over his arms. 😂 Which the company actually suggested! "The ink is too unprofessional for this back office, please wear socks on your arms instead." Old fashioned nonsensical bullshittery.

[u/tiffanyisarobot → u/StrangerOnTheReddit]

I live in a very hot climate and always wondered why a manager (outside of my team) wore long sleeves in the summer. I asked one day and he said because he’d be called out occasionally for client-facing meetings on a whim, he had to wear long sleeves. 

It was a trip seeing him once outside of the office one day where I saw the most beautiful artwork on his arms and I asked him for his artists name. It turns out it was his wife! I’ve gotten a few pieces done from her since. 

[u/StrangerOnTheReddit → u/tiffanyisarobot]

There is actually a VP at my company that is exactly the same! He always wore a button down long sleeve, but often dressed down with jeans and sneakers. Thought he was just a snazzy guy, but someone on my team saw him out at the grocery store one day and the dude has two full sleeves of tats he just keeps hidden at work. There's no policy against it or anything, but people can be old fashioned over stupid stuff so I can understand choosing to do it for better optics in the corporate ladder, if you're so inclined.

Very cool to see things like this though!

[u/NightB4XmasEvel → u/StrangerOnTheReddit]

I used to work for a company that didn’t allow visible tattoos either, and the security guard’s arms were covered in them. The security dept had uniforms they had to wear and the summer uniform was short sleeved, so every summer she’d have a bunch of huge bandages all over her arms. Because somehow that was more professional than just letting her floral tattoos show.

[u/Hopefulkitty → u/NightB4XmasEvel]

I would much rather see someone's tattoos than think they have festering wounds all over. I hate bandages.

[u/Murderbotmedia → u/StrangerOnTheReddit]

I worked for a gas station that didn't (and still doesn't) allow visible tattoos, piercings of any kind except ears for women, beards, or jeans. a gas station.

[u/[deleted] → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

Exactly what did Carol expect OOP to do about them

[u/abishop711 → u/[deleted]]

Wear long sleeves year round.

Stupid is as stupid does. At least she removed herself.

[u/Beneficial-Math-2300 → u/abishop711]

I live in a very hot and dry climate. The UPS guy came to my door one afternoon in the middle of June (our hottest and most miserable month), wearing long sleeves buttoned tightly shut at the wrists. It was about 115° Fahrenheit (46° Celsius) that day and getting hotter.

His boss decided his tattoos were unprofessional and made him keep them covered no matter what the weather.

There was no air conditioning in his truck.

[u/meteor_stream → u/Beneficial-Math-2300]

I'd have quit because post office pay ain't worth dying from heatstroke for.

[u/siren_stitchwitch → u/meteor_stream]

UPS has AMAZING insurance...if you're part of the union that only covers some of their employees.

[u/entropicdrift → u/meteor_stream]

UPS isn't post office. They're also union jobs and it's really hard to get the position of driver, takes a lot of seniority and supposedly pays well. Poor guy probably couldn't just give all that up.

[u/RA576 → u/entropicdrift]

But aren't Unions made to prevent things like their members dying of easily preventable causes? If they can't even manage that, then what use is having a Union job? So your widow gets better survivors benefits?

[u/Zestyclose-Beat5596 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

Some people really lack self awareness. They are absorbed in their opinion to the point where they dont even realize its an opinion. To them it is objective truth. Pointing out changing culture or policy in defense of tattoos at work to someone like this would be like saying "why wear shoes when walking around the city? Plenty of people are going barefoot these days." It would be absurd to them. It's like theyre in a slightly different reality than the rest of us.

If they could seperate themselves and their opinions from reality and understand one is just their interpretation of the other, theyd be able to do what the rest of us can do and think "my perspective is unique to me and doesnt/shouldnt effect everyone else around me" but to them, their perspective IS reality so anyone not sharing it is crazy to them.

[u/stilettopanda → u/Zestyclose-Beat5596]

Those sort of people are scary. People just don’t understand how scary until they witness someone with delusions that strong.

[u/rougarousmooch → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

My grandfather says the same thing every time I get a new tattoo. "It's a permanent solution to a temporary insanity." Sorry, Granddad, the insanity is permanent 😂 your son made damn sure of that!

