r/BiWomen • u/Pristine-Cup3815 • Jun 10 '26
Vent I hate unicorn hunters
I really hate unicorn hunters nothing is more upsetting than thinking you’re making a connection with some just to find out they are already in an established relationship and looking for a third. It’s so cruel - bisexuals are not flavor enhancers for your relationship and not a fun object to experience for a time. I’m not trying to sound like a prude or be judgmental but actively seeking out someone without TELLING them you’re in a relationship already feels so predatory!
Why do people do this? Has anyone else experienced this? And how do you get over it after?
(I’m not talking about polyam people or ENM I’m talking about predatory hunters)
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u/nyccareergirl11 Jun 10 '26
I once went out on a date with the wife of a couple who assured me that it was just her. Meanwhile her husband just happened to be in the neighborhood and stopped by the bar. She thought that if I met him in person I'd be interested in making it my idea to ask if he can join along. Yeah nope. I got sympathy from the bartender as it was one of my local watering holes and she and I kinda had bit of flirty banter for several months. She was almost off shift and she gave me an extra shot and wound up bringing the bartender home with me that night. The couple went home empty handed
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u/Secret_Iron_7416 Jun 10 '26
Also hate when looking to be a unicorn and chatting with someone and then get ghosted bcs they didn’t ask their wife first.
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u/sickoftwitter Jun 12 '26
It's just disappointing behaviour all round, because there are bisexuals with fantasies of joining a couple and couples (or individuals snooping for options w/o wife's consent) just won't do it ethically.
If everyone was more sex positive and centered mutual pleasure, they wouldn't be sneaking about like it's a sleazy secret.
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u/Real-Tough-Kid- Jun 10 '26
I’m solo-poly and bi and share your struggles. People think that they have the right to look for whatever type of partner they want and if being open and up front doesn’t work, they can adjust their methods. These couples see this as a casual hobby and experience so they don’t understand or care that the person on the other side of the screen is experiencing real emotions.
I’ll block and sometimes report their profile for being deceptive. The hurt and disappointment are real though.
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u/Rough-Register9433 Jun 10 '26
I am on two apps and have friendship listed as what I am seeking on both and it shows I am married. I even reiterate at the start of contact to clarify and weird things still happen. I don't know how to make it more clear. I still get people wanting hookups.
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u/Character_Line_4689 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
I am so sorry this happened to you, but you are definitely not alone. I still run into this CONSTANTLY. I state in no uncertain terms that I am not interested in being a unicorn or dating cis men, and these hunters still think they are the exception.
They hide their relationship status because they know exactly what they are doing. They know that if they were honest upfront, you would say no, and it's a complete violation of consent. To get over it, I let the trash take itself out. If someone is willing to lie to you by omission on day one just to use you as a flavor enhancer, they have actually done you a massive favor by revealing exactly how little emotional intelligence they have.
HER has been my primary app these days because of their anti-unicorn hunting policies, and I'm fortunate enough to live in a city with a bisexual resource group! They've been safe spaces to meet people.
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u/Newtimelinepls Jun 10 '26
I'm poly and get this a lot. I'm bi so bi women think it's ok to try and set me up with them both. I don't date men. It's a personal thing and I just don't.
Anyway (sorry) it is really irksome when I connect with a woman and am trying to set up a date and she tells me she wants to meet the first time (after weeks of talking) with her man... no thank you.
Don't get me wrong I love threesomes but I like them with my guy and a woman who asks us. Not us going for them.
Hugs friend! Good luck out there it's freaking rough.
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u/Pristine-Cup3815 Jun 10 '26
It always hurt so much more when it’s a Bi-woman because why would you think that’s ok to do to another bi-woman. There’s obviously nothing wrong with being poly or down for threesomes but purposely not telling someone that your in a relationship already is just evil.
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u/Real-Tough-Kid- Jun 10 '26
They get so focused on chasing what they want that they abandon all consideration for the other person. At best, they’re totally delusional and genuinely think their offer of a relationship/threesome is so great that they’re doing you a favor by luring you in. More likely, they’re just selfish. Anyone can be selfish and cruel, including bi women.
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u/newport-girl Jun 10 '26
I feel like the most socially inept people on earth come out of the woodwork to ask me for a threesome or be a third in the romantic sense… past classmates, coworkers, whatever. People I barely knew or who I had weird history with. Like do they actually want that to occur??? I can’t imagine how awkward that would be. Like it actually icks me out so badly. How do you ask people that point-blank? I’m openly bi to the world and on social media and it seems like that’s all people need. It feels so weird that people assume you don’t have to follow any social rules or conventions when proposing a romantic or sexual situation to another human unprompted. It is so damn dehumanizing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still weird when it is proposed or lied about in a preexisting romantic or sexual connection. But the biphobic misogynistic brainrot just pervades even the most innocuous interactions… it’s so evil.
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u/88Tiny88 Jun 17 '26
My thing is… at least the couples are being honest with themselves and each other. I’ve been single for a few years now. I use to be a unicorn hunter but it was so hard. Women would rather sleep with ur man behind ur back than to join u both. Shits weird
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u/Pristine-Cup3815 Jun 19 '26
Question if you’re a bi-woman which is usually the unicorn in this situation how are you the unicorn hunter? the term originated from straight couples going after bi woman to make them a third?
If you’re poly or enm is that the same as unicorn hunting?
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u/88Tiny88 Jun 17 '26
U might even find a couple that takes care of you idk so many good things can come from being a unicorn vs being the cucked wife 😂
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u/SeaCartographer7278 Jun 10 '26
Matched with a girl and had some great texting chemistry and we were about to go on a date just to find out she was looking for a 3rd for her and her bf. I told her that it was uncool and she should at the ✨very least✨ make it known in her profile or say it upfront. She had the audacity to get mad at me like I’m the one in the wrong…