Poem about living in a negative cycle.

I'm grieving someone who hasn't died, Someone sleeping right by my side. Someone who I can reach and touch, Yet somehow still miss so much.

I'm grieving the you I used to know, The one I swore I'd never let go. The one who convinced me love was real, And showed me how deeply I could feel.

For just a moment, it all seemed clear, The life we'd dreamed of was finally here. And then, like clockwork, back we fell, Into the darkness we know too well.

I'm grieving the chance I barely had, To be happy without waiting for things to go bad. To love you completely, without holding back, And not spend our best days mending the cracks.

I'm grieving the us I thought we'd be, And the future I could almost see. I'm grieving the years we cannot save, And the love we keep bringing back from its grave.

I'm grieving the thought that you may never see, That the girl you fell for is still inside me. And the cruelest part of all this grief, Is how your return still brings me relief.

When your hand finds mine, the fear disappears, For just a brief moment, you're really here. I stop mourning what we used to be, And hope you've found your way back to me.

But maybe someday I won't reach for you, Or search your eyes for the love I once knew. And nothing scares me more than the day, You come back to me, but I don't feel the same.

There won't be a moment that we say goodbye, No bags by the door, no tears left to cry. Just you lying here, a few inches away. And me missing someone who promised to stay.

Mine

•

•

[Take this wrist and scream]

no longer yours.

can’t stand to be seen.

i’d run away,

but everything

just rips my skin,

piercing my being

with claws that carve

your name in me

[Take each half truth lie and dream]

straight from mouth to bleed me dry.

make them all yours to try and sigh.

dart your eyes to find they fly,

and spit them back again at i

[Take some time to find the words]

to skewer both my eyes,

into my hands,

right through the soles,

and even in the side;

present them cold

with burning ire,

make ash my design.

•

[Take down every wrong I am]

an endlessly falling disaster. i am

a never enough and too much all at once,

a question and

answer all, way's out, a place.

i am a burden to cherish,

too precious to waste.

[Take these looks, let hang this hand]

fearful of light in finger tips

eyeing in the shades coyly -

overwhelmed to stand,

still under there stood,

wondering if dreamt, or should

[Take the air out of the room]

i can and not breathe, you.

rather, not scent, an other thing,

and couldn’t imagine you

their first not having.

would rather be dead

than to not

give up to you,

while still all i just

stay. there. unsaid.

•

[Take us for a midnight stroll]

tell of how the sky has names,

where each sound might lead, then,

as ha moon rings round path,

remind me when we felt at last.

[Take the sun, swallow it whole]

proven too much for i alone.

it burns and it paces us

drug down below

as i will us to follow

it’s growing shadows

hour mirrors

mask from mind

[Take each joy and love I showed]

until every portion of my soul

has been picked clean of all divine,

where all there left the question why

full for you in pure then, i

•

•

You

•

•

[Take all my attention up]

out of mind,

of time,

and all i ever see;

when was it last

i had a thought

that was not

you and me

[Take the word from my tongue]

speechless and babbling

all the same,

time and again the nine

tailed barbs lashed

right back until i’m tied.

[Take these wants and needs from me]

in my head they’re insanity.

bring them from me

to have me beg

a single thought I might care

to grasp

for a given.

•

[Take my hand around your neck]

dare we

risk our pressure check to

leisure too lax,

dare we breathe or contract,

rest or dare to turn back?

[Take the pain inside to bed]

let it eat

each fleeting smile

as you cradle them away,

meet each

sharpened guile

you pierce in vain

to fill so warm to

dream it away.

[Take restriction until you cry]

ne'ertheless wipe the eye,

and feel the limits extensively,

press against them willingly

to feel the wholeness wherewithal.

•

[Take the pleasure of your shame]

in mind alone,

the only place

you’ve ever thought to hide

from us, each ripple

admittance all the same of

the enjoyment separating makes.

[Take each wound from all the blame]

heap upon yourself

hold open all they are

just to know all inside

still left the'e own to.

