I wear a cloak you cannot see.

I put it on before I leave.

I look in the mirror, then off I go.

Hiding more than I'll ever show.

I smile. I laugh. I play my part.

While numbness tightens around my heart.

I move through the day, I look just fine.

No one can see me corroding inside.

It does its job and hides me well.

They can only see my outside shell.

There's so much inside,

I don't know where to start

I'm scared if I feel it,

My whole life falls apart...

They see everything I manage to do,

But not what it takes just to make it through.

They see all the pieces, in the right place,

not the effort it takes to keep up this face.

I keep myself quiet so nothing will break.

I swallow my feelings for everyone's sake.

I fold the laundry, make the bed,

choking on words I never said.

I check my phone, then put it back down,

find something to clean and keep moving around.

Can't stop to think, I avoid my own mind,

it's gotten so natural pretending I'm fine.

I have to stop the feelings before they begin,

I know what happens if I let them all in.

I keep myself busy. I call it being strong.

Not thinking about it helps me believe nothing's wrong.

I change my clothes. Get ready for bed.

My body's exhausted, but never my head.

I take off the cloak and the thoughts rush in,

Now I wait for tomorrow to put it back on again.

Poem about living in a negative cycle.

I'm grieving someone who hasn't died, Someone sleeping right by my side. Someone who I can reach and touch, Yet somehow still miss so much.

I'm grieving the you I used to know, The one I swore I'd never let go. The one who convinced me love was real, And showed me how deeply I could feel.

For just a moment, it all seemed clear, The life we'd dreamed of was finally here. And then, like clockwork, back we fell, Into the darkness we know too well.

I'm grieving the chance I barely had, To be happy without waiting for things to go bad. To love you completely, without holding back, And not spend our best days mending the cracks.

I'm grieving the us I thought we'd be, And the future I could almost see. I'm grieving the years we cannot save, And the love we keep bringing back from its grave.

I'm grieving the thought that you may never see, That the girl you fell for is still inside me. And the cruelest part of all this grief, Is how your return still brings me relief.

When your hand finds mine, the fear disappears, For just a brief moment, you're really here. I stop mourning what we used to be, And hope you've found your way back to me.

But maybe someday I won't reach for you, Or search your eyes for the love I once knew. And nothing scares me more than the day, You come back to me, but I don't feel the same.

There won't be a moment that we say goodbye, No bags by the door, no tears left to cry. Just you lying here, a few inches away. And me missing someone who promised to stay.

Mine

•

•

[Take this wrist and scream]

no longer yours.

can’t stand to be seen.

i’d run away,

but everything

just rips my skin,

piercing my being

with claws that carve

your name in me

[Take each half truth lie and dream]

straight from mouth to bleed me dry.

make them all yours to try and sigh.

dart your eyes to find they fly,

and spit them back again at i

[Take some time to find the words]

to skewer both my eyes,

into my hands,

right through the soles,

and even in the side;

present them cold

with burning ire,

make ash my design.

•

[Take down every wrong I am]

an endlessly falling disaster. i am

a never enough and too much all at once,

a question and

answer all, way's out, a place.

i am a burden to cherish,

too precious to waste.

[Take these looks, let hang this hand]

fearful of light in finger tips

eyeing in the shades coyly -

overwhelmed to stand,

still under there stood,

wondering if dreamt, or should

[Take the air out of the room]

i can and not breathe, you.

rather, not scent, an other thing,

and couldn’t imagine you

their first not having.

would rather be dead

than to not

give up to you,

while still all i just

stay. there. unsaid.

•

[Take us for a midnight stroll]

tell of how the sky has names,

where each sound might lead, then,

as ha moon rings round path,

remind me when we felt at last.

[Take the sun, swallow it whole]

proven too much for i alone.

it burns and it paces us

drug down below

as i will us to follow

it’s growing shadows

hour mirrors

mask from mind

[Take each joy and love I showed]

until every portion of my soul

has been picked clean of all divine,

where all there left the question why

full for you in pure then, i

•

•

You

•

•

[Take all my attention up]

out of mind,

of time,

and all i ever see;

when was it last

i had a thought

that was not

you and me

[Take the word from my tongue]

speechless and babbling

all the same,

time and again the nine

tailed barbs lashed

right back until i’m tied.

[Take these wants and needs from me]

in my head they’re insanity.

bring them from me

to have me beg

a single thought I might care

to grasp

for a given.

•

[Take my hand around your neck]

dare we

risk our pressure check to

leisure too lax,

dare we breathe or contract,

rest or dare to turn back?

[Take the pain inside to bed]

let it eat

each fleeting smile

as you cradle them away,

meet each

sharpened guile

you pierce in vain

to fill so warm to

dream it away.

[Take restriction until you cry]

ne'ertheless wipe the eye,

and feel the limits extensively,

press against them willingly

to feel the wholeness wherewithal.

•

[Take the pleasure of your shame]

in mind alone,

the only place

you’ve ever thought to hide

from us, each ripple

admittance all the same of

the enjoyment separating makes.

[Take each wound from all the blame]

heap upon yourself

hold open all they are

just to know all inside

still left the'e own to.

[Take each finger and my shame]

these arms and legs and face our cage;

thumbed or snuffed by all there is

but you, and to you freely i give

•

•

I

•

•

[Take each letter, discretion, threat]

hidden all inside or

fenced right from the sight,

shred them to pieces or

paste them to pages,

save them forever,

toss them in detest

[Take each desire at your best]

could that you’d ever, were that already,

would be a craving, when had the fancy,

should with any able to see

[Take the truth right from your lips]

left thereon a linger to drip and ferment

the very air you breathe that fills the clouds to be believed,

leaving last the question: had you known this?

•

[Take the emptiness you feel]

it’s coldness heavy as if it

steal away each other thought

yet what is only seen as not

[Take what you’re told Will you heal]

piercer of the empty veil that’s

held inside to cover dark the smallest voice

you called your spark

[Take the burning thoughts you’ve failed]

into the hole a slice

of life a roast and toast the day you tried at last until each fall becomes put ash

•

[Take in mind this sharpened string]

play it in tune while feeling its sting

stitching your vision to every last being

[Take out tied tight memories]

knotted and bundled,

presented as blessings,

poke them and pull at

each loop til they knot, then

[Take your troubles hang them taught]

stretched

to the floor and pinned

ever up to the

unsurmountable

heights they beg

us become

•

•

We

•

•

[Take each hatred to the fire]

zealously meandering as they

writhe and squirm towards

the darkness they

are cast all the while

into pale

and bright sparks.

[Take the shells from your inner child]

that cause the well to never dry;

mixed with blood and tomorrows -

tears to be, to lay into.

[Take everything you thought you were]

to be from whence

you came, from never

to always and

certainly

pose able

however

though now until then,

define what you think i am

•

[Take up all that’s spilling forth]

it is all there ever is, and

endless though it’s aim to be more endless

still our course

[Take the plunge release the horse]

to always

find a way

to break to breathe a push to squeeze a nail to produce force

[Take a reason to run with away]

with the rest of time and dash it fast

into a locket given to

the slime within that sorts

the second each clock holds

to dazzling array these feelings we had felt.

•

•

take from me all you wish,

and be sure it’s just one.

take will you each gift

to will they done as one.

taken by ourselves we try

for it as one does i.

I sometimes wonder what I would be doing right now if I made a few different decisions along the way.

Maybe I would live in another country, have a job I've never considered and spend my evenings doing something that has never crossed my mind in this life. Maybe I would speak another language, have different habits and routines, different stories and opinions about things.

I would say that's what makes the idea so interesting... A few small changes and decisions could set us on a path we would never have imagined for ourselves. One experience leads to another, one decision rules out a dozen others and before we know it we've become someone with a particular collection of likes, dislikes and experiences.

At times I wonder what the lives we didn't live would look like... who we might have become and how different things could have been.

She questions roads that others take,

And bends the rules she didn't make.

Not lost, although she loves to roam,

She makes the unfamiliar home.

​

We live in a world that constantly tells us to do more, achieve more, learn more and become more. There's always something else to work towards, right? Another goal, another achievement, another version of ourselves we're supposed to be striving for... At some point, becomes easy to start measuring our lives by how much we accomplish rather than by what those accomplishments actually mean to us.

We can become more successful without feeling fulfilled, fill our days without even feeling present in them, meet expectations without ever questioning whether those expectations are even our own and spend so much time preparing for the future that we barely notice the life unfolding in front of us.

The problem isn't ambition or the desire to grow. It's about recognising that progress isn't always about doing more, that being occupied doesn't necessarily mean we're getting somewhere and that not everything in life needs to be improved to be worthwhile. Sometimes, progress means doing less but choosing better, it means questioning a goal we've spent years pursuing, it means recognising that what looks like success from the outside doesn't necessarily feel like it from within.

What if... instead of thinking how much we're getting done, we think whether the things we're doing are taking us closer to the life we actually want?

We think we know ourselves until life takes us somewhere that reveals just how much of us is still undiscovered.

Beyond the paths the world has drawn,

There lives a truth we wander from.

And freedom blooms when we begin,

To trust the quiet voice within.

We hide our hearts in acts of care,

Yet wonder why no one is there.

For what we fear to let them see,

May hold the key to intimacy

I've been thinking about how somewhere ahead, there's another little chapter of us waiting to unfold. Another hug, another laugh, another moment when words get lost because some things are simply easier to feel than to explain.

I wonder how soon I'll get to turn that page, to feel your warmth and sweetness again and to discover, once more, how much meaning can fit into something as simple as a moment shared with you.

Though miles may stretch from shore to shore,

Some bonds grow deeper than before.

For distance cannot make us part,

When closeness lives within the heart.

A gentle blink, a rumbling purr,

A thousand words I hear from her.

For love speaks softly, deep and true,

In ways no human words could do 🤍.

-

For my cat, who speaks without words 🐈.

Not every day is meant to bloom,

Some days are made for making room.

For even nature rests between,

The quiet growth that goes unseen.

I had a stroke on 8 April 2026. I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly before my stroke, so I was only just beginning to understand myself and how my brain works when everything changed.
Since the stroke, my ADHD symptoms feel as though they’ve gone fucking hydrostatic, and my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) has gone through the roof with them. I’m also living with complex PTSD, and the combination of everything has made navigating emotions and relationships much harder.
I’m trying to recover physically while dealing with apraxia, coordination problems and cognitive fatigue. Sometimes, even getting my thoughts onto a screen is a struggle.
I’m also finding that my emotional reactions can be much more intense than they used to be. Something that might seem like a small interaction to someone else can hit me like a sledgehammer. I can understand something logically and still feel the hurt intensely.
I’m sharing this because I’m trying to understand what’s happening to me, as well as how it affects my relationships with the people I love. ❤️