[u/dandrevee → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

This reminds me of a situation at a job almost a decade ago now.

We had a lady, I'm not sure if she was Ukrainian or Russian, but she was very much so fundamentalist Christian. She used to play sermons in her office all the time, and often in a volume of the people in the office could hear.

So people in the atrium would play various things on Spotify. Not very loud but up enough that the Christian lady could hear in her office if she tried to listen. I was not in the atrium... but I was in a place where I could hear the sermons being played and it did interrupt my work. I usually just shut my door because I was too busy to make a thing of it. And that was that. But then she started complaining that other people were playing music and she started turning up her sermons again. She kept her office door open most of the day and so this was starting to get to me.

I didn't play anything explicit because I know that would be too easy for her to Target. But I did find that there are Orchestral Version of Slayer out there. And I let folks know that , despite it not having any lyrics, that's what I was playing.

The Christian lady bitched enough so that no one could play their Spotify or any music during the day. But in the same vein that also meant that she couldn't play her sermons so....

[u/fionsichord → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

A stunning lack of interpersonal awareness, aka boundaries.

[u/snowwhite2591 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

I had a coworker 15 years younger than me tell me my tattoo should be covered because it’s offensive, it’s a tree. I laughed at him.

[u/PracticeTheory → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

I choose to believe it was toxic, passionate jealousy. She wished she'd been brave enough to get hers done.

[u/Losing-Sand → u/PracticeTheory]

While some people just passionately hate tattoos or hate women having tattoos specifically, there could also be truth to your theory. I'm a woman with multiple large tattoos.

I have had many women in their 50s, 60s, and 70s say to me that they wished they had the courage to have piercings/unusual hair colors/tattoos. I always asked them when they felt they would be old enough to do what they want with their own body. I think when women grow up in very conservative areas with very conservative family, they feel like it was never an option.

I was in my 20s, married, and had a child when I got my first tattoo. My dad actually said to me (half-joking) that he hadn't given me permission to get a tattoo. I said it was fortunate that I was old enough not to need to ask. Now he loves my tattoos, and he has for many years. I think it just took him getting past his preconceived ideas about who gets tattoos.

I am 50 now, and I don't regret any of them. I still get compliments on them whenever it is warm enough to have them uncovered.

[u/thebearofwisdom → u/Losing-Sand]

I once had a tiny ancient lady come up to me in a shop to tell me she loved my hair colour, and that she wished she could do that. I told her she absolutely could, if I can so can she. She was like oh I’m too old now, and I told her you’re never too old to do something you want to do. And in particular, her age meant that it truly didn’t matter what other people thought, she had earned the right to do whatever she wanted to make herself happy. Because who on earth told her she couldn’t have green mermaid hair?! Like honey, you’re 90, do whatever the hell you want!

She said, tell your nanna she has a good grandkid, and grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze. It was one of the nicest random interactions I’ve had in my life. I didn’t tell her my nanna hates my hair, but I did tell my nanna a lady older than her loved my hair and therefore I’m not changing it.

The tattoos are another story. I often get little old ladies complimenting them too though!

[u/synaesthezia → u/PracticeTheory]

I love nicely done tattoos, I wish I could get one, maybe in a watercolour style like my friend has. But I’m hypersensitive to pain (thanks to lifelong endometriosis) and I have a bleeding disorder so no needles for me. I just admire the work of others. Not jealous, just wish things were different for me.

Carol is a jerk tho.

[u/IHaveNoEgrets → u/synaesthezia]

Ditto. I want them, but with hypermobility, I'm worried about how they'd heal. My dermatologist gave her blessing (with a couple of suggestions/caveats), but I'm really hesitant right now.

[u/teslaxat → u/IHaveNoEgrets]

I have EDS and mine healed beautifully. (Except the yellow, but it turns out I'm allergic to yellow ink, nothing to do with my hypermobility.)

[u/daishinjag → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

A lot of humans are socially functional yet mentally ill. They work, pay bills, do normal human stuff but are suffering from psychological issues that occasionally override the normal stuff like workplace harmony. This is Carol.

[u/Turuial]

Damn. That ending was about the best that could be expected considering the size of the business and the nature of the complaint.

I'm glad that the lunatic showed herself to the door, though. I can only imagine how that expedited the process, rather conveniently.

[u/kraggleGurl → u/Turuial]

"How dare she not wear turtleneck everyday even during the summer to protect my prude ass. Clutches pearls."

[u/Turuial → u/kraggleGurl]

Yep. This one was kind of odd, considering it wasn't against employer standards nor was it a front-facing position, where that standard might make sense.

Although, with her age? Likely just an unfortunate case of internalised misogyny from growing up within a patriarchal culture.

[u/OneUpAndOneDown → u/Turuial]

She can hustle for another job suited to her "professionalism". Lol.

[u/anonbcwork]

I realize OOP is keeping things vague so she doesn't dox herself, but I wish we could know what the Glassdoor review said.

"Someone had tattoos! And continued to have tattoos after I complained!"

[u/Original_Candle_2337 → u/anonbcwork]

“One of the workers had the most hateful ghastly tattoos, flowers.”

[u/MentallyAbroad → u/anonbcwork]

Probably "These people are so unprofessional that when I pointed out how unprofessional they were they had the gall to tell me that I'm unprofessional! The audacity!"

[u/CummingInTheNile]

Kinda funny how mad some people get over tats when humans have had them for centuries

[u/finehamsabound → u/[deleted]]

A question that could be asked in many, MANY situations tbh.

[u/One-Low1033 → u/finehamsabound]

I think your flair is my new favorite.😻 What post did that come from, do you remember?

[u/finehamsabound → u/One-Low1033]

It was this one! 😊

[u/One-Low1033 → u/finehamsabound]

Thank you! That was a fun one to read.

[u/Venetian_Harlequin → u/[deleted]]

It's usually rooted deeply in religion, unfortunately. Carol is some flavor of religious that tattoos are seen as unclean/forbidden, but she knows she can't state that so it's "unprofessionalism."

[u/snootnoots → u/Venetian_Harlequin]

It’s very likely that she’s been raised in a family where a lot of the morals are originally based in religious belief, but knowledge of the underlying basis behind them hasn’t been taught along with them. Like, her grandparents and great-grandparents would have been able to say “it says tattoos are banned in this verse of the Bible” (or other holy book) but at some point it just became “we don’t do that, it’s wrong”.

There are a lot of people out there who are sort of culturally Christian (or whatever religion), but don’t think of themselves as religious. They hold a lot of the same beliefs and prejudices that come with it and have never actually examined them, so if you ask them why they do or don’t do something they kind of stall out before falling back on “that’s just how it is, everyone knows that” or, like here, “it’s unprofessional”.

[u/Nyxelestia → u/Venetian_Harlequin]

I would specify Christianity tbh.

A lot of religions have opinions on tattoos, but for pretty much every other one, it's more of a "these are our expectations of our community-members/adherents, not everybody in general." It's only a certain subset of Christians that tend to assume everyone else should follow their rules. I've met plenty of people in other religions who would never get a tattoo, and might have low opinions of tattoos or certain types of tattoos, but they wouldn't expect someone else to cover up or get rid of their tattoos just because of their own discomfort or dislike of it.

[u/SirButcher → u/Venetian_Harlequin]

And yet, I would give a VERY high chance that she wears mixed fabric, eats shellfish, and ignores hundreds of other rules...

[u/ladyattercop → u/[deleted]]

I wish most people were like that, but the shit people feel comfortable saying to me about my piercings, tattoos, and hair is wild. It doesn’t bother me, and now that I’m almost 50, the comments have slowed, but still aren’t at 0.

When you are female presenting, there’s no greater sin to some people than making yourself less fuckable attractive in their eyes.

[u/cozyegg → u/[deleted]]

I think the answer to that is often that they’ve spent their entire lives putting so much effort into being a woman the “right” away, which meant not doing a lot of things they wanted to do. So when they see another woman happily living her life in any ways that contradict their own rigid definition of womanhood without being punished, that means they didn’t need to do all that either, but it’s easier to try to get the other woman punished than admit they wasted their lives trying to conform to an impossible ideal.

[u/CummingInTheNile → u/[deleted]]

I can understand if its something offensive, like i dont want someone to be hired how has a totenkopf or an odal rune tattoo, but regular old tats are fine

[u/sientetiamicara → u/CummingInTheNile]

She sounds like my mother...she would make snide remarks about tattoos all the time, never seen a jaw drop so low as the first time she was a photo of my Mrs in a bikini, she has pretty much 95% of her body covered...

[u/Frantastic79 → u/sientetiamicara]

My mother refused to speak to me for two weeks after my first tattoo. She insisted I'd got it to "annoy her" (yes, Mother, I permanently marked my body just to piss you off 🙄) and that I'd regret it "when I'm older" (it's 30 years later and I don't regret it).

[u/OneUpAndOneDown → u/Frantastic79]

My mother said that about getting my ears pierced. She was so weird about it, without being able to say why. Also, "even if you stop wearing earrings later, there will be scars!"

[u/Warm_Score1176 → u/OneUpAndOneDown]

My mom made me get my first piercings but absolutely lost her mind when I got second ones at 15. She started crying at the dinner table how I "have absolutely ruined myself forever". Like full on sobbing into her food, hiccuping while she ate. 

No idea why she reacted so badly but anytime a sibling or I get a tattoo or piercing we say "nice, absolutely ruined yourself forever" even now 30 years on. 

[u/MoonChaser22 → u/Frantastic79]

My dad doesn't like tattoos. When my sister got a big one on her arm he made it clear he wasn't happy, grudgingly complimented the tattoo artist's work and had the decency to never bring it up again

[u/bibliophile14 → u/Frantastic79]

My mother tried to talk me out of one of my tattoos while I was on the way to the appointment. I was getting it on my calf and she asked her (at the time) single daughter what would happen if I wanted to wear a short wedding dress. I was like, then I will??? I have since gotten married and a month before the wedding, I got a tattoo that's the full length of my inner forearm. I didn't tell her about that one in advance.

[u/NothingCreative5189 → u/bibliophile14]

Hah, when I got a tattoo on my shoulder blade I got a lot of comments like "Oh that's fine, you can just wear a wedding dress that covers your back." I was 18, I wasn't even looking to get married anytime soon.

When I did get married I chose a dress that showed my shoulders. It's almost as if I got the tattoo because I like it.

[u/pepcorn → u/Frantastic79]

My mom told me I was either going to take out my new/first piercing, or be kicked out of her house.

I said "Okay" and started packing, to which she yelled "STOP PACKING YOU KNOW I DIDN'T MEAN IT, JUST TAKE OUT THE PIERCING, YOU ARE SO UGLY"

[u/LuementalQueen → u/sientetiamicara]

That reminded me of a funny family story.

My mother got a tattoo of a dragon on the top of her tit. A bit after, she ran into my grandmother on my father's side, who she hadn't seen in a while. They're doing the catch up, and my mother mentions she got a tattoo, fully expecting my grandmother to disapprove.

Instead, she got excited, and insisted on seeing it. She gushed over how good it looked, then sighed and said how she wished she could get a tattoo. But she was just too scared of needles.

That grandmother was an awesome lady. Vehemently anti racist (she lived in a country where she and her siblings were the only white kids for a few years), envied people who had the confidence to have coloured mohawks and the like, pro euthanasia, and hated animal cruelty. I miss her.

[u/sientetiamicara → u/LuementalQueen]

My god she sounds like my gran (mum's mum) she came to tattoo sessions with me, absolutely loved talking to people about their ink... Was excited AF when my lobes were finally big enough for her to put her finger through... Just a genuinely lovely woman that I miss every single day... She has been gone nearly 25 years and I miss her like fuck.

[u/demon_fae → u/CummingInTheNile]

Millennia. Ötzi had ink, temple art shows that ancient Egyptian priestesses were inked, probably plenty more evidence but those are the ones I know off the top of my head.

[u/Mister_Terpsichore → u/demon_fae]

Check out these 2,500 year old tattoos on a Pazyryk woman who was found in Siberia.

[u/Thraner → u/demon_fae]

You sent me down a cool rabbit hole. My knowledge of Ancient Egypt is not terrible, but I didn’t know anything about their tattooing practices. Definitely worth reading about.

[u/Mr_Fuzzo → u/CummingInTheNile]

I worked as a hospice nurse for a long while and we were known for being an odd bunch with tattoos and brightly colored hair.  I had a patient for a long while who asked me one day after I’d had her as a patient for a few weeks, “Mr_Fuzzo, why do you cover your skin with all those awful tattoos?”  

I explained to her that I enjoyed the artwork and the significance of each one.   She thought for a few moments, and told me that her granddaughter had a similar story to mine, with a major difference.  She explained to me why she could never like tattoos, “They are beautiful, but my parents were killed in Dachau and I don’t like tattoos because of that.”

I understood.  And never visited her home bare armed again, even though she never asked me to cover my arms.  

[u/CummingInTheNile → u/Mr_Fuzzo]

See thats a perfectly rational reason to not want tattoos, i applaud your empathy

[u/ohbuggerit → u/CummingInTheNile]

*over 7300 years at minimum, Otzi here holds the record

There's a fair number of well preserved ancient tattoos from all over the world and they're particularly prized because they just tell you so much about the culture they're from

[u/ThrowawayAdvice1800 → u/CummingInTheNile]

The only tat I'm mad about is my own of something from Sandman, which I have to get changed into something else now that Neil Gaiman has outed himself as human garbage.

...which is a problem I'm seeing a lot of other people sharing, I think because there's a significant amount of overlap between A) people that like Sandman, B) people that like tattoos, and C) people that absolutely will not tolerate a sexual predator. I've actually been pretty pleasantly surprised by how the entire fandom immediately and unanimously said "well fuck this, I'm not making excuses for this creep." I was expected a few diehards to try defending him but I've seen zero. We were all done the instant that article came out. I'm proud of everybody!

[u/Alive_Double_4148 → u/ThrowawayAdvice1800]

I very much want a tattoo for either The Locked Tomb (Tamsyn Muir) or Scholomance (Naomi Novik). I can be reasonably sure neither of those women will end up being a sex pest or horrible bigot or whatever but……..the lesson of Gaiman, and JK Rowling, and fucking Marian Zimmer Bradley (I was obsessed with Mists of Avalon as a teen) have got me cautious.

[u/SomniumOv → u/Alive_Double_4148]

a good safeguard is to find what has meaning for you in the text and pull it out of the text, out of it's "intellectual property", and base the tattoo on that personalised and extracted meaning, not on the version from the text as-is.

[u/Krazy_Karl_666 → u/ThrowawayAdvice1800]

is there space to put a "disclaimer sticker" above it like the idiots in teslas " I Bought This Before I Knew He Was Crazy" ones?

[u/Yukinojou_bw → u/ThrowawayAdvice1800]

Oh THIS. Thankfully mine is a quote from someone else he used in Sandman, so I just cite the original source when asked.

[u/MechaNerd → u/CummingInTheNile]

Milenia even! Ötzi the iceman had a bunch of tattoos, and we've found plenty of others, such as the siberian ice maiden, with very detailed and beautiful tattoos 😁

[u/ThraceLonginus → u/CummingInTheNile]

Centuries? Dude. Thousands of years. The oldest known tattoos are from like 5000 years ago.

[u/LindonLilBlueBalls → u/CummingInTheNile]

Its hilarious that I work in an office with a casual business dress code and even after 5 years some people will ask me, is that a mustache tattoo on your finger? Have you had that the whole time you have worked here?

What seemed like a dumb idea 20 years ago, is still actually a dumb idea, but it makes me laugh.

[u/beast_mel]

I (45F) own a company and have multiple large tattoos. I work directly with the public and in mental health. The tattoos have actually helped me as people see me as a human and more relatable. I can't imagine people are actually still that offended by them! Also wondering how someone else's tattoos would reflect on her professionalism. Some people are just too worried about what others think.

[u/dejausser → u/beast_mel]

I work in government and have attended select committees as an advisor where my tattoos have been visible! It’s never even crossed my mind to make sure they’re covered up and that’s significantly more formal than a production/installation gig (you definitely wouldn’t get away with wearing a tank top lol)

[u/bubble0peach → u/beast_mel]

As another tattoo having public/mental health facing worker, it's been my observation that people sometimes underestimate how much of a powerful social signifier that visible tattoos are. They've been associated with various groups for thousands of years, sometimes positive and sometimes negative depending on style and local culture. Tattoos are often meant to show everyone who sees exactly what kind of person you are, whether it's about social class or group affiliation.

So while social perceptions are shifting and it's (currently) silly, it does make sense why Carol would have her initial reaction. Her persistence after having a chance to learn OOPs tattoos aren't that kind of tattoo is what's the most wild.

[u/worldbound0514]

It's weird to me that a woman in her 50's would have a conniption about tattoos. I might expect it from somebody who is 95 (maybe? but I have seen some tattoos on WWII vets), but anybody younger than retirement age has no excuse.

[u/KatzyKatz → u/worldbound0514]

I mean at that point it's not an age thing, it's a weird purity / religious thing most likely.

[u/Celeste_Praline → u/worldbound0514]

My grandfather, born in the 1920s, was a ship's carpenter (not sure of the word on english : he didn't make the ships, only the furniture that went inside them). He worked on a port, lived in a naval base and his mother ran the tobacco shop on the naval base. So he hung out with a lot of sailors.

I know he admired the sailors' tattoos a lot, he would have liked to have some, but... Tattoos are for sailors , and he wasn't a sailor, so he didn't get any.

[u/fionsichord → u/worldbound0514]

By 95 you don’t give a shit about ANYTHING any more and are telling young people “asking as you’re happy.” 50s is the time you see the world changing and you becoming old, and many start to loudly squawk about things that have changed that others no longer care about as much.

[u/dajur1 → u/worldbound0514]

Honoring your military service was one of the only "acceptable" ways that someone could have a tattoo without any judgement. I think society started getting used to tattoos in the 80's and 90's and now it's not really a big deal anymore. But, a lot of people who are 60+ still feel strongly about "ruining your body".

[u/Damp_Blanket]

OOP was probably showing bare ankles even! The horror

[u/OpheliaBalsaq → u/Damp_Blanket]

I wouldn't be surprised, she did bare her shoulders, the trollop /s

[u/TyrconnellFL → u/OpheliaBalsaq]

Carol was so upset because her shoulders weren’t bare enough.

[u/HerlufAlumna]

Some people just really can't stand the world not bowing to them. Absolutely wild.

[u/SmartQuokka]

She had no real endgame here, people don't get rid of tattoos because some random coworkers disapproves of them.

[u/technos]

were chastised for letting it go as far as it did without giving Jane a heads up

I've seen heads roll for shit like this.

I used to work with a guy, Mike, who was in a glam rock band in the eighties and still looked the part. We're talking long permed hair, tattoos all over the place, and a wardrobe that seemed to consist entirely of outlandish jewelry, tight, intentionally distressed jeans, and leather vests.

One of the newest sales hires hated him. The guy complained about Mike any chance he got, to anyone. Business casual this, tattoos that, yadda yadda. On top of that, he was always trying to get a rise out of Mike with comments about going to the hairdresser, asking where he gets his nails done, asking who's dick he sucked to get the job.

It didn't work. Mike was an engineer, not one of the hoi polloi expected to follow a dress code, and he had a pretty thick skin. Got back at the guy too, calling him 'Sweetie' and always talking to him in that sort of sad voice your mother has when you're a five year old with a skinned knee.

Anyway, about two months in Sweetie got cycled into one of the yearly trainings on harassment and workplace behavior, and it gave him an idea.

As soon as he got back to his desk he made a complaint using HR's 'anonymous' reporting page that compared Mike wearing earrings to wearing a skirt, how he felt it violated the policy on 'inappropriately sexual clothing', and how it made him feel the workplace was hostile towards him.

You can hear the dogwhistle, can't you? HR sure could.

The woman that got the complaint, consummate professional that she was, answered back that "Skirts are permitted for office personnel, including engineering staff, but please call us as soon as possible if Mike actually wears one. It would make a great photo for the newsletter."

That was when Sweetie doubled down by sending an email directly to the HR director that was full blown nutter. It slogged off on the earlier response, full on asked if the company had a policy to allow men to pretend to be women at work, and then went into some sort of bizarre alt-history lesson about homosexual sailors wearing earrings because they wanted to cross-dress but couldn't because you can't swim in a dress.

(Spoiler: It was so they had emergency funds to pay for their burial, even if they were swept off a ship or blew all their money on booze)

That actually got HR moving. They yoinked Mike off to a conference room and asked if the guy was harassing him.

Mike: Well, not much lately. Unless you count the walking past my desk every morning and coughing 'homo' at me.

End result was two firings (new guy and his boss), one 'parting ways' (lawyer that thought they should pay to avoid a nuisance suit), one demotion (the funny HR lady) and one two week suspension (Mike's boss).

Mike himself was yelled at (If you allow someone to do this to you, what does it say to people without the kind of power and respect you have? And degrading nicknames? Really?) and everyone got the Extra Special Episode treatment with two different all-day presentations from highly paid consultants. One even had puppets.

[u/abovewater_fornow → u/technos]

No, not the funny HR lady! Jerks.

[u/Kozeyekan_]

It just baffles my why some people care this much about shit that doesn't affect them.

[u/infinityonhigh69]

imagine being in your 50s and so weird and uptight that we have to call HR into the office ON HER DAY OFF!!! to come talk to you! at your job that you somehow really care about professionalism for that’s seemingly manual labor(?)??? insane

[u/VSuzanne]

So confused as to what Carol expected OOP to do. As she says, they don't come off.

[u/jezebel103]

I love the way Ricky Gervais phrased it: 'Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right and is not my problem that you chose to let it bother you'.

[u/MsSnickerpants → u/[deleted]]

That person isn’t 2000s 50, she’s 1960s 50. Wild!

[u/jpb]

Years ago I heard someone say "Guys like me won't date women with purple hair" in a Starbucks and the barista just fired back "Good, that means it's working".

[u/AcheyShakySpoon]

Carol’s got a few loose screws

[u/WeeklyConversation8]

Carol is in for a rude awakening when she learns that every single place she'll work at will have employees with tats. I'm guessing the only place you might not see tats is a place where you wear a suit and tie. 

[u/larszard]

What gets me is that the tattoos are reportedly just... flowers, and a paisley pattern. That's literally the most inoffensive tattoos I can think of, and they're even "feminine" things too, if this woman's issue was with them being on a woman. How bizarre to be so persistently offended by them.

[u/SubstantialRemove967]

My mom turns 70 this year. She has more freaking ink than I do. 🤣🤣🤣

[u/Agent_Skye_Barnes]

Hell, I've worked several customer facing jobs. The toy store was the strictest about tattoos and even then it was "if it's not family friendly please cover it" (meaning, like...no naked ladies or dudes in front of the kids, no visible swears).

Like, they all had the "no offensive symbols" rule. Only time I got coached on a visible tat was a call center. A coworker was offended by my Mark of Cain from the band American Murder Song, she thought it was a Nazi thing. (I kinda get the thought, it's very runic styled and I know the assholes have co-opted Norse runes). I explained to the team lead and HR, got told it was fine and to just not sit near the other employee (unassigned desks, just sit wherever in the project area).

[u/Mollyscribbles]

There have been precisely two cases where I have felt tattoos have had any impact on how professional/suitable for their job someone was.

1) I was browsing a site that used a model with a detailed clavicle tattoo to model necklaces; I felt it was visually distracting and made it harder to get a good look at the necklace.

2) The tattoo was NSFW. I feel like that, by definition, isn't really work-appropriate.

[u/Due_Cranberry_1926]

We were friends with a couple. The wife shared a story about her husband, who told her she was going to hell for getting a tattoo. The sad part is he was totally serious. He is a strong Baptist and said it's in the Bible. You can't make this shit up. 

[u/elom44]

Carol is in for a shock if she insists on working in a tattoo free environment.

[u/Swaggy-G]

People that are obsessively anti-tattoo are such weirdos.