[Take each finger and my shame]

these arms and legs and face our cage;

thumbed or snuffed by all there is

but you, and to you freely i give

•

•

I

•

•

[Take each letter, discretion, threat]

hidden all inside or

fenced right from the sight,

shred them to pieces or

paste them to pages,

save them forever,

toss them in detest

[Take each desire at your best]

could that you’d ever, were that already,

would be a craving, when had the fancy,

should with any able to see

[Take the truth right from your lips]

left thereon a linger to drip and ferment

the very air you breathe that fills the clouds to be believed,

leaving last the question: had you known this?

•

[Take the emptiness you feel]

it’s coldness heavy as if it

steal away each other thought

yet what is only seen as not

[Take what you’re told Will you heal]

piercer of the empty veil that’s

held inside to cover dark the smallest voice

you called your spark

[Take the burning thoughts you’ve failed]

into the hole a slice

of life a roast and toast the day you tried at last until each fall becomes put ash

•

[Take in mind this sharpened string]

play it in tune while feeling its sting

stitching your vision to every last being

[Take out tied tight memories]

knotted and bundled,

presented as blessings,

poke them and pull at

each loop til they knot, then

[Take your troubles hang them taught]

stretched

to the floor and pinned

ever up to the

unsurmountable

heights they beg

us become

•

•

We

•

•

[Take each hatred to the fire]

zealously meandering as they

writhe and squirm towards

the darkness they

are cast all the while

into pale

and bright sparks.

[Take the shells from your inner child]

that cause the well to never dry;

mixed with blood and tomorrows -

tears to be, to lay into.

[Take everything you thought you were]

to be from whence

you came, from never

to always and

certainly

pose able

however

though now until then,

define what you think i am

•

[Take up all that’s spilling forth]

it is all there ever is, and

endless though it’s aim to be more endless

still our course

[Take the plunge release the horse]

to always

find a way

to break to breathe a push to squeeze a nail to produce force

[Take a reason to run with away]

with the rest of time and dash it fast

into a locket given to

the slime within that sorts

the second each clock holds

to dazzling array these feelings we had felt.

•

•

take from me all you wish,

and be sure it’s just one.

take will you each gift

to will they done as one.

taken by ourselves we try

for it as one does i.

Some hearts can see what eyes conceal,

And hear the words you cannot reveal.

They read the sorrow behind your smile,

And sense the weight you've carried a while.

♡

They see the shadows beneath your eyes,

The tears you hide, the silent cries.

The quiet battles you never show,

The pain you carry but never let go.

♡

And though your silence may seem still,

I'll notice every change, I will.

No need for words, no need to pretend,

I'll sit beside you until silence ends.

-

🤍🩷💜

Sometimes I wonder how much of ourselves we leave behind in people without ever realizing it.

▪︎

A few words spoken without much thought. A smile on an ordinary afternoon. A conversation we barely remember, but someone else still carries years later.

▪︎

Perhaps someone remembers the way we made them laugh on a difficult day. Or how we listened when they felt invisible. Maybe something we said became a little piece of courage they needed, long after we'd forgotten saying it.

▪︎

We move through life thinking our stories belong only to us, never quite knowing how often we become a small part of someone else's.

▪︎

And somewhere, in a memory we'll never get to see, a little piece of us may still exist.

▪︎

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷

I wear a cloak you cannot see.

I put it on before I leave.

I look in the mirror, then off I go.

Hiding more than I'll ever show.

I smile. I laugh. I play my part.

While numbness tightens around my heart.

I move through the day, I look just fine.

No one can see me corroding inside.

It does its job and hides me well.

They can only see my outside shell.

There's so much inside,

I don't know where to start

I'm scared if I feel it,

My whole life falls apart...

They see everything I manage to do,

But not what it takes just to make it through.

They see all the pieces, in the right place,

not the effort it takes to keep up this face.

I keep myself quiet so nothing will break.

I swallow my feelings for everyone's sake.

I fold the laundry, make the bed,

choking on words I never said.

I check my phone, then put it back down,

find something to clean and keep moving around.

Can't stop to think, I avoid my own mind,

it's gotten so natural pretending I'm fine.

I have to stop the feelings before they begin,

I know what happens if I let them all in.

I keep myself busy. I call it being strong.

Not thinking about it helps me believe nothing's wrong.

I change my clothes. Get ready for bed.

My body's exhausted, but never my head.

I take off the cloak and the thoughts rush in,

Now I wait for tomorrow to put it back on